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| Am i the only one who has a problem with this, Raising kids
Posted: 10/25/2007 3:08:56 PM | It befuddles me to hear that a parent has joined a online dating site in the hopes of finding someone special, yet doesn't seem to have taken into consideration the fact that if 'he' does find that one true love, 'he' will eventually have to meet 'her' . In this case when 'he' does, is 'he' willing to risk the safty of 'his' kids by allowing a stranger to meet them before he has already met them? Just a thought! Mull it over.
I know that I would never allow my children to meet a guy I fist met on line without having a few 'real life' meetings with him myself. That just seems like the responsible, parental, thing to do! Meet the stanger, make sure they aren't a nut job, and then only if they pass the normality test...take them to meet your kids. Life is tough no matter if you have planned for kids or not. I for one did not plan on my kids, I also wouldn't trade them for the world, however if it weren't for someone helping me out on a daily basis to watch my kids, (incently, its my mom) I wouldn't be able to work and provide a life for my children period. If it offends you that I am blessed to have a family willing to help, then I'm sorry, let me quit my job and live off your tax money! Perhaps you'll be willing to buy me a newer car and remodel my house for me. I think that I've done pretty well and I know my kids and all my 136 students that know me best, will tell you the same. It isn't how much time you get to spend with your kids that matters, its the quality of that time that really counts. | |
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| Am i the only one who has a problem with this, Raising kids
Posted: 10/25/2007 3:28:35 PM | father.
you are very lucky that you can afford all the nice things in life (nanny, cook maid) and able to take your kids to work. But most of the single parents out here cant, we have to work or study to provide for our kids. Some of us dont have the other parent to take the kids so we can go out on dates or have a nice nite out. So we inlist the help of the grandparents that we trust with our children. Should we leave our kids to strangers? or better yet home alone?
Leaving children once a week or even two times with grandparents is not neglect or even the grandparents raising them. Thats a full time job, and it takes a community to do so. | |
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| Am i the only one who has a problem with this, Raising kids
Posted: 10/25/2007 6:36:17 PM | OP
Have you asked your "friends" who you believe are "letting there parents raise there kids" why they do this, to help you understand "how they can go out and have fun when someone is taking care of something they made"?
You accuse others of making judgements and spewing ignorance - aren't you doing the same thing by assuming that people are "whoring around" and making "excuses"? *curious*
Are those who spend time at sporting events, church functions, gyms or other activities, without their children also guilty of parental neglect? Or are you just peeved at people who do things that you may not enjoy the only guilty ones? *again, confused and curious*
I believe that the majority of parents, in all situations, who are fortunate enough to have immediate or extended family and friends who offer support by babysitting do not abuse this support system.
And, please, correct me if I'm wrong (which I'm sure you will), isn't is also about quality of time spent with your kids? Because I'm pretty sure I turn in to a turbo-beotch when I spend 24/7/365 with my sonshine!
I eagerly await your reply...
jae | |
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| Am i the only one who has a problem with this, Raising kids
Posted: 10/25/2007 9:04:01 PM | do you not read or do you have a hard time with the english language, REREAD
i said when they go out to bars,clubs, or drinking when the grandparent has them. not under regular curcumstances
so what exactly is it you have the issue with?? the leaving of the kids with qualified relatives to watch them for an evening? or the drinking ?
either way, what on earth makes you the moral compass on any of this?
what you fail to understand is that going out with friends or dates to have a drink, or a few of them is REGULAR CIRCUMSTANCES. I think i have an idea of what you are trying to get at, i just think you are quite miserably losing ground.
