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| Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 4/10/2009 10:15:40 AM | Yeah, I've had a couple 
Had been talking with this blond online, close to St.Patricks day, so I asked if she'd like to hookup, meet somewhere? She says sure, but you can just pick me up at my house, OK! Well, I knock on her door, and she opens it...WOW, spiked bright red hair and all kinds of green eye liner etc. Oh,well, St. Patricks day. So, we go to an Irish pub, big party. I ask if she'd like a drink, she says yes and orders an Apple Martini, I order Scotch on the rocks, I'm not even half through my first drink and she asks if she can have another? Sure, well we watch some folks dancing, now I'm ready for my second drink......she wants a third, so I buy it.
Then we're getting hungry, but the lines were long and I didn't particulary like the smorgas borg meals they were serving. So, I ask her if there's a good steak house near, she says let me think, can I have another drink? Oh well, yeah, go ahead, I'm still nursing my second.
So, we decide to walk 3 blocks to this amazing steak house. She's not walking very well, but we get there. The hostess seats us. The waiter is right there, hands us menus and asks if we'd like anything to drink? She immediately orders another Martini, we order two steak dinners. Well, dinner comes, and she say's "I'd like another Martini", I say No, I think we've had enough to drink! She say's well F..K you, gets up, hits three tables on here way out the door! People were just shaking their heads. I sat there and ate my meal. Asked the waiter to put the other in a box. He returned with the box and bill, said "Oh the other meal is on the house" I said thank you and just chuckled.
I'll save "Purse", "Teacher" and "The Blow Up Doll" for later. Funny how I can remember these dates and just start laughing! | |
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toyoux
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Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 77 | |
| Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 4/10/2009 12:40:04 PM | | ^^^^^Lonesomerick!!! Do NOT keep us waiting!! DO tell about "Purse", "Teacher, and "The Bow Up Doll"....................wth? | |
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| Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 4/10/2009 6:57:37 PM | | OK..so here's one. I met this guy on here and both of us had that we were interested in Long Term so we talked for a while and everything seemed to be going wonderful. It often came to mind that something too good probably is, but I pushed that thought aside because he was everything I wanted. Well, we finally decided to meet and he invited me to his house..WHY DID I SAY YES AND GO THERE????? But, I did (always meet in a public place) so I called when I got there and he told me to come on in that the door was open so I did. Thankfully he was fully dressed but all the lights were out just candles were burning to give some light. He was sitting on the couch and never got up but the first words out of his mouth were 'I'm so glad you came I wasn't sure if you would' then he proceeded to ask for 'favors'. I turned around and walked right back out the door. LOL NEVER GO TO THEIR HOUSE TO MEET THEM LOL | |
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| Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 4/10/2009 7:39:18 PM | I had met this woman on another site. Emailing passed, phone conversations passed, so we decided to meet for a lunch date at one of those TGI-Fridays type places. We meet and everything is going pretty good. Conversation is light and breezy, even flirty. No red flags yet, that was untill halfway through lunch. She suddenly goes silent. I ask "whats up?"
She nods at the outside window "See that guy in the blue car over there?" I turned to look "That is my stalker!"
I Hadn't picked my jaw off the floor yet when she dropped the real bomb.
"But its cool." She went on "I think its sweat, shows he really cares."
I had no response to that. 
I just finnished lunch, payed for us both, thanked her for her time and left.
And for about the first 70% of my car trip home, she was right on my tail. And the blue car on hers...Freaked me out! It was like I had some kinda stalker conga line going!  | |
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| Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 4/10/2009 7:57:22 PM | LOOKIN - LMAO, too funny, again, that's just sad... LOL... girlie you need to screen better... LOL.. 
Suz aka Sami | |
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| Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 4/10/2009 7:59:09 PM | LOOKIN - LMAO, too funny, again, that's just sad... LOL... girlie you need to screen better... LOL..
Oh, by the way, I wanna hear about the purse, the teacher and the blow up doll, too, so Lonsome, dish what's the story guy... inquiring minds wanna know...
