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| Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off with the mother vs. the father
Posted: 10/25/2007 1:41:23 PM | Well p-trish I refuse to believe that all of the initiated divorces were clearly the fault of the man in that relationship. We have witnessed many threads that would indicate otherwise.
Why would you presume that I think inside of a box? In all honesty we as I do care for our next generation and unfortunately we have yet to see the full impact of how we conduct ourselves.
The continual rantings ( as you would have it ) from the men who are brave enough to toss any chances of dating on this site to speak out against what I believe (and many others) is similar to the struggle of women in the past.
You see I have learned from these discussions. And I have been willing to admit my errors but if you insist to deny the injustice than I guess the battle for equality is not yet over.
I will not generalize that all single moms are alike because two of my sisters were. Also I have nieces and nephews who are dealing with this injustice these very days, so do not assume that I take what I say lightly.
Why do think that this question is being posed in the first place.
Was the OP merely thinking inside a box ?
But if women like yourself (and there are far too many ) keep insisting that everything is fine than I believe I may not be the only one percieved as thinking from inside a box or a cage? | |
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| Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off with the mother vs. the father
Posted: 10/25/2007 3:08:08 PM |
LOL, i didnt know there was a michigan guy,, lol
i am from michigan,, so thats about all i can speak on. but the same applies basically in all states, unless there is language to the contrary in your documents, BE INVOLVED WITH YOUR KIDS. good grief, dont wait for a court to rule on it.
He's is from MI, also. So am I, which is why I knew about joint legal. Really, he has no excuse to not be involved in their schooling. | |
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| Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off with the mother vs. the father
Posted: 10/25/2007 3:49:54 PM | "right because in legal terms, its considered abandoning the marital home. its viewed upon as though you are voluntarily walking away from all assets to the home and any contents within. its also considered legal abandonment when it comes to sorting out the matter of the children.
but you still didnt answer the question. why is it you blokes do this expecting nothing to be said about it?"
I can only summize that in the past when it was 95% mother custody it was expected that the guy would leave. The legal terms you have noted above are one of the problems since during a divorce one of the parents has to leave. I would say they are not abandonming anything simply doing what is required of them during the divorce.
Your question wasn't answered because it cannot be answered. You are assuming that the guy leaves because he wants to, which I feel is not the case. How many guys do you know that end up with the family residence after divorce, not many. It is assumed still that the guy will leave which is clrealy wrong. Your question only takes in one side it. Why is it that the mother doesn't leave since 85% of divorces are initiated by women? | |
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| Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off with the mother vs. the father
Posted: 10/25/2007 3:55:24 PM | please clarifiy precisely what you mean by "initiate".
Women are the ones who file for divorce in most cases, not men. In my opinion then if you don't like it the marriage and there isn't any abuse then you can leave the family home.
But, I can just see how well that would go over when in turns into an argument at the family home and police are called. In Canada the dad will be removed by the police.
So, in your case then what if he didn't leave and wanted full custody? | |
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| Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off with the mother vs. the father
Posted: 10/25/2007 4:57:22 PM | You see I have learned from these discussions. And I have been willing to admit my errors but if you insist to deny the injustice than I guess the battle for equality is not yet over
please do cut and paste for me any part of this discussion where I DENIED AN INJUSTICE TO MEN. in fact i have made statements quite to the contrary, and indicated several "loops" that ppl dont seem to pay attention to that would allow for more time and involvement with the kids day to day routines.
i also never insisted anything was fine,, far from it. either you cant comprehend, or are reading someone elses posts and thinking its me.
CUT AND PASTE WHAT I HAVE SAID HERE THAT YOU SEEM TO THINK SUPPORTS YOUR ALLOGATIONS OF ME? | |
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| Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off with the mother vs. the father
Posted: 10/25/2007 4:59:48 PM | angelah, I posted multiple times in this thread that I am involved with their school. I've gone to parent teacher conferences, I keep track of his missed work/homework and get on him about it over the weekend. I went up to the school and met his teachers, explaining to them some of the problems he has in school. I give them my number(which his mother didn't) and told his teachers they can call me anytime if a problem should arise. Not too suprising, I get a phone call a couple times a week because they cannot reach his mother, and she does not return calls after they have left her messages. I DO everything I can possibly do right now. What I CANNOT DO, is physically get him to and from school, I CANNOT make sure he does his homework outside of a phone call, that most of the time does not get returned, and I CANNOT physically make sure he is at school daily in a timely manner.
trish,
(then ask yourselves this key question "what is my constant berading of the kids mom doing to the kids view of not just her, but me as the guy who bullied mom?"
yeah, i know,, you never considered that one either.)
Theres an assumption... Is it not? | |
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| Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off with the mother vs. the father
Posted: 10/25/2007 5:15:01 PM | please clarifiy precisely what you mean by "initiate".
