| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 10/30/2007 9:41:17 AM |
Um, chemistryNkisses, this is an interesting point of view but, it sort of argues the point of not going into debt at all. I mean if we already have far more than we deserve, why should be borrow from tomorrow (or in this case, the next 16 years) to satisfy a want from today??
Not even close. My post is about people being honestly objective about what they need out of life and relationships. I feel that alpha males and females have the biggest difficulty in this area for the simple reason that most often, they tend to live a charmed "bubble" life where they rarely hear things like "no". | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 10/31/2007 4:04:15 PM | | Financial debt is a deal breker for me in a relationship. I know from experience you need to know what the person financial status when you get to know a person especially if a person is talking about getting married. I paid all of my debt off from college and student loans. Some polls say they number one reason for divorce is money problems. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 11/1/2007 8:24:18 AM | Nick Thinker, you, too, are a bit off base...I work with dozens of attorneys and legislators in the state legislature who have master's degrees in Government Administration (they're called MGA degrees), and also law degrees, and because they are in public service they are not making "megabucks!"
Yes, there is a reason a person with a Master's degree would earn a law degree! Not all attorneys are in private practice. There are people who earned master's degrees in psychology and sociology (MSW's), who worked in the human services field, and then went on to earn law degrees so they could make POLICY that relates to their original field of endeavor. And who better to do that (make sensible, workable policy), than those who actually work in the field? This is quite common in the field of mental health, my friend.
Law is so much more than arguing in court and making megabucks as a corporate attorney. Medicine is so much more than making megabucks as a plastic surgeon, for example. At least in Pennsylvania.....can't speak for any other states. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 11/1/2007 9:47:51 AM | I don't know if you are still reading responses, but I am gonna add regardless.
Did you do a background check on him? I am totally amazed at how he could amass such a debt. Did he even attempt to work while in college? How many years did it take him to go through college? The point is, how responsible is he? I can not imagine trying to live on loans while going through college. An intelligent person knows that they will have to pay the loans once they graduate. I can not imagine an intelligent person wanting to have that much of a burden when they graduate. If he goofed off during college and it took him 8 years to do 4 years and didn't bother working to help with costs, dump his butt! His financial background will also be a good indication of how financially stable this guy is. If he constantly spent before, he will not stop this habit.
Do you have a really good paying job? If not, and you want kids, you aren't going to be able to afford them. Your life will be stressed by watching every penny without kids.
Love is great, but debt puts a big wedge in there. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 11/1/2007 9:48:16 AM | | I don't think you need to worry. Lots of people with student loans come with that baggage. And perhaps you were guesstimating how long on what he is being paid at the moment. I don't think a huge debt is a deal breaker. I would look carefully to figure out what caused the debt. I would not, however, buy into that debt. And from what you say, he hasn't asked you to. I know if you love the guy you will really want to help out. And in the ideal world that would be the wonderful thing to do. But this is not the ideal world, and you don't know what harm you can do to yourself by doing so. You always have to protect your own financial interests first, because it is a proven fact that women ALWAYS get into financial hassles because they cared for someone else. If you move in together, or get married you can help out in other ways. Take up the financial burden of the groceries, some of the bills........but don''t clear that loan, girlie. Don't even go there. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 11/1/2007 10:20:49 AM | It depends upon how much of that financial burden would spell I-N-C-O-N-V-E-N-I-E-C-E to you, and how much of it you can/cannot handle...
In this day and age...most run, (And yes...I would too, unfortunitely)... | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/10/2008 7:08:44 AM | | $200,000 is a LOT. I think I owe a lot at a few thousand. It just depends on the situation. I don't know if I could cope with $200,000! Under $20,000 is typical of most Americans now. In the first place, I am very slow to marry. It forms a LEGAL connection and I've avoided $100,000 worh of debt I didn't even know about not marrying them. I would just consider living together. Even though they talk about commonlaw, it's mostly just nonsense. It also depends on the situation. I owe several thousand. I wished I owed none, but I pay way above the minimum every month and I have A1 credit. I could get a mortgage. It depends on the situation. I've had my job for 30 years and am stable. If their credit is trashed and they can't borrow a penny, that is part of the whole situation too. It just depends. Can they decalre single bankruptcy and not include you? My sister's husband did that. Just don't marry them. Live together. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/10/2008 7:13:39 AM | How the hell do you get 200 000$ in debt?!
Cut your credit card. End of problem.
I wouldn't feel the slightest sorry for anyone that deeply in debt. To me, thats the blatantly obvious sign of someone living far past their means. Trying to look like they have alot of money, when they're working from paycheque to paycheque(Kind of like this woman I know who bought a townhome and a gorgeous luxury Audi car...yet, doesn't make nearly enough to live comfortably, and pay for both. She's shoulder deep in debt).