Suz aka Sami
Suz aka Sami | |
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| Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 4/29/2009 12:42:26 AM | I was kind of seeing a guy, off and on for a year or so. We would go to dinner, them maybe a couple months later, see a movie. He was 39 at the time, I was 42. I knew he hadnt dated much, only a couple different women. He was a Social Worker, and I'm a nurse, so we had lot in common, lots to talk about. Not and chemistry though. He never so much as held my hand. Quick peck at the end of the date. Well, one night, after dinner out, I asked him if he'd like to come in. It was about 9pm. This is like our 7th date. We go into my house, I turn the TV on and hand him the remote, and tell him, I 'm going to change out of my heels, and hose, and put on a pair of lounging pants and shirt. I do this, then head into the kitchen, and call out, would he like a drink? "no". I pour myself a glass of wine, and head into the living room. He is lying on my couch with the pillows over his head, blocking out the TV. Seems Sue Johannson was on the TV talking about clitoral stimulation and he was mortified. I quickly turned the channel, my God he had had the remote, he could have turned it, if he was offended. I will never get that picture of this full grown man, my sofa pillow over his ears. Totally embarrassed.
The next day he emails me, seems he really liked my feet, and the shape of my toes. | |
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| Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 4/29/2009 9:37:51 AM | I must respond LOL
I was talked into online dating by by girls...Now I could knock them in the head.
I really shouldnot say that, because i am the one who chose this loser....
Met this guy on POF, nice profile, looked like we had much in common, lived close.
He met me out at local bar who was having great entertainment, see his profile said he played in a band once, well I have a soft spot for bandplayers.
He shows up (I am here with my girls, who talked me into this) he is not what his profile looked like, I think his picture is about 10 years old, I do not think anything of it. I like to get to know people, not judge by pic.
We listen to band a minute. We chat and he asks me if I want to go get something to eat, well the only thing open is steak and shake. We sit there and drink coffee and get to know each other. He walks me to my car, kisses me on the forehead, and says he will call me. I am thinking, WOW this online dating is not so bad. I am also thinking I have met the perfect gentleman.
He calls, we make plans to meet for lunch and a movie. I call him on my way and he informs me he just woke up and needs a shower. No big deal, I know the people who own the sandwich shop, he finally shows up wants me to drive, no big deal either, because I figure I am in control of my car, if he acts weird he can walk, and the movie theatre is across the street. We did not have time to eat he was late, so we get popcorn, then we go have coffee.
Good date then we have dinner at his place, still a gentleman, then my place still a gentleman, then his place things are progressing............or so I think, then he drops the big bomb...........
HE tells me he can not believe I did not offer to pay for 1/2 on our first date>>>>I am sitting there looking at him like wow, are you for real?
I get up and leave.
We make another date and I call him, because he has not called to tell me what time we have decided on, and he tells me he can not go because he really can not afford it, I of course am p......d, tell him he should have thought of that before we made the plans.
Needless to say, I ended it with this jerk. I thank my lucky stars, because I think he was looking for a sugar momma.........or maybe just someone to jump in bed with, anyway not my type and he really gave me a bad taste for online dating.
I took a break away from it, but decided not everybody is a jerk like this guy.
Any comments? | |
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| Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 4/29/2009 7:03:43 PM |
Good date then we have dinner at his place, still a gentleman, then my place still a gentleman, then his place things are progressing............or so I think, then he drops the big bomb...........
You're thinking he's about to tell you he's really a transvestite?
HE tells me he can not believe I did not offer to pay for 1/2 on our first date>>>>I am sitting there looking at him like wow, are you for real?
You've just discovered he's poor, after how many great dates?.
I get up and leave.
Because, despite the fact you've had such a good time together, he's put one foot out of line, and you kicked him to the kerb.
We make another date and I call him, because he has not called to tell me what time we have decided on, and he tells me he can not go because he really can not afford it, I of course am p......d, tell him he should have thought of that before we made the plans.
So you're pissed-off with him because he's broke and too embarrassed to tell you up-front?
Needless to say, I ended it with this jerk.
