| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/10/2008 3:07:38 PM | Be Careful !!!
If he is in debt $200,000.00 from student loans that must mean that he went to medical school or something along that line. I certainly can assure you that it wouldn't take almost 20 years for him to pay off those debts.
If you plan to become serious with this person I would want to see a paper trail showing where these loans came from ( I would even go as far as calling to ensure they are accurate etc) Not to be nosey or that you don't trust him however this is your life and although he is saying that you won't be responsible for the debt but you will be living a life with that debt.
If it is a ligitimate debt and you really care for him I wouldn't worry so much about the dollar figure. AFterall worse things can happen in life. Remember openness, honesty and trusting each other is very important.
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/10/2008 3:31:30 PM | Even if you're just dating right now, I think you'll be much better
off with a rich partner than an indebted one, all other things equal,
so your decision ultimately depends on how easy it is for you to attract
people you love and who also have money. If wealthy, lovable people
are scarce or hard for you to get, you'll have to either make more
compromises or step up your game. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/10/2008 3:52:18 PM | Something smells fishy in Denmark....
My son accumulated $48,000.00 in student loans over and above what he had saved and earned in part-time jobs throughout a 4 year university education/degree that he successfully pursued right after graduating high school. That was six years ago.
He is 28 years old now. He makes approximately $100,000 (gross) per annum. Not only was his student loan paid off within three years, he has two newer vehicles, a wife who is a stay-at- home mother to their baby, some RRSP's and a modest-sized house (mortgaged, but not to any great extent).
While I understand that some degrees take longer to achieve and/or a certain school you attend may cost more than another, the career path they set you on is also conducive to higher earnings. Let's face it, you don't rack up $200k in student loans to become (eg) the night security guard at the Ford plant, or any other job in that similar income bracket, do you? So why would it take 16 years to pay off?
I'm not saying you should ditch someone over student loans, far from it, but the income level of a career field is generally in somewhat of a rational proportion to what it cost you to get there. I'm not sure if I've worded this quite right for anyone to see what I'm trying to say, but my calculator just does not compute the OP scenario, there's a piece of the puzzle missing somewhere. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/10/2008 6:38:33 PM | It's a student loan...welcome to higher education in America. It's not free or cheap to better yourself. To me NO a student loan is not a deal breaker.
I really don't understand how the OP figures that she is giving up the right to "have a home, the ability to provide for a family or a vacation. " as she put it. .....millions of people seem to do it every year...some even while they are still in school!
It is no worse different than having a credit card bill every month.
Go on the internet, or better yet, ask him what his monthly statement is. If you figure you can't work that into your lifestyle than find someone who didn't go to college in the U.S and can still afford the things you appareantly want and feel that you need in life.
Good luck  | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/10/2008 6:40:11 PM | I agree the situation sounds fishy, did he feel no moral or financial motive to work before he accumulated more debt? That would really worry me.
Agree to share his life in 16 years time, meanwhile go out enjoy yourself because you earned it! You only have one life, don't waste it taking on someone else's poverty, no matter what the story is. Don't share his roof, because that will still place you under financial involvement with him. Everyone should paddle their own canoe and not expect others to carry them.
He sounds like someone who is too scared of the real world outside uni to work. He should be expecting to pick up a $100k p.a job with that debt - still think it should take 16 years to repay? He sounds a scammer to me, remember not everyone tells the truth just because you do......
Debt should remain sepparate, it is contagious and life ruining just like an STD, debts are sexually transmittable you know. Gosh men come with so few life enhancing qualities, the last thing you need is even more liabilities than the hassle of putting up with their selfishness. A vibrator is going to be a hell of lot more happiness and a hell of a lot cheaper.
Run and keep running, the guy appears to have no work ethic beyond being a student and living off the sweat of others. If he does this financially, he will have a similar ethic about sponging in other ways too. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/10/2008 6:54:55 PM | | A resounding YES! I won't even have anything to do with a man if he told me that he filed for bankruptcy. (This actually happened.) Anything financially negative is a deal-breaker for me. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/10/2008 7:52:39 PM | ^^^^^^
Hmm...that might be extreme.
But yes.....for me ...somebody being in bad financial straits would NOT be very appealing...
If it was because of medical issues...that would be different...
But a closet (or closets) full of half worn/unworn clothes...a serious gambling habit....or just not being financially responsible is a source of future problems.
And who needs that?
I'm not broke...why should I date somebody who is? | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/10/2008 9:51:11 PM | I didn't read all the responses on this thread, so I don't know whether this has already been suggested. BUT, your boyfriend is going about this the wrong way. There's no way, unless he makes tons of money, that he's ever going to pay off the entirety of that loan, so he should look into repaying by an income contingent plan. That means that his monthly payments will be based on his income and shouldn't be prohibitive at all. Eventually, (I'm not sure after how many years) the balance of his loan will actually be forgiven. This is, of course, if he keeps his loans with the Department of Education, rather than allowing a private loan firm to buy them.