i do think you are trying to talk about ppl who have multiple kids and dont do a thing for them other than dump them on grandparents who are then forced into the raising of the kids. and yeah,, its reprehensible. but the language you have been using here is making the point that there is something wrong with leaving your kids to be looked after by the grandparents when the parent goes out for the evening to either go on a date or socialize with friends, etc.. | |
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| Am i the only one who has a problem with this, Raising kids
Posted: 10/25/2007 10:01:19 PM | | i give up. The ones that argue must have quit around the the 5th grade. I have not said about a caring loved one watching a kid. It was raising the kids while they went out drinking,going to clubs, and doing the same as before they had kids. If you go out, get drunk and have a hangover or shack up and leave the kids with the grand parents, you are a bad parent,. Thats what Im saying. Never was it about leaving the kids, it was the grandparents raising them, while the real parent was out acting like a non parent. I know people are going to have dates,work, or things come up. Im talking about the people that expect the grandparents to play a huge roll or major part in the raising of the kid because they cant handle the single parent deal or didnt think about becoming a parent better, | |
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| Am i the only one who has a problem with this, Raising kids
Posted: 10/26/2007 12:27:56 AM | fatherof2inar, Dont get me wrong, i am not saying that you are like this but this really bugs me. Why is it that more and more divorced parents raise their kids as though they were loving and caring people - but couldn't make it work with the one they vowed to love and care for.?! With all the resources at your disposal, did you not care enough to focus your sights on keeping the most important relationship for your childs sake in tact? Killing animals and destroying a family is much more bothersome than shirking ones children upon ones parents - Grandparents who carry the 'burden' are doing so for the grandchildren - not their children. Perhaps you should consider dropping off the kiddies to mom and dad and hunt down the ex-wife and make amends. The kids will thank you for it.
Your children will be much happier if you indulge their mother than them - guarranteed it is their parents together they desire more than 'the hunt'.
Congratulations, you've successfully destroyed the very foundation of your childrens stability and security for all in life that has to do with 'relationship'.
Please, Dont get me wrong. | |
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| Am i the only one who has a problem with this, Raising kids
Posted: 10/26/2007 1:19:49 AM | Ladies, ladies, your ignorance abounds!
The vast majority of single mothers are silly ##### who got knocked up while still teenagers, and should therefore bend over and damn well take their righteous sodomisation, so they know the shame they shoudl be feeling.
I'm sure non of you were previously married, with a perfectly adequate income to support the children that you and your children's father both made the decision to have, and that he promised to support until he left you for another woman ... 'cos THAT never happens.
If you don't have the income to feed the street rats, why you should gather them into their sack cloth and ashes, and take them with you, begging door to door to be allowed to exchange sexual favours for crusts of bread for your angels .... because to leave them with any other member of a loving family is ABUSE!
Lets get back to some good old fashioned values, clean up the weeping sores the shackles of poverty left, 'cos they're going back on, ladies!
Remember girls, you're all feckless and incompetant so don't even try to argue - it takes two of your voices to be heard against one mans. | |
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| Am i the only one who has a problem with this, Raising kids
Posted: 10/26/2007 2:03:36 AM | Colditz
Having a dismal morning, but that one just put a huge smile on my face.
I am sure that the OP will get the dripping sarcasm, as he made it past the 5th grade, one must wonder if this is his greatest achievement to date!
I have just been and picked my daughters up from their grandmothers having had them beg to go stay at Nannas house last night (its half term in the UK so no school), so mummy and me went out and had a few drinks with some friends, in fact my head says we may have had rather more than a few. I feel terrible that I am such a bad parent, what should I do? I understand that there is a trade show on, so to make it up to them im going to take them, followed by killing their own lunch. We had planned a trip to the Natural History Museum followed by lunch in their favourite restaurant, but obviously we will bow to the experience of the uber educated! | |
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| Am i the only one who has a problem with this, Raising kids
Posted: 10/26/2007 8:06:04 AM | i give up. The ones that argue must have quit around the the 5th grade. I have not said about a caring loved one watching a kid. It was raising the kids while they went out drinking,going to clubs, and doing the same as before they had kids.
you should be giving up because you cant articulate your point. Going out to clubs, bars, etc like before you had the child does not make a person a bad parent. I did that, although i didnt leave my kids with my parents. But hey,, i didnt get much of a chance to go out either,,, I WAS A SINGLE PARENT. but i didnt go out much to bars or clubs much before i had my kids either, unless you count the one i went into every day. I dont count it cuz i was working,, as the barmaid. made good money too. when one works in a bar, you dont much want to hang out in them offhours.
i am going to make this easy for you,, i am going to give a list of possible scenarios and you pick the one that fits what you are thinkin but not articulating well.
1) girl in her 20's who has been wreckless for years, out til all hours, drinking, smoking, cavorting with an assortment of men, and is still living with parents gives birth. she continues the pre-baby behavior after the baby comes all the while the baby is being taken care of by its grandparents, and years go by without any change. now we are granny takin grandbaby to kindergarten. etc.
2) girl in 20's in the process of finishing her degree while working full time. she lives very near to her parents but in her own apartment. she has a baby,, grandparents offer to sit for the child while she works and goes to school. once in a while the young woman wants to go out with friends, grands say sure we will watch jr.. but mom is going to a bar and grille for dinner and drinks with friends. this woman didnt make any sort of habit of going out drinking before having kids.