So, the minute he ran out of cash he became a jerk, yet you enjoyed his company for the initial bunch of dates? There's plenty of things people can do to have fun together which don't involve shelling out cash.
anyway not my type and he really gave me a bad taste for online dating.
Apparently he was your type until he ran out of money to spend on you, I think it was he who dodged a bullet here.
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| Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 4/29/2009 9:33:32 PM | | I had kind of the same thing happen. The guy seemed very intelligent, well spoken on the phone after weeks of e mailing. We met at a place for dinner. Him with his 12 year old son and me with my 28 year old daughter. We both were having to move residences and he wanted to get together on another day. I had appointments to look at places and didn't talk to him for about two weeks after that. Well, I got an e mail from him that asked "what's up with me and I thought we were supposed to get together". He said he wanted to "atleast get me laid" then included pics of his erect johnson, derriere and his tattoos stating "see what we missed out on". What do you mean "we". He didn't even have any pockets for a mouse. That was bad enough but my poor daughter walked up behind me and saw the pics, too. Glad he moved far, far away! | |
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| Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 4/29/2009 11:03:06 PM | I have to say that I've read all these stories and found them extremely entertaining. Thanks for starting this thread and for everyone sharing!! Bravo! | |
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| Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 5/1/2009 4:32:07 PM | This was when I was 17, my first attempt at WOWing a woman...
We head out of Gunnison going north, up to a little road that will go up into the mountains. We arrive at the place I have chosen to begin my demise. We get out of the car and I lead her to the site, blanket in one hand and a large bundle of fire wood in the other. I spread the blanket out next to the fire pit, and begin to build a camp fire. I walk back to the car and begin to unload all the items. It’s dark now, very dark and the camp fire I left behind has now died out. Unable to see much around me I turn around quickly to go back and try to get the fire going again. I can only describe a sense of sudden gravity taking hold of my body as I tumble to the ground like the dice on a craps table. I could sure understand how the dice might feel when they hit the wall, when my shoulder hit a large rock that was so kind as to cushion my fall. “I’m ok” I shout out, “Are you sure,” Stacy replies. “I think I broke my arm,” I mumble under my breath while I lay in a freaking fire pit that I apparently missed. Covered in ash and dirt and what ever else may have been put in there, I dust myself off, and head back to the camp site. With a bit of a limp from possibly twisting my ankle in my very uncoordinated attempt to leave the car, she asks “Are you sure you’re ok?” “I’m great, just a little tumble, that’s all,” as I lied through my teeth. I get everything unloaded with no more problems and have my sights set on putting the tiki-torch with the anti-bug oil in it up and burning. Flimsy bamboo and a ground that is hard as a rock can make for a very interesting time. I spent a good 15 min. trying to get that stupid thing in the ground, but to no avail I took out the center canister, put it on the ground and lit it there.
Time to cook, I live to grill, I am the grill master… so I thought at the time. I must have fiddled with the grill for another 15 min. the same grill that was working not 2 hours earlier has not mystically stopped working. WHAT THE F%^&! I was not expecting this, with all the preparations I made, cooking rice and placing it in a pot to keep warm; this was the one thing I did not think of. I switched gas canisters and nothing. Feeling the test that lie ahead, fate was playing a game with me and I was not going to be out done, so I did what any other guy who went through this much planning would do, I took the metal grill top and put it over the campfire. I PUT IT OVER THE CAMP FIRE! What a great idea, fire cooks, I need to cook and I have a fire its perfect. After playing with the wood a little bit and putting a few ashes on the blanket I was able to set the grill securely over the fire. Throw the steaks on and I’ll be ready to go. The steaks were about 8 inches above the flame, and I thought everything was fine… until the flames started to rise. I’m not talking rising from 8 inches below the steaks to like 4 inches, I’m talking 3 feet above the steaks!! 