The thing about income contingent repayment is that his monthly payments won't be based on the balance of the loan, but on what he can pay based on his income. The downside is that if you get married, your income will also be factored into that equation, so that might be something to think about.
Edit: your boyfriend should also be aware the at the Dept of Education is GREAT about working through problems in repayment, as long as they are kept informed. There are all kinds of deferral and economic hardship breaks, and they want to work with you, rather than force you into default. So while it's a bitch that he has such an enormous debt (and you might consider wondering how he managed to accumulate such an enormous student loan debt--I honestly didn't know that you COULD borrow as much as $200,000 from the D of Ed), keeping current in a repayment program shouldn't have the kind of impact on his lifestyle that your OP suggests. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/10/2008 10:03:15 PM |
I have fallen for a guy whom I love, find very compatible and enjoy being with very much. You don't love him, you love the 'idea' of what you could have materially. Not once did you mention that you could fork out the dough for a movie or a nice dinner out, just that he can't. Are you planning on working or sitting at home eating bon-bons waiting for his check to be deposited and take that vacation without him? | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/11/2008 6:33:54 AM | A man or woman who dates a person who lacks financial
resources is going to end up footing the bill for most of the dates,
which may or may not be a deal breaker, depending on how enjoyable
the other person's company, conversation or sexual performance is. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/11/2008 8:01:20 AM | | I guess my question is what kind of degree did he get that would cost so much?? my student loans were closer to about 20 thousand, with that kind of money owed he shoud be a doctor or lawyer, No I would not suffer for 16 years of no dinners or movies out much less nice Christmases or birthdays or vacation I guess I am just shallow and what about if you had children guess they would be living on welfare | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/11/2008 8:04:06 AM | wow, that's a lot of money to owe. here are the questions I would ask myself as they would give some insight as to how this person handles their "lifestyle". how long has he been paying this off? what are his plans for the future? how did he accumulate such a large debt and is it proportionate to the degree(s) he has achieved? what is his attitude towards the whole thing? how old is he?
if you want more for yourself and you don't see how you could have it being with someone with that over their head, let this one go. you will end up resenting that you can't do what you want to do, and you are entitled to have the life you want. that does not make you shallow in the least. | |
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nero1
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Joined: 1/30/2008
Msg: 138 | |
| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/11/2008 1:53:55 PM | | I'd run. $200,000 is a house. Why doesn't he have a good enough job to pay it off more quickly? What did he study that was worth paying such a high price for? I'd rather work at McDonald's and at least get out to a movie once in a while. He must have studied Art History. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/12/2008 2:45:32 AM | In this day and age...most times it is...
Watch out, however...sometimes, the individual who downgrades you about your financial/debt status...possibly has an even more questionable one themselves, and is looking for a security blanket to cover/cushion their own losses/woes... | |
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Xani
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Joined: 8/25/2006
Msg: 141 | |
| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/12/2008 2:49:58 AM | Just to throw this in there... A lot of student loans are "forgiven" ... in other words you don't have to pay. I mean, you CAN pay them, but a lot of the federal ones they forgive.  | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/12/2008 4:24:03 AM | Let me tell you something about the parents that adopted me.
My Father could barely read or write. Credit? forget it. he didnt have bad credit, but perferred to pay for things in cash.
Whe Dad left home in 1938, the only land he owned was sticking to his soles. The only other thing he owned was on his back. He did farm labor for a while.
In 1943, he found himself scheduled to go overseas He married Mother Dec 03 1943.
When the war was over, he had managed to save enough to buy a lot. he built a home on it all by himself. In 1953, he bought a new Chevrolet car for cash. He worked as a foreman in an auto-body shop. In 1960, he bought a new Chevrolet Pickup---again for cash.
In 1961, he bought a 164 acre Farm...........for cash. two $10.000 payments, simply on a handshake. If he told you something, you could take it to the bank. He always told me, your word is your bond.
It had the picket fence, and all the "dream" things. He did ALL these things without credit.
In 1964, Dad and Mom adopted me. In 1969 and1972, again, Bought a new car and turck.
How did he do this? he worked his ass off! I had an AWESOME childhood. Sure, things got lean at times, but we never accepted welfare, and I never remember going hungry.