3) after working all week, on a friday nite, girl who is a parent, who hardly ever goes out with friends, or hardly ever has time for dating, finds herself being invited out for a drink with a gentleman who has taken a liking to her. she phones granny who says,, "yes ,, go,, you deserve a night out". But the only problem is,, this man wants to take her for a DRINK,, as in alcohol, booze. like the woman in the previous scenario, this woman didnt make a habit of going to bars to get drunk either.
so you see, its difficult by how you articulate your point what exactly your issue is.
is it that the grandparents are involved?
or that sometimes women need a break and go to places and maybe have a couple drinks?
or that she is a parent going out once in a while to have a drink
or maybe its the booze itself you take issue with
or maybe , just maybe its the first scenario or something really close to it.
which ever scenario it is,, you havent articulated any of them effectively. | |
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.Lisa
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Joined: 8/25/2007
Msg: 61 | |
| Am i the only one who has a problem with this, Raising kids
Posted: 10/27/2007 8:45:12 PM | Because they're dead beats and can't live up to their responsibilities?
Yea I don't care who wants to bash me but I'm a firm believer
"You lay on that bed and spread your legs and let a guy cum in you or cum into a woman, then you have the time to raise and be responsible for your actions". Your parents had their kids and raised them, it's your kids, not theirs 
good topic
***waits for all the guilty parents to attack***
Oh and there is a difference between having your parents or someone else watch them while you work, school or go out once awhile or medical reasons over ones whom just drop em off so they can go party every weekend or have them raise them full time. | |
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| Am i the only one who has a problem with this, Raising kids
Posted: 10/28/2007 10:41:50 AM | | I would like to say on one hand i understand where you are coming from. However you have to think outside the box. Maybe the women you meet on the net or in person have noone but their parents to help them out! I myself am one of those people! I can tell you that i became a parent very early in life so i didn't take it as seriously at first as i should have. I was a single mom at a young age just trying to understand it all and what it truly meant to be that baby's mom! It's one thing to be curious as to why a woman or a man does this but, you never know THEIR reasons for it! Which is something you NEED to take into consideration! Some parents are SINGLE = meaning noone around but that one parent to the child! While the other parent is God knows where? But, it's okay and we that have our parents [child's grandparents] are and should be truly greatful that they are there!! I know that I am!! So with that in mind just don't jump the gun!! | |
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| Am i the only one who has a problem with this, Raising kids
Posted: 10/28/2007 11:55:03 AM | Can anyone explain why someone who has a problem with something that isn't their problem?
Must be easier to look in that direction than the direction of his own problems...
In the OP's case, he sees the irresponsibility in others - but can't see his own 'problem' in being unable to have kept his own family together - despite having resources that those he has a problem with do not have.
Like two parents who get along after splitting up. What a couple of selfish SOB's. They couldn't 'make it' together and after they destroy their family, they let go of their need to control the other person and 'get along'. Too bad they didn't do so before, maybe they'd have been able to make it for the long run.
Could it be that the people who 'dump' their kids into a loving, stable environment are actuall doing the 'right' thing in their circumstance? Maybe it's a good thing...
What the OP sees as a problem is actually a solution. All the while, ignoring his problems.  | |
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| Am i the only one who has a problem with this, Raising kids
Posted: 10/28/2007 2:04:17 PM | MSG 63
I agree with you. I know a few grandparents who are raising thier grandkids and it's in the best interest of the child. I also know of greandparents who should be raising thier grandkids, but aren't becuase the parents are too selfish to see it. My thinking is that these parents are what OP is talking about. What he fails to see is that some people are incapable of being a responsible parent at the time they have kids. There are lots of reasons why, each as unsatisifying as the last. His unfortuate problem being that he didn't distinguish and he just lumped us all together. He will be single for life, since no matter when he meets a women..if she has kids and they aren't with her..then they are in someone elses care..which by his own admission excludes them from his dating pool. I wish him luck finding a childless women who doesn't mind having his children join them on their dates. | |
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| Am i the only one who has a problem with this, Raising kids
Posted: 10/29/2007 8:10:07 AM | Many people who let their children spend time at the Grandparent's house(s) isn't just to party. My son goes to my mom's house on weekends if my common law husband and I are both working the whole weekend. (sometimes one weekend a month, sometimes 3 weekends a month) I feel its better to let him go and spend time with family then have him at a sitters for 7-10 hours a day during the week and then for the weekend as well. Do I go out after work and "take advantage" of him being away? Yes. We do. Normally we will go out to dinner, have a few drinks and catch a movie instead of just coming home and going to bed.
