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| Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/20/2007 12:56:17 AM | Opps double post. Oh well!
As I said, it is a woman who determines the "rules" of "engagement", IMO. When she is direct and sincere, a normal man does the same. If she is into games, then one either moves on or plays along. The women are the "gamemasters".
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| Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/20/2007 4:40:00 AM |
Some men/ women only look for the women/men they can influence, dominate, control and manipulate, who will stroke their ego and not question anything that comes out of their mouths.
The worst thing about abuse in a relationship, is that it occurs in the "one place' where people are 'supposed" to feel emotionally and physically "safe". Physcial abuse< obviously, is assault and battery< and when it occurs in a relationshi,then nowhere is safe. Verbal abuse, constant criticism, demeaning comments, and always "feeling bad" about what the one person who "should" love you, "no matter what", is saying is just as devastating over time.
So, while looking for a relationship, why in the world would anyone want to consider someone who puts you under negative scrutiny, finds every fault and exposes it, and challenges everything one says?
Some people are so full of unresovled anger, that they see a "threat" in every aspect of intimacy, and every wall or barrier to intimacy as merely being "cautious". It's another example of why it's important to only pursue things with someone, when there is a very natural, wide ranging compatibility. | |
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| Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/20/2007 4:57:38 AM |
OHHHHHHHHHHHH CRAP YET ANOTHER PLAYER THREAD..... WHEN WILL IT END?????????????????????????????????????????? DO ANYBODY THREAD SEARCH ANYMORE?????????????????????
I don't know why this guy gets so hung up on threads that have already been posted. Is it a crime to ask something that's already been asked? does it make us  I dared to ask a question once, and being new to POF I didn't realise you had to check to see if something similar was already in circulation. Not everybody has been on here since the land that time forgot, and If you've seen a similar question before, why not just ignore it instead of being so offensive about it. | |
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| Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/20/2007 6:18:33 AM | | I still say to both genders, you won't know a player until you are well into it or after it's over. Those in here who portray themselves as players are not, a real player makes every attempt to keep the game up and players are lots more than one night stands. I would bet money that not one authentic player has given anything up in here! You can all come out of your imaginary spaces now. | |
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| Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/20/2007 8:57:40 AM |
But she still wanted to meet, still insisted on hanging out with me almost nightly, kept fishing for compliments, wanting me to tell her she wasn't fat, that she was hot, yadda yadda yadda - then pushing me away on the rare occasions I'd comply with a "we're just friends".
Dude, what you are describing is not being a player, it means you've met people that are into games. Okay, we can also get lost into semantics and what a playa means to one person or another. To me, and to the people that I know they are Real players, two things take place, one they have multiple partners, but key, they sleep with them. Just going out with them, hanging out with them, date them without sleeping with them is not.
Now you and Fox need to get a room. Hehehehe. I leave you kids alone for one evening and you lash at each other with pubescent lust and passion. Channel that thought into something constructive and you'll be ripping each others clothes instead of your sentences.
Okay, back to subject. Hehehe. | |
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| Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/20/2007 2:46:37 PM | Your very correct. But its not so much of an urban myth, as it is a overly narcissistic view, that seems to be born out of the silly rap/hip hop "lifestyle". The term player (or playa for people that can't spell english) is a relatively new terminology. Years ago it was called dating. The only difference is that some people feel comfortable dating only one person and some date many at the same time.
I do pretty well with the ladies and do have an active and healthy sex life with different women. Does that make me a player ? No, it makes me fun and enjoyable while searching for someone that I think will fit long term, which is not an easy thing to do. Anyone who thinks they are a player, is over compensating for something they are lacking in their personality or has self esteem or inferiority problems.
Now I have to figure out what "Baller" means. I always hear guys calling each other ballers Its sounds like someone who likes balls, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. | |
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| Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/20/2007 3:45:23 PM | gtadaizee..."I still say to both genders, you won't know a player until you are well into it or after it's over"
I like your analogy here. For someone who has a narcissistic personality trait, (and I do believe it takes that personality trait to be a player) they are good at reading people, their victim and using that knowledge to their benefit.....why? Because they don't get emotionally involved. Oh they can fake all the emotions needed to gain your trust, love and admiration, but they truly are aware they are using that knowledge to their benefit and to manipulate you. Like a good actor, they play a believable part.