Women are the ones who file for divorce in most cases, not men.
exactly my learned friend. ( how refreshing to have bantor with an intelligent man that the usual emotional bs is void of)
they do the initial filing.. but,, now stay with my on this point.
if he leaves claiming its over,, and then she files, who actually initiated?
imho, it was him,, she just started the legal ball rolling.
well,, considering why i ended my marriage, and why i took full advantage of an opportunity,,, thankfully he did leave and thankfully he did not get any custody, what he got was specific visitation.
see, hon,, my ex is an abusive drunk. the best thing i did for my kids was end that marriage and raise them to be honorable decent human beings. and yeah,, he was involved with our kids,, in that "weekend buddy" sort of way. soooooo, i did what i had to in order for our son and our daughters to have positive models of what a real man is.
but you asked if,, well he did leave, by force of the courts, and he did ask for full custody,, to which the judge had to hold back his laughter when he read that one. the judge looked at the pics of my bruises,and other e.r. photos of assorted injuries inflicted by my ex, pics of the stuff in the house torn to bits, , numerous police reports of drunk and disorderly, domestic violence,, etc.
again, to answer your if,, if he hadnt left, i would have. i would have moved heaven and earth to leave that horrible situation.
i think some of the guys in this thread misunderstand my p.o.v.. my advocacy is for the children. not the dads and not the moms. but to ammend,,, i do happen to think the courts unfairly lock dads out of the picture without bothering to actually investigate fully both living situations. the key here to change does not lie inside the court system but rather in your lawmakers. the judicial system interpretes the law,, they dont make it. | |
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| Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off with the mother vs. the father
Posted: 10/25/2007 5:23:09 PM | trish,
(then ask yourselves this key question "what is my constant berading of the kids mom doing to the kids view of not just her, but me as the guy who bullied mom?"
yeah, i know,, you never considered that one either.)
Theres an assumption... Is it not?
umm,, no sorry its not, it was a cautionary tale. one you apparently missed and since you have offered several points of your berading of her i figured it a natural conclusion that some of this emotional stuff you are feeling is making its way to the children. it seems to be a commonplace occurance that parents speak about the other unkindly in front of the children. i personally think adults who talk smack about a eachother within earshot of the child are wrong. in my opinion, its a form of emotional abuse. each child has the right to arrive at their own conclusions about parents. | |
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| Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off with the mother vs. the father
Posted: 10/25/2007 5:47:03 PM |
I think it depends entirely on the age of the children. In my case, I plan on breastfeeding (just like I did with my other two kids) and I don't feel that my child should be deprived of superior nourishment and be forced to drink that (expensive!) nasty formula crap just so his/her father can have his 50%. I doubt that any judge with half a brain will argue with me on that one. {/quote]
My ex husband had visitation in my home while I was breastfeeding my youngest. The courts had no issue with me breastfeeding full-time. Once she was weaned we started slowly dong longer visits and visits away from my home. She is 20 months and we are only at 5hr visits till he gets a crib set up for her naps.
Our other daughter, who is almost 6, goes for weekends every weekend. | |
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| Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off with the mother vs. the father
Posted: 10/25/2007 6:17:27 PM | I never understood why ANY parent (mother or father) would try to keep the other from seeing THEIR child, except for the abuse thingy. After that, it's plain old SELFISH on their part and they should be ashamed!!!!! Using breast feeding, nuturing, etc by the females shows your true colours, and just another excuse to jam it down your EX partners throat. Is it any wonder "some" men throw up their hands and run. Then we hear the whining from the other side.
I really don't get "people" sometimes, especially the way "some" use their kids as pawns. Shame, shame, shame. Totally unjust to the young ones that deserve a LOT better. | |
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| Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off with the mother vs. the father
Posted: 10/25/2007 6:39:19 PM |
angelah, I posted multiple times in this thread that I am involved with their school. I've gone to parent teacher conferences, I keep track of his missed work/homework and get on him about it over the weekend. I went up to the school and met his teachers, explaining to them some of the problems he has in school. I give them my number(which his mother didn't) and told his teachers they can call me anytime if a problem should arise. Not too suprising, I get a phone call a couple times a week because they cannot reach his mother, and she does not return calls after they have left her messages. I DO everything I can possibly do right now. What I CANNOT DO, is physically get him to and from school, I CANNOT make sure he does his homework outside of a phone call, that most of the time does not get returned, and I CANNOT physically make sure he is at school daily in a timely manner.
I must have missed where you said that (not being sarcastic, but I tend to skim unless posts are broken into paragraphs). Have you tried asking her if you could come over a couple nights a week to help him with homework? I'd be thrilled if my daughter's father would do that. As it is, I can barely get him to read her a grade 2 book over the course of a weekend.
Are they missing a bus? Or does she drive them? You can always buy your kids a tracphone (they're cheap now; my store sells them for $15.99) and call to make sure they are up in the morning.