Do I think kids should go to a relatives house all the time so the parents can party? No I do not. I hate working weekends because it means less time with my son but I also know I need to keep my job and be able to support my son.
If you think about it really, for many years the Grandparents in many cultures are the ones to raise the children and not so the parents can party, but so they can work. | |
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| Am i the only one who has a problem with this, Raising kids
Posted: 10/29/2007 9:23:25 AM | | More of the same old shit, people who make excuses why they cant raise there kids and let others raise them WHICH part of becoming a parent means your life changes. They are your priority, not dining with freinds,movies,going out for drinks, or whatever YOU think is fun for you. Maybe the people you hang with dont need kids, but thats why they shouldnt have had them. It the same excuse from the ones who are on here posting, Almost word for word about making excuses. You had your kid you raise it. It doesnt matter what your circumstances are, YOU HAD THE KID you raise it. Dont look to your awful pick of a partner that dissapeared and wants nothing to do with your or the kid, your folks,babysitter, or a freind. You laid down, didnt think through your decision, and your children are suffering. Grow up. I have got more aPM's thanking me and telling me they respect and love what I say. If this touches a nerve, maybe you are the one I am talking about. And if you want to flame on me because i choose my children over a social life,drinking,whoring around, so be it. i will live with that decision. I absolutly love spending time with my kids, try it from time to time, you might like it. Its a shame that others keep and see your kid more than you do. And you wonder why a guy is not interested in you. | |
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| Am i the only one who has a problem with this, Raising kids
Posted: 10/29/2007 10:17:04 AM | Father of 2
For a supposedly successful chap, your really are a dufus. Kids get really bored of spending all of their time with a parent, and at some point are going to have to form relationships with both adults and other children.
I am deeply suspicious of parents that dont want to let their kids out of their sight. What are they hiding, frightened perhaps that child will tell another adult just what goes on at home??? It is also often those that seek to tell us all how to live our lives that do the most abuse, just ask your local catholic priest! And those that show the need to inflict torture on small animals, another danger sign, oh and of course the puritanical traits of many abusers, doing it for the good of the victim mmm
Think we get the picture! | |
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| Am i the only one who has a problem with this, Raising kids
Posted: 10/29/2007 5:05:26 PM | Danm, the dumb is getting dumber. I never said keep the kids from the family, I just dont let them or expect them to raise them. Thats the dumbest refrence, thinking someone whold hide them from family because I love to spend every second with them. About them not having freinds and doing stuff, they do as much as your kids do , just with me. I dont need my family members to tote them places, I do it. They have as many freinds and go to functions as your kids do, Just I take them.
You dont go out and buy a Ferrari or a million dollar house because you cant fit it in the budget, it would cramp or ruin your lifestyle. It is something you think out and decide against, seems like some of you didnt use good judgment when it came to deciding to have kids. Its something that takes planning and dedication., Its not easy but instead of making excuses, try to become a better parent. Ask your parents how long there parents keep them. its a generation thing. I cant break this down to those who dropped out of high school, but its not about quality and bonding time with family members, its expection them to raise them while you are doing something else that you are doing because you didnt make a good choice or didnt realize that your life changes once you are a parent. | |
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| Am i the only one who has a problem with this, Raising kids
Posted: 10/29/2007 5:34:21 PM | | You are absolutely correct in stating that parents should raise their own kids but sometimes, it is not about how much you don't get out. For instance, when my husband and I got a divorce, it was because he was seeing someone else who he eventually married and had children with but no longer wanted to be a father to our son. For many years, I did it all by myself and seldom went out because I felt it was important for me to raise a better man than the one who gave him life. Then as he got older, society played into my difficulty. Once he entered middle school, he became rebellious and truant and I almost lost my job. Before he ended up in the justice system, I sent him to live with my parents in a very small town. They were retired and could keep a watch on him 24/7.Well it paid off because he is now in Student council and plays sports. His grades are good and he is happy. Sometimes when you love your kid, it is important to step in when forces are going against you. P.S. I still do not go out very much. | |
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| Am i the only one who has a problem with this, Raising kids
Posted: 10/29/2007 5:41:40 PM |
You had your kid you raise it. It doesnt matter what your circumstances are, YOU HAD THE KID you raise it.
