| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/26/2007 4:45:40 PM | thanks for the advice.
1) what kind of stuff can i put under interests.........examples would be really nice.......honestly, I just don't know what to write
2) i'm not interested in modeling at all...................I'm not even posing, that's just how the picture turned out and I thought it was interesting................those aren't profesional pics at all. And is there a camera that does take nonblurry pics?
Thank you for your input!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/27/2007 9:40:02 AM | Your opinions and suggestions would be greatly appreciated.... Are my pics ok? Is my content lacking something important? Also I'd like to know how I come off to others...
Thanks for any help
*~Misty~* | |
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svj
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Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 28 | |
| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/28/2007 3:12:00 PM | Hey Bonnie,
OK, I think I've covered the pictures bit enough times that I don't need to go into the reasoning behind it.
Ideally, you want your pictures to look the same as you would for a first date.
Now I'll be honest, Bon. You're don't fit the mould of "classic" beauty.
Which means that you have a lot less time to make your first impression.
Guys are much more likely to give an in-depth read of someone that's 5'6" 38-28-38, than yours. Not fair, not right, but true.
In my opinion, you should strongly consider streamlining your profile a bit.
Interests:
The main function of the interests section (for women, anyways) is to give guys that want to start a conversation with you something to talk about. Without a conversation starter like a shared interest, you'll still get email, but odds are it'll be lame. "Hi. Liked your pix. Wanna chat?"
So you're best served to make sure that your listed interests are things that guys have a chance of appreciating, too. Things like "giggling babies" and "walking" probably won't be the first thing they look to. They're taking up valuable space.
Expound on interests that guys would more likely be interested in. Rock n Roll, for instance. 60's, 70's, 80's? Catchy tunes or guitar solos? Hair metal, grunge... You can stretch "rock n roll" into multiple "interests" that are a lot more likely to catch a man's eye.
Description
I'll be honest, there is a lot of stuff here that says absolutely nothing... that is taking up the valuable real estate you need to maximize.
Laundry Lists are a waste of time.
Unless you can find a way of making it interesting.
Simply saying "I'm compassionate" means nothing. Everyone says that about themselves, and so we give it absolutely no weight. The other person needs to observe these qualities themselves... not to be told about them from someone who is obviously biased.
If you want it to come across that you're compassionate, talk about the (hypothetically speaking) volunteer work you do, or the charity bake sale you ran, etc. That allows them to see for themselves the quality you want to show.
So unless you have a way to "demonstrate" a quality, as opposed to just telling them... leave it out.
Requirement lists for prospective mates should only be used by people that get more mail than they can read.
Otherwise, guys that may have written you otherwise may rule themselves out.
"She wants an animal lover, but I don't have any pets. Damn. Oh well. Next."
The easiest example is the guy that puts "No fat chicks" in his profile. Guys are actually *much* more forgiving in the weight department than most women. There is no shortage of perfectly attractive women that think they're overweight. (Thanks, Hollywood! *ssholes.)
And these women would see that "No fat chicks!" sign, say "I guess he means me", and move along.
We don't want to disqualify anyone before we get to know them a bit.
Or worse, have them disqualify themselves.
A note about faith:
I noticed that you have God as an interest, and quote a passage from Corinthians.
I don't know if the faith of your potential suitor matters to you or not, but if it does, you may want to specify that. (Yeah, yeah, I know this contradicts what I just said, but think it through, this makes sense.)
If it does matter, don't put a minimum requirement on faith. ("Must be devoted to Christ"... once again, the guy may end up disqualifying himself, even though you would find him peachy)
Just say that you are a woman of faith, so aethiests/agnostics are probably wasting their time.
Well, there you go, Bon!
Hope that helps! | |
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svj
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Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 30 | |
| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/29/2007 4:04:41 PM | Harrym29:
Picture
I actually don't think the pictures are that bad, although I do think the 2nd two are better than your main one.
Interests
Have some. Get rid of "Starting Over". That's covered in your marital status. To keep mentioning things like that in such a small space implies you're going to be talking about it all the time.
Yup, I'm the dreaded "Nice guy". You know, that socially destructive label that forever dooms you to "just friends" relationships with the woman you just dated, and ALL of her friends? Bingo. So if you already know where things are going... why would she want to talk to you? Lose it.
I am your typical nerd, Don't be a typical anything. If you're going to be a nerd, go all the way. Don't downplay yourself with words like "typical". Be all the nerd you can be, man! While I won't lie to you, most women don't appreciate nerds... but nerdy women do. So if that's what you want, focus on it, no aplogies!
I'm the kind of guy that looks forward to hearing from you, no matter how small the message, no matter how short the conversation. Translation: I'm going to need validation from you. Regularly.
Maybe that's you, maybe that's not, just be aware of what it's saying. Gals that are very busy and/or independantly minded aren't going to dig on that.
