| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 11/19/2007 11:57:57 AM | 1. You broke up with her.
2. The reason:
She was busy with a "busy schedule and school and work".
3. YOU broke up with her and "thought" that you might still be able to see her every two (2) weeks or more. YOU thought wrong.
I dont' know what it means in other peoples book, but broke up is permanent, right?
If my boyfriend broke up with me after six (6) years, because I was going to school, and afterwards some hot looking guy asked me out.... Why not, she didn't do anything wrong here. He is probably helping her get over you!
Sounds like YOU had a little baby fit because she got busy with trying to better self and didn't have the time for you, that YOU thought YOU needed! YOU didn't get what YOU wanted, so you lost what you threw away! Sorry, but a relationship sometimes is 20/80, 90/10, 30/70, it's just not about one person's needs.
You assumed wrong bud. You should of been right to the point and not assume she would wait around for you to call! Woman don't play little polly anna hoping and waiting for her man to return, those days are over with!
It sounds like this relationship that YOU broke up with was all about YOU!
God bless her, hope he stays with her during through the good time and the bad times!
Straight up!
Chela | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 11/19/2007 11:58:35 AM | I recently met a fella off here saw him for 3 months things were going great
even had him meet my daughter and had him staying over at mine
one weekend i had to go into work left him in the house alone
BIG MISTAKE he helped himself to my xmas money £200
now i feel a real fool and i am not even thinking about how i buy my daughter her prezzies.
whatever you do girls if you meet a fella on here called Paul Castle who comes from Telford run very fast in the other direction please believe me this is not sour grapes this is 100% true
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 11/19/2007 4:47:41 PM | Most of us have experienced a relationship at some point when
we've wondered "what happened, what went wrong." More often
than not, there are no acceptable answers, especially for the one
that is hurting, because nothing makes sense.
In this case, perhaps you should take on the attitude that your
screen name implies.
You will get beyond this. | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 11/20/2007 5:31:57 AM | Same thing (not as long) happened to me...you pretty much have to do what everyone said prior to me...suck it up...it sucks...it ****ing sucks a lot.
Do you think she's sitting around in her room crying over you? No.
Why should you be? It's not gonna change things, it's not gonna make you feel better...grieve but don't shut yourself out form the world. It took me 3-4 months to finally be able to concentrate on me after the ordeal. I had to take drastic measures too, the reamaining stuff she had here I just got rid of it, pictures, everything. IT was just too much too see it everyday...I have my memories and that's all that matters. | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 11/20/2007 8:54:55 AM | "I think its ovbious that I still have some feelings for her but I cant get over the fact that I was lied to about her and a relationship. What I want to know is how am I supposed to feel about this."
First off OP, you feel hurt, then you'll move to anger, then you'll question where you went wrong, then you'll call up some buds, go out and quite possibly meet someone else and move on with your life!
Yes, 6 years IS a long time to invest in a relationship, but she obviously wasn't too concerned about her 'investment', or she wouldn't have played you the way she did. No different then investing half your life with one person only to find out not all was as it appeared to be.
We cry, we feel sorry for ourselves, we get angry, but then one day, we wake up and realize that we're still breathing, the world hasn't stopped spinning. We have two choices, we can bury ourselves in self-pity for the rest of our lives, or we can pull ourselves up by our boot straps and get back on that merry-go-round called living! The choice is yours and yours alone. | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 12/30/2007 12:34:09 AM | I read through everyone's comments and am fascinated to see how everyone projects their own "stuff" onto a very confused person. Ultimately, you will read these comments and take those you want. You put your situation out there, and have received a great variety of responses. I hope that you do not become disheartened with the negative or pessimistic viewpoints.
My only advice is that YOU are the only person who can know how to feel, and how to deal with your situation. With this, the process of self-discovery called life, I wish you luck!
On thing I do agree with 100% is what someone said about emotions being exhausting.
Most people don't equate breakups to the loss of a loved one. But this is exactly what it is. Sometimes worse. It hurts to lose someone to death and this is INVOLUNTARY. To lose someone who is alive can be worse for some of us. Especially when we are disempowered in the situation when another chooses to leave voluntarily.
My analogy is that we are all pineapples. ;)
Pineapples are a fruit that is loved by some, hated by others, and still other are ambivalent towards it. This gives no meaning to what the pineapple actually is, and it certainly doesn't mean it is worthless and should be omitted from the fruit group. ;)
While the loss of a loved one is certainly worthy of sorrow - most people's grief is surrounded by the alterations (loss of positive), to his or her self-concept. Just remember that you are a pineapple! | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 12/30/2007 2:24:07 AM | I've heard it all from women over the years and I've been told this excuse too.
