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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 4:14:51 PM | I don't have a problem admitting I cry. But I don't cry often and I don't cry in front of other people and I don't cry in public. It's human nature to get sad or upset sometimes, sometimes things extend beyond your ability to cope, and you cry about it.
There are appropriate times for a man to cry without social backlash. As mentioned, funerals is such an occasion. Obviously if you've been in some kind of violent situation, that's another understandable occasion. But for the most part, you suck it up and you vent/release/deal with it in your private time.
I think you also have to consider context. A father is the "rock" of his family. The provider and protector, it serves his family in absolutely no way for him to start bawling in public and in front of them. If he has to cry, take a moment alone somewhere and do it in private. If you are in the working world and you manage other people, it serves morale and unit integrity in absolutely no way to start bawling and letting the snot run down your face. If you have to cry, then lock yourself in your office until you can regain your composure.
As for dating, most women will hold it against you no matter what they say. Women are hardwired biologically to desire the strong Alpha male. Of course they won't say that out loud. They won't say, "Hey I think a man who cries is a wimp" because they don't want to look insensitive and politically incorrect. Women would rather lie (either to you or to themselves or both) and look sensitive and caring than just be insensitive and lay out the truth in how most of them really behave. Of course you could say I'm wrong. Except remember when you've heard A) How much money he makes doesn't matter if we are in love! or B) It's what's inside that counts, I care about personality, looks aren't everything!
My grandfather taught this to me as a kid and I hold it to be true to this day.
He taught me it's ok to cry but you have to do it alone and you have to do it behind closed doors. You keep your emotions close to the vest because once you start crying in public in front of a woman, SHE WILL NEVER EVER LOOK AT YOU THE SAME WAY AGAIN REGARDLESS OF WHAT SHE TELLS YOU.
Alphas get laid. Betas cough up the free drinks, free flowers, free dinner, lots of attention and go home to jack off alone. Most women reinforce these simple truths with their behavior.
So for you ladies who want to see more "sensitive men", start a widespread movement where every time a guy cries, a hot chick will immediately give him a blow job. But of course it will never happen. If you cry in front of a woman, odds are you aren't going to get laid. That's why we don't do it in front of women. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 4:21:04 PM |
Men who arent afraid to been seen as a "wuss" by an ignorant , insecure person brainwashed by the culture appear much more well adjusted and strong than any man who says hes "strong" because he doesnt cry in front of people....This is particularly important and difficult for American men to overcome, as they get the most pressure from society about not being a wuss and being macho more than European men...
But remember, (North) American women have been brought up in the exact SAME society and have the exact SAME attitude about men who make a public display of deep emotional distress.
Most of us learn from WOMEN that we will be labelled 'Wuss' if we do not display 'manly' attributes. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 4:50:22 PM | | Men throughout history have been trained not to cry. The reason is that men had to do very harsh tasks and crying is really a sign that you want someone to comfort you. In hunting or war a crying man means that someone else, another important crucial resource has to stop what they are doing and tend to him. In a war or hunting that would be dangerous.It could mean the loss of game,or the game attacks you or in warthe other party attacks you. It would be dangerous if two men were disabled instead of one or none so therefore a man that cries will not be accepted by other men as a man and hence loses membership amongst other men because he cannot be counted on in crucial situations to be independent and persist despite pain. Men still feel pain in relationships or otherwise but they mostly suppress it, doesn't make them less human or worthy of consideration. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 5:07:41 PM | "Most of us learn from WOMEN that we will be labelled 'Wuss' if we do not display 'manly' attributes." I agree there is a societal element, personally I think it's more family history.
My dad cried openly and wasn't ashamed of it, my brothers weren't raised that it wasn't acceptable or "manly". My dad and brothers also hugged each other. That's our family, my uncles and male cousins the same.
And I have never thought of my dad or my brothers as wimpy or wussy. I knew them as strong men, proud of their masculinity in an understated way. They didn't have to beat their chest and shout...I'm a man. That's just how I grew up and I never made my sons feel bad about expressing themselves. They had other influences and they'd at times try to suppress their emotions. They knew it was always okay at home, it was accepted and they weren't made to feel like wussy boys.
It's so ironic....the men who from whatever influence...peers, family....are taught and trained to squelch any emotional reaction as being "unmanly". Then, women wonder why men don't open up or just be vulnerable and express the emotions that every human has. When they're "programmed" to be robotic in their reactions and responses. I don't understand how anyone couldn't make that connection. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 5:12:21 PM | Well, here yet again are facts and fallacies abundantly thrashing around in the mosh pit of life.