As I've mentioned previously, listing your qualities (optimist, kid at heart, easygoing, passionate) mean absolutely nothing unless they're observed by the reader herself.
For example... let's take passionate. If you were a woman reading your profile, would you get the idea Harry was a passionate, romantic guy because he said he was.... or would you get the impression that Harry is not passionate and romantic, but actually socially akward and timid? ("I'm the dreaded "Nice guy". You know, that socially destructive label that forever dooms you to "just friends" relationships with the woman you just dated, and ALL of her friends?")
A direct contradiction. But you told her of one (passionate), and demonstrated the other (the nice guy diatribe). In such dichotomies, demonstrations ALWAYS win.
I know what you meant when you wrote about being a nice guy. You've talked to women, and they all say they want nice guys. But be aware that what a woman pictures as a "nice guy" and what you picture are two VERY different things. And she knows you're using your definition... not hers.
Regarding your list in what you want for your mate: The list of nerdy girls (or just women attracted to nerds) is a short one. Just meet the nerdy girl first. Don't disqualify anyone until you've had a chance to talk to them. Odds are she's likely to be socially akward, too. Adjust your expectations accordingly.
First date:
Dating... well, it's been a while. Shh... she doesn't need to know how long it's been. That means you're either not in demand or you're really fresh out of that marriage. (and still pre-occupied with the ex.) Neither is very appetizing.
What's not going to sound tired and used? So you're saying you're going out of your way not to say anything that would offend her. While that is consistent with being a "nice guy", that's also consistent with not being attractive. Do not apologize for being you. You want dinner? Have dinner, damnit! 
I don't drink a lot, and to be honest the bar scene intimidates me. Loud places aren't a good idea for a first date either, because I don't like screaming to make myself heard. Ask yourself... does what intimidates you define who you are? If not... why are you talking about it? In a place where you're supposed to display yourself in a positive light?
Well, hopefully that's enough honesty for one pass. The most important thing to remember here is don't belittle yourself.
Don't apologize for being who you are.
Good luck, my man! | |
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svj
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Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 31 | |
| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/29/2007 4:13:09 PM | Carebear:
Pics - The most important part of a woman's profile.
Remember, the key here is to look as much like you will on your first meeting as much as possible.
Get dolled up, have a friend over, crack a bottle of wine, and go nuts!
Shudder-bug's credo: If you want one good picture, take 100.
Description
...is for the mostpart well written. As mentioned before, the laundry list of your qualities is redundant... but don't feel bad. 95% of people do that. It's not a deal breaker, it's just dead weight. And men's attention span's in this regard is pretty proportional to the hourglass shape of the writer...
Other than that, you're good to go! | |
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svj
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Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 32 | |
| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/29/2007 4:27:25 PM | puremournin:
This will be a bit of a stunted review, as I have no idea what the goth/emo/skater/punk/freak/industrial/beatnick type of girl is after.
I don't even know what emo means. 
Pics
If you're a dark, brooding kind of guy, get some dark, broody pictures. Leaned up against a wall in a back alley, that sort of thing. Just cause you're dark don't mean you can't have fun with that sort of sh*t. 
Description
You don't really shoot yourself in the foot in your write-up by knocking yourself. (Except the apology for the jacket shot. Fix the pic, then you can lose it.)
Off the top of my head, I'd say that you should move the literary stuff closer to the bottom. The chances are higher with author preferences that she won't know who you're talking about. I'd put the Nirvana stuff up top.
Oh, and the motorbikes. Put that front and center. There are only two kinds of women in the world. Women that love bikes, and women that have never ridden one.  | |
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svj
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Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 33 | |
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AGC77
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Joined: 10/12/2007
Msg: 34 | |
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| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/29/2007 6:10:14 PM | | Hi Svj I did a complete over haul with my profile. Its short and to the point and I think this may be a hit. Thanks for the advice. Oh btw I know I am not a beauty queen but I do get alot of email from guys as young as 20. Most guys that email me are in thier late 30's early 40's. I have alot of really attractive friends who's boyfriends end liking me more then them. Go figure. I guess looks are not everything. | |
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svj
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Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 37 | |
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| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/30/2007 9:45:59 AM | Thanks svj,
I already knew that my pictures weren't that good so I will soon take a bunch and replace them. I also took some of the laundry list of qualities out.
Someone made some little adjustments to my profile prior to your review. So I guess I'm good to go when my pictures are changed out. | |
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svj
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Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 44 | |
| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/30/2007 5:31:54 PM | tdv000:
Pics: Are good. You shouldn't have any problem there, methinks.
Interests: It would be nice if you had some, but it's probably not essential. They're basically for people to find common points of interest to begin that first conversation with. But since you're likely initiating the conversation, it's less important for a man than it is for a woman. Wouldn't hurt, though.