One moment they will be compassionate, understanding, supportive, loving and the next they can turn all that off and withhold meeting any emotional needs you might have. It becomes an emotional roller coaster and they are the puppet master, you are just the puppet and it feeds their ego to have that control.
The good "players" are much more suttle/skilled, one never realizes it's happening and it does not come to the surface of the "player/gamer" unless they feel they are losing control of their "victim" or until they are ready to end the "game" and move on.
Their goal, if you want to put it that way, is to be in control and have THEIR NEEDS MET, even at the expense of others. They could care less and most have no conscious as to what it does to their "victim" | |
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| Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/20/2007 5:32:54 PM | CleverDasisy Petals
Whatver your motives, are
A positive trojan horse of a thread, I suspect, to root out the players for everyone else to avoid!
As i'm not one I can't comment! | |
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| Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/24/2007 12:27:42 PM | I hate to break it to you no1b4me72 , YOU ARE A WANNABE PLAYER, and you think it comes from the silly rap/hip hop "lifestyle" talking about a epitome of ignorance, eh Hillybilly?
I do pretty well with the ladies and do have an active and healthy sex life with different women. Does that make me a player ? No1b4me72 ah yes it makes you a player
im sure if you're having sex with these different women ( as you claim) most of them don't know you having sex with any of them, which means your LYING to them Playa
Now I have to figure out what "Baller" means. I always hear guys calling each other ballers Its sounds like someone who likes balls, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.no1b4me unless you're hanging out with the urban crowd(which i doubt) I doubt you would hear guys talk about ballers, nice try though, advice STOP WATCHING MTV
OT, I think Player along with shallow, racist are one of the most overused words in online dating, A true player will never reveal their true colours, wannabee players do. | |
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| Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/24/2007 1:21:10 PM | mahogany....Right on....Player is thrown around to easily....A true player has a game, he studies his marks and he knows where he's taking it. He knows the rules of his game but never would tell his victim. He says all the right things, does all the right things to gain his victims trust and admiration, then he manipulates that person to the his score.......one never knows what his score is or was, until the game is over and maybe not even then, he's not a braggart...........and then he moves on to his next victim. (and I can only speak from a female point of view, so don't bash the messenger)
His game could be sex, a place to stay, money, connections, business, but he always has a goal. A real player has no compassion or emotion connected to his game or who he is playing ....they are just a means to his goal. True narcissistic personal disorder. | |
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| Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/24/2007 1:59:28 PM | | Funny this thread came up. I had an innnnnnnnnnnteresting chat with a guy I met a while back. Come to find out, he was an "aquaintance" of this FB I had for 3 yrs. I say hes an FB, but back in the day, I didnt see it like that. Hindsight is always 20/20. The topic came up as we were talking about professions, and he is an ex cop. I had told him I had a few friends who worked out of one of the jails and he asked who. When I told him his name and the nickname he went by, he started laughing. And I mean laughing HARD. The guy was a total player. Even to the point of finding out about some things he was legally going thru that thru him from patrol to jail at the courthouse. I wasnt the only one he played, which I pretty much figured, but I was young then. The new guy I was talking to told me a few stories about when the group of "bad boys" would go out to the country bars. Anyway, long story short, he devuldged alot of this guys "game" plays. I just shook my head and thanked God that my bullsh.it detector is in full force, thanks to age and life lessons..hehe. | |
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| Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/24/2007 6:34:05 PM | I would hate to break it to most of you , there is no reason to even be a player on this site, just ask for sex and you will get it, simple no games...if that's what you want. There are thousands of people on here that really just want sex, if you are honest and up front, you will find it. JMO | |
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| Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/24/2007 7:27:42 PM | Re post 112
Many people in online dating want "just sex". They are supposd to put down "initimate encounter" in their profiles. Many want an LTR (they call it "love", I call it a "partnership deal").
But my point is that many people look and want neither "just sex" (yikes), or an LTR for the sake of an LTR .
Some want friends and see what happens next.
And SOME, a "silent majority", IMO, want/seek "Romance". This Romance may last a few dates or much, much longer. They are not players. But what on Earth are they suppose to indicate as their goal? "Dating"?
Indeed many LTR seekers like to call anybody who is not seeking the same, a "player". I call LTR for the sake of LTR seekers "Players", using sex or love as a "tool" (trojan horse) to get that. What us it like for THEM to play? They are not honest! Just like some want sex with anybody, just sex, irrespetive of the person, some want an LTR irrspective of the person.