"I'm not ready for a relationship right now"...
What she really means is that she doesn't want a relationship with YOU.
It happens, lick your wounds, pick up the pieces and move on. | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 12/30/2007 2:34:26 AM | | Look, just like physical trauma, mental/ emotional takes time to heal. That and friends are like neosporin. Just make shure you are hanging out with the right ones and they will speed up the recovery. That's all I can say. And if she's seeing somebody so soon, then why are you even bothered by it? She's been working on this for a while for her own reasons. Just let her go man. Better to have loved and lost. Just take some time out for yourself and go have fun with friends for a while. Resist the urge to jump right into something with somebody else right away, it'll only end in heartache. Good luck man. | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 12/30/2007 2:40:48 AM | You may try feeling relieved. You did nothing wrong, you didnt lie or cheat. She broke up with you and lied so she could date this other guy. Not having enough time to date was the excuse she used possibly thinking that the truth would hurt your feelings. It is so strange how the truth always comes out. I really believe that we all get cheated on or lied to a few times in this life. The best thing to do is put the blame where it belongs... on her! Feel good in the fact that you behaved honorably and can hold your head high. Try to forgive her because she really may have felt that lying to save your feelings was better than just saying there was a new man.
Anyway, join the club, try not to take it too hard...move forward!
BL | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 12/30/2007 3:24:14 AM | You should be pissed off and Call her a lying **** and tell ehr you hurt your feeligns and wwant monetary compensation of $1 million dollars!  Actually let ehr know you are upset. You shoudl feel angry. find someone else who is ready for a relationshipa nd won;t lie to your face. honesty is my policy and its very hard to find someone who is honest. | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 12/30/2007 3:38:53 AM |
I was recently broken up with by my g/f of about 6 years because she has a busy schedule with school and work, and swore that was the reason.
It was just an excuse to get you quietly and peacefully removed from her life...
If she already has a new guy so soon...chances are he was in the picture long
before she decided to break up with you...
Delete her from your facebook and anywhere else...it'll only cause
you grief if you keep a bit of her around... | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 12/30/2007 3:39:59 AM | My take on it... if someone is REALLY interested in you.. they make time for you.
Seems to me that was her excuse.. she wasn't "feeling it" like you were and that could have been legitimate reasons for her.. maybe this new person has a more compatable schedule with hers? Who knows.
Bottom line is.. she wanted out.
And there is someone out there for you....
I don't think you have to go back and ask your "ex" permission to date someone after your broken up, should your mind or circumstances change.
Good luck! | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 12/30/2007 3:46:44 AM | sorry to hear of your pain. It hurts real bad i know but im telling you time will heal thats all. Try not to think about all the beautiful memories and think about all those little things that bothered you. Its just pain that will ease with each week. Dont cry becasue its gone smile because it happened. that helps me anyway. heres a cheer up hug from someone who understands how it feels | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 12/30/2007 5:10:08 AM | How are you supposed to feel? That her behaviour was cowardly and dishonest, and she was very inconsiderate, and maybe she will know how it feels to be deceived.
She owed you after six years, to be honest. | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 12/30/2007 5:32:37 AM | | I believe you have been hurt. You are entitled to that feeling. Goodness, betrayal and rejection are very difficult to deal with. Your title whateverhappenshappens is the best. You can go on!! Actually it is a blessing in disguise. Keep your sunny side up!!! | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 12/30/2007 6:01:23 AM | Feel great that you have removed a liar and a cheater from your life, because I PROMISE you she was seeing him while she was seeing you.
I want to ask what you REALLY miss. Her or "it"? And is the prospect of having to find another source for"it" bumming you out?
In the future, if "work" is important to you, don't quit your job until you have found another...... if you get my drift. | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 12/30/2007 6:07:39 AM | I do feel for you. A friend of mine sent me an email which said the follow which I thought was profound:
Don't make someone a priority in your life when you are only an option in their life....Relationships work best when balanced.
As much as it hurts, you deserve someone who is as crazy about you as you are about them.
People make time for whatever is important to them...No excuses!
Best of luck to you! :-) | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 12/30/2007 6:13:10 AM | OP...........I know that this whole thing has hurt you a bunch. However, I am glad to see that you are getting back in the swing of things and moving forward by coming onto a dating site. This thread and your pain however may not get you very far. Women tend not to want to get into a relationship with someone who is still carrying baggage from a past relationship. You may want to have a more positive attitude in your profile, or perhaps totally deal with the issues at hand before you start dating.
