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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 12/28/2007 12:42:31 PM | oooh, three posts in one subject . . . . . . .I feel almost as if I care too much. Where's that colorless, passionless coldness I'm reputed to have? But I digress with pointless flaming. . . . .
Mad props to the Grandma BooBoo for going clarifying her statements and views on crying, a much more rounded and thought-out input than most, one of which adds value to the conversation. Condolences for your loss, and thank you for pointing out the responsabilities an adult has in a crises situation, a point I was trying to make.
What is an acceptable display of grief? When is it acceptable? What about the guy who doesn't cry, but cuts his hair, changes his look, goes camping, goes to the gym? What is so special about crying? Could it possibly be that the need isn't in the man, but in you to have some sort of physical validation that he cares about YOUR feelings enough to break down and allow the woman to comfort him? could it possibly be that the wrong here is in women wanting the man to break down so they can feel in control that the man depends on their emotional support? Does he need to do this in public so that the WHOLE WORLD can see how much he needs you? If he doesn't cry, is he colourless, passionless, and unemotional robot to be mocked and pitied?
lol, jk, that would be twisted (although I'm sure it happens) but really, crying is really a symptom of grief, not grief in and of itself. I don't like it, never have. It's not so much the fact that it shows weakness, it's more that I think it's useless. It doesn't solve the problem. Pardon me if that's such a classic man from mars view, but it's and honest one. Everyone chooses their own way to deal with grief, I just think people should choose healthier outlets than crying.
I don't even care that much if another guy cry's, otherwise believe me, I would have stopped hanging out with half my friends when we were at a recent funeral (where I learned all about sunglasses). I've cried before, sometimes you can't help it, but I tried to be as discreet as possible about it.
Dancing around with your obscene weakness in a garish attempt to garnish pity, that I abhor. It's understandable that you can't stop it sometimes. It's inconcievable that you would want to do it, pursuing an active desire to cry more.
So, yes, it's okay for a man to cry if he can't help himself, he's only human. But it is hardly a laudable or an acceptable goal to aim for.
As to the biological aspect of crying, it's true that women's brains are more interconnected than mens (hence their ability to multitask) so it's to be expected that grief might be a more overwhelming thing. But to tell the truth, I've noticed it's less men vs. women about crying, but more children vs. adults. Emotional maturity can be viewed more as how you deal with your emotions, than simply how loudly or garishly you express them.
I like the word garish, it's just got some magic to it. Oooooh, prehaps if you were lost in the desert your emo boy could cry you a river to save your life. Oh, wait, no, it's salt water, useless for that too. lol, i'm mean and a bully! Rar! Remember, no one can hurt your feelings unless you give them the power to do so! | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 12/28/2007 4:57:35 PM | Id say testosterone plays a big part, it gives men a subconcious lean towards acting out a certain role.
Crying, and other signs of 'weakness' are not part of that role.
Read about men who have gone through castration (ouch) some even volenteraly. The difference in their perceptions and emotional range when compared to the typical blokey bloke is absolutely staggering.
Personally; im keeping 'the twins', i learned how to let go of the blokey act through other means. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 1/15/2008 8:44:44 PM | | I think most do at some point when something bothers them enough. Guess your man wasn't bothered enough by the break-up or he may have done so outside your presence b/c he didn't want you to see him. Is it really a big deal? | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 1/15/2008 8:51:32 PM | When something bothers them enough?
Hell, I tear up at sad movies. I'm not ashamed of that. (Though some of the movies that have made me tear up probably shouldn't have-- I always tear up when the bum dies in "With Honors" ....)
I have a strong empathic side though, so it is par for the course. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 1/15/2008 9:04:23 PM | We are all born crying. And for some time after we cry to have our needs met as babies and children. It generally takes a lot of world-weary experiences before a boy just tries to hide it instead.
Even then men will cry alone, amonst themselves, or with friends and family for the rest of their lives. The only difference between men and women is that men are shunned for resorting to tears as a first step whereas women are more likely to be rewarded.
I've yet to meet a man that didn't cry at all. OP mentions 8 years which is not really such a long time. Even then it's a case of her never seeing him cry. Doesn't mean he didn't. Or that the one's who say they never do are telling the truth.