These players, have somehow managed to impose their "game" in the "market"/"field", and assume any dissedents as "players", as some posters pointed out already. What a mess "dating" today is. So many types of daters, so many types of goals/objectives, soo such labelling.
What happened/happens to Romance? Why can't many men and women speak out loud and say "I want Romance"? Why not, honestly? IMO because it "plays" badly to the governing dynamics "imposed" by both the "LTR for LTR" and "just sex" players. As if they were in an "unholly" alliance! And that is a major "play" in the playbook: A duopoly making sure that no other one enters in the "market": Romance. Both sides hate it!!!! | |
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rjb888
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Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 114 | |
| Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/24/2007 7:46:21 PM | no1b4me72:
Mahogany Rush as a good point and I agree. You are a player unless you are honest and up front with the "different" women you bed. For someone that has themself listed as LTR you just outed yourself on your profile with this post. Hope all the "different" women aren't from POF. Ladies beware! | |
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| Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/24/2007 7:47:43 PM |
What happened/happens to Romance? Why can't many men and women speak out loud and say "I want Romance"? Why not, honestly? IMO because it "plays" badly to the governing dynamics "imposed" by both the "LTR for LTR" and "just sex" players. As if they were in an "unholly" alliance! And that is a major "play" in the playbook: A duopoly making sure that no other one enters in the "market": Romance. Both sides hate it!!!!
The fora are an amusing place to exchange viewpoints, and also to laugh at some of the "out there" viewpoints of the addled, disordered, and issue laden. It would be an exercise in futility to try to find a consensus on anything having to do with relationships, though.
"Player" has a meaning, one that, in the real world, most people understand. It involves deception, with the singular goal of "winning" the affections of others, and almost all real players, suffer from a personality disorder, of one sort or another, and almost universally are devoid of a consistent self-identity. Players define themselves, through the "approval" of others, and are incapable of true empathy. They just need the approval, whether that's by receiving sex, or by "controlling" someone through denying sex, or something else, and stringing someone along, keeping things "just out of reach".
People engaging in the normal process of dating, where things sometimes don't work out, or sometimes fall apart after awhile, are NOT players. Nor are those who aren't interested in one person or another. People who engage in consensual, casual, mutually agreed upon sex, are not "players", nor are those who just want to "date" rather than form deep relationships. About 4% of the adult poputlation have the emotional makeup of "players", and to label relationships that end up badly, with one or the other person unhappy at the outcome, cheapens the word. It's like diminishing the meaning of the word "rape" by calling it "date rape", if one has second thoughts the next morning, about something agreed to the night before. Or viewing oneself as a "victim", or having been "used", if a relationship ends before marriage. | |
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| Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/24/2007 8:06:07 PM | re post 115:
I do not see how this post is really related to my post from which the quote is taken.
"Players" as "defined in the real world" by the fellow poster, can include anyone who deceives someone else be it for sex, marriage, salary, working conditions, polical/policy platforms/plans, projects, consumer choices, etc. ANYTHING.
IMO. By that account, I think it is much more than 4% of the population.
As per the (convenient for some) theory that it is a personality disorder, I guess everything is (labelled as a syndrome or disorder) in the world (or the US at least) today. Who is playing whom by naming so many things as "disorders" today (at least in the US)?
 (funny and tragic actually, both, and that is called ________)
PS. Let me offer my alternative theory that it is a "systemic disorder", ie a "disorder" in social, economic, cultural and others systems terms. Because "people have mortgages to pay", elections to win, profits to make, ratings to achive, inter alia.
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| Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/24/2007 8:17:12 PM |
As per the (convenient for some) theory that it is a personality disorder, I guess everything is (labelled as a syndrome or disorder) in the world (or the US at least) today. Who is playing whom by naming so many things as "disorders" today (at least in the US)?
Personality disorders are diagnosible, based on agreed to criteria used by mental health professionals. The DSM-IV lists 10 characteristics for personality disorders, and to confirm a diagnosis, one must meet a minimum of 7 of the criteria. It's not just an "opinion" thing, but a real emotional disorder, that results in the types of behaviors that many would associate with "players".