All reasons gone before for provision, protection, societal pressures, etc., etc., have stood the test of time as reasons for men not crying, not showing the 'weakness' perceived when a man shows feeling emotion by crying.
I do not, and will not, ever judge a man because he has the strength and fortitude to relieve his personal anguish by participating in a very necessary human 'fraility' by crying. To me, a man who can express himself truthfully and openly for ALL emotions is the stronger of men. I've had the relationships with the 'bad boys', the 'strong, silent types', etc. and believe you me, knowing where I stood with those men was like pulling teeth from a boar elephant with an abcess!
No, give me a gentleman who knows who he is, has no qualms about feeling and showing what he is feeling any day of the week. For me, a gentleman who can do that can also provide safety, security, sustenance, and stability in a more effective manner than any of the 'bad boys', 'strong, silent' warrior types who believe crying is a sign of weakness.
Cry on men of the world - you'll be healthier and happier for the release!
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 5:24:26 PM | | Why do I think men don't cry? Just the question is enough to cause me to break out in tears! Just call me Mr. Sensitive. Geeze, I think I'll go out and buy a self-help book. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 7:19:01 PM | What I want to know is, why is it that women insist that men should place the the same value on crying as they do? Why can't they accept the fact that we don't get the same payoff from it? Why is it so unreasonable to believe that men don't experience the world the way women experience it simply because we're not women?
Frankly after having read the thread more thoroughly, I've realized that what I'm saying is redundant, but I'm posting it all the same. Because, quite frankly, it can't be said enough. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 7:34:06 PM | What's the question here? Whether ANY man has EVER cried? Whether the TYPICAL man has EVER cried? Or whether men typically cry as often or for the same reasons as the typical woman?
We can all agree that men generally cry far less than women - does that make men any better or worse than women? No - just different. No need for men to state the obvious that...gasp...they have cried.... Or to defend that they have and give the circumstances. Those men who cry with some frequency...good for you. But those men who don't let's not judge them as unfeeling or dishonest with their feelings. We all decide when and how to show our feelings whether by words or deeds, emotions or actions. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 8:07:31 PM | I don't have a problem crying... I just won't ever cry again over a woman who leaves me. I will, however, gently and lovingly wire six pounds of C4 to her car's ignition.
After you've had enough women stomp your guts out and rip your heart to shreds, it's really hard to cry over, for, or because of, any more of them. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 8:12:25 PM | > ... start a widespread movement where every time a guy
> cries, a hot chick will immediately give him a blow job.
If I understand the intent here, I think it would work out better to have Ms. Hot Chick be ovulating at the time, and to have her gametes be involved somehow. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 8:30:23 PM | Men cry but usually in private unless they feel very comfortable with you. Ever see a man in a bar after having a breakup with a woman he loves? Every drop he is drinking from the bottle represents a tear and he is usually there longer than one night. I think men in general take much longer than women to get over a relationship if hurt. Often their hurt may also be displayed as anger or resentment if they have not let the pain be felt enough to heal properly.
Sometimes men also "cry in silence" meaning that you may not see outward tears but you can tell he is crying inside if there is a change in behaviour such as if he is extremely quiet or unresponsive.
Men also have a tendency to think differently. Usually when presented with a problem they try to think of ways to fix it instead of fixating on the event itself.
They are also trained from very young that "big boys don't cry!". | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 8:39:50 PM | This is a humorous thread.
Perhaps it should be retitled, "Societal Regulations for the Expression of Male Emotions".
Who makes up these rules?
Crying, whether male or female is a natural and normal physiological response. The abnormal physiological response is to suppress the body's need to express emotions.
If you're body needs to cry, then cry. There are no rules! If those around you don't like it, too bad!
Gentleman, extend your lifespan and prevent a heart attack, just be human and trust your body to regulate itself.
Don't be organized by societal constructs that have no basis in reality. Your life, your rules!
ACP | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 8:44:55 PM | | I'm Irish. I'm sentimental and soft hearted and compassionate. I can cry for happy things and sad things and am very easily moved. The day my now 16 year old daughter gets married I will undoubtedly cry like a baby. Although many things will bring me to tears, it is not real boo-hoo crying, but most often tears wil simply run down my cheeks. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 8:53:22 PM | ^^^ I'm the same way....very soft hearted and compassionate. I feel a great deal of empathy for people....it's almost like I can "feel" their pain and sorrows as my own...anyways, I rarely cry boohoo, but I get this great big lump in my throat more times than I care for, and I get teary eyes often .
