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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 10:26:35 AM | First time I dealt with a man crying was someone I was dating.. he was talking about something quite painful and he started to cry, for a moment I was taken aback and didn't quite know what to do..decided to hold him and that worked.
Like most painful memories, I think irrespective of gender a loving touch helps ..... | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 11:38:07 AM | | Of Course Men Cry!!!!! They are Human, Not Machine's. It's Very Natural for a Man to Cry!! The Strongest of Men have Emotion's, it is Never a Weakness, if or When a Man Cry's!!! Yes, a Loving Touch is Very Helpful with Both Gender's!! | |
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Bona x
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Joined: 6/11/2007
Msg: 55 | |
| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 11:44:17 AM | Bob-O-Link
I am with you all the way,sounds like I had the exact same experience.
Never cried in front of her,I was always encouraging,didn't want her to think she would never get well again but, I sure did my share when I was away from her.
I truly feel sorry for anyone that thinks that makes me less of a man . | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 11:46:14 AM | | Men cry, real men blubber too! Men give "love" to get sex, and when it does'nt work out we get more devastated then women who give sex to get love. I think we get more attached after a prolonged period of time and feel the loss more then women. In my case it has taken 6 months to forget and begin looking to move onto a better realationship, but those 6 months I would not wish on anyone nor would I ever want to revisit it. So I protect my heart and took a time out and reorganized my life commiting more time to doing charity work and being highly selective on who is my next mate. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 12:54:24 PM | Being a man, I think men do cry when affected sufficiently (e.g.: tears of joy or sorrow).
Unlike many women, most men will not shed tears due to stesses/frustrations in life. Many women tend to have an emotional meltdown whenever they have a particularly stressful/frustrating day/week. Their natural response is to cry & lay out the woe is me song. This probably occurs due to hormones &/ due to an inability to cope effectively with certain undesirable things that occur in life. When asked why they cope in such a way, most of them say they 'feel better' after they cry & vent.
Most men won't cope with stress/frustration that way because they find it to be weak, immature, and pointless. Babies & children cry when stressed/frustrated because they don't understand &/or can't solve the problem they are experiencing (i.e. hungry, soiled, confused, sad, afraid, injured, hurt, etc.) & they usually need someone to come to their aid to solve their problem & comfort them to restore them to a positive disposition. Mature adults are supposed to be capable & do something constructive to change what they don't like. Sitting around crying about it doesn't produce a change that will eliminate, prevent, or modify what isn't desired.
One of the reasons we cope in such a manner is that we are generally stronger & more capable than women (physically & mentally/emotionally). We most likely don't feel stress/frustration to the same degree as weaker people (women, children, edlerly). What men tend to do to cope with stress/frustration is do something physical or just blow off the stress/frustration & then do whatever they think is best to eliminate, prevent, or modify the source of the problem, so it doesn't happen again in the future.
There are of course men who will be irresponsible/lazy & cope by using chemicals (alcohol or drugs) to escape from reality... but most men don't do that because it causes more problems (bad relations/fighting/etc., potential for accidents/injuries, hang-overs, etc.).
In times when there is nothing that can be done, most men have the wisdom to just do the best they can do & accept reality as it is. Crying about it doesn't really help us or produce any significant beneficial change, so it's pointless & basically a waste of time.
When it comes to emotions associated with breakups. Some men are glad/happy to move on -- others are sad/miserable about being left/rejected/dumped. Some may cry & some not cry. Most men who cry would probably do it privately, so as to not give their ex any satisfaction. Some may cry to try to cause their ex to feel bad & potentially influence her take them back (hey guys know as well as women it can work! haha). <-- Most guys & no 'men' will do that, however, in my opinion. It's weak & manipulative. It's best to find & be with someone who recognizes how wonderful you truly are :) | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 1:17:28 PM | Msg 1,
I almost cried when my best friend got married. Strange, but it felt like losing a brother, and not gaining a sister-in-law. I kept a stiff upper lip, though, because I didn't want people to think I was emotional.
I think men like to project strength, and the ability to withstand pain and hardship. I don't think I've ever cried tears of joy, so, for me, tears = pain. The surest way to display pain is to cry.
It's All Right to Cry:
youtube.com/watch?v=tHrwcQrY-JM
ARTIST: Carol Hall
TITLE: It's All Right to Cry
Lyrics and Chords
[Free to Be You and Me]
[Performed by Rosey Grier]
It's all right to cry
Crying gets the sad out of you
It's all right to cry
It might make you feel better
/ C - Dm7 G7 / Dm7 G7 C - / - - Dm7 G7 / Dm7 G C - /
Raindrops from your eyes
Washing all the mad out of you
Raindrops from your eyes
It's gonna make you feel better
{Refrain}
It's all right to feel things
Though the feelings may be strange
Feelings are such real things
And they change and change and change
/ Am - Em - / F - C Em / Am - Em - / F - Gsus4 G /
Sad 'n' grumpy, down in the dumpy
Snuggly, hugly, mean 'n' ugly
Sloppy, slappy, hoppy, happy
Change and change and change
/ C - - - / G7 - - - / Em - Am7 - / F - C - /
{Refrain}
It's all right to know
Feelings come and feelings go
It's all right to cry
It might make you feel better
{Spoken}
It's all right to cry, little boy
I know some big boys that cry too | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 1:17:34 PM | they will hiding their feelings but when they're in private they'll cry, no doubts about that. My ex cries........ I even seen him cry.
