| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 11/8/2007 4:16:57 AM | Just because you don't see it doesn't mean we don't.
In private however I think quite a few men weep... we just keep it to ourselves.
On those occasions when emotions overwhelm us to the point of uncontrollable sobbing... well I've been around it when men have let it all out like that and to be honest it's not a pretty site. I actually remember thinking "Damn... why couldn't they do this in private... everyone is so uncomfortable".
I think the idea of men crying just galvanizes how bad the situation is.
WHen the strongest individual in a group breaks down... it's gotta be pretty bad.
I mean I'm sure Winston CHurchill had his moments IN PRIVATE... but could you imagine that man crying in public?
What would that have done to the collective conciousness of Engalnd in WWII... ?
Thats an extreme example... but the point is that someone has to remain strong.
Last year we lost a matriarch of the family.
Really the first family member to die out of all our relatives in Canada.
Everyone cried.
I wanted to cry.
But felt that someone needed to remain strong. That's not to say crying shows weakness... but sometimes just having one person stand there showing they can take it and let everyone lean on them for support helps to prop up the rest of the family.
I had several family members comment to me how much they appreciated how strong I handled everything.
It helped them.
Most of the time that duty falls on the shoulders of a man... but sometimes it's there for a woman too. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 11/8/2007 7:04:06 AM |
We like it that way. When something really bad happens, you do it in private, wipe your nose, step out of the room and put it behind you. If it's not something involving the death of a family member/ close friend or a pet what's the point? It's not going to get you anything, and you can use the time you'd use to cry to do something productive.
That's all I'm sayin. If you cry for reasons other than this, and you can't control it, you might want to go off and come back.
Just because you don't see it doesn't mean we don't.
In private however I think quite a few men weep... we just keep it to ourselves.
On those occasions when emotions overwhelm us to the point of uncontrollable sobbing... well I've been around it when men have let it all out like that and to be honest it's not a pretty site. I actually remember thinking "Damn... why couldn't they do this in private... everyone is so uncomfortable".
That's not men, that's everyone. It's not pretty...I agree. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 11/8/2007 7:06:43 AM | Well, there's a good question. Personally, I'll tell ya ladies, If a guy can't cry and let out his emotions, GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM!
Either he is Narsacistic or has severe emotional problems.
EveryOne needs balance emotionally: happy-sad, bored-excited, angry-cheerfull.
The whole Ying/Yang balance picture.
Mark | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 11/8/2007 7:18:31 AM | | Well, some men are just void of emotion. Others think it's a weakness to show your emotion. My ex husband didn't even cry when his mother passed; he told me "I cannot be emotional and take care of business". | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 11/9/2007 8:04:12 AM | ^^^^ I can understand that totally. Not the "void of emotion" part, but someone not crying under some circumstances where it might be expected, like at a funeral (or a wedding). If it's an authentic emotion it may not make much sense to someone else, because strong emotions are by definition not rational. Perhaps he'd already prepared himself for his mother's death and accepted it, knew it was coming, and that it was 'right' in some sense. It's the totally unexpected that comes entirely out of the blue which might be way more likely to elicit tears, though sometimes people are just too shocked to cry.
IOW, I don't think it's right or fair to say someone is "void of emotion" just because they don't react some way or another. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 11/16/2007 8:38:41 PM | | men do cry. Many of us cry a lot. Men just don't get much support when they cry. We are still supposed to live up to an outdated stereotype. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 11/16/2007 9:41:00 PM | | Men and women all are subject to sorrow, having the self confidence to shed a tear in public when it's appropriate and is not a sign of weakness. The Indian chief who shed a tear on the first anti littering commercial in the 1960s proved that. We guys are brought up with a different standard of behavior, we get sad and angry, crying like a baby is for sissy's, that's what we learn as kids, we have testosterone and will smash a wall before we publicly display tears. If we lose a spouse, parent or child we might weep privatively. Guys are expected to be cool and detached in public, supportive to women in times of great sorrow, it's all based on hormones, genetics and cultural pre-dispositions. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 11/16/2007 11:14:06 PM | Traditionally, excessive expression of emotional states by men has been seen as a weakness or vice, that of effeminacy. Philosophers and moralists from Aristotle onwards have defined the best state a man can attain in terms of virtue as having the emotions under the control of our reason. Some thinkers like the Stoics went even further and held one is only truely happy when you achieve a state called apatheia, which is the effects of the emotions are purged and they don't affect you or control you at all. Epicuran philosophy had the more realistic goal of simply having our emotions in reasonable balance with our desires and our reason.