I get all emotional just watching a school play, specially when it comes to the little ones, even though mine are all big now. Sometimes I just look at my granddaughter and I get "the lump" I love her so. Seeing any sign of love, or an act of kindness freely given to another, touches me to tears....yeah yeah I know....to each their own:)
Love and peace to us all...
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/26/2007 11:38:57 PM | oldsoul wrote:
^^^ I'm the same way....very soft hearted and compassionate. I feel a great deal of empathy for people....it's almost like I can "feel" their pain and sorrows as my own...anyways, I rarely cry boohoo, but I get this great big lump in my throat more times than I care for, and I get teary eyes often .
I get all emotional just watching a school play, specially when it comes to the little ones, even though mine are all big now. Sometimes I just look at my granddaughter and I get "the lump" I love her so. Seeing any sign of love, or an act of kindness freely given to another, touches me to tears....yeah yeah I know....to each their own:)
Speaking of children, the one that really gets me, even when I think of it is a video I made of my daughter when she was just 3 years old on a nice summer's day. Here is this little red haired girl all bright and cheery and she says to me, "Let's go for a walk" as she hold out her hand. I was too tired though so I told her to just walk up the sidewalk and I would tape her. She is 16 now and I would give anything to be able to walk with that little girl now. (Damn, I have tears running down my cheeks as I type this.)
Real men can and do cry when they are moved to tears and they do not feel any less a man for doing so. I can remember the season's final episode of The Office in 2006 when at the end Jim finally told Pam that he loved her and she told him that she had always looked upon him as her best friend (she was engaged at the time). Jim said no, no that he wanted more than that and when he walked away he said, "I'm sorry I misunderstood our friendship" as he wiped a tear that rolled down his cheek. The internet boards about the show lit up as the women just went nuts over Jim and how a man could display such sincere emotion. Women can appreciate a man who can sincerely express his emotions through tears when he is moved (this does not mean he is a crybaby who constantly and copiously weeps over everything which is how some like to paint a man who cries). | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/27/2007 6:14:57 AM | ^
Someone once told me I was an "empath"....hmm...and they meant it as an insult, like it was a bad thing or an undesirable trait to have....so I looked it up and just like I thought, it comes from the word empathy. But I was reminded that it is also a close cousin to the word pathetic...not so nice that one, but whatever.
Empathy: the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings,
thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience
fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.
^^^ How can this be bad ? Anyway it's not like we have a choice to be this way. I know I was born "wired" this way,
because for as far as I can remember, this is the way it's always been for me. I've always been deeply affected by the pain and suffering of others. I hate injustice, and I can't stand to see anyone hurt or ridiculed. When I was just 4 or 5 years old, and I found out that there were children who were not eating and that they actually dying from starvation, I refused to eat and I often cried myself to sleep thinking about them.
Just reading your story about your little girl, I could actually see her in my mind with her beautiful red hair, playfully asking
you to go for a walk....and I was picturing you telling her to just go ahead, you'd record it.....and I could "feel" what it was you were trying to say up there in your post. I totally "got it" and I totally "felt" you, and I felt the love you have for your daughter who will always be that red haired little girl she was that day, and how you wish you could go back in time and relive that day, if only for a moment.....and I got to share a little bit of your special moment forever frozen in time and
forever imprinted in your heart....thanks :)
Oh, and all this misinformation that's being freely given as facts on these pages about women not respecting men who
show their emotions, or who cry, or who are easily moved is just that, misinformation....and it's wrong to pass such drivel as facts, in my opinion. It only serves to perpetuate the myth that men are somewhat suppose to be above it all....above what, is what I'd like to know. Above being able to feel and care deeply for people? Above being able to empathize with someone
and above having normal human emotions and responses? What a crock that is, and it's high time we lay that one to rest and bury it once and for all. What a better world it would be if we could all just be ourselves and not have to wear these ridiculous masks we're given to wear because of our gender. Anyway, enough said, and yes, there are women who not only don't mind seeing a man cry, but who will respect and love a man even more for him being able do so without the fear and worry of what the world will think of him :)
Love and peace to all...
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/27/2007 6:22:19 AM | "...in the 8 years we were together I never once seen that man cry."