Almost universally, someone suffering from a personality disorder, has a very weak, or non existent, sense of self. Almost universally he/she will attempt to define himself/herself through the "approval" of others. Almost universally, someone with these kinds of disorders, will have an unrealistic belief that others have the power to "fix" his/her feelings. Almost universally, they have an inability to truly empathize, although they have an intellectual understanding of empathy, and can verbalize empathetic sounding things.
I don't know what you're arguing with, Nick. In actuality, the whole "player syndrome" has been researched and written about in the literature, and in terms of mental health professionals, there is a direct association between the behaviors of real "players" and emotional disorder. It's not 100%, of course, but it's statistically validated. | |
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| Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/24/2007 8:26:48 PM | "I don't know what you're arguing with, Nick. In actuality, the whole "player syndrome" has been researched and written about in the literature, and in terms of mental health professionals, there is a direct association between the behaviors of real "players" and emotional disorder. It's not 100%, of course, but it's statistically validated."
a) I simply questioned the relevance with my post
b) Having studied both natural and social sciences (is that a disorder in the "system"), I was educated to think very critically of attempts to treat social sciences with the same DETERMINISM as natural ones. Authority sourcing and statistics mean little in social scientific issues. We are not dealing with laws of Physics here.
c) I argued for Romance and how it is crowded out by supporters of just sex and LTRs for LTRS
d) I "argued" that "Playing" (deceit) is a thing that is not reserved/limited to dating matters, but all facets of human activities. And that it is "driven" by systemics and dynamics as well as personal needs/wants.
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| Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/24/2007 8:34:17 PM |
a) I simply questioned the relevance with my post
Were your post the OP, then any comment referencing your post, should be directly in response. However, referencing your comment, was a foundation for the "free association" that came, in terms of the issue of players.
To link it up, what your post brought to the surface for me, is that people tend to label others as "players", just because someone has a different dating goal. Those seeking "friends", for example, would view someone who is honestly seeking just an "intimate encounter" as a "player". To a large degree, those seeking LTR, will call those seeking to just date "players". That was something you posted about.
My "follow on" thought was that the word "player" is being bandied about on the fora, with little regard to its actual meaning, and in the process, that's cheapening the word. There are a real "players", but they are few and far between. They are dangerous and a disaster to become involved in, but those who define 90% of the other sex as "players" have applied the term so universally, as to strip it of any meaning. | |
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| Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/24/2007 8:41:15 PM |
Honestly OP do you really think that anyone that's a true "player" is going to come into this thread and out themselves?. The only ones that going to be coming in will be people who think they were "played" at some point. Which you can find pages and pages of those threads just from typing in the word "player" in a search.
TDH, I'm with you. First of all, I don't believe there are "players" with much game out there anywhere. I can spot them, avoid them, ignore them, etc., and if I can ~ they aren't all that proficient at what they are attempting to do. Furthermore, maybe someone thinks I'm a player. I don't know and I really don't care. I once dated and I called it "frenzy dating" at the time. I lied to no one, had sex with none of them, but I made it VERY clear they were not a club of one in my life. Today, I don't date at all ~ maybe I'm a retired perceived player. I know one TRUE player. I married him. He turned in his player-card the day he met me. He stopped the mass quantities of dating, he stopped the phone callers, he stopped being in a position to meet multiple women and I was it. I have NO doubt, he was honest, faithful and completely/entirely married to one person ~ me. So, I'm not one to believe in players. People are who/what they are. Just because John/Jane Doe has a penchant for the opposite sex, doesn't mean they are players. They just don't feel the need to be latched to one person. Now married folks playing online ~ not players ~ liars. Big difference in my mind. JMO  | |
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tdh46
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Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 121 | |
| Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/24/2007 9:25:27 PM | "Player" the catch fraze of the month on pof. I remember when it was "stalker" , then for awhile it was "red flag" ,"shallow" all these word seem to get a turn when it comes to online dating. So the hot word right now is "player". If you're talking to more than one person online you're a "player" . Married and stepping out on your SO, you're a "player" . Involved in a relationship and trying to get a little sumthin sumthin on the side "player". Funny thing is most of these thread are about common everyday liar and cheating scumbags.
But it sounds alot better if we say we were "played" after all what chance did we have against the big bad "player" ?. By saying we got "played" we can absolve ourselves of any responsibility in a given senario.
think about it, If a woman says she got tricked out of her victoria secrets by a cheating married piece of crap, she has to take some responsibility for not doing her homework and falling for his BS. But label the same guy a "player" and she is automatically looked at as a dansel in distress, who was used and abused and was quite powerless to do anything about it.
