| I am noticing a trend in women over 30
Posted: 9/11/2008 8:20:17 PM | | I haven't noticed a lot of women looking for younger guys, but if they are, there's someone out there for everyone. Personally, I don't like a huge age difference between myself and the women I date, because I tend to have a lot more in common with women in my age group. I'm assume the same is true in reverse. | |
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| I am noticing a trend in women over 30
Posted: 9/11/2008 8:32:43 PM | I don't know about the other posters, but the best relationship I had was with a man 10 yrs younger. We got along so well it was scary. But....it was the first relationship after my marriage ended, so when things started getting too serious I freaked. He was such a great guy and ended up with a great girl. Some times I wonder what would have happened if I just gave it a little more time. Oh well. Me and older men, don't seem to mix very well in the romantic department, but I do have older good friends.
Considering my track record with age, when I do start dating again, I can be pretty sure it will be with someone younger.
Side note: No, I am not looking to solicit young men here  | |
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| I am noticing a trend in women over 30
Posted: 9/12/2008 11:28:37 PM | What would be the point of an older man? He is going to die first by at least ten years and worse his strength and ahem, appendage is going to topple over before the use by date.
The prospect of playing nurse and carer when you are still vital and able to get out there is hardly an exciting prospect. Let's face it, men sure do let themselves go a lot sooner than women, and much more dramatically. We should have an international boycott of men with beer guts, they shouldn't be allowed to get anything until they shed the bulge and muscle up as women of similar age are generally doing. Gosh imagine meeting men who can run as fast as ourselves once you get past 30...accelerating downhill run...why do they blob so fast? | |
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| I am noticing a trend in women over 30
Posted: 9/13/2008 6:57:43 AM | My theory is that most women over 30 are divorced or recovering from the dissapointment or not having some other long-term partnership, with who they thought was their soul mate, live up to their expectations. They want a do-over and they want to feel like they did when they were 20. A suitably young suiter will help them complete that fantasy.
other than that explanation, younger is sexier and they want em young and hot.
many over-30 males have acquired an over-weight gut and/or are balding. It's a values thing.
also, supply/demand... even if it is the same for over 30 men, women can afford to be pickier...
I think generally speaking, most people would prefer to have someone younger. Probably because older people are generally more cynical, live in their head too much, and are too full of red flags and booby traps. They want a person who hasn't been jaded yet. They want the innocence. They're hoping to rediscover their own innocence - and then their hapiness...
I dunno. pick any one of the above... it's all bullshit anyway... | |
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| I am noticing a trend in women over 35
Posted: 9/13/2008 10:51:55 AM | It seems that there are older more successful women that have or had everything in their lives but not a man who comes home, stops everything they are doing and says "I love you" or gives them a two hour massage, etc, etc. This is the performance angle - by statistics, a younger guy is hornier, more passionate.
When I was 35 I dated a lots of women older than myself and I could see a common trait. I also learned more about myself. | |
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| I am noticing a trend in women over 30
Posted: 9/13/2008 5:33:49 PM | MrSnapHappy wrote.....
>>>>>> My theory is that most women over 30 are divorced or recovering from the dissapointment or not having some other long-term partnership, with who they thought was their soul mate, live up to their expectations. They want a do-over and they want to feel like they did when they were 20. A suitably young suiter will help them complete that fantasy. <<<<<<<
Wrong. I already felt younger long before I started dating younger men. LOL You can't feel younger just because you're hanging out with someone younger unless you're totally fooling yourself. It comes from within. I have more energy than most 20 year olds I work with. They can't believe I can live on 4-5 hours sleep a night and days are pretty much non-stop. Hey, 50 is the new 30. lol I don't need a nap, I don't need a walker, and I for sure am not going to sit and flip channels all night or watch someone else doing it. I have far too much living to do and I'd sort of like a guy who can keep up with me. I haven't found many men my age who can, or who even want to.
I don't mind the middle age "paunch" - what I mind is the middle age "giving up." Far too many men my age are ready to sit down and settle for the mundane. I'm sort of hoping for a little more excitement than that.
Sharzi | |
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| I am noticing a trend in women over 30
Posted: 9/13/2008 6:44:30 PM |
I dunno. pick any one of the above... it's all bullshit anyway...
OMG I've been laughing at this for half hour I SWEAR TO GOD!!!!