I can remember how the car dealers would treat him, he often would walk in right out of the field, with his dirty overalls, looking around for a car or truck. He would laugh, how some people would judge others simply by their looks. rest assured though, if he seen something he wanted, he would simply buy it. He hated credit, equating it to, "buying ice, because it only melts"
If Mom had looked at him like the OP is looking at her bf, then they would have never had a 63 year old marrage. But they were happy, independent, hard working and God fearing people.
least you think this is an old-fashioned concept, a divorced wrecked my credit. But I managed to buy my own home, and pay off a 30 year old morgage in 13. How did I do this? I simply told the seller what I would do, and did it!
All credit is to me, is a way to for people to live above their means. It's funny really, they drive by in their Lexus, laughing at the bloke who is driving the beat up smoking old 1970's Chevrolet. In truth however, in real wealth, they are no better off than him. they simply have better credit, and thats it!
So the ablity to have credit, while probablly nice, is not a requirement to being happy. But the wealth, is not real, someone has to pay the piper eventually. they make monthly payments just to "appear" wealthy.
If a woman has not enough faith in me, and only looks at the bottom dollar, She can just keep looking. I marck to a beat of a much different drum. I have no tolerance for shallow and superfical people.
Take Care
Tom | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/12/2008 4:49:33 AM | Tombstone - normally I pass on very long posts but yours captured my interest. That was a lovely story about your parents, especially your father, reminds me of mine. Hard working, his word was his truth and he had no credit.
There was a small section you wrote to OP saying - "If Mom had looked at him like the OP is looking at her bf, then they would have never had a 63 year old marrage". I see a difference here in that you father had no debt therefore your mother would never have looked at him other than with eyes of admiration, whereas the OP's intended has a massive debt.
If your father is like my father he would feel massive shame to have such a thing hanging over his head and wouldnt trouble himself upon a women until he had it sorted......but thats my dad. :-) | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/12/2008 4:57:21 AM | How did he raise that big a debt? I met a guy in college who raised half that much by picking on every "bully" teacher he could find. He was trying to make up for all the bullying his family did to him. So, he took out loans rather than get a job.
My boss bought a house during the last housing bubble in the Eighties (yes Virginia, we as a country made this mistake before), went bankrupt, and eventually married his wife, bringing her credit rating down. But,they have bought a house and since brought it back up again.
So, the point is, debt makes a difference to me. I have seen, thru the experience of others, that people who are poor with the money they work to earn, are poor with other peoples' money, as well. But it isn't necessarily a deal breaker, b/c its recoverable from. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/12/2008 5:09:12 AM | | Your common sense gave you the answer at the end of what you wrote. If you fly in the face of reason and do it anyway, you are guaranteed to be miserable and bitter. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/12/2008 6:07:13 AM |
And what college in the US costs $50,000/yr? Make him show u the govt loan accout.
1) All of the Ivy League colleges (including board)
2) Stanford
3) Bennington
4) Valparaiso University (Indiana)
There are quite a few more.
$50k per annum isn't that much for an education anymore.
At least at a big-named private college. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/12/2008 4:43:27 PM | casandra67.
Thank you for the reply. although I know there is a difference between no credit and bad credit, I was simply pointing out that it is quite possible for her to have a happy life, even if her BF never had credit again. If it is ture love ( I question that strongly after reading the OP's post). Then by golly, IMHO, it should not matter, nor be an issue.
I have debt, nothing like her BF, but enough to never be able to obtain credit in the "conventional" sence. One thing for sure, I will never live beyound my means, because at this time, it's simply not possible.
If course this kind of life is not for everyone, and some people in today's society cannot even grasp the concept, nor be able to live. However, for one thing, it certainly prevents me from doing any impulse spending, and everything on this farm that is paid for.(including the farm it's self) I don't have shiny new fancy equipment, the youngest Tractor is 30 years old,(the oldest is 62) but they get the job done.
Take Care
Tom | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/12/2008 4:57:19 PM | | Hey Ash, checked out your profile and it didn't give away what you do. I think that something of this nature totally depends up to you and if you feel that the person at the receiving end is worth the risk...it is hard for someone else to judge if you don't have the details and know this person as well as you do.... | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/13/2008 7:21:30 PM | | Coming from a similar situation, i have an astronomical amount of student loan debt. While I can not go and spend all my income on frivolous items, I am not denied any pleasures in life. I go out to movies several times a month, eat out at least once a week, etc. Things are better for both of us because we are in each others lives, and we share the burden together. Just because I am dating in debt does not mean I can't have any spending money, and I tend to think more about decisions instead of thoughtlessly spending and having little to show for it and material goods that don't mean much to me. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/13/2008 7:27:01 PM | I think it's rare to find true love. If you think you've got it, you should figure out a way to make it work. He didn't accumulate this debt irresponsibly; that would be a totally different story. Everyone comes with baggage, and you're never going to find a perfect person. So if you think you won't resent this too much, I would accept it and live happily ever after...or as close to it as you can.  | |
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