Description: Very little that puts you in a negative light... you may perhaps want to re-frame the mention of the gym in a more positive light. You know, instead of saying that you want to go a few times a week but usually don't... why not just say you make it a couple times a week. Instead of "not in bad shape, but I am getting better", why not "My physique is improving with every passing week!" (Once you start dating that dream girl... you'll have all the incentive you need to pump the iron.)
Things like "no one over 30 please" are kind of superfluous if you're the one writing them.
If you have any interesting hobbies or pastimes that women appreciate like playing sports, motorbikes, home improvement, etc. etc. you'll want to make mention of them, also. Spice things up a bit, you know!
And congratulations on not falling into the laundry list trap!!
("I'm nice, loyal, dependable, hard-working, caring, affectionate..... *yawn*")
Good show, my man! | |
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svj
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Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 45 | |
| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/30/2007 5:56:45 PM | Misty_x:
Pics: Same as the other gals... Only pics that look like you'll look like the first time you meet
I'm not one for taking life terribly seriously, but some things are more important than others. Take the time to put your best foot forward. And Smile!!
Interests: Good stuff!
Description: The opening quote.... Love it! It demonstrates that you're intelligent and creative. Something like that is so much more effective than simply stating "I'm intelligent and creative".
The Laundry Lists
The pros and cons are a wash. Especially the cons. Think about it. You're actually making a case as to why a guy shouldn't email you. Lose them.
Most of the "Quirks" are actually OK. Some of them actually do demonstrate facets of your personality. Some of them should be torched.
Observe.
I don't sing well, but I still sing anyway This demonstrates that you're not overly self-conscious.
I'm a fluffy gal, but I'm still confident This just tells them that you're confident. It doesn't actually have any meaning for the reader. People believe what they see and experience, not what other people tell them.
See the difference? Imagine you saw two similar statements in someone else's profile... which would you give more weight to?
Huge No-No: Never, EVER mention "games", "cheaters", "liars", or "wasting time". Guys don't have any idea what you're talking about. All we hear is hostility towards the last guy that took you out. It makes them feel like they're inconveniencing you by saying "hello". That kind of stuff only chases away the worthwhile guys that actually took the time to read your profile.
It DOES NOT stop the guys that email every woman in the city looking for sex.... They don't read profiles.
And your mate requirement laundry list: Lose it.
You have a delete key, use it. Those lists do not stop the guys you don't want. They DON'T READ profiles. Don't create a barrier that might thwart one of the good ones.
That's a lot of stuff, I know... hope that helps!
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svj
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Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 46 | |
| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/30/2007 6:17:16 PM | Cheerupemokidx: Wow. That's a hell of a username. Try typing that 5 times fast.
Pics: Nice horse. Lose the pics where you're not smiling.
Interests: You might want to lose the "porn" one. You know guys... 
OK. Your profile doesn't start coming off as b*tchy until the part about idiots. Question is... are you a ****? If you are... fine, it illustrates a ****y personality well.
If you're not b*tchy in real life... then you have a problem.
As stated before, the *ssholes that send pics of their schlongs, the 50 year olds trolling for young stuff, and the "hei baby, wazzup" guys DO NOT READ profiles.
They simply have a cut-n-paste email that they send to everyone that comes up under their customized search. Some send 100+ emails a day. No matter what you write, if you live in a big enough city, you will still get email from these jokers.
The only thing that the "bugger off, you perv" stuff does is make the guys you actually want to hear from think that you're hostile and unapproachable. You have a delete key... time to start using it.
Laundry Lists
I understand that since you're in New York, you likely get a lot of emails. So your "guy requirements" laundry list may actually have some functionality. However, I would strongly suggest that you shorten it down to only the most important turn-ons and turn-offs. The longer the list of qualities you have, the more unattainable you seem, and the more likely the guys that are actually reading your profile won't email you.
Hope that helps! | |
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svj
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Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 47 | |
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svj
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Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 48 | |
| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/30/2007 6:26:39 PM | Browneyedmama:
Just a quick couple of things I'd do:
a) Interests You want to be able to give a guy that's paying attention as many opportunities as possible to strike up a meaningful conversation with you.
"So.. uh... you like the beach?"
"Yeah."
"Um....",*scratches head*,"... me too" Like music? Who doesn't? What kind? Go into specifics.
b) "I don't mind taking risks every once and awhile, in fact I live for it."
How so? Don't tell him you're a risk-taker... demonstrate it. Let him make that judgement for himself. That's the only way he'll believe it.
Other than that, you're money, kid.
Good Luck! Hope that helps! | |
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| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 11/1/2007 10:52:18 PM | | HELP !!! What do you think I need to do to improve my profile... I don't seem to get many responses. I was told that my profile makes me look like I'm a nun. I'm not a nun nor a floozie. I'm an average babeboomer woman. Hopefully you can help. Thanks... Anne | |
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