Just making suggestions, please don't be offended. I am, in no way projecting my POS's problems onto you.  | |
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| Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off with the mother vs. the father
Posted: 10/25/2007 6:45:40 PM | I DO everything I can possibly do right now. What I CANNOT DO, is physically get him to and from school, I CANNOT make sure he does his homework outside of a phone call, that most of the time does not get returned, and I CANNOT physically make sure he is at school daily in a timely manner.
im not trying to start diggin with you, but im curious,, what is precluding you from doing any of the things listed. take em one by one. some of us might be able to give you some options. | |
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| Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off with the mother vs. the father
Posted: 10/25/2007 6:48:53 PM | We discussed pumping already. Thinking that a woman should have to pump 1/2 the time (which isn't nearly as effective as nursing, btw) so a man can have his 1/2 time is ludicrous. He can wait for extended visits until after the baby is weaned.
And I will say it once again, without going into too much detail: there are many other reasons that my newborn will not be having extended visits with his/her father. Some of these reasons include: mental instability, no job, no car, lives with his daddy in squalor, immature, irresponsible.
He watched my kids for a couple months while he lived with me, and my neighbors were complaining that he wasn't actually watching them, but instead sat his ass on the computer while they ran around the neighborhood. Think he'd do better with a newborn? Do I want to risk it and hope that the baby isn't harmed by stupid and neglectful behavior? | |
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| Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off with the mother vs. the father
Posted: 10/25/2007 6:53:36 PM | Unfortunately the courts are more to blame.And the rules need to be revised.My son has a friend that got locked up because,he wouldn't let his ex-wife pick up their 4 yr old because she was DRUNK,he was out alot of money that he couldn't afford to get a lawyer,not to mention it is on his record. Up date: he now has custody of his son,so maybe there is hope. | |
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| Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off with the mother vs. the father
Posted: 10/25/2007 7:43:03 PM | trish,
I do not berate their mother infront of them or to them. It is the complete opposite, I guess maybe you read it wrong, or I typed it out wrong. Just to clear the air and any confusion here, she told my son that I am an ***hole for asking for the boys to live with me during the school year so I can get them to and from school, and help them with their homework. When she said no, I got her to agree to letting me have them a couple nights a week to help with homework, at the last minute she decided not to let me help them. This was when they first started school this school year, 3 weeks late I will add, and with ALOT of school work to catch up on. To answer your last question as to what is stopping me from doing any of that stuff, she is. She uses them as a tool to get at me or punish me or whatever.
angelah,
yes I have asked to do that stuff, it was covered previously in this thread, its also covered in this post above. She drives them to school, and from what my oldest son tells me, she does not get up and get them up in time for school quite frequently. BTW, thanks for that phone suggestion, I never thought about that, but its an awesome idea. 8)
Am I emotional when it comes to my children and the way they are treated and neglected? Yes. Am I frustrated about it? Yes. Am I doing everything I can think of to try to change the way things are for them? Hell yes. | |
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| Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off with the mother vs. the father
Posted: 10/25/2007 8:22:37 PM |
Thinking that a woman should have to pump 1/2 the time (which isn't nearly as effective as nursing, btw) so a man can have his 1/2 time is ludicrous. He can wait for extended visits until after the baby is weaned.
I was speaking in general terms not directed at you but to this thread. Some women would even breast feed till their children were 5 years old to stop a good father from their right to be with their children out of sheer ignorance.
Even infants should be bonding with their fathers unless the father is abusive or putting the child in danger. Many moms would use any excuse out of revenge to stop a father from seeing their children and you can't deny that.
Children have rights too .
I am not saying every father is good but I see so many women in my lifetime use the children as a pawn to get back at the father by not letting the child be in the fathers life in many cases is only hurting the child. (nor am I saying every mom is good)
Children need both their parents and should spend quality time with both parents. As far a custody is concerned each case is different so I cannot comment on the real topic of this thread other than to say, I hope both the parents do what is right for the children. | |
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| Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off with the mother vs. the father
Posted: 10/25/2007 8:52:32 PM | yeah, umm darlin, i think you are going about this the wrong way. you are asking her for permission to see your kids. go the opposite route here. remember when i said "if there is no language precluding you from doing something,..."
instead of ASKING to take them, go over to their house and knock on the door. in the morning, to wake up the house,, in the evening to help with homework. make a habit of it, unless there is language precluding you from seeing them at these times, or being at their home,, the only thing stopping you is you.
and that other thing,,, you would be surprised just how much kids actually hear, and what they pick up on subliminally.
that cell phone thing is a great idea, until the ex wife gets wind of your son having it.
i have to take occassion with your use of the term "neglect". kids who have attendance issues at school is a far cry from being neglected. and heres something we dont know about this ex of yours,, what shift does she work>? | |
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