It is amazing how you put others' education levels down without even knowing it and your writings do not show of someone highly educated either. You refer to kids as its, as objects? That is appalling!
You are so quick to put others down. I do not believe you have it all together in raising kids either, maybe you should have thought about that. Kids do need time away from parents for their development both mentally and for social skills, ask any doctor. | |
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| Am i the only one who has a problem with this, Raising kids
Posted: 10/30/2007 3:27:13 AM | You know fatherof2, I doubt greatly that you are a good parent! I also have grave concerns as to your level of educational attainment. Mine is good with now 2 Degrees, though I admit I dropped out of school, boo hoo. My wife has a doctorate, yet we feel well at ease leaving our children with others whilst we go and live it up, making our respective livings, having fun together as a couple. Our children are high attainers, incredibly loving and most importantly independent with their own personalities.
I made a fantastic choice in having my daughter, she and her step sister are without doubt the best and most important things that happened to me. What I didn't choose to happen was my wife to pass away 2 days after my daughters birth. At a time that I was starting a business that was to be our future, our security and to provide the best opportunity for my little girl. I therefore had little choice in leaving her with carers on occasion. Unless of course you think Sierra Leone, or Somalia or perhaps Baghdad is a healthy environment for a young child. I changed my life as much as possible to ensure I had maximum time. But you see now I do have the Multi Million Dollar house, a couple of super cars in the garage and a thriving business which means I travel far less and spend lots of high quality time with my children. No need to drag them to Arms Fairs, they get age appropriate input from lots of people. They don't need to see the sordid nature of my business!
So I can well see what you attempted to mean, and the squirming at your embarssment that you are unable to put this across in a fluent and understandable fashion. However, you sadly have not a clue as to the lives of others and I feel for your stifled and incredibly dull children! | |
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| Am i the only one who has a problem with this, Raising kids
Posted: 10/30/2007 3:52:11 AM | I am a single mom and have been for quite some time. I have 2 kids aged 7 and 4 and the first time i went out without them was this summer. I never chose to go out as I didnt feel it was anyone elses responsibility to take part in raising them. I had my duaghter when i was 17, at that time i chose to move out of my parents home on my own because i felt if i was living with my parents they would feel obligated to help, or even just want to help; however i felt it was my choice to have her so young than i had to live up to it and have the responsibility of raising her, paying bills working etc...and just so you know i had her a month before grade 12 and YES i did start grade 12 and graduate that same year!.
Anyways, my mom this summer as been pushing me to go out and get a social life because she was too a young mom and has never had a life of her own and she is now taking care of my sisters kids and she knows what it is like to wake up one day and wonder where your life has went. and when your kids are older and moved out if you dont have that social network than you will be alone.
Since my mom has pushed me i have went out in a total 3 times, and i do so because the kids want to spend time with grandma and grandpa not because i want to leave them there. lots of kids visit grandma and grandpa on the weekends. I dont think there is anything wrong with people who have kids going out as long as they arent being neglectful and doing it like every day or what not. Going out even on a saturday night is not wrong especially if they do so after the kids go to bed and are home early morning at latest. | |
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| Am i the only one who has a problem with this, Raising kids
Posted: 10/30/2007 9:00:23 AM | OP??
your thread question is this
"am i the only one who has a problem with this"
then from your op and your replies to it, it would definately seem as though the answer to your question is a resounding,
YES YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS A PROBLEM WITH IT!
THEREFORE,, common sence tells us that one person cant be correct while the rest of the world is in error.
even though you were given a list of possible scenarios, you failed to respond to it.
it was posted in an effort do decipher what you exactly meant by "grandparents raising" the kids.
since you failed to respond to it for the sake of clarity, one can only conclude that you are a self appointed moral compass on what is proper when it comes to raising children. As well, you are deluded into thinking that dragging your kids along to all your social events is somehow healthy for them. You appear to be someone looking for validation from the masses for your parenting skills.
my gut feeling tells me that we here, who have posted in responce arent the only ones who have called into question, your parenting skills and notions. I would venture to say that some type of formal agency is questioning you on that very thing. If they havent, they should. it is seriously unhealthy for children to never be allowed on their own to form their own relationships outside that of a parent. its unhealthy for both the child and the parent. | |
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