| Do you believe friends are more important than lovers?
Posted: 3/19/2008 2:45:40 AM | My best friends have been in my life since we were in elementary school. That's 45 years of friendship; those and a few others from college that I still keep in close contact with. My friends have been with me through the thick and thin of my life. They are part of who I am and their importance as part of my life is invaluable.
I feel that a significant other also encompasses being a best friend, however, on a different level. You share many of the same things as you would with your best friends but heck, not everything! (That's exculding FWB)
Friends and SO's are both important. I also think good ones are hard to find. The trick is keeping them. | |
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| Do you believe friends are more important than lovers?
Posted: 3/19/2008 3:50:53 AM | It is not friends are more important, it is friend last longer.
The reason friends last longer, is that, they do not have expectations on you.
They don't expect you to take them to a fine restaurant, neither do you.
They don't expect you to give them a gift once a while, neither do you.
They don't mind if you don't call them for a while, neither do you.
They don't complaint they get bored with you, neither do you.
They are fine if you make a new friend, so do you.
But you can still share their beds, so do your friends.
But you can still walk into their place anytime, so do your friends.
When you need someone to talk, they pick up the phone, so do your friends.
When you find a lost friend, you are so happy to see them, so do they.
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All above, it does not happen on the lovers. It is the rule of game, or the consensus of the rule of the game, or the difference in the consensus of the rule of the game, kill the relationship. make lovers become enemies rather than friends. | |
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| Do you believe friends are more important than lovers?
Posted: 3/19/2008 5:41:45 AM | I believe friends are more important. The best friends are the ones who don't have expectations of you other than just being you and being there for them. Lovers have conditions, and friends don't. It's refreshing and wonderful.
Don't get me wrong, both are important... But if I had to choose between one of my best friends or a lover (if the lover didn't like the friend or something) I'd ditch the boyfriend. | |
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| Do you believe friends are more important than lovers?
Posted: 3/19/2008 6:29:47 AM | I believe friends are at least AS important as lovers.
My best friends (2) are like family, and as such, have a special status in my life. I've known one for over 15 years, he's my blood-brother and I've respect his opinion as highly as those of my loving parents, sometimes even more so!
Friends can't fill the void of a romantic relationship, but if you have the company of excellent friends, you'll be too happy to even notice you're single... 
Meanwhile having a relationship where you're forced to spend all of your time/energy in that one person is "unhealthy", hence why I avoid profiles saying "seeking my lover and best friend" - to me those are two very different roles to be filled by two very different people. I will do anything for a woman I love, short of cutting out my best friend. If it comes down to her or him, I choose him, as at least he doesn't have an agenda.  | |
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| Do you believe friends are more important than lovers?
Posted: 3/19/2008 6:38:14 AM | True friends can be lovers but not all lovers can be true friends.
Lovers are easier to find than friends and friends will be around long after a lover has moved on to another.
I've had a lot of lovers but very few true friends. Yes, I believe true friends are much more precious than lovers. | |
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| Do you believe friends are more important than lovers?
Posted: 3/19/2008 12:00:17 PM | I thinks its both – friends/lovers are a bit challenging to find. It’s much more harder to find ‘connection’ with other people and accept you for who you are.
I have to agree boyfriends come and go but true friends will stick by you no matter what. | |
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| Do you believe friends are more important than lovers?
Posted: 3/19/2008 12:22:06 PM | | Most definetely, Friends are forever, lovers come and go like the seasons. I would say that if you are in a long term relationship, friends still would prevail, marriage, that is different though. I believe in marriage that your significant other should be number 1, and a true friend would respect and understand that. | |
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| Do you believe friends are more important than lovers?
Posted: 3/19/2008 12:26:11 PM | I agree liv2luv. Lovers or would be ones or those who have hidden agendas tend to have very shallow friendships. They are the worst friends. Actually, they are never going to be!
Wait, I am talking about POF guys who I thought were my friends, then realized and some admitted, they could not be because they had really no interest in me as a friend. But would want me or thought I was going to be a lover or whatever...Someone they can have a future with. In short, intimate relationship was a major requirement to be considered a friend~ Jeez!
Anyway, I have friends in real life and they would never be replaced by anyone, lovers or no lovers because they have been proven true friends. Funny that I never found them at POF but came to my life when I was NOT looking for friends.
Now, if the question was friends vs significant other, then of course, that guy is the priority in my life. | |
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| Do you believe friends are more important than lovers?