3 FREAKING FEET ABOVE THE STEAKS!! Apparently the grease and other things on the steaks was a bit of a fire helper and as I watched my steaks getting engulfed by my at one time small romantic fire, now a roaring bonfire, I pondered what to do. The only thing I had was a fork, ya like that a freaking fork. I was not planning on sticking my hand into the seventh ring of hell to get my food, so I thought a fork would be sufficient, nope! As I try to maneuver the flames, in a futile attempt at turning the steaks, I felt a sense of fate breathing down my neck, as if saying ‘you knew you had no business asking this girl out, and now you will pay!” So I burn my fingers a couple of times trying to get at the hockey pucks that were 2 nicely marbled steaks. At the same time I knew that I would have to get that damn grill to work if I had any hope of salvaging this dinner attempt. IT WORKS NOW!! “You piece of crap.” I mumble under my breath making my displeasure with the grill known. I now have to get the steaks, and the grill top off of the roaring bonfire, with nothing more then 2 forks. FORKS!! This sucks, I burn my hand trying to get to the steaks, I use the forks to try and pull a fork lift -quick as possible -don’t burn myself- anymore motion. Nope, a bee flew up by me and I panicked, dropping the grill top on my forearm. And very quickly realizing this all of a sudden flesh frying pain, I play the tough guy, “whoops, I thought that bee was after you,” and on the inside I was thinking “OH MY GOD, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?” I put the steaks on a very low heat, so that maybe I would be able to somewhat cook the raw center of these now black, little, rock hard dinner entrees, I still hope to salvage the night.
Do you remember the first time you opened a bottle of wine? I do, it was a dark night in the woods, trying to impress some collage girl. It was great, I remember looking at the top and thinking, what’s that thing in the top of the bottle. “What the cork?” Stacy inquires. Cork, what is this cork thing and why did Chuck not say anything about a cork. I HAVE NO CORK SCREW!! I felt like an otter trying to open a freaking clam. I study the bottle carefully and figure I can do this with my steak knife. My right index finger has a nice little scar from the one and only time I ever tried to open a bottle of wine with a steak knife. This was 1 mistake I will learn from… I hope. So I am whittling away at the cork, when I get the notion of just pushing the cork in side the bottle. My bloody hand, my scorched flesh, my broken shoulder all cut up, I put the bottle between my legs and just push… I feel a drop fall ever so gently on my clean hand followed by a light drizzle of white zinfandel falling from the sky. The force of the cork going in to the bottle had a completely unthought of effect, about half the bottle of wine was emptied on my head and clothes. I was covered, and now sticky, and just generally concerned that this date might not turn around.
So while I air dry, I start to dish up the now ruined dinner, but surprisingly enough, the rice was still nice and hot, finally a break. Have you ever had one of those nights where really everything you do seems to end up burning you in the end, me too. I open my new bottle of A-1 steak sauce, after all gonna need something to cover the charcoal taste of the steak, I looked away for only a second, but that one second was enough time to dump the entire bottle of steak sauce on my plate. To be honest, the rice and steak sauce was not that bad, but the steak… not even the power of 13 ozs of A-1 could salvage the steak. I looked at Stacy, and she tried to play it off like it was ok, I looked at her and said “Is yours over-cooked also?” There was a look of amusement in her eyes, and she could see that with all the planning, this would go down in the history books as the worst date in history.
So we clean up the camp site, and I take her home. I limp out of the car with my body feeling like it may have gone all the way down to hell and came back up just to make the trip at a later date. She gave me a gentle kiss on the cheek, a hug and we parted ways. I remember thinking to myself that was really fun, I really enjoyed her company. Even though we never went out again, I reached my goal of going out on a date that would make a great story. I was able to keep a smile on my face even though everything that could have gone wrong did, all though we had a nice clear night, but I have a feeling that anyone that believes in God, might say he just wanted an clear view of his nightly entertainment. | |
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| Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 5/5/2009 12:04:22 AM | I just had to compliment you on one very entertaining read.