I think this cultural expectation continues today. A man who can control his emotions and be brave in the face of danger or conflict is seen as virtuous. I believe this view is basically right, a person's emotions should be under the control of our reason and in harmony with what we will, we shouldn't let emotions control or rule us. But I also don't think emotions should be controlled so rigidly one is cold and stony even in the face of things which demand an emotional response, such as a grave tragedy. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 12/20/2007 6:03:15 AM | I would disagree that men don't cry. They cry in private, as has been mentioned numerous times in this thread. What is important to remember is that men don't cry like women cry. They don't curl up with a blanket and call thier best friend. They typically get a bottle and throw stuff at stuff. Now we can talk about how they are taught to bottle it up and keep it to themselves but the truth is that is how we are. It is not training, the reason so many men can conform to bottling it up so easily is because that is what makes sense to us. I have been hearing from different women's movements my whole life about how men should be in touch with thier feelings and all of that, but what I wonder is why you feel we should go against our instincts? Women always look for the tears as a sign of pain and suffering, things that they would do if they felt a certain way. I have witnessed men bawl in front of others and they just don't care. Funerals are a very common one. What women don't get is why men don't cry for other less drastic reasons. What men wonder is why do women cry so often. Take for example the intiator of this thread, who was perplexed that after 8 years together he didn't cry (at least were she could see). But after 8 years you should have understood him enough to know that chances were he was not going to. That is what is most important here, the fact that women, over the last 40 odd years have stopped realizing that men are not women. They are quick enough to point it out when things need to be lifted, but conviently forget it when emoitions are running high, expecting them (men)to behave in a manner that they(women) want, in a way that they understand. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 12/20/2007 6:20:32 AM | Most men, if they are moved to cry, will most likely do it in private.
There are 3x I have seen a man cry that touched me deeply. Once was when our son was born, a tear ran down my ex's face as he shakily uttered "it's a boy."
Another time, I was sitting with a friend, vietnam vet, who related a war experience to me that left him shaking violently and tears streaming down his face. I was humbled by the fact he trusted me enough to "go there". Same friend, in Germany, different time, received a phone call informing him that his father, stateside, passed away. I was present during the call, and offered all the comfort I could as he cried briefly upon receiving the sad news. Never did I consider them to be less manly for it. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 12/20/2007 7:29:25 AM |
Well, some men are just void of emotion.
That would be me.
Others think it's a weakness to show your emotion. My ex husband didn't even cry when his mother passed;
Change "think" to "know". Then you're correct.
he told me "I cannot be emotional and take care of business".
Or as the great sage Jesse "The Body" Ventura put it, "I ain't got time to bleed."
Traditionally, excessive expression of emotional states by men has been seen as a weakness or vice, that of effeminacy. Philosophers and moralists from Aristotle onwards have defined the best state
Or, to put it more succinctly:
OT: my most recent ~Love~ was ZEE most CryinIST lil B I T C H
E V E R
really...
not Just CRYing, but?...WHIMPering,SQEALing,shivering/shaking/shuttering,WHINEing,b i t c h ing, moaning SQUEAKy lil flittering *Fairy* boy
WHICH is why most men don't. Cause she might say "oh, you're so sensitive, you poor thing" AT THE TIME. Wait til the relationship goes sour --- then you're a flittering *Fairy* boy.
That's why women want to know our innermost feelings. Makes the emotional abuse easier, later. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 12/20/2007 8:11:46 AM | Maybe I shouldn't tell this but I know that some people are very differant about the crying thing.
With some people if you have done enough to them to make them cry it may be the last thing you ever do on earth.
For instance..
With my family, both male and female, if you see any of us go to tears it is because we are ready to kill you..
A person can only take so much crap from others before they say" ENOUGH".
Most women may cry because they are sad.
But some people will cry because they are being forced to do something that they realy don't want to do. Which is to stomp the SH!T out of some @sshole!..
I used to be a Biker and mostly fought for fun . I never forgot how to fight..
Now I am a hippie and if anyone was to see tears in my eyes they had better back the Funk off and leave me alone before I do something that we both would regret.
My daughters are the same way... Don't piss them off...
