| Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others, but not themselves?
Posted: 10/23/2007 3:00:35 PM | | The best thing i find is just listen, dont speak just listen!! give advice if and when appropriate... be the shoulder and rock they need!! I am having problems with family, always get the i told you so!! but i do have the friends that will always listen and me my rock... without them i would fall flat!! | |
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| Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others, but not themselves?
Posted: 10/24/2007 2:05:56 AM | Why do you think it is that some people, who are very strong/good at giving advice/support/help to others, are unable to help themselves/take their own advice?
I think Pyscology plays a major factor and is more deep rooted than most of us realise.
I used to give advice to alcoholics (while i was pissed) that drank in my company as they off loaded their woes...........looking back it was bloody good advice but the reality of it was , i was as fcuked as they were if not worse off !!
IMO Looking back at it i was probably convincing myself that these people were much worse off than myself and by advising them distracted me from my own situation and to some degree made it ok to continue my lifestyle of destruction as i had put myself "above" them and brushed my own problems under the carpet.
To recap i think its a "Distraction technique" so you havent got to look at yourself/your own situation.......which a lot of people are quite fearful of doing !!
BTW for those involved in the "Counselling" posts lets not forget the loophole that exists.... Counselling is one of the few professions where you can legally practice and advertise your services even if your UNQUALIFIED to do so !!  | |
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| Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others, but not themselves?
Posted: 10/24/2007 2:06:49 AM | As a person who usually gives good advice, etc it's easy to look at someone else's problems objectively, from all angles and without emotion and the solution comes entirely from the head.
When it comes to sorting out my own problems though although my head may know the solution, my emotions, hopes, fears, etc come into play and the heart starts to over-rule the head as my heart is often stronger than my head! | |
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| Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others, but not themselves?
Posted: 10/24/2007 2:07:15 AM | I am often told I am really strong...and I think I probably am. I don't have problems though...if something goes wrong in my life (which it does from time to time)...I sort it.
I very rarely give advice- never if I am not asked directly. People tell me their problems...I listen, ask relevent questions- maybe point out the options open to them...and let them make thier own decisions.
I dont do sympathy, ever. I cannot bear to be around people who feel sorry for themselves. If you are unhappy with something, change it. Need help, I will give it- but sympathy does nothing for anyone. | |
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| Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others, but not themselves?
Posted: 10/24/2007 7:47:31 AM | It's always easier to solve someone else's problems. Looking at someone elses mess, you can be dispassionate and logical. Dealing with your own leads to "but I don't waaaaaaant to" and your heart getting involved to bugger up your thinking.
Makes it soo much more difficult to accept advice that you know is sound too. | |
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| Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others, but not themselves?
Posted: 10/27/2007 2:37:47 AM | I think that because people are so diverse emotionally and socially, you could be given exactly the same scenario for two different people; they could be given the same advice and for one it could be totally accurate but for the other way off the mark. That's because we feel, react and need differently.
For that reason I listen, give support and might give an opinion or put forward options but I never give advice. All friends need to know is that I'm there and will help pick up the pieces if necessary and thats the same support I want from them.
Obviously with practical issues its different as there can be a definite right and wrong answer but with emotional areas I prefer to have a sounding board and then make my own mistakes and not be judged for doing so. Thats what friendship is about. | |
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| Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others, but not themselves?
Posted: 10/29/2007 3:09:22 AM | Agree with message 26...Its nice to be a real friend'no agendas' and good common sense advice and I value my true friends esp when I need them to lean on.
But whilst alot of people are good at being that agony aunt/uncles people generally get really scared of change. If you get comfortable in a situation ..even one that makes you sooo unhappy, its amazing that people wont change even if its for their own sanity etc...
There's a great book called 'The Journey by Branden Bayes, (I think!! )
who's been helping solve others problems on a day to day basisand then gets a huge tumour....only after really looking after herSELF does she get on the road to recovery..Good read.... | |
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| Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others, but not themselves?
Posted: 10/29/2007 4:42:30 AM | Very true, ive bene told I'm like that myself. I can see problems in other peoples lives, but mine I always see through the proverbial rosey tinted goggles:p
I think a lot of this can be down to objectivity of the scenario, or just being detached form our friends issues moreso than your own. :) | |
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| Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others, but not themselves?
Posted: 11/1/2007 6:34:38 PM | iknow the sort only to well its me in a nut shell often asked my self same question .
oure empathy for others is oure strength with others but oure weekness with oure selfs its that easy being empathic tends to make us put other peoples feellings befor oure own we are biast to our selfs .this is me being unempathic if any one critces my spelling i will sue for discrimation of a dislexic person .ive lurnt to step back from my self and ask others for help .wen some one askes for help its because they have more than one dissision to make and there unsure like the rest of us and need an obgective impersonol feiw people all ready know the anser them selfs we yust need comfermation(ok smart asses i know what a spell chukers for its for the analy intentive) some of us are disslexic because we are empathic and lurn with empathy so oure learnig preceptions are not main stream thats why we struggle in early education and were/are classed as to difficult or even dissabled .we have a gift of looking at the hole picture we can ignor the imateral facts of wether or not its spelt correctly we dont worry about what it looks like yust weather it works or not .this only my serc0mestance and my empathy i know their is allways diffrent sercomestance to every given situation im empathic i can see im not blind i .
we tend to change oure minds a lot becase secomestance can change very quikly thats were we fail in our selfs ,its on a par with indisision .
were as when weve given advice its taken away and used its yust a feeling i have and 99% of the time im right whit can be missconstred as organce wen in fact by oure nature we are compleat oppasit of arogant were yust fools to oure selfs not to others thank you i engoed doing this | |
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| Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others, but not themselves?
Posted: 11/1/2007 7:26:06 PM | I, too, have been there and done that.
I am able to see a solution to my friends' problems, yet am sometimes unable to help myself.
One of my 'problems' kept rearing it's ugly head and although I knew the path I should be taking, I couldn't seem to bring myself to do it.
Then one day, realisation dawned.
I finally did the deed, but am only now allowing myself to feel proud. | |
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| Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others, but not themselves?
Posted: 11/2/2007 3:12:11 AM | | I find it very easy to advise people in times of stress.. But I should take my own advice really...It is easier said than done though.. When you are in the mist of the emotional turmoil, you can not have a balanced view...You can try to stand back and look at the situation with an unbiased eye... Except this can not be done on occassion... This is when You really need a good friend to kick you up the back side and give you some straight talking...everyone needs this once in a while... and more importantly we need to listen! | |
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| Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others, but not themselves?
Posted: 11/2/2007 1:51:01 PM |
Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others but not themselves?
The one word in this thread that baffles me is the word " seemingly"....substitute Why can seemingly........ for the following:
1. I felt that...strong people help/advise/support others but not themselves
2. I was led to believe ...
3. Experience taught me ...
4. Apparently ...
5. I was told ...
6. It appears to be that ...
7. Sometimes ...
8. Often ...
I guess the real issue is the word Strong :)
Empathy ....a word i noticed a lot in the threads too, it is a special ability to sense the feelings of another person....intuition ..6th sense as some call it :) The problem with the ability to sense another persons emotions is that you take it all on board.
That doesn't mean a person is not able to deal with their own issues, it just means they think about other people before themselves :)
Lainey
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