| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 10/23/2007 4:51:20 PM | I seriously doubt the $200,000 is purely from student loans. There MUST be other debts he's not telling you about. Maybe the grand total is lumped into a single loan now. Since we don't know what the interest rate is, we can't say what the monthly payment is like one post above said, it's an absolute Minimum of $1,050.00 per month.
Question, has he shown you the monthly statement?
If this debt is things other than just a student loan then this is a sign of major irresponsibility.
If that's the case dump him cause you'll never have anything. I don't care if he makes $300,000.00/year. Most people live paycheck-to-paycheck even if they make those kind of bucks. You'll be 47 when this is paid off. Ouch. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 10/23/2007 4:59:40 PM | I think assessing how the debt was arrived at makes all the difference. School loan debt is completely understandable. Most of us know all too well how it feels.
However, if he/or she is irresponsible with money, it will undoubtedly taint even the happiest of relationships. Sadly, for many of us financial woes encroach upon every emotional aspect of our lives. No matter how fanciful the situation.
Let it not be overlooked though, the truly potent love will overcome anything. How in love are you? | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 10/23/2007 5:30:23 PM |
Okay, I am a little confused here. You said your potential boyfriend has $200,000 in debt from student loans? The annual tuition to Harvard(which is one of the most expensive schools in the world) is about $31,000. Your standard local state college tuition is about $4,000 annually. Let's do the math:
31,000 x 4 = $124,000 (total cost to attend harvard for 4 years)
4,000 x 4 = $16,000 (total cost to attend your state college)
900 x 4 = $3,600 (total cost to attend your standard community college)
Your calculations are for tuition only. Most people like to have a place to live. Tuition does not include rent or food. I live in a university town. You can find a dumpy apartment for $500/mo. 500*12*4=$24,000. East and west coast areas much more expensive. You probably need to eat, too. Books are generally a few hundred dollars a semester. Depending on your major, you may have lab fees, equipment fees, special software, etc. In my state, the state school is about $3,600/semester for in-state tuition, not a year.
Not everyone qualifies for grants, scholarships, etc. Your financial aid package is based on your parents income if you are under 25. It doesn't matter if they help you or not. Many middle-class families do not qualify for grants. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 10/24/2007 6:25:26 AM | | I dated a man who had a doctorate in psychology last winter. His student loans were about $170,000 and he did not go to a high end school. For a BA, MA, and PhD, $200, ooo is not unreasonable. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 10/24/2007 6:34:49 AM | | If this was just a debt from his own stupidity then I would advise you to run very fast in the opposite direction but the fact is that college/university education is expensive. He's not asking you to pay it or anything like that so I don't see what the problem is. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 10/24/2007 7:37:25 AM | Post 79:
"I dated a man who had a doctorate in psychology last winter. His student loans were about $170,000 and he did not go to a high end school. For a BA, MA, and PhD, $200, ooo is not unreasonable"
I am not aware of the details of the Canadian system, but for a person to get fin aid at BA/BS level, in the US, one has to demonstrate need. But who gets an MA or MS or a PhD in the last (many, many) years with the benefit of a fellowship, or research assistanship or teaching assistanship (covering tuition and a monthy stipend)? Almost no one!
And if one has a PhD, in the US job market, then according to recent studies, his salary is a growing one (unlike that of college grads who have employment but many do not make much). I "hear" the Canadian job markets are pretty good too.
Thus he/she a) would not have a 200,000 USD or Canadian Dollar debt even with a PhD b) get good enough annual income with a PhD to pay off even relatively high debt.
It simply does not add up. Who "invests" 200,000 of loaned money in education that cannot earn its return???? Education and Knowledge are a good thing but when it costs 200,000 and based on the info available, one has to question the rationale of the person who invested in it and then needs 16 years of personal austerity to repay the invested capital plus the interest! It simply does not add up. What was he/she thinking of?
In the UK, on the contrary to the US. most postgraduate students do not have fellowships or RA or TA posts, thus it is mostly foreign students with funding from their home countries that do post grad (MA/MS, PhD).
Very few people who do post grad in the US do it using loans or their own money (except maybe MBA and MD and Law, but they make up for that in the job market).
I suspect more and more that the guy may be BSing the OPoster, to get out of an LTR. The data and rationale of the debt simply do not add up.