Just shows horrible money management skills, and that in itself, would be a dealbreaker. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/10/2008 7:24:42 AM | | Its a tuff call to make, after my divorce i worked really hard for the last 8 years to get where im at today , i have no bills , and everything from my past is clean, ive worked hard, and i understand how you feel, im not a materilistic person and yet i dont want to get back into a deep debt situation with anyone, i recently dated someone who didnt pay his bills, just kept buying more and more and never thought about the outcome, then quit his job then hit me with , now what am i going to do , I nor you can solve anyone else'es money woes, dont know for sure how old you are and if you can hold off 16 years to be where you want to be in life but i can tell you I been where your at and I know how hard it is and what you have to give up and im not willing to do it again. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/10/2008 7:31:14 AM | | well if he is in that bad of debt ,i see why he sits home. lol however if u love him and want to help him out ...then do it. one day the debt will be under control and he can once again have fun. it really boils down to how muhc u care for this man. there are ways to cut down on it quickly to lower monthly notes. for instance he can give his income tax to them each yr if he doesnt need it to live on. he can also try to make an extra payment at least once a yr. that will cut down on the yrs to owe on it. he jsut needs to figure out how to deal iwth that bill. he can also consolidate his debt ..that usually helps alot. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/10/2008 7:32:15 AM | Usually I don't get so serious on these forums, but this one needs the old R.O. serious post. Before you get with anyone for marriage, give them a thorough credit and background check. Dating and casual relationships are cool, but marriage is matrimony solidified by law. Divorces are messy and expensive. Money is probably the main reason why people get divorced. People should handle any extreme debt problems before they get married.
Many subprimers are hurting righting now. They are hoping to get a government bail out. We are talking about millions of people that are living way above their means. I know a young woman who bought a condo in Manhattan and runs her own business, but she is constantly worrying about her mortgage and credit card bills. If she gets fired, she has to worry about getting a new job in a recession. I might be a starving writer sitting in a robe all day (yes ladies I am naked under this robe....) pounding on the keys while eating sunflower seeds, but I am debt free. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/10/2008 7:33:11 AM | Love is love. it's hard to find. you indicated that he does work.
Do you realize how shallow this sounds? why not put a note on your profile, that simply states you can date me with W.A.C.!!!
I can imangine getting a letter in the mail.
Mr Young:
Thank you for your interest in ash7676. however, I regret that I cannot date you at this time. The reason(s) are as follows.
Too many negatives/chargeoffs on your account.
The credit agent did not play a role in making this decision, and is unable to give specific reasons why your date was denied.
Now for the truth.
Fact is, the credit system is obsolete and unfair. Do you realize that a average working man cannot buy a new care or truck even if they can afford the payments?
SO now, the big three is in trouble. as the ecomony gets worse, there will not be enough people with enough credit to keep a big company alive. They have forgotten that the working class, made them big over the years. I hope they all go under.
So If you want to throw out this fellow because of debt, then good luck finding one. why dont you put a credit application on your profile? see how silly this sounds?
Fact is, a divorce wrecked my credit. but I managed to buy a home., and it is paid for. it's called working your butt off.
Ignorance at it's worst!
Tom | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/10/2008 7:35:24 AM | I will never become entwined financially with a man again. I have considerable debt (bought out my ex's share of the farm, had to invest more to keep it from falling down around me). I would never expect a man to be responsible for my debt. But neither will a man become part owner of my farm; it's the only thing I have to leave my kids.
If I ever live with a man, we will split the living expenses and each be responsible for our own money and debt. My ex and I lived like that early on (pre-kids), and we never had a fight about money. We each bought what we liked without having to consult the other. Who ever had more money left over would treat the other to dinner or whatever. Once we combined our money, we did nothing BUT fight about it. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/10/2008 7:53:44 AM | I think some responders need to reread the original post. The $200,000 debt is STUDENT LOANS. Depending on where you go to college it would be very easy to accumulate that much debt even while working part time during the year and full time summers. Any ideas what Harvard costs? Yeah, last I heard the Ivy league schools were all in the $50,000 a year neighborhood. When I was at Cornell College it alone was costing $20,000 a year.
The amount of the debt alone doesn't really tell us anything. So, you folks who say "No, don't marry him!" What would you say to someone who had that much in debt on a house? How about a business, or a farm or ranch? I have many farmer/rancher friends with far greater debt then that. Guess what? It's that debt that allows them to have the means of production in order to make a living. In 30 years time the debt will be paid off. They will have made a living and have a huge net worth accumulated in the form of all the property they have paid off.
The gentleman with the $200,000 debt will most likely see his income go up significantly over the next few years. For now the best thing for him to do is to arrange payments on a 20/30 year schedule so that life can be comfortable. For that matter you don't have to have pockets full of cash to have fun. Though it does help to have enough to pay for gas, maybe a hamburger and maybe a movie.