Posted: 3/19/2008 12:43:31 PM | I would say that my friends have been more important to me
than lovers. I recently was very ill. I spent 3 months in CCU.
My friends were there every day almost all day long.
I have plenty of friends but would love to have a mate that also
was my best friend. Most of my friends have been my friends
for 40 years. Hubby only lasted 20.
. | |
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| Do you believe friends are more important than lovers?
Posted: 3/20/2008 7:25:24 AM |
Are your friends more important important to you than a boyfriend or girlfriend (or wife or husband, for that matter)?
No - the wife comes first BUT...
If she is saying that you have no right to contact your friend, or selectively downsizing your friendship circle with no negotiation I think you have to look at whether or not your boundaries are being stepped on. Meaning that while wife comes before friends, with this question, depending on what is actually going on, the self comes before the wife.  | |
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| Do you believe friends are more important than lovers?
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:05:34 AM | | I believe that in boyfriend or girlfriend, or husband or wife relationships that friendship should be part of the foundation of the relationship along with trust and loyalty. In fact they should even be closer than plantonic friendship. However, yes friendship is more important than lovers. If that is the only role a lover plays. | |
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| Do you believe friends are more important than lovers?
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:19:32 AM | Tough question. Very tough call.
In all fairness I've changed my mind throught the years.
I think I would say that it's not that one is necessarily more important. Rather, it's that they fill in different areas of my life. Just as it depends on the type of friends you are talking about. Some are best friends from childhood. Some are Christmas Card friends. They each have their role, and one role is not necessarily less important that any other. Not less important, not more important. Just...well, just different.
Not trying to waffle, just calling it as I found it. | |
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KrisN
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Joined: 3/10/2008
Msg: 89 | |
| Do you believe friends are more important than lovers?
Posted: 3/20/2008 11:50:41 AM | | This is hard. But my lover is going to be one of my best friends, its just the way it works with me. I feel my friends are just as important, but not more important, than a romantic partner. I am fairly sure this will change when I get married - my husband/family comes first. However, I would need a husband that was understanding - my friends are important to me and especially in a time of need, I will not feel bad about breaking casual plans with my husband to help a friend. | |
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| Do you believe friends are more important than lovers?
Posted: 3/20/2008 12:34:13 PM | I believe they each have their place in our lives - now when I call someone a friend they mean a lot to me and are my extended family. One is not more important than the other.
I'm not sure if one is harder to find than the other. I have a hand full of very close friends, but true friends are not in abundance. Romantic partners, hmmmm....very challenging to find someone that is a good fit for one as well.
People are just very complex creatures with their own experiences, ethics/values/morales, so it is extremely challenging to find people in general that mesh well in our lives (and remain with us during our lifetime).
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| Do you believe friends are more important than lovers?
Posted: 3/20/2008 12:45:42 PM | In the early stages of a relationship your friends still come first. As you get more and more serious or you fall in love with someone often times they take the place of your best friend. You should not ignore your others friends because they will get angry. But if you have good friends then they know that you are falling in love and do not get overly envious for your time. The best lovers are best friends. And even best friends come and go. Your goal should be to find someone who is one of your friends and ultimately becomes your best friend. At the same time you cant ignore your friends simply because you are falling in love. Be weary of those who don’t care about your happiness as much as they care for your time spent with them. The odd remark about being wipped or being absent from the latest get together will be there to remind you that you still have other friends to tend to. Most people are looking for a balance that makes THEM most comfortable. And your good friends recongnise and respect your new priorities and of course are there if it all comes crumbling down. Choose a lover who you can put on the same level as your friends. While still making some time for your friends and you to get together on your own.
Simply put no your lover should be on the same level as your friends until you decide that you are not really lovers or perhaps never were. | |
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| Do you believe friends are more important than lovers?
Posted: 3/20/2008 12:59:26 PM | If you intend to have sex with someone you have to do it pretty early in the relationship or else you never will get them in bed. That's because, you will pass into the " friend zone " and they won't have sex with you for fear of losing you as a friend.
People tend to separate their friends and lovers.
Amazingly, sex isn't really as intimate as we like to think. Intimacy comes from familiarity, common ground and sharing rather than sexual experiences. Men and women who have grown up knowing each other as children their whole lives, seldom become lovers. They know each other too well and there's nothing sexy about familiarity.
Good sex requires a degree of novelty. Strangers are much more attractive sexually than friends. This is why so many married people complain about losing the spark of sexual attraction that was there early on.