In my family Granddad is now 80. A few years ago when he kissed his wife of over 50 years on the lips and said "Goodbye Peg" before he closed her coffin, we all cried. Unfortunately, the older we get the more we cry... sometimes. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 1/15/2008 9:09:11 PM | All Men Cry.....
Happy, Healthy, Strongh, have a heart, sensitive and very loving Men that is! 
Honestly, I have not met a man that didn't Cry.......lucky me!  | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 1/16/2008 12:40:33 AM | Men do cry, but just not often.
I have had times where I teared up, or even cried around someone, but maybe it is when they are alone that they cry more.
The ones that dont cry at all, or say they dont lack caring, and that in itself makes me weep.
Men dont cry at the least little thing, and if you hit the heart, it is easier. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 1/16/2008 4:01:06 AM | There are men out there that do cry as my sons dad was a known man not seen as a **** cat and he broke down in front of me loads of times and to me a real man can show his emotions.
I know guys are brought up to be strong and that they have to be protectors etc so to show their emotions etc means that maybe they think theyre not man enough and of course they dont want to be seen as weak but crying does not make a guy weak so more men should show us how they feel and share their emotions as theres nothing to be ashamed of with a man crying . | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 1/16/2008 4:46:48 AM |
I am a female who most people would say.....does NOT cry. Not true. I just don't cry in public. But I will admit that I find it very uncomfortable if faced with a situation where a man is crying....other than the death of a loved one, or in the initial moments following some crisis. I do not however find it that uncomfortable to see a woman cry.
I am the same way, I never cry - and it's hard to deal with anyone who does unless it's a major trauma (death, tragedy, job loss, divorce, etc), male or female.
I think there's a valid point here. As a child, when I was punished....IF I cried....I was told that I'd be given "something to cry about"! It had nothing to do with gender....I just learned quickly that if I wanted the pain to stop, I'd better buck up and not let them know I was being impressed by the abuse.
Same here, I was brought up in a family of English, Scottish, Irish...mostly the English influenced the emotional discomfort. I was taught early on that most things I found upsetting weren't REALLY that upsetting, etc. A favorite thing when I fell outside or got hurt in some way while playing was "oh, you're not REALLY hurt - we came running in here expecting to see an arm missing!" and many times I was told I'd be given something to cry about. The rewards for not crying far outweighed the abuse I'd take for crying - and crying in public was just...totally off limits for me when I was a kid. What people thought or overheard around us was a big deal in my family.
When society tells a male this, just imagine how freakish we women who don't cry much must seem to them! Having long ago stopped worrying WHAT society thinks, I don't think too much anymore about "why" I don't cry when others expect me to. It personally bothers me that anyone would criticize a man for showing strength....or a woman either for that matter. Tears are only ONE symptom of expressing vunerability and deep hurt. To insist that EVERYONE must express these emotions in the SAME way is petty and insensitive.
I had to stop worrying about it - I just chalk myself up to dealing with things differently, and I agree that it's offensive that people accuse those who don't cry a lot of being heartless, or cold and unable to feel. That's not the case at all. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 1/16/2008 4:48:40 AM | I think they do. Not all of them and perhaps not that often, but it still happens. I know a lot of women who don't cry much either. I am one of them.
Death of loved ones, injuries and very MOVING situations are all very usual reasons to cry and there's no attendants waiting to take your penis away if you're male and crying either. If anyone tries to (metaphorically) take it away because you're crying. Run away. You don't need to be near such a dumba$$. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 1/16/2008 5:29:53 AM | I personally wouldn't trust ANYONE who could keep a dry eye while watching the movie "Awakenings".
" Why do you think men don't cry? "
Oh, I don't know--- why do you think people keep posting these threads that refer to "men" or "women" as if there are never any exceptions? Are we all still in high school, or what??
P.S. "blahblah-ism is alive, and will thrive".
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 1/16/2008 6:38:02 AM | men do cry but they are not hardwired the same way women are and so suck it up and hold it in in public.
I wonder about these random questions..... | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 1/16/2008 6:53:34 AM | Twin Girl 61 wrote:
I wonder about these random questions.....