One last note: Student loans can not be eliminated through bankruptcy.
-Chris | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/10/2008 8:01:16 AM | $200,000 in student loans, is this a joke? What country is this that they have so many skilled workers they can put such a high price on education?
That is really sad for him and anyone else that wanted to better themselves but had to pay such a high price.
My advice is to take things slow, live with him for awhile. I bet plenty of women or men can testify to supporting someone for a long period of time to have it all end and someone else reaping the benefits of the education they paid for. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/10/2008 8:14:27 AM | | I would go and ask a lawyer a whole pile of questions....just so you know what you might be getting yourself into. I personally would not make any decisions about anything...let it ride for a while and see what he's all about... | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/10/2008 11:23:44 AM | Ash,
Since the amount of the student loan is excessive, I want to assume he has a Master's Degree or post graduate degree. It takes a great deal of motivation and commitment in order to successfully complete higher education, so this guy seems like he realizes the importance of an education; therefore, IMO he seems to have his head on straight. If the only problem you have with him is he was attempting to secure his future, would living with a strapped budget be worth it?
I know I would rather assist my mate with paying off a large student loan rather than facing other dealbreakers such as wondering how many times he's cheated on me, lies, etc. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/10/2008 12:21:49 PM | Regarding the OP
Would this be a deal breaker for me, absolutely! To marry this person is to marry their debt as well. And I have learned the hard way that debts tend to linger around far longer than the time you are in love with a particular person. This is not to say you shouldn’t enjoy this man’s companionship and affection; but still it is best you keep your distance so as not to entangle yourself legally and financially speaking. Why? Because if things sour or you grow tired of living an abstemious lifestyle you can make a clean break. | |
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Diva64
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Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 120 | |
| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/10/2008 12:53:49 PM | I'm a bit confused............you say,
I have fallen for a guy whom I love, find very compatible and enjoy being with very much. and this should be what you concentrate on. Right there the 2nd sentence you wrote!
And then you ask:
What am I supposed to do; just live my live and do all the above mentioned things while he sits at home. Thats crazy!
Yes it is! So why would you even consider that. Of course you wouldn't!
If I'm with someone, I'm WITH someone.
Ok so what's the question again............
.....I think you just answered it.......
If money is your thing...............then HIM not having any will be a huge problem in the relationship.........
If money is not an issue and "what's mine is yours......." and all that stuff.........then it's no biggie.........
There is NO right or wrong answer here.........and don't let others "SHOULD" all over you.....as in.......
"You should be happy he has an education..." or "You should not take care of a man..."................no matter what, it comes down to what you WANT not what you think other people will THINK of you if you do this or don't!
My biggest red flag was here:
But if I am with this guy, I am giving up: owning my own home, any extravegance at all, the ability to provide for a future family, etc...
Really????? Don't you work??? Can't your income provide you with a home?? Some extravegences and a family................OHHHHHHH or were you counting on the income of a man to help you do that????
See how that looks..................surely you don't mean that, you sound level headed and intelligent. Don't allow the "Norms" of the world to define YOU and what you will or won't do.............be your own person..............let me ask you one question....
......"If you had no fear, what would you do???........
Diva | |
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Diva64
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Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 121 | |
| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/10/2008 1:05:25 PM | PREACH ON R.O..........the congregation is listening............
SOLID STUFF HERE PEOPLE...........we truly live WAAAAAAAAAAAY above our means and then want to cry and have someone bail us out.............STOP IT!
Yep my man may drive a Benz.........but ya know what............he could well afford to drive whatever he wants but he's as frugal as they come(I mean VERY THRIFTY)...........TRUST ME...........it's an adjustment. I've been spoiled. But he is money smart and I think God every day I met him. I'm good at making money........he's good at taking little and saving and investing it properly! So much to learn!
The lesson here for me would be...
Don't let money be your guide. But do watch the persons attitude toward money........it sounds as though the OP's man has a very healthy and sensible approach to his debt..........PAYING IT BACK! what a novel concept! I have nothing but respect for that!
Diva | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/10/2008 1:15:30 PM | If he was being taken to the cleaners with a massive child and spousal support bill would that be a deal breaker? I'd like to know how someone can get 200G in the hole for student loans?
Steve | |
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Diva64
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Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 124 | |
| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/10/2008 1:32:01 PM | See how it works Steve is this:
I have 4 kids......two(2) have graduated from college two(2) are still in.....one is a 5 year senior............her schooling alone cost is $26k per year............(YEP) do the the math!
It rakes up fast honey, especially if you are paying for it on your own! So if she were to be paying this ON HER OWN..........she'd be in serious debt........Oh the money I will have when they graduate.....!
peace n wholeness,
Diva | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/10/2008 2:44:37 PM | | I have to say if he has a lot of debt that would become your issue. I hate to say this, but finances are a big part of a relationship..make or break it. | |
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