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 1:20:27 PM | I've read most of these posts, and it seems to be the prevailing sense that women CHOOSE to cry. I certainly don't. At least not on a regular basis. There are occasions when I'm strung like a tightrope, and I know I need a good cry to relieve some stress, but making myself cry under those circumstances is not easy. I need to put on the right music or movie and really psych myself up to it. I have to be alone to do that.
On the other hand, I find when I am angry, frustrated, confused or hurt while in a conversation with someone who's opinion I care about, that just that emotion will cause me to tear up. I hate this! I have pissed off more men because I tear up when I'm angry, than I care to remember.
So first of all I do not CHOOSE to cry when in conflict, it just happens to me, and secondly, WHY do men get so annoyed when a woman has a physiological reaction to an emotion? How does it injure a man for me to get tears in my eyes? I don't understand this. Especially when it happens to me, and I have no control over it. I try ignore them, but they are still there, and they keep coming, and men get all annoyed about it.
Why are men so offended by tears? | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 1:26:04 PM | | You haven't had that KICKED out of you on a playground, or buggered out of you in jail (well the latter hasn't happened to me, never been to jail) | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 1:47:55 PM | men cry.
they just don't get berated for it the way women do.
case in point:
we all saw bill clinton cry. imagine if hillary did the same thing. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 2:16:54 PM |
Oh Swannee darlin...remarks like that one are gonna keep u in the doghouse...hope u have a nice warm blanket Not to worry, I believe the future plan is for him to have two dobermans to help keep him company in that dog house...
But then again, what kind of woman would actually force dogs to stay outside at night... he just might end up needing that blanket...  | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 2:18:36 PM | men usually only cry at funerals and births, i haven't seen one other than that...
its that american macho bullshit. men are supposed to keep it together. its not like that in europe. when i went to france and england men said right when they were jealous, sad, and miserable, to anyone... | |
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Savona
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Joined: 1/28/2007
Msg: 68 | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 2:42:34 PM | " women cry... from hormones and an inability to cope effectively"
Says who?...Crying IS a way of coping?....And a pretty darn good one..It releases toxic chemicals in the body that build up from stress.....Why is it negated and minimized because it seems foreign to you as a man?.....I hate that .Women actually live longer then men due to the way they handle stress better than men..By crying to trusted friends and family and talking it out....Dont knock it till youve tried it.. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 2:45:36 PM | If you want to see a grown man weep, watch the movie With Honors with me.... I know it's dumb, but every time that bum dies I tear up.... | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 3:20:44 PM | | At some point, a young male was in either physical or mental pain.... and in response to his tears he was told by a trusted and loved authority figure -----"stop that ! Don't be such a baby!! " When he stoppped, he was praised and rewarded- thank you DR Pavlov! | |
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EC22
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Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 72 | |
| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 3:30:12 PM | | People handle their anger/disappointment/sadness differently. Some people cry. Some people get violent. Some people are yelling and screaming. Some people are quietly dejected. Most men tend to follow the last 3 examples I mentioned unless something really bad happens such as a death of a close friend / family member. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 3:38:17 PM | i think that you might want to qualify that. I'm not north american ,and i have witnessed plenty of men that cry. European men are able to show emotions, but then generally speaking european men are not emotionally unstable.
There is a lot to be said about the cultures here in the english speaking world with stigma's and hang-up's and baggage of what a real man is, and isn't, and what a real woman is and isn't and it always blow's my mind.
We're not talking about smacking your hand with a hammer and then bawling to mommy mommy give me a bandaid, but honest to goodness true and right emotions, or passions! I've watched men show tears in pure joy (haven't you ever been to a soccer game!) as well as loss and pain - such as funerals and hell i've watched men cry at live performances so overcome with the passion of it all.
I think that if a man is unable to cry or afraid to cry in front of others, he's a pu$$y and bought into that whole john wayne crap, in which case he probably uses drugs, or is an excessive drinker, or can't manage his fidelity.
if a man isn't and doesn't express his emotions, then it is a guarantee that other dysfunctions will appear, as it is unnatural behavior.
I realize that tons of men are going to disagree with me, but then hell what do i know, i only read millions of psychological journals, and have only lived in over 252+ cities world wide, not to mention 35+ countries...
straight up and straight arrow the men and women on the north american continent are the most screwed up emotionally, socially, sexually, and inter-relationally than any other culture on the globe...
i think a better question is, why are parents still teaching their kids that repressing their emotions is A-OK? why haven't they learned from their own ulcers and dysfunctional existence? | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 4:03:40 PM | I see a man who knows he is a man, crying - I feel nothing but compassion and admiration for his depth of feeling and empathy with another. Sure is nothing wussy about that. It just opens my heart.
I think not only are males told, not to cry, it is reinforced in the school yard games, its part of a youth toughening experience that is as old as time itself. Sometimes being head of the family male or female - the leader's job should be to look like you are handling it, even if you don't really feel like it inside. When others are looking to you, you have to appear strong, and do the job at hand.
I think too for expression, there has to be a level of acceptance. I would never cry in front of "the enemy"/husband or enemy/family - because they would get so much deep pleasure and satisfaction from seeing it - it is unfortunate to be around sadistic people, but they are not a rarity. You don't cry in front of people like that - you learn to suck it up and not show it.
I do know you can be in that much pain, that the relief of tears - won't come. When that is happening - there is a lot of physically and emotionally damaging stuff happening inside. | |
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