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 10/24/2007 7:59:40 AM | | I love these threads, I really do. Find true love in a virtual vending machine, just be sure you're a size zero if you're a woman and be sure you're a good financial investment if you're a man. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 10/24/2007 8:01:15 AM | | It would be a deal breaker for me. I've supported 2 exes and I don't plan to do it anymore. You will share this debt if you are together, no matter what he says. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 10/24/2007 8:07:54 AM | Living like a hermit is not the worst thing in the world. I know many people who live way under the poverty line and are much more joyouse than those caught up in the rat race. I have tried to teach my children that being rich is not about having money. It's about qualtiy of life not quantity of stuff and if you can go on as many vacations (at the exploitation of local inhabitants who do live in real abject poverty) as the neighbors.
It depends on what you want out of life. I've seen many people die and not one of them said "I wish I had taken that vacation to Tahiti." To the last one they have all expressed emotions and desires to see and be with thier loved ones.
Fortunes come and go. The pursuit of money sucks ones life away. I'd rather live on a bus with someone I love than in a mansion in a passionless relationship. | |
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| Should huge financial debt be a deal breaker?
Posted: 10/24/2007 8:10:01 AM | Are you willing to share his hermit-like lifestyle for the next 16 years? I couldn't handle it. I like to travel, shop, eat out, etc. Would you be able to support the household on your income while he works to pay off his debt? What happens when kids come along? What is the guarantee that he isn't going to walk out the door as soon as the debt is paid off, after you have financed the household for all those years? It happens all the time.
If you choose to marry this guy, be sure to get a pre-nup that says your pre-marital debts stay separate. Since it's pre-marital debt so you shouldn't be responsible anyway, but have it in writing. And try to live on cash and avoid any marital debt.
I would NEVER EVER ask a guy to help me with my debt.
Play Powerball. Like I always say, "Why NOT me?" 
Follow your heart. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 10/24/2007 9:43:36 AM | Ash: Yes, this is a deal-breaker. Take it from an older & wiser person. Stay away from this situation, unless you both sign a prenuputal agreement protecting you from his debt.
$200,000 is a huge amount for a college education. If he paid that much and hasn't landed a job paying $100,000 per year, then SOMETHING IS WRONG!! Someone once said to me "after the sex wears off, there had better be a LOT of money." I suspect you're going to get tired of the situation long before the debt is paid off. It's hard to be practical when you're in love, but for your own sake, you must be. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 10/24/2007 10:05:39 AM | Most of the people I know have student loans that have been haunting them for years and will be for years to come. I don't think a student loan is a deal breaker as long as the person is able and does make the payments. Granted if paying it off is causing them financial hardship or forcing them to live in a situation where they can't have a reasonable 'life' then it's concerning, but there are ways of dealing with it if the person wants to enough.
While you shouldn't give up the things you want in your life, you have to ask yourself which is more important... what will matter the most when you're old and grey and looking back over your life? What you have materialistically? Or the quality of your relationships with everyone? When you're on your deathbed, would you rather be surrounded by a lot of people that love you? Or would you rather be there with maybe a few and the knowledge that you acquired everything you wanted on a monetary level? There can be SOME compromise. In no way am I suggesting that you should give up everything you dream of ~ but just try to see your future self and what it will take when you look back to make you look back without regret.
If I find a guy that is everything I dream of in every other respect but there's that financial burden, I would work with him to find solutions to help the situation. So many couples split over money issues, when the money issue is merely a symptom of a deeper problem. If there are no problems other than that, and you both love each other, then you can work through it together to find solutions.
All the best to you :-) | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 10/24/2007 10:36:19 AM | Ash, Im having a hard time with this story you've presented? Im aware your boyfriend has told you the story but im in the financial sector and what he says doesn't make sense, first thing to accumulate that much debt ( student loan) he would must of went to med school, but to pay it off in 16 years, assuming even if prime goes to 7.25% and his loan is calculated at Prime plus 1, interest compounded monthly , his rent even at $1500. per month living as a hermit,no car, public transit,no credit cards or loans, his income would be approx $45,000.00 per annum, highly unlikely.
I think the guy is bull shitting you, something not adding up??? | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 10/24/2007 11:18:07 AM | Debt is nothing. I'm owing the bank about $60,000.
