| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/23/2007 7:02:51 AM | Irish girl,
having s ex partner is not worng or right. It's how you feel about it. The only person that you have to satifsy if you. Your morals, your body. Don't worry about the other people. Just take are of yourself and if you come my way, then we could talk. Have a great life. | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/23/2007 7:15:37 AM | Like so many others said, this is why I don't like dating. I agree. I am actually surprised to see so many men say that!
I wouldn't want to meet someone who is still drippping wet (pardon the expression) from last nights sexual encounter with you or anyone else!
I believe that it is healthy to be rid of your last whatever you are with (bf, gf, fling, f buddy, etc...) before moving on to the next.
Playing leap frog to me is showing insecurity and lack of self control.
I think if someone (anyone) wants to find a decent man or woman, she herself (or he) should be displaying decency...right?
I believe that if you want a "buddy" then you should be with a man that has one too, or at least thinks like you and don't waste the classy men's time, leave them to us classy women....sorry if you take that in a hard way, and it is a general comment, not directed at you personally! | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/23/2007 7:17:24 AM | | do whta is best for you and forget everyone else....... if you both are happy with the way things are going then forget everyone else..... that is that matter | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/23/2007 7:18:19 AM | | I have read alot of her post and all she is doing is trying to fined the excuses to make it right, but i my book itshe acts like a slut just stay with your sex partner and let the men find a real realtionship. i dont consider my self uptight but i would like a realtionship of some kind before sex, as sex is just sex its not love and to be honest you will find any excuse to keep your sex buddy if if you do get married. | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/23/2007 7:20:21 AM |
I believe that it is healthy to be rid of your last whatever you are with (bf, gf, fling, f buddy, etc...) before moving on to the next.
Playing leap frog to me is showing insecurity and lack of self control.
Bingo! If you are serious about getting into an actual relationship then you should probably stop seeing your bed buddy. Seeing this guy isn't giving you the motivation to get involved with someone else. Hell why should you? You're getting sex without the heartache and that's what you want. If you want something other then sex then you need to get rid of that crutch.  | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/23/2007 9:02:04 AM | To fishbill:
Your quotes:
"8th inch bend",
"I think of all the goofballs on this site who think they know what they are talking about, YOU will no doubt be Octobers Brown Finger Trophy winner!",
"Well flirtgirl, I may have lost my know it all title to 1/8in**** but now I have some carefree time in the evenings to share my passionate wisdom and relationship tools with a new woman here eager it seems for more forum experiences. Call me Dr. F."
How do these responses answer the original poster's question?
This is an open forum that welcomes open dialogue, but must we be rude and insulting?
You responded to my comment and you also responded to flirtgirl in a less than considerate manner. | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/23/2007 9:49:29 AM | Well, I can see the responses continue to be just more of the same. That's fine; I doubt anyone will be convinced one way or the other about this issue simply from reading some comments on a web site. It's like religion or politics: people's opinions are very deeply-rooted and not easily changed.
I have found this thread very valuable, however. I didn't realize that so many women had "arrangements" like the OP's. And frankly, I think that's great. A few years ago a good female friend of mine -- sweet, attractive, church-going, educated, etc. -- set up such an arrangement with a guy we both knew and in many ways it changed her life for the better. She became more assertive and independent, she learned what she wanted and didn't want from love and marriage, and she had FUN!
From this forum I'm learning that some other women have had similar experiences. I think that's great.
I believe that if you want a "buddy" then you should be with a man that has one too, or at least thinks like you and don't waste the classy men's time, leave them to us classy women....sorry if you take that in a hard way, and it is a general comment, not directed at you personally!
I don't see how the OP can take that in any way BUT "personally", but whatever. This comment is a perfect example of someone whose opinion is actually pretty close to prejudice. Not all "classy" women think the way she does (as this thread demonstrates) and not all "classy" men do, either. | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/23/2007 10:04:30 AM | | Who you sleep with and why is entirely your business and nobody else's. Why tell anyone else or ask anyone else's opinion on it at all?? | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/23/2007 10:13:42 AM | Ive just returned to this thread & am staggered at the hostile reaction the OP is still receiving from people who totally dont understand her situation !!
A couple of the guys in particular are the ones shouting the loudest....would they be so opinionated about a GUY doing same ???
She has stated that she & Michael have this mutually acceptable arrangement,so,what the hell is everyone on about.......... ????????????
