| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/7/2009 7:42:53 AM | | Well, I guess I just missed the theme of the thread as to being about legal marriage, as distinct from a steady relationship. I would never get legally married again either. Mainly because the concept of marriage has been eroded to the meaningless. These days its just a money making machine for churches and lawyers, with far too many personal hazards and virtually no benefits, at least in the legal sense. | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/7/2009 8:10:44 AM | I was married twice. The first time was a disaster, and I take at least some of the blame because I was just too young and naive to recognize him for the jerk he was. Oh yeah, benefits... he showed up with various men who handed me things to sign, it was a "formality" because we were married. i ended up with the 'benefit' of being responsible for his debts. And paying for the divorce.
The second time, he wasn't a jerk, he suited me to a T. But one of the "benfits" was untangling a mess of back taxes and money owed to the IRS. That only took a couple of years, but I did get it cleared up. The real benefit? Someone who always put me first. He may or may not have looked at other women - he was human, after all - but all he did was look. He was loyal to ME, and I never had any doubts about that. I think I was 40 or 41 when we got married - and we still would be if he hadn't died.
I like living with a man, but I'm still leery of the legal comittment of marriage. It would take a very special man to convince me it could work.
Desperate? No. Open to possibilities? Yes. | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/7/2009 8:15:57 AM |
Well, I guess I just missed the theme of the thread as to being about legal marriage, as distinct from a steady relationship. I would never get legally married again either. Mainly because the concept of marriage has been eroded to the meaningless. These days its just a money making machine for churches and lawyers, with far too many personal hazards and virtually no benefits, at least in the legal sense.
It doesn't matter what it means to churches and lawyers, or what someone elses concept is, all that matters is what it means to me and the person I would be considering it with. | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/7/2009 10:32:28 PM | This is interesting to me, as I feel that men are usually the ones looking for someone to marry. My interest is in dating, but I usually see men post long term as a desire.
I'm not sure as to why the women you chose wanted to get married. Is it that you are just too desirable?
Yes. I would prefer to go slow. | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/7/2009 10:35:09 PM | | Wow! I agree with you. I really never wnat to get married again either. Once was plenty for me. You are right; it is a money making machine.. Why should people need a license to be together? | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/7/2009 11:51:38 PM | are they?
geez...i never knew that...
then again...
i don't have any desperate friends...male or female....
maybe you should acquaint yourself with a different type of woman...
one who is happy and doesn't need any ol' man to complete her world...
(we are around you know...
millions of us...lol)
you should also think about bottling that hunkiness and charm you obviously have...
maybe you could do the right thing and share it with the less fortunate among your fellow pofers... | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/8/2009 12:04:15 AM | Kari, first I would like to extend my regrets to you on the death of your late husband.
Then... I have been reading the responses to my note yesterday.
I see no real difference between marriage and living together. Except a lot of money spent on churches and caterers. Once we have lived together for a short time all the "benefits'" of marriage are there. Protection for ourselves, our property, our children.
Most people of our age have some form of property by now... maybe a house? We should not get into any long term relationship, legal marriage involved or not, without making an agreement ahead of time on... property split in case of break up. Keeping our children first in line for inheritance, etc. I have a house and land, made a promise to my parents and my ex that my children would inherit it and that IS going to happen, no matter how starry eyed I might get.
So... I have protection for my property, protection for my children, protection in case the guy turns out to be violent or creepy in any way. Why marry?
If you have a firm commitment to the church, then, I can see it, it is a way of declaring your relationship before God.
I am agnostic, not declaring my relationship or anything else to a Lord who I have such firm doubts in.
Give me a good reason for marriage. | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/8/2009 5:19:16 AM |
maybe you should acquaint yourself with a different type of woman...
one who is happy and doesn't need any ol' man to complete her world...
And why would such a woman have any interest in having a relationship with a man? Sex?
I should think that most men would be looking for a woman who wants to build a new and complete world with a male partner. Something that is more than their individual worlds. | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/8/2009 5:53:34 AM |
I should think that most men would be looking for a woman who wants to build a new and complete world with a male partner. Something that is more than their individual worlds.
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/8/2009 6:09:29 AM |
And why would such a woman have any interest in having a relationship with a man? Sex?
Well, "making love" would probably be one reason.........for as long as "it" might last. The inability, on the part of a man in his late 50's and 60's and older, to physically, sexually perform, could and potentially does, become an issue in a relationship.
In answer to your question.........why would a woman have any interest in having a relationship? The answers are as varied as the individuality of women.
Why would a man have any interest in having a relationship with a woman? Sex?
See how shallow this question sounds?