Play on imaginary "playa" | |
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ponie
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Joined: 1/25/2006
Msg: 122 | |
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| Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/24/2007 9:58:28 PM | Ask them after you get played...
I have been, and I was devastated. Now, with the wisdom of hindsight, I can see how my prayers were answered, in that i didn't get what I thought I wanted. I can only imagine the hell that life might have been, to be 24/7 with someone with her issues.
So, with a little time, I looked for, and found, the root causes in me, that made me susceptible to being played, and worked to change the things in me that I found. So, even in having been played, I found growth, and I'm grateful.
For all that, it was one person, one time, in my entire dating history. It's not, as some believe, something that happened with every relationship that didn't work out. Most of those go into the "shit happens" category. | |
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| Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/25/2007 1:18:59 AM | I do believe there are a lot of "wanna be" players on the Internet, but with a bit of experience, it doesn't take long to sort them out for discards. But in the mean time, one might develop a bitter taste in their mouth, from the learning experience.
The new people to Internet dating may be a bit naive and maybe thats why the wanna be's seem to converge on new profiles, looking for that new, not so experienced naive person, who will believe their BS.
When I first signed up on my very first singles dating site, naive as I was, I thought most folks were like me, honest good people, what they told you was who they were, looking to find someone to date or share a life with and I thought this was the greatest thing since Grandma's apple pie.
But after a few of the learning lessons, I discovered there were a lot of folks out here, who liked to play games with others, lie about their intentions, lie about who they were, were very dishonest about what they were seeking and who they were in reality. Doesn't make the whole bushel of apples bad, but it sure makes one inspect the rest real close, looking for those signs of rot and we get very leery of even the smallest blemishes.
In real life we can see body language, facial expressions, eye avoidance and voice tones, all the signs we are taught to read in seeking a comfort zone with another. On the Internet all we have are typed words or phone voices and its much harder to gage, so of course we get taken in at times. That being said, we develop a dislike and intolerance for people who are less than honest. It's human nature. No one likes dishonest people, being lied to or mislead.
Some just like to "play" with others, without telling them the rules of their game. | |
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| Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/25/2007 3:58:38 AM | Whats it like to play ? fantastic ! i love it, i get to meet lots of new women and there friends too ), i get to travel all over the place and see new things. I get another notch on my bedpost. What more could a guy ask for ? and most of all i have fun !
Lets see now. My playa qualifications.....i have so many dates a week i can hardly afford to go on them all between 5-8 a week on average, i date professionally, i have no time to work my life is to busy seducing women, i have lost count of the amount of times i've f-closed one woman in the day only to have to meet another one at night feeling totally exhausted because i've made mistakes in my dating schedule. I have five children by five different women in different countries all over the world, i've regularly travelled to some corner of the country to see a girl and after i've sorted her i've sorted her best friend too (i'm determined to get a threesome going one day), i have lost count of the amount of dates i've had and gotten another girls number whilst on the date, i've also lost count of the amount of women i've F-closed purly for sex, i'll gladly tell any kind of od crap i can think of, if i think it would help move her on in the seduction model, i've studied female psychology purly to understand the female mind better so it helps me seduce faster and manipulate better, i'm also a body language expert, and master of tantric vaginal massage, i think that lot qualifies me as a player. So moving on..
I'm on here to get EVEN MORE dates, it's a great playing field to practice my "Game", so when i'm in the real world my game is even sharper, I even have set stories to psychologically manipulate the women to create emotional connection, comfort and rapport, i have a set routine of jokes to have them bust there sides laughing all night, in every seduction i do i know exactly where i'm at, and what to do next to move onto the next phase of the seduction model and into the bed. Every single woman i've met and run "game" on i've never failed to have her say something on the lines of "i feel like i've known you forever or wow we really have a spark going here or i've never met a guy like you before".......awww bless ..... But and it's a big but.....she fully enjoys the whole experience and so do i, no one forces anyone to do anything they dont want to, it's just good fun !! they only get hurt when there minds allow them to start thinking of that dreaded feeling "Love".
so i hope you have enjoyed this insight into the mind of a player. and before you start cursing me just think next time your having a wonderful orgasm it might just be me thats giving it you | |
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