He's NOT stopping her from meeting a guy 4 a potential relationship,& in the meantime,shes having some great sex......And,so is Michael !!!!
So,live & let live..........geesh...... | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/23/2007 10:13:48 AM | Wow. What a great thread. OP - I really don't see anything wrong with your arrangement.
The thing that blows my mind is how the sexual double standard is still alive and well. First, I don't believe a guy would ever start a post like this. A lot of guys wouldn't admit to a FWB relationship. And nobody ever seems to judge guys for having sex.
Good grief! Sex is a natural human need. Not a want or desire, a need. If you're not in a serious relationship, then there's nothing wrong with having an arrangement like this. As the OP pointed out, she's sleeping only with this guy. And they have an honest relationship, they know what they want and don't want out of it.
As for telling potential long term guys... I'd say that if it looked like it was getting serious with a guy, then I think that OP will have no problem ending the relationship with Micheal.
I guess the only danger with the FWB arrangement is that often one person gets too emotionally attached. In that case, it would make sense to be honest with yourself and your partner and to end things. (Ever see the movie "Shopgirl"? The main character realizes that the guy she's seeing will never love her. She says, "So I can be hurt now, or hurt later. I choose now." Such a cool line.) | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/23/2007 10:30:45 AM | so what you are saying is when your true love comes along your true love won't be your sex partner.....so therefore sex right now is only for your enjoyment and you have no sort of feelings for your sex partner now...I'm confused.
Yes it's wrong. Too many maybe's in there. What about him and his feelings.
Maybe stay with him..but I guess it's sort of ok if both of you look at it that way and if both of you don't have multiple partners with-out telling each other or warning each other. Personally, you are playing with fire...I think.....
I mean what is wrong with your partner now? Stay with him....
Actually, it's none of my bussiness. Enjoy! | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/23/2007 10:56:37 AM | Hi there,
I just had to write you hon. I have been in a similar relationship myself for over a year now. When i first met him thats all i wanted. I actually am quite surprised one of you hasn't developed feelings for the other one. This has happened in my relationship just recently. To my dissapointment, he doesn't feel the same way about me, he cares for me, but it isnt love. This is what happens when u have a one night stand that lasts a year, especially with the same man. I bet if you are to examine your feelings very closely, you might find there might be more there, than you think. Again i'm not saying there is, but there just might be. If this is the case, get out as far and as fast as your feet will carry you, lol....It isn't going to be pretty! | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/23/2007 10:58:14 AM | I'm not here to judge anyone just advise. If you are happy with your situation you dont need advice. Nobody is getting hurt, so Its none of anyone's business. If your looking for someone new now then my suggestion would be stop doing what you do and find someone that is willing to give you more than this. You are going to find it very hard to find a guy that wants a long term committed relationship with another sexual partner hanging around in the background. Its gotta end somewhere. No non committed relationship can carry on forever as life priorities change. Be prepared for heartbreak even if you feel this is only sex. You must have feelings for him to get turned on by him. Your in deeper than you believe.
with the best of luck ..Catherine xxx | |
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nogo3
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Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 91 | |
| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/23/2007 11:07:53 AM | | Nope, nothing wrong with what ur doing at all, lots of guys and girls are doing the same thing except they don't tell anyone and they don't talk about. | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/23/2007 11:25:26 AM | Just dating for sex or having just a sex partner used to be a good thing.
I do mean a good thing. But in this day and time it could be very deadly.
With all of the STD that is going around. I am not saying to you that it doesn’t
happen in a relationship but I would like to know who and what my or who my
partner is doing if you know what I mean. Triangles are never good. But
then some people like a challenge and like living dangerously. Russian roulette
is much safer. Even the swingers get to know each and who they are going
to be with. Before they allow you in their circle you either know someone
or a friend of someone in the circle. Some times I feel like going out and
jumping on the first thing I see. But I know better than that. I want to get to
know the person first. At least until we become friends and develop a
semi or a relationship. Believe me I don’t trust liars. You ask questions over
a period of time and if they are lying you leave them the hell alone. Women
are better liars than men. We get caught because we like to smile too much.
Women can lie with straight face and never look back. On the other hand
she will get emotionally involved before the male does. Sometimes that is
her down fall.