Some people like sexual attraction and tension much more than the act of sex itself. There are lots of very sexy people who have little or no sex at all. Some of the most sexless people on earth are strippers . It's always surprised me how some people who would seem to be very sexually active are in fact almost celibate and some people who seem very prudish and proper are getting laid all over the place.
Friends will never be more important than lovers, until friends become a lot more help than they are in finding a lover. You might share your most intimate secrets with your friend, but never trust one to find you a good bed mate.
Face it, you're on your own. | |
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| Do you believe friends are more important than lovers?
Posted: 3/22/2008 10:13:29 AM | ONE CANNOT PICK FAMILY...YOU KNOW ALL THAT...
WE PICK AND CHOOSE OUR FRIENDS....
WE PICK AND CHOOSE OUR LOVERS....
BUT EVERYTHING DEPENDS ON ,THAT.
WHO WILL LOVE YOU BACK, THE ATTENTION YOU MAY FEEL,
THAT THEY EXTEND....YOU WILL KNOW WHEN TO GIVE BACK.
DR. JEFF JAEGER M.D.F.A.C.S.
TORONTO,ONTARIO | |
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| Do you believe friends are more important than lovers?
Posted: 3/22/2008 10:18:15 AM | hELLO,
SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS BETWEEN TWO HUMANS @ WHEN TWO INDIVIDUALS ARE READY AND MENTALLY SECURE ,PHYSICALLY READY,AND WHEN THE HUMAN BIOLOGICAL NEED ARISES...WOMAN ARE VERY,VERY SELECTIVE,AS EVOLUTION HAS SHOWN US..NORMALLY PRIOR TO CHOOSING A MATE TO HAVE INTIMATE ENCOUNTERS WITH...GRANTED...EVOLUTION ,HAS PROVEN THAT ISSUE...
ROCK ON!
DR.JEFF | |
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| Do you believe friends are more important than lovers?
Posted: 3/22/2008 10:44:58 AM | Your lover should be your friend. Deep emotions won't happen if there isn't a solid basis that you can trust and commit to. Friends last forever...but enemies accumulate, hee hee.
I think the only way love can survive the long haul is if both partners maintain some connection to the world that made them who they are. If you sacrifice all that, everything that made you attractive to your partner - your independence, happiness, etc will slowly die. It's a proven fact that people with good friends live longer because they are happier. | |
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| Do you believe friends are more important than lovers?
Posted: 3/22/2008 11:14:40 AM | "Lovers come and go but friends are forever."
I agree with that. I have a best friend that I have had since high school. We've both been through boyfriends, husbands, kids, marriages, deaths. No matter what else is going on or how busy we get, we are always there for each other if needed. Geesh - we're starting to talk about retirement. A good friend is really hard to find and I've been very, very lucky. What you're asking is kind of like is your boyfriend or husband more important to you than your sister. No way! | |
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| Do you believe friends are more important than lovers?
Posted: 4/10/2008 4:15:36 PM | I've been asked to comment again...but, I failed Relationships 101 big time and I can't learn from my mistakes when I don't really know what they actually were.
I think we have had some really great comments on here, especially from Nipoleon.
I used to think that your husband should be your firmest friend, it took some time for me personally to understand a mortal enemy could not be more dangerous, it took quite a shift to realise you have to protect yourself most, from the person closest to you. This is quite a stark constrast to friendship. I no longer have a concept of a screw partner being a friend anymore, they're just a temporary service that intends to hurt you permanently if they can and they gain considerable enjoyment from this.
Friendship is a healthy and natural thing. Screwing apparently isn't, and loving someone means they will have considerable contempt for you in return. Perhaps friendship and screwing don't go together at all. It could be an Australian thing, I don't know, but here men certainly do open up only to other men and they prefer to spend their free time alone or with other men, rather than their wives or families. If you want to hear your husband discuss something - this has to be whilst he is sharing the story with mates, it could be a cultural code that he is not able to share views or feelings with "meat". I can only say, I remain quite baffled and have decided the game is pretty much just too ugly to play again in Australia. People I have had as friends, I must say have stuck by me through thick and thin - thank God for good friends male and female. | |
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| Do you believe friends are more important than lovers?
Posted: 4/10/2008 4:35:53 PM | | My dream is that someday I will have a lover who is also my best friend. I had that once, but he died. Lovers come and go, but friends really are forever. Sometimes a friend can become a lover, but when it ends...will he still be a friend??? | |
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