You made my day man! | |
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| I am noticing a trend in women over 30
Posted: 9/14/2008 6:14:28 AM | | I don't have a preference there, but I think you are on to something.. some women do seem to go for really young guys these days | |
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| I am noticing a trend in women over 30
Posted: 9/14/2008 10:55:49 AM | ok, this may seem obvious to me... but if women like older men and men like younger women, what's the problem?
i am 39, and i have dated guys that were younger than me (no more than 5 years) and i just prefer an older man in my life. they are more mature, know what they want from their lives, and are a better fit (for me).
it is hard enough to find someone in this world, so why judge each other? why not just be glad that someone has found happiness and be happy for them? | |
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| I am noticing a trend in women over 30
Posted: 9/14/2008 7:11:12 PM | Sharzi: "Wrong. I already felt younger long before I started dating younger men. LOL You can't feel younger just because you're hanging out with someone younger unless you're totally fooling yourself. It comes from within. I have more energy than most 20 year olds I work with. They can't believe I can live on 4-5 hours sleep a night and days are pretty much non-stop. Hey, 50 is the new 30. lol I don't need a nap, I don't need a walker, and I for sure am not going to sit and flip channels all night or watch someone else doing it. I have far too much living to do and I'd sort of like a guy who can keep up with me. I haven't found many men my age who can, or who even want to. "
Hey, I agree with you. I was just generalising that some people *are* "totally fooling themselves" as you put it. Same applies to men and women alike. Those ideas I bounced were just random thoughts. I certainly wouldn't expect them to apply to the majority.
The last woman I dated was quite a bit older than me, but she has a younger state of mind than MOST women over 30. Hell we still swap music which we are both into and she keeps fit by going out and dancing for hours on end. She is also relentless in her vocational pursuits.
Sharzi: "I don't mind the middle age "paunch" - what I mind is the middle age "giving up." Far too many men my age are ready to sit down and settle for the mundane. I'm sort of hoping for a little more excitement than that."
I'm the same with regards to attitudes. My theory is that the older you get, the more opportunity you learn more limiting thinking. This FRUSTRATES me no end. I find it really hard to find women who don't fit some kind of mold. I am so sick and tired of conventional so-called "wisdom" spouted by women our age who think its wiser to have all their limitations. Guys are probably the same, but I'm not dating guys so I just worry about myself not having attitudinal limitations. As my profile says, I don't suffer mediocrity gracefully. | |
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| I am noticing a trend in women over 30
Posted: 9/15/2008 2:10:22 AM | | I think its just more socially respectable, plaus women now are having children later in life, where as many years ago by 30 a woman would have been married for 10yrs with 2 or 3 kids and a mortgage, now they are "Sex in the city" much confident and outgoing, and so are 20yr old guys, also men there own age are partly to blame, considering most are choosing younger women. | |
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| I am noticing a trend in women over 30
Posted: 9/15/2008 3:09:26 AM | My first and only experience following my divorce was at a party in Costa Rica. This completely (for me) hot guy asked me for a kiss. I thought about it for a minute before I realized I could actually do that, since I wasn't married any more. The wind was high, the stars were bright, the moon was full and the earth hung on the precipice of the spring equinox. It was even Easter Sunday eve. I completely melted at his advances, between arguing with myself over it in the ladies' room.
Turned out he was a sound mixer for major motion pictures, 33, 6' tall, full head of longish hair , beautiful physique, brilliant smile, traveled all over the world, spoke Italian, French and was a very old soul. I even found out he was intelligent as all get-out. We walked four miles the next day, through rivers and dirt roads and the whole time I was thinking "well, that was nice. I really hope I can be detached enough to give him a smile and a kiss when I see him for the last time." I tried really hard to act like I was an old hand at this sort of thing. All sophisticated and New York, even though I was. until the night before, a born-again virgin in the rainforest, I stayed quiet because I was afraid I would just bust out crying. He was the most incredible person I had ever met after the most incredible night I ever had. How did I even come to deserve such an experience?
Well, I was astonished when he memorized my email and wrote back once he got to New York. He said that I was beautiful and he couldn't stop thinking of me. I panicked and started blurting out everything that could possibly be deal-breakers. I told him I was 49 (foolishly accidentally adding a year to my actual age), couldn't have kids, even that I had a criminal record for reckless driving (my friend rolled her eyes at this one.) No matter, even though he thought I was 35. We emailed for months. Seven weeks ago he wrote that he wanted to come visit me in Sedona and my friend suggested I look at his myspace. I was just about to close the window, pleased that it was dead and had no girls flirting, but before I clicked my eye caught the word "swinger" in his status. It felt like someone punched me in my stomach.