You are very young and I could say you have your whole life ahead of you, but I wont. That would minimize the hurt and pain you are feeling and I wont do that. Try to remember , everything you experience in life can either bring you down or give you strength. The choice is in how you handle it.Give your self your moment to mourn this loss and then get on with your life. Tell yourself you are better than what she had to give you. Peace and happiness to you in your future endeavours. | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 12/30/2007 9:58:53 AM | I think you should be thankful that things didn't go further.
I was with a girl for 4 years, was going to propose to her that day, and she decides to move out and dump me that very day (before I could even pop the question). Apparently, she was chatting with a guy online while she lived with me. Week after that, she flew to the opposite coast to meet him. Two weeks after that she moved in with him. They got married a month later, and she's having his kid in Feb.
I basically went through seeing another guy get everything I wanted after 3 years or relationship with a girl I loved in less than 3 months. Its best to just cut ties altogether. Don't say hi to her if you see her. Do not acknowledge her existence. Do not pass go, no not collect $200. | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 12/30/2007 11:50:44 AM | | I sorry to hear that this happened to you. The only thing I can say (which you have heard before) is time heals all wounds. However when it's all said and done and enough water goes under the bridge, you will come out of this stronger and wiser. | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 12/30/2007 12:12:33 PM | | Mate, exactly the same thing happenned to me....was even the same length of time, 6 years. I took it very badly for about 3 weeks, but was supported by friends and family, which made it bearable. Eventually I decided that if she was going to do it, better to do it now than later, when I'd be older and find it more difficult to find someone else. My conscience was clear, so I knew it was something I had no control over, and therefore wasnt worth stressing about (eventually - as I said, it does take a while, and thats normal). I've met about 15 women since, on dating sites, and whilst I havent found anyone I feel a strong, romantic attration to, I have made some really great friends - you realize there are a lot of very very nice people out there, who deserve a better lot in life, but it hasnt happenned yet - tell yourself you are one of those people, and life will get better. Cheers | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 12/30/2007 12:22:52 PM | OP,, One of the posters said that all people lie.. That's the kind of shit that a lier says.
All people do not lie. I do not lie , so I know that this is true.
Fact is , most women lie.. She already had someone else before she broke up with you.
This is Normal for a woman as they think that this kind of behavior is acceptable..
Just ask my ex wife.. she no longer lies but will tell you all about how women cheat and lie.
She has learned from her mistakes and is now discusted by the way that most women act.
Move on with your life and be the best that YOU can be..
Good luck and may you find a realy good , HONEST woman next time. | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 12/30/2007 12:52:13 PM | | I'm not gonna give you any tired cliches or some other horsecrap. You need to move on, brother. Something that you should have done when she left you. Simply put: go get drunk, get laid, get in a fight, move to another part of town, stop visiting facebook and/or buy an old car that you can crash in a ditch. Some will say this is all destructive behavior, but you know what? You probably need it, cause you're wasting too much time on someone who already passed you by. | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 12/30/2007 12:52:42 PM | OP
It's been two months since you have posted... hope you feel better now
Reading the thread, I went through this mucky Deja Vu that I thought I sent to the grave, the hard way...
Yep, been there... with wee tiny differences (I could feel it coming, I knew the excuse was not genuine, SHE got back in touch and told me about the guy [who turned out to be.. well... not someone I'd be jealous of], I was the one who cut her off [and told her so] and she kept coming back again, and again, and again)
To sum things up: although I was/am a tough guy, although I have done all the "right things", it felt like receiving a kick in the groin... every single morning
Ouch
Good news is: it's over....
That's something for you to look forward to..... it does go away (speaking of harsh experience)
How?
Won't add anything more than others have said...
- Delete her from your lists/phonebook... etc.
- Know for fact that YOU WON'T GET BACK TOGETHER
for two reasons: she obviously wanted out, and you ought not be with someone who doesn't appreciate you
- Take on some sort of anything to take your mind off the relationship, and do it well
- Get AWAY from negative folk, folk who keep reminding you about your status (incl. POF forums sometimes), and that might include very happy couples (especially the cheesy ones)
i.e. get a circle of friends who have the same status but a positive attitude towards life
... and remember that you're a good person, and if she chose someone else it doesn't mean you were not a good person...
Cause I don't recall there was a 20-something lady in charge of issuing "good person certificates"!!! | |
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