Just because you were with someone that's emotionally zombified, that doesn't mean all men are. It just means that apparently you're attracted to the men that are. Eight years? Wow. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/27/2007 6:38:54 AM | I don't believe that the reason that "men don't cry" is because of societies conditioning. I think that society conforms to human nature , not the reverse. Although , 'politics' does attempt to alter this rule .
Men and women are different by nature.
Men are less outwardly emotional , that certainly does not mean men are not emotional or deep.
Women are more outwardly emotional . That does not mean women are weak.
What I don't appreciate is the idea that men are lacking some how because they are not walking around blubbering half the time . The "men are lacking " idea is fundamentally insulting to men . (misandry)
Now , some men may be too stoic for some women and some women may be too emotional for some men .
But , if a woman does not appreciate the fact that men are less outwardly emotional than women , then , she really must not like men.
I do not think that in these modern times the problem is that men are not "feminised" enough . I think the problem is that society can't/won't appreciate the differences in men and women. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/27/2007 7:33:28 AM | And I respectfully disagree with the statement made that men are not "feminised" enough and that we simply can't/ won't appreciate the difference between men and women.
In my opinion, this isn't about gender as much as this is about individuals, and that's where we make the biggest assumptions, in my opinion. I am way more sensitive than most people I know, and I also happen to be a woman.
But I know tons of women who aren't like me. And I know women who are the exact opposite of me. And I also know
women who are somewhere in the middle.
In my opinion, our emotions, our sexuality, everything little thing that makes us who we are , belongs somewhere on this
one continuum or sliding scale, and I honestly believe that where we are on that scale has very little to do with whether we are born male or female. I believe that it has everything to do with how our brain is "wired". Now there are studies that suggest that our gender do in fact determine certain aspect of our behaviors, and there are others that say that it plays a very small role, if any.
Nurture versus nature is the eternal question, and as of yet, no one has been able to come up with the answer. Of course if one wanted to, they could go and copy and paste hundreds of articles proving their own agenda driven point just to make their point, but then so could the other camp. I personally couldn't be bothered with anyone who would holds such fanatical views anyway, because no one has ever able to determine the infamous nurture versus nature dilemma. I've also read all I ever want to read about the pu$$ification and the feminization of men.
But my question is, why is it that in some cultures, some men cry just as easily as some women do and without shame or
fear of persecution ? Why is that?
I've known men who had "feminine" qualities, yet they were all men, trust me. I've known real women who seemed to possess "masculine" qualities about them, but no one would ever doubt that they were in fact, real women. Why can't we just accept the fact that we are ALL different?? WHY??? Why does everyone and everything have to be labelled and categorized and put in a box?? Why can't we just be human beings ?? Why can't we embrace the full range of possibilities of what it means to be a human being ?? Why do we have to be defined and limited by our genitalia?? Um... well...besides the obvious, obviously... and anyway, this is just my opinion...but to each their own :)
\/\/\/ EDIT: Please do NOT twist my words... it is very easy to determine what it was I was trying to say...pardon my french!!!!!! But one with an agenda will ONLY see what is is they WANT to want to see I guess, and in my humble opinion, of course.
You or anybody else on this board are free to interpret my words the way you wish to interpret them...there are no contradiction in my words. We are human beings first and foremost, and we all possess a wide range of emotions NOT assigned or specific to one gender or the other. Period. Think of my words what you will...I'm outta here.
EDIT:
How could I twist your words ? I cut and pasted from your post.
You're being outwardly emotional . (-;
Because you know damn well I meant to say "typical"....are you french too??
And is being outwardly emotional any worse than playing pointless head games and picking at my words??
Well is it ?? And according to whom??
ps: Did you not have that beer I left for you on that other thread?? :) :) :)
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/27/2007 7:44:45 AM | I've known men who had "feminine" qualities, yet they were all men, trust me. I've known real women who seemed to possess "masculine" qualities about them, but no one would ever doubted that they were in fact real women.
Only if a man was totally masculine would he be "all man"
Do you see the contradiction within your own statement?
If a man has more feminine qualities then he must be less masculine .
If a woman has more masculine qualities then she must be less feminine .
Now , that does not mean that there is not a varying degree of feminine and masculine qualities in men and women . It does not make a statement about any sort of ideal mix.
But , to say that men are lacking in feminine qualities is obviously insulting to men.