The clincher: that $60,000 was for an apartment I purchased 4 years ago that has since doubled in value. We should be looking at a guy's equity and not his debts. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 10/24/2007 12:06:51 PM | I guess getting into a relationship with a man with debt is pretty simular to a woman who has children, especially if they were mistakes and were not planned. The children will cost so much money to raise, feed, clothes, send to school, medical bills, dental bills, cars...etc. So if a woman won't take a man because he has debt then I guess that men should never take a woman with kids, especially if she has more than one. I guess it takes at least 200k to raise each child thru college, can I just opt out of any responsibility for your kids and just have you? Or maybe we can make sure your kids get student loans so people can judge them later in life.
This is pitiful...is this what having a relationship has come to? I would say I need my boots because its getting deep in here but its way to shallow for that. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 10/24/2007 10:14:06 PM | $200,000 student loan??!!! I'm all for higher education but... um... is it wise to go so far into debt doing it?? I'd be worried he's got a problem managing his money. Especially if he says he's got a "good" job but it will take 16 years of living like a pauper to pay it off. This just doesn't add up for me.
I'd look for someone whose financial situation is a little closer to your own. No mater mow much you care for him now you'd only resent him later if the debt kept growing. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 10/24/2007 11:07:52 PM | Law school on top of the BA/BS degree compounded interest from deferments can add up to $200k really quickly. Or anyone who has gone to the PhD level. A law degree can be lucrative if you go to a good school and graduate in the top of your class. For the rest of the people, it isn't unusual to start around the $50-60k mark.
If you are having enough issue with it to discuss it here, then I would say it is going to be a problem until you two decide to see a financial advisor and see if the debt can be reduced or paid off earlier. Some people, it wouldn't matter. Others, especially people who are older and established in their careers, it would be a big deal. You have to decide which one it is for you. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 10/25/2007 6:05:23 AM | Hi, the situation here (UK ) is kinda different as we only pay a small amount (in comparison with the US) for our university fees, maybe about $5000 a year for tuition fees, but that is only if your family can afford it, otherwise it's is less or free. So if I met a guy who had managed to run up that amount of debt, it is likely to have been doing something stupid.
I guess what I am meaning is how he managed to run up that amount of debt would mean alot. If it was an honest mistake, or through University etc that thats ok, but if it was completely squandored, gambled etc then I'm sorry but how could he ever be trusted with my income and my money when I got a good job?
Sorrrrry but that's my opinion!
Katey | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 10/25/2007 12:45:52 PM | I still say that if you're looking at your mates based on how good they look on paper, then you really have no clue about real love or more importantly, real committment. Believe me, I do understand Human Nature. I also think that we as a western society we tend to overlook the impact of our nature in our daily lives.
But I also understand that as sentient beings, with the luxury of choice based on reason and logic, that in theory we have the ability to evolve past our "nature". Unfortunately, the way our current society is set up to reward (financially) those who follow instead of lead, the chances of an open minded, free thinker having the resources to really affect a change (through influence) on the majority (of said followers) are rare.
To summarize, you end up with alot short sighted people, controlling alot of the common resources and influence. Nothing changes. We still act like we JUST climbed down from the trees, clamouring over each other for our share...even when we ALREADY have far more than we often deserve, and certainly more than we're really entitled to in the first place.
Basically you have a bunch of idiots running around screaming about what they need, what they couldn't possibly compromise on, when in fact they're really talking about what they WANT. You get websites, that for men become an extension of the "bar or club", where as long as you can play the part of Alpha Male, you can get laid. For women, that same site become a retail model where you can pick and choose based on all sorts of superficial criteria, that as I've mentioned should already be obsolete in the first place. Both genders play off these outdated behaviours in a viscious circle, all the while pointing the finger at each other.
Both are "wrong" in my estimation, and I for one, despite being a bad match for alot of women on paper, and therefore lacking in influence, will continue to look for a real mate, based on real compatibility, leaving the majority to wallow in the yoke of their own ignorance. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 10/25/2007 2:48:17 PM |
Basically you have a bunch of idiots running around screaming about what they need, what they couldn't possibly compromise on, when in fact they're really talking about what they WANT
hahaha so true so true | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 10/25/2007 7:37:27 PM | | Um, chemistryNkisses, this is an interesting point of view but, it sort of argues the point of not going into debt at all. I mean if we already have far more than we deserve, why should be borrow from tomorrow (or in this case, the next 16 years) to satisfy a want from today?? | |
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