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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/13/2008 7:51:37 PM | OP what is the guy going to be making?
That will answer a lot of questions.
Argula brings up a good point VVVVVV this thread sounds familiar.
Op, I see you're new. :) identical thread was here months ago, even the same words and amounts, until it was deleted because it got nasty. As I recall, the original poster eventually came back and mentioned that his career was going to pay him around 40 or 50 K anually. Of course, that stirred the pot even more.
I remember that thread. I posted on it. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/13/2008 8:09:39 PM | I know a lawyer with a rather sizeable school debt. Because of the mental demands of law school he opted to borrow more than 50,000 a year to pay for his living expenses, school, and his "vacations" home. His wife dated him the entire time and of course when they got married he drew up a pre-nup that stated if they divorced she would not be responsible for the debt, furthermore, he would reimburse her for half of what they paid during their marriage. Now it sounds crazy but he still hasn't had to use the pre-nup and they are still together, but she also hasn't worked for many years.
Look, debt is something everyone brings to a relationship, if it's debt for school and it's justifiable then you have to accept it and help pay for it because you are in a partnership. If it were 200,000 for designer clothes and expensive meals out then I can understand a hesitence to help. You're problem is unique. Tell him that he should use his paycheck to pay all the bill and you save the money for vacations, eating out, and basically the fun money. If he agrees then he's paying his debt and you are being a supportive spouse helping him relax and unwind when it's needed. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/14/2008 9:10:29 AM | | I still say it's only a dealbreaker if it affects me in any way. Technically it's his debt, not mine, just like my financial situation is mine and not his - and since love and money don't mix as far as I'm concerned, I don't see what difference it makes. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 2/14/2008 9:45:33 AM | | .....if financial debt is a dealbreaker for you, then i would drop you like a hot potato......i know yout type very well....i fell deeply in love with a woman like you.....we were both going thru nasty divorces.....and she had over fifty thousand in credit card debt, in addition to her ten thousand dollar car loan....unpaid attorneys, fees.....a lien on her house...and an ex husband who always withheld child support , just to make her life even more miserable......i had some debt as well, large legal fees of my own and my own home and mortgage to pay....and my two children, with her three made a future life together scary for sure, i will admit......but i fell very deeply in love with her......i helped her with her debts......her mortgage.....even helped pay for her sons sports fees.....food for the fridge.....etc.....well i accepted her as she was, and all of her PROBLEMS, because i loved her that much.....we were together for 18 months.....and she ended up dumping me becuase she said she wanted a more secure and comfortable life......and did not think we could ever overcome our financial issues together.....although she always claimed to be my soulmate, and still calls me to say she still loves me, and could never love another man like she still loves me.....but she is with someone else........looking back i wish i had spent all that money on my own children, who needs a woman like you.....i avoid your kind like the plague now..........so if he has it all now, with no debt...you'll stay with him....because you LOVE him....but if he loses it all tomorrow, you'll leave this man you love, because you'll just feel so insecure right...???.....god forbid this poor guy gets terminal cancer, i guess you'd really love to help him out, so long as he has a good life insurance policy.....right...??/........baby you don,t know what true love is.....and hopefully you never get married .....i pity the poor sap that falls in love with you.....LOVE IS ABOUT WHO YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE.....NOT ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE.....IT'S ABOUT WHO'S STILL THERE LOVING YOU, EVEN WHEN YOU HAVE NOTHING BUT YOURSELF LEFT TO GIVE......EVEN IF IT'S JUST THE LAST FEW DAYS OF YOUR LIFE.....THATS' THE KIND OF LOVE I WANT....THE KIND OF LOVE I HAVE TO GIVE SOMEONE......IT'S RARE....I'M STILL LOOKING.....HAPPY VALENTINES DAY EVERYONE....... | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 5/8/2008 10:14:50 AM | | If both of you truely love one antoher in ur hearts , money nor anyhing else is gonna come between the two of you. Together you can work through anything. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 5/8/2008 10:26:01 AM | It might not become a deal breaker, but it will become a length of time maker........
If someone is in financial debt to the point that they are struggling to keep their head above water, then they need to take care of that first before even thinking of taking on a significant other to do things with, spend money on, and get even deeper into debt.
What happens many times will be that the one in trouble will be hoping and looking to the other to help them out of it, and that is a huge red flag for many of us. It makes you wonder if they would be with you, or consider you, if you were in as much debt as they are, or if they are somehow harboring thoughts that you SHOULD bail them out because you have what they do not and want.
The thought process of some that do not have what you may have can be very very complex, and much of it leads down the path of.......if you really care, you would share.......and that my friends is the first sign of a doomed relationship unless you talk long and hard about that and its ramifications.
I would counsel anyone in bad debt to get out of it first while enjoying the one you are with, but to never put them in the situation of having to help you, or your problems will do nothing but increase.
Just my opinion.........   | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 5/8/2008 11:02:11 AM | This is a really good question, and also really a situational one. It really depends on how much you both love each other, and from your end you really can only trust that he loves you as much as you think he does. If you marry him you take on his debts legally, even if you later divorce. Some other posters have mentioned prenups, but I'm not sure those would hold up in court if a creditor came after you for money he wasn't paying. He may say, "No don't ask her for the money," but why would the creditor be bound to that agreement between you and him? They want their money back from whomever they are legally entitled to extract it from.
If you are going to marry this man you have a high standard to use in deciding that. You must really feel that this is forever, not just one of a series of marriages you will have in your lifetime, which is the norm these days. If you feel that there really is that level of connection between the two of you, then his debts just did become your debts, as well as his career prospects, his personality, his conversation skills, his good looks, and all the other things you probably appreciate about him. It's a package deal. Go into that marriage contract only if you are confident the bond between you is strong enough to warrant a merger of your lives, for better and for worse. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 5/9/2008 4:28:39 PM | Sorry, but if a woman brings too much of the wrong kind of debt to the table is indeed a deal breaker. I own my house and am 100% debt free. Prenuptial agreement would be called for
"True Love" doesn't necessarily overcome all obstacles in life, and I'm not adopting someone else's debt. | |
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| SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?
Posted: 5/9/2008 8:02:22 PM | What profession is he in? If he makes a huge amount of money per year, then he may be able to pay off this money fairly quickly. Was he irresponsible with money? I'd be wondering about that seriously. Why don't you consult a lawyer about what your financial and legal responsibilities would be if you married him? Why don't you consider living common law? Investigate the legal obligations and responsibilities in that case, too.
Judith | |
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