Me too. But what I really wonder about is why there is this constant need to pigeonhole men and women and put them into little, limiting boxes where they have to be either this or that with no in between? That would be my definition of narrow-mindedness. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 1/16/2008 7:08:30 AM | ^^^^ Indeed. Such topics appear to be obvious groping for something to say or accuse. They're almost like asking, "Why do men have testicles?" Makes me seriously question the motive, experience, worldliness and certainly the intelligence of the questioner.
As far as men being hard-wired not to cry, I challenge that. Boys certainly do their share of crying. They are eventually taught not to cry (to get their way), and to express themselves by actions or words in lieu of tears. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 1/16/2008 7:14:45 AM | | Random questions, right up my alley. Drifting as usual, took a header on a tennis court a while back catching a pretty good forehead gash. When my sister saw me she said she would have cried taking such a fall, which made no sense to me 'cause crying would not help the hurt one bit. As to the essence of the question -- 911, Katrina, The Tsunami, loss of life, I cry and I'm not a big cry person. Crying over lost love is reserved mainly for the young imo. Glad those days are in the rear view mirror. They're no fun. | |
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bugsi
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Joined: 11/26/2007
Msg: 271 | |
| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 1/16/2008 7:35:01 AM | | Dos'nt crying freak men out? If I cry they look scared and say "Don't cry, please don't cry, Ill give you whatever you want, just don't cry" lol.... | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 1/16/2008 7:58:31 AM | fact of the matter is, boys cry, and if they're really hurt they wail
men snarl and if they are really hurt they cry
basically the same thing just.. watered down?
and when i mention hurt that includes emotional, not just hitting ones thumb with a hammer
and also, sometimes men just hold it in till thye are out of range and then release, it's still happening on the inside
anyways i'll shut up now | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 1/16/2008 9:32:09 PM | My ex boyfriend and I ended very badly and I know he was upset about it (or at least i dillusion myself into thinking that). And in the 8 years we were together I never once seen that man cry.
OP,
When I look at the context your boyfriend and yourself were in, especially the part quoted in bold characters, I can see why you haven't seen him cry. When a man is upset he doesn't usually cry, the emotion is more like anger. If I'm upset the emotion I feel is anger and if my last LTR had ended very badly, I believe there are 2 possible emotions that I would have felt. Either anger or, more likely, relief if things have had become so bad in a relationship. I realise you also haven't seen him cry in the whole 8 years, but some of us are just like that. We deal with our emotions in other ways. I hop on the motorcycle and that is my therapy. Some go to the gym, go shopping, cry, even laugh, etc,...
I just got out of a LTR of 6 years about 3months ago and when she moved out, crying was the last thing I felt like doing. Relief is what I felt even though I really cared for her. In a LTR one usually falls out of love long before either one decides to walk out. So she didn't see me cry on that day or even in the whole 6 years we were together. Why? Because I only cry when one emotion is overwhelming to me wich is sadness. Death of a loved one or tragedies like sept. 11, Columbine or the recent death of 6 high school kids and their teacher in a vehicule accident coming from a sporting event, will make me shed few tears, but that's about it.
My dad is the one who cries in the family, so I wasn't raised with the "men don't cry" philosophy. I'm just not wired the same way and I don't know how to deal with people who cries around me, so maybe that's where it comes from. I have worked as a casual 1st responder on the local ambulance team and have been through a lot of not so pleasant situations. I could control bleeding, get a heart to start beating again, restrained people twice my size, etc,...the only situation in which I was really helpless was when people were crying over the dead of a loved one. I guess a situation in which I have no control embarasses me.
In other words I guess that the fact that I've always been uneasy when people cry around me, I just don't want or can't put people through the same and I don't feel like less or more of a man for not crying even if society believes I should.
Ray | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 1/16/2008 10:23:40 PM | | Yeah, I have to go with Rated10 on this one. I don't even remember the last time I cried. When something really hits your emotions, either try to change it or try to forget about it. Being seen as weak gets you nowhere if you're a guy. Oh, by the way, I'm not some goofy redneck...check my other posts. It's kind of funny to me how many people are using this topic as an excuse to talk about male genitals...maybe it's time to turn off the TV folks...you sound kinda pathetic. Oh, I'm sorry...I didn't mean to make anyone cry, here: dick, balls, cock, nuts, sack, testicles, penis. There, feel better? | |
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