I went back and forth. Should I write and ask him and risk making things icky between us or should I let him come and ask him when he got here? I decided it was much more fair to both of us if I wrote. I did find out that they call sound guys "boom swingers" and wondered if it was just a joke, given his myspace was so dead. Well, I haven't heard back and it's been six weeks now. I guess I'll never know if I insulted him, made him feel weird because he thought I was being possessive or jealous, or he is really a swinger.
I've been all around this globe and met all kinds of men, but this guy was the most cool, charismatic and real guy I've ever known. Age is silly. It's really about the soul and when that crazy thing called love hits, it just is what it is. Still trying to find that place of gratitude and be happy with that, but it sure takes a lot for me to remember to be happy with the unknown, vast territory of dating and the daunting task of even making myself available to date again. Unless I want to be a hermit, I guess I have no choice but to take a deep breath and keep my faith and trust that the Universe is not cruel and does not have limit on miracles.
Anyway, that's my story and I finally wrote it out for posterity. I really needed to. | |
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| I am noticing a trend in women over 30
Posted: 9/15/2008 3:23:37 AM | webweebil wrote:
>>>>> I did find out that they call sound guys "boom swingers" and wondered if it was just a joke, given his myspace was so dead. Well, I haven't heard back and it's been six weeks now. I guess I'll never know if I insulted him, made him feel weird because he thought I was being possessive or jealous, or he is really a swinger. <<<<<
Everyone knows what the word swinger means when it asks for your preferences. Even if he is a boom swinger, he knows as well as everyone else, if he puts "swinger" on his dating profile that he's into it sexually. The fact that you haven't heard from him is proof positive if you ask me. It's one of those "He's just not that into you" things (from the book).
You had every right to ask and I would have done the very same thing. I wouldn't want to even go one step further with someone who was into that even if he was the most incredible person I'd ever met.
Sharzi | |
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| I am noticing a trend in women over 30
Posted: 9/15/2008 3:42:04 AM | Thanks for reading and replying, Sharzi. I wonder if it would have been better if he never wrote me afterwards. That, I would have understood. Why is it that just when you think that maybe you've just won the lottery, the other shoe has to drop? I question myself about my own instincts. I usually have dead-on intuition about people's energy/intentions and his seemed so good.
ETA: No one had posted to his myspace since Jan. He travels a lot with his work and works grueling hours (15 hours a day is normal.) So, it looked like it was started and abandoned. Ah well, he would have to be really sensitive if he was not and wouldn't write back to explain. Even that is not good. | |
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| I am noticing a trend in women over 30
Posted: 9/15/2008 4:45:07 AM | "but it sure takes a lot for me to remember to be happy with the unknown, vast territory of dating and the daunting task of even making myself available to date again. Unless I want to be a hermit, I guess I have no choice but to take a deep breath and keep my faith and trust that the Universe is not cruel and does not have limit on miracles."
Hey well done for sharing your experience. I have an idea what that is like - coming back onto the scene of 15 years of monogamy and finding out how the dating world has changed. It really can be crewel because you have to detach in order to get attached. If you "blurt" out your feeling, you get tagged [as needy] and dispatched onto the loser pile.
I learned this the hard way, but you know what, I don't accept this way of thinking. While we were away, the [dating] world became colder and people became disconnected. It isn't the universe that is crewel, it's the attitude of the collective. We ARE the universe in that respect. As a song writer once wrote, "we ARE the world". I think the current attitudes are all fear-based and people presenting them are slaves to their egos.
Keep your faith, it's the one thing that will bring about the conditions for the magic to happen again - even if the universe IS crewel. You will only become a victim if you lose your faith. If you shine your light, you give people permission to shine theirs.
"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man." -- Gorge Bernard Shaw.
The world doesn't need more of the same ("doing the same thing, expecting a different result"). It's attitude is crazy enough as it is. I'll abandon reason in favor of faith any day. It's faith that protects sanity, not reason. Reason is only there to help implement your faith.
I'm sorry you didn't get to find out why he bailed. Wouldn't it be nice if people had the courage to finish conversations instead of cutting and running.
re: asking questions: The Third Agreement: Don't Make Assumptions
http://blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue/2008/06/the-third-agreement-dont-make.html
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| I am noticing a trend in women over 30
Posted: 9/15/2008 8:14:34 AM | Thank you so much for your words of insight, MSH. I appreciate the thoughtfulness and saliency of your reply very much.