Some women are panties droppers. Most of them now days don’t wear
any anyway. It take too long to pulled them off. The bottom line, if you
know the person and her life style and you guys are friends. If you aren’t
sleeping around and if she isn’t sleeping around it may be a good thing. It
sound like neither one of you want to make a commitment. That cool !!!!!
I would call that your regular booty call for the two of you. I seen women
advertise on the web that they are looking for a friend with benefits. I
could read a lot of things into that line but I want. Enjoy love where ever
you find it especially if it is SAFE SEX. | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/23/2007 11:26:27 AM | Op, one good thing about threads like these?
They always bring out the women who think sex isn't fun at all but only about love (they pretend they like it to "get" but it all stops once he's "gotten"). They're blushing and fluttering their little monogramed handkerchiefs and trying not to faint in horror at your behavior!
And even better, it brings out the men who are still stuck in some world where women shouldn't like sex, and if they do, they should be able to "control" themselves until they are with "him." lol You'll see the "slut" comments and "lack of class," etc., but what you'll really see...are men to avoid at ALL costs. They are the ones who think women and everything about them should be controlled.
As long as the eff buddy is in the pat when you are dating someone you're interested in, no big deal. And remember that the past is no one's business but your own, unless you have something in the past that will put your new partner at risk. | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/23/2007 11:51:00 AM | Op...I've seen you on the forums before...are you really surprised at the reactions you've gotten ? Why did you even post this thread unless you wanted negative feedback ?????
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/23/2007 12:03:52 PM | | No, honey...what's wrong (in my humble opinion), is posting that here so you can be judged by people who have no right to judge you or your situation....... | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/23/2007 12:12:47 PM | | well...last night I let michael read all of this, and to my surprise, he agreed with most of the men in here...he said since it has been 18 months and we are still at the same level, that maybe we should commit more to one another and talk about moving in together, and after three hours of telling him why that is a bad idea, he confessed that he has been in love with me since the beginning, I dont know what tomorrow will bring for us, but I guess me and michael are going to try it together...so thank you all, I guess I now do have a boyfriend....ughhhhh, he even called me this morning at work to tell me to have a good day, now he wants to be "that kind of couple" so wish me luck. | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/23/2007 12:13:36 PM | | A FB is great if it is right for you and right for him. I have a feeling though it really is not right for you because you had to ask strangers if it is. Somethings are better left private. | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/23/2007 12:35:44 PM | I wouldn't have a guy who was just a sex partner, and wouldn't want to date one who had an FB. The whole idea is just amazingly unappealing to me.
Has nothing to do with being a slut, or not liking sex, but with the idea that you are using a human being as a vibrator.
Sure there are needs, and there are ways to meet those needs.
Sex is between people who love each other.
Your question falls into one of those "never the twain shall meet" categories. Some people find folks who have sex for purposes of scratching an itch OK, while others find it yucky.
If this is what you like to do, then all I can say is go out with like minded men, because some will be enormously turned off by what you're doing.
They always bring out the women who think sex isn't fun at all but only about love (they pretend they like it to "get" but it all stops once he's "gotten"). They're blushing and fluttering their little monogramed handkerchiefs and trying not to faint in horror at your behavior!
And even better, it brings out the men who are still stuck in some world where women shouldn't like sex, and if they do, they should be able to "control" themselves until they are with "him." lol You'll see the "slut" comments and "lack of class," etc., but what you'll really see...are men to avoid at ALL costs. They are the ones who think women and everything about them should be controlled.
Wow, speaking of making judgments . . . .
Those are a whole lot of assumptions that don't even deserve a comment, except to say you'd be surprised how many completely monogamous couples -- who would never have sex unless involved in a loving relationship -- have absolutely rocking sex lives.
Those who have great sex lives have no need to talk about it. They're too busy doing it.
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/23/2007 12:47:20 PM |
you'd be surprised how many completely monogamous couples -- who would never have sex unless involved in a loving relationship -- have absolutely rocking sex lives.
Why are you assuming that I'd be surprised?
Those who have great sex lives have no need to talk about it. They're too busy doing it.
Is that so? Is there some study that I'm unaware of that documents this? :)
Actually, I'm sure there's some truth to that. At least, I wouldn't expect the monogamous couples to be on this site talking about their sex lives.
Then again, I also assume that people who respect others don't call them "sluts" and infer they lack morals, etc. just because they're not "like me." You didn't do this, but others did. | |
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