Going to pour myself another cuppa java.............scratchin' my head?? | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/8/2009 6:19:15 AM | Context, Pheobe, you have to ask the question in its context. Leaving out "such a woman" sort of makes your question tangential.
Indeed, I am sure that there are many men who are happy and complete in their lives as singles, who would be quite happy to have a relationship with a woman for sex. In the context of my original post, that would indeed be shallow, and that would indeed have been my point. | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/8/2009 6:55:29 AM | My apologies Mr. RG.........clearly I missed it's context re: "such a woman". In the future, I'll respond to posts, after having my second cuppa java. I missed the ball, for sure.
Of course, my apology was not complete enough to post the first time. Hence, the need for this additional diatribe.
Again...........mea culpa. | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/8/2009 11:26:27 AM | >>Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?<<
...Because they miss that feeling of being in control.
You see, from 20 to 40, men actually believe relationships are 50/50, a shared compromise by each partner.
...But after 40, after most men's mid life crisis...men wisen up and realize that the 50/50 shared compromise was really more like..."she gets what she wants and he gets what she wants."
shhhhhhh, I let the cat out of the bag.
UM
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/8/2009 12:01:22 PM | I have been divorced for 27 years and haven't been in a rush to get remarried in 27 years, lol We both made a huge mistake but he has gotten married twice since our divorce.
I will consider marriage under certain conditions:
1. He must be a Billion with no heirs
2. He must be over 95 years of age
3. He must give me all of his money BEFORE we get married.
4. He must croak before it's time to consumate the marriage
JUST KIDDING, lol | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/8/2009 12:14:05 PM | ""Kari, first I would like to extend my regrets to you on the death of your late husband.""
Thanks. By the end it was a relief to both of us, but at least he got to stay home until the very end.
""Give me a good reason for marriage.""
Depending on the laws in your state (if you live in the US), you may already be married by common law. It can be a real bugger to untangle such a situation. Divorce can be easy in comparison. I used to know a lawyer who was one of the most relaxed, laid back people I've ever known, unless that particular subject came up. It's fairly common, or was, in Alaska, but it wasn't the state that created the problems, it was insurance companies. Imagine having two people living together, having children together, homestead and fishing gear together, then having one of them die. Usually the insurance company pays off as though it were to a spouse/surviving children, but there are times... And just try explaining it all to the IRS.
Then there are the ones who split after years of accumulating joint property, etc, and according to my lawyer friend, the easiest way to sort everything out was for them to GET married, then immediately get divorced. | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/16/2009 5:35:16 PM | | getting married after 40 doesn't really qualify as long term..not as long term as getting married at 20...marriage is for the rest of your life and not the good part of your life...the old and ugly part of your life...so get realistic when you marry after 40... | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/16/2009 9:06:02 PM | | Are women over 40 desparate to get married? I have been divorced about 7 years and only dated one woman that was interested in marriage. Most liked their independence and found it hard to open their life to a man on a regular basis, at least that seemed to be the type of woman that I was dating. Is that mostly true? I would like to get married to the right one also. Who is the right one? What does love mean at age 60 vs at age 25? Does being a good man, honest, loyal, and a good lover count for anything anymore? | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/17/2009 12:31:31 AM | | I think as woman get older they realize it might not be so great to marry a pig just to get a little bacon. lol I have no interest in being married again. If you like being with someone, you like being with them. Simple as that. If you have trust and good communication what more do you need? Maybe the insecure ones would feel better with a piece of paper. Only if it really, really mattered to the woman would I even consider it. I don't think the heading for this post is true. | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/17/2009 4:09:10 AM | Does being a good man/woman, honest, loyal and a good lover count for anything anymore?
Absolutely, the issue...............finding someone who recogonizes it in you and in whom you find the same things............. | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/17/2009 5:11:32 AM | Just about every man I've met and ended up in a committed relationship with over the last few years has told me they intended to marry me. Eventually, they turned out to be emotional cripples or just insane, so needless to say, I didn't marry them. 
But I NEVER told them I was looking for marriage - the idea always came from them.
I think the majority of women today are NOT looking to get married again because they do just fine on their own without having to cater to a man on a fulltime basis. | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/17/2009 11:16:24 AM | | If I don't get married, any good man is just a person who doesn't relate to me. Having a nice marriage will be my dream that may come true or may not. I am good and successful so it's not easy to find one who interests me! | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/17/2009 11:34:57 AM |
If I don't get married, any good man is just a person who doesn't relate to me. Having a nice marriage will be my dream that may come true or may not. I am good and successful so it's not easy to find one who interests me!
True - If I am NEVER going to be his wife, then he's just another boyfriend to me - nothing special. They come and they go. | |
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