It's wonderful to know we're not all alone in this dating experience.
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| I am noticing a trend in women over 30
Posted: 9/15/2008 9:41:33 AM | I admit i prefer men younger i dont mind men a few years older. I have always dated younger guys the youngest was 4 years younger which i dont have a problem with, my ex husband was only a year and a half younger but still.. I only dated one guy who was older and he was only a year older and he treated me like crap.
In my profile i say i want a guy 27 - 40 and im 35 tomorrow. I want a guy who enjoys the things i like to do for ex: most guys over 40 dont like going to the bars to dance and i love dancing. I want a guy who will be out on the floor with me all night not watching from the bar lol. I dont look 35 either and most guys who approch me are younger they think i look like im 28 lol which i dont mind at all lol Most (not all) guys over 40 look older then they are.... i dont wanna date a guy who looks like he can be my dad lol
Also my ex husband is getting remarried in nov to a girl 8 years younger then him so if he can do it why cant I lol 
Also to the guy who said this.....
the nice in shape girls in their 30's into their 50's become alot more horny than they were when they were younger.
Its not just the "nice in shape girls" some of us not so in shape girls in thier 30 are like that too for your information lol | |
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| I am noticing a trend in women over 30
Posted: 9/15/2008 10:13:17 AM | here I thought that women wanted younger men also...you do the math.
17 goes into 45 more times than 56 does into 32.
now where is my rolling around on the floor guy... | |
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| I am noticing a trend in women over 30
Posted: 9/15/2008 3:25:26 PM | | I'm 37 and have been new to the single scene the last 2 yrs. I find going out the younger guys will approach you, and even though I automatically assume they are younger then me, they apear to look just a few years younger then me. I actually don't want to date younger, but the men my age mostly are out of shape and look very aged. I thought men looked better with age but am changing my thoughts on that from what I see out there. I/m actualy afraid to date anyone over 40 they really look old. ANd I don't mean all men, but just saying what I have seen. I think I am just fortunate that I look like I am not older then 33. | |
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| I am noticing a trend in women over 30
Posted: 9/15/2008 5:27:42 PM | | Men my age just don't like me..so do I sit home and knit because I can't find a man over 35 who will go out with me? So..I date younger men. | |
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| I am noticing a trend in women over 30
Posted: 9/16/2008 12:17:29 AM | I think its the energy , the excitement and the good sex they can get from the younger guys.
I dated a woman who was 42 when I was 24 and she turned 43 while we were still together. It was fun exp. She enjoyed being with me because I could live upto her expectations and then some. Oh by the way Just because some one is older doesnt mean they are wiser. Remember Age more often comes alone. Wisdom is aquired through personal exp and what type of people you hang out with. I always hung out with people who were leaders and lead large teams of thousands of people and I learnt a lot from them. I am a leader and Have develped myself into one. SO even at the age of 24 I was much wiser then she was at 42 and I could do and solve problems wisely she couldn't think of.
It wasnt just about the energy and good sex she had with me but also My intellect and wisdom she could benefit from made her date me then some duds who were older. And it is not that she was a dumbo herself , she was a professor. | |
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| I am noticing a trend in women over 30
Posted: 9/16/2008 8:40:06 AM | Frankly, I like younger men. They are more like me physically, spiritually, intellectually and in the way they view the world. I like to explore new places and think the artificial constructs put in place by society are ridiculous. They may have served their purpose at one time, but we are hanging on to outmoded concepts based on fear and survival. Most younger people see the world for what it is: run by corruption, greed, fear and power. They still have eyes to see with and ears to hear with.
Plus, imo, the soul is ageless. It's hard to find anyone my age that is my physical complement. Actually I haven't found one yet. Most men my age just look OLD. Their ideas are OLD and their lifestyles are OLD. They are a passing breed: patriarchal, conservative and power-based, they are looking for a mate that can settle into happily accepting second-class citizenship in exchange for a seat on the good ship security. Actually, I feel a lot of compassion for these men. I just don't want to be their partner. | |
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| I am noticing a trend in women over 30
Posted: 9/16/2008 10:34:48 AM | most of the points here are completely valid; one thing that could affect the age group you quote is that women in their mid thirties are hitting their sexual peak and men in their early twenties are right around there also. It boils down to evolutionary chemistry in some cases?
Personally...I prefer older men or men closer to my age... who wants to be a teacher all of the time?!?   | |
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