Peace , love and happiness to all.. | |
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IRocky
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Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 215 | |
| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 12/20/2007 8:27:40 AM | Ok, I'll tell you the secret: When boys are born, in the delivery room, we are shown a video movie. The first five minutes is all about watching sports and hiding the remote control from other family members (your wife). Then it comes to the part about "crying". The Professor ends with this warning: "Men, if you cry in the presence of a woman, you will be.......... (to be continued)" 
Seriously, I have cried "once" with my ex gf, but it's because she was crying and I felt her pain.... (keep that a secret please).. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 12/27/2007 5:59:16 AM | Women cry.
Men cry.
The list of things that will cause a woman to cry is endless.
The list of things that will cause a man to cry is very short.
A woman will cry over a broken fingernail (seen it happen). A man will not,
A man may cry if his son and wife planned to get an old favorite muscle car rebuilt by the guys on tv (seen it). A woman wouldn't.
Why do women cry more than men?.....They simply have more reasons to.
Personally..the last time I cried....about 9 years ago when I had to make the decision to put my 13 year old Husky Shepherd down due to illness and of course being there while it happened.
Am I embarrased by it? Not in the least. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 12/27/2007 6:08:43 AM | | The OP subject question is based upon a false premise since men actually and obviously do cry. Why don't we just take people out of the nice and tidy boxes that get created for them? Some women cry more than men, some men more than women. Both cry for many of the same reasons. Everybody is different. There is no one size fits all for either men or woman no matter how hard we try to categorize and pigeonhole them. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 12/27/2007 6:20:01 AM | | Think about when you grew up. When women cry cuz they were hurt, people helped. When men cried, they got teased for being a wussie. That's where the reaction is breeded. It happens because of men's natural role as a pillar of strengt (well among humans anyways) and due to this, they need to be a rock. Rocks don't cry. We are weapons, tools, and computers. We are throughout history concidered as the breadwinner and bad guy basher. This is where the notion of a man being concidered a wuss for crying comes from. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 12/27/2007 6:57:59 AM | | I have seen several men cry, men who in my opinion under most circumstances were very stoic and strong. They just don't have a tendency to weep over the same things that women do. Many women can cry simply by seeing someone else in pain, most men will only cry if they feel it intensely for themselves. I do agree that it has been considered a sign of weakness which is why a lot of men not only hide being hurt some have trouble showing much emotion of any kind. I saw my father cry a couple of times in my life and it never made me think any less of him and he was the most manly man I have ever known. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 12/27/2007 6:59:49 AM |
Women cry.
Men cry.
Unfortunately, both true.
The list of things that will cause a woman to cry is endless.
Luckily, I wasn't born with the continual "break down" chromasome, but I've seen it, and it's not attractive, or becoming.
The list of things that will cause a man to cry is very short.
And that's much better - maybe women can learn from it.
A woman will cry over a broken fingernail (seen it happen).
Not this woman - that's just dumb.
A man will not,
A man may cry if his son and wife planned to get an old favorite muscle car rebuilt by the guys on tv (seen it). A woman wouldn't.
Yeah that's dumb too - for either sex.
Why do women cry more than men?.....They simply have more reasons to.
No, they don't - they were programmed by parents that coddled them when they cried, which made them feel it was acceptable, and they translate every negative emotion into crying because it was the only acceptable emotion to show in public. Why do you think more men hit things and more women are in therapy? It's the way they were raised. I was raised NOT to cry in public and make an azz out of myself - and I am thankful for that. Unfortunately, none of my friends ever learned this, and will cry if they can't find a decent outfit on a Saturday night, which never made sense to me.
Personally..the last time I cried....about 9 years ago when I had to make the decision to put my 13 year old Husky Shepherd down due to illness and of course being there while it happened.
Am I embarrased by it? Not in the least.
Nor should you be - that's understandable. You'd be WAY too closed off if you didn't cry while watching your pet die. Death, illness, tragedy, family related things and all that are ok. A rebuilt engine (in public)? A bit much. | |
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| Why do you think men don't cry?
Posted: 12/27/2007 7:46:31 AM | | Personally, I don't know how many of you guys keep all that stuff inside, in the first place. Okay, I probably would be put off by a guy who cries as much as a chick does, but, I don't think it's healthy to keep everything bottled up. Gotta come out in some form, no? | |
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