Maybe Stacy was like that girl in the old Tom T. Hall song, " Pamela Brown"
I'm the guy who didn't marry pretty Pamela Brown
Educated, well-intentioned, good girl in our town
I wonder where I'd be today if she had loved me too
Probably be driving kids to school
I guess I owe it all to Pamela Brown
All of my good times and all my roamin' around
One of these days I might come ramblin' through your town
And I guess I owe it all to Pamela Brown
I've seen the lights of cites and I've been inside their doors
I've sailed to foreign countries and I've walked upon their shores
I guess the guy she married was the best part of my luck
She dug him 'cause he drove a pick-up truck
I don't have to tell you just how beautiful she was
Everything it takes to get a country boy in love
Lord, I hope she's happy 'cause she sure deserves to be
Especially for what she did for me.
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| Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 5/5/2009 3:17:06 PM | Hey! I just have to tell some1 about what happened last night on my date from hell story!!
So I was meeting this guy who I didnt meet on here(I think its actually safer meeting guys on POF then through a friend :P) so first off I had to pick him up because his car wasnt working, I found out as I got to the house he had a brand new one and didnt want it to get dirty :/ As soon as he said that Im thinking o' god hes gonna try something in MY car!!! :O' so we went to Boston Pizza cuz I couldnt think of another place to go and he was to busy txting some1 >:[ We order some food and while we're waiting Im tryng to make a convesation but he's to busy txting so I got pissed, and when he went to the bathroom he left his phone, so I grabbed it when he recieved a txt that was really, I dunno the word lol but flirty, I kinda got jealous  and txted her back playing him putting something like 'wanna meet up tonight baby' and when he came back and he looked at a new txt his face was hilarious!!! and when I brought up Tammy he said she was HIS SISTER!!!! oh did I feel stupid. But then he wouldnt shut up about her, saying how great she is and blah blah blah, made me think something was up with those two.
Oh and then when we finished and got the bill... he wanted me to pay cuz he had no money like wtf!!! Im unemployed and only had 20 bucks for myself, so when I went to the "washroom" I secretly payed my half and got outta there :P | |
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| Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 5/5/2009 4:19:37 PM | I swear, this has to be one of the funniest dating stories, and it was posted on Craigs List. If I were the poor woman, I'd move out of Oregon.
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Best of Craigslist: RE: To the woman that crapped in my car… (NE Portland)
To the woman that crapped in my car… (NE Portland)
We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.
I thought we had chemistry sitting at McMenamins sharing that basket of Cajun Tots while drinking the Terminator Stout. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.
At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don’t feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said “First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me” was meant to be funny, not offensive.
I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle’s lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don’t think anyone wins 100% of the time. That’s why they call it “gambling”. I’m the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better…like when you’re not sitting on a heated leather seat…
What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.
I await your call,
Tad
P.S. - If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early…Touché… | |
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| Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 5/5/2009 7:08:55 PM | OMG.....now THAT'S what I call a memorable date......bet he wasn't thinking of getting her outta her panties that night (sorry, couldn't resist)!
That reminds me of a FUNNY commercial I saw...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3EVTVc11x-8 | |
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| Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 11/8/2009 9:06:18 AM | | That...was great....and that is why...you never go anywhere for the first meeting but a local bar...for drinks....that way....you can run...real fast when you see the danger signs....or..stay and have a good laugh... Lesson learned...you should have taken a picture and posted it on her profile....Before.the hair..and ..After...the hair... | |
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| Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 11/11/2009 2:35:05 PM | Thanks. Funny.
But, OP, she;s still a woman, old or young, fat or slim, you should haven;t missed the opportunity! How many guys used tricks to get women for sex!.
You were luck! | |
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| Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 11/11/2009 3:27:33 PM | | met a chap on here last week met for coffee took me to all the places he shopped so people could see us together. not bad but smoked to much never stopped talking about how he was a aussie but but now hes english mix up with customs. told me he went away for 12 years me thinking prison but no he was in the secret service as a hit man. but the best bit was hes having injections to stop him wetting the bed. then he was upset because I would,nt go back to his place to see his mum. and then the next day he phoned and asked me for sex. | |
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| Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 11/12/2009 3:49:28 AM |
Anyone think its funny the OP lists himself as a few extra lbs?
At least he lists his body type instead of "prefer not to say". | |
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