\/\/\/ EDIT: PLease do NOT twist my words... it was very easy to determine what it was trying to say...pardon my french!!!!!!
How could I twist your words ? I cut and pasted from your post.
You're being outwardly emotional . (-;
Why do we have to be defined and limited by our genitalia??
To negate the difference is destructive and limiting. The beauty of life is in the difference. To negate our differences is to diminish life .
IMHO | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/27/2007 8:57:51 AM | Nurture versus nature is the eternal question, and as of yet, no one has been able to come up with the answer. Of course if one wanted to, they could go and copy and paste hundreds of articles proving their own agenda driven point just to make their point, but then so could the other camp. I personally couldn't be bothered with anyone who would holds such fanatical views anyway, because no one has ever able to determine the infamous nurture versus nature dilemma.
I know that there is alot of opposition to nature over nurture.
From what I have learned nature plays a very big role while nurture is certainly a factor.
But , I sure don't want to open up any can of worms .
All I know is a rarely cry and if felt like crying I would ....but I haven't ....atleast since the time I lost my kare bear "snuggles" and could not find it for a whole week !!
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/27/2007 9:05:15 AM | For oldsoul:
Thank you for your words. From where I now sit I can see a picture of my daughter when she was 3 years old in front of our house where she asked me to go for a walk. That time and that little girl are now gone forever, other than in my memory and pictures and video, and now she is 16 going on 21 and is taller than I am. I, too, have considered myself to be somewhat of an empath. It almost seems odd how I can be moved to tears by music such as the national anthem of France because it is so rousingly patriotic, but also that of Israel because it is so melancholily sad. "Tears are words the heart can't express".
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We may all feel the desire to smile or laugh at something, but even though we have the ability to express those emotions we might stifle the expressions depending upon the situation. There is no doubt that men have the ability to express their emotions through crying, but particularly in the U.S. males are socialized to stifle their desire to cry or to shed tears because they have been taught (not necessarily through actual "teaching", but through observation) that big boys don't cry, to keep a stiff upper lip, that to cry is to display weakness. How is it thought that to cry is to display weakness? Because there still exists the notion that for a man to cry is to behave like a woman and in our society that is still considered to be "weak", even by some women, but especially if a man cries.
How many women here at POF have profiles which state that they can admire or respect a man who has the ability to express his emotions by shedding tears (not meaning a blubbering fool) as opposed to the number of women who clearly indicate that they desire a strong and masculine manly man (meaning criers need not apply)? There may undoubtedly be some, but I don't recall coming across any. Despite what women may say it still seems as though many of them would prefer men to be uber masculine and emotionally constipated even if it means that these men suffer and die sooner as a result of stiffling their emotions and don't communicate well. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/27/2007 9:14:12 AM | How many women here at POF have profiles which state that they can admire or respect a man who has the ability to express his emotions by shedding tears (not meaning a blubbering fool) as opposed to the number of women who clearly indicate that they desire a strong and masculine manly man (meaning criers need not apply)? There may undoubtedly be some, but I don't recall coming across any. Despite what women may say it still seems as though many of them would prefer men to be uber masculine and emotionally constipated even if it means that these men suffer and die sooner as a result of stiffling their emotions and don't communicate well.
I believe in nature there is an inherint kind gender war going on .
I believe that it is a kind of dilemna for women . On the one hand women are attracted to men for their masculinity ( this is obvious ) but on the other hand women would like to dominate these men in order to bond with them ( to do with procreation)
Also , Women are opposed to a super masculine society for obvious reasons.
Women are attracted to masculinity in men , but they feel they must "tame" men . ( try to get 'em crying and emotionally touchy feely )
I do not care what women say , their actions speak for themselves , women want masculine men. Men want feminine women . That's nature. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/27/2007 9:22:23 AM | | Men do cry. It's an emotion that can't be helped. Weither a person chooses to do so infront of others is a choice. But I'm sure every human being has cryed at one time or another. I'm not embarrased or ashamed to say I've cryed. And I dare anyone to prove I am less of a man for it. If anything, it takes more strength and self awareness to let yourself experience emotions that some in society might deem as weak. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 10/27/2007 9:31:18 AM |
I don't have a problem crying... I just won't ever cry again over a woman who leaves me. I will, however, gently and lovingly wire six pounds of C4 to her car's ignition.
After you've had enough women stomp your guts out and rip your heart to shreds, it's really hard to cry over, for, or because of, any more of them.
Leave you ... or escape?
Woof! | |
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