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| Zachary's Halloween Party Pictures (East Meadow-10/26/07)
Posted: 10/30/2007 8:42:02 AM | Hey Plumber
Haha you said Squid!
Yeah that picture came out good... I have a few other's of you and Swid and bunch of other POF Peeps
Like I said give me a week... It will take a while to burn it on to a cd at the store!
I got alot of those dancing as well! I just love my new camera! The old one was just crap!  | |
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| My perspective on this matter
Posted: 10/30/2007 1:26:52 PM | | yankee - in most cases, it's actually a turn ON for me. i kinda like aggressive women. the funny thing is that as much as women complain about men "not taking a hint" women are just as bad. after telling a woman i was busy on three different occasions, the fourth time i told her i was getting a pedicure...i'll be damned if she didn't call me the next day and ask how it went! cmon, a PEDICURE? i actually have had one ONCE (i prefer the old fashioned way...biting em off) but if a man picks a pedicure over you give up. he's either completely uninterested in you or gay. | |
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| My perspective on this matter
Posted: 10/31/2007 4:21:37 AM | Hey Pop, PEDICURE, sounds good to me, never had one but tired of stabbing my bed partner with these long toenails, you have any places in mind that you would like to share?
Does it mean if a man gets a pedicure he is GAY, oh my, don't want the ladies thinking I'm gay(maybe happy gay, but not gay)
Sometimes I will I had your talent of biting them off, not sure if I would like the taste of toe in the mouth!or should I say "hoofinthemouth" | |
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| My perspective on this matter
Posted: 10/31/2007 4:24:23 AM | last line, take out the will, and replace it with WISH...................LOL
my spelling getting bad, should of finished 6th grade! | |
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| My perspective on this matter
Posted: 10/31/2007 5:08:25 AM | Good morning, everyone!
First, let me say that you did a great job with the POF party....you made everyone feel comfortable, Zachary's was a great choice, and I am sure that the next get together will be just as good....
I never have felt that a man should be the one to make the first move....if 2 people are looking at each other and they feel that there is some chemestry, one or the other should make "the first move"...I agree with plummer in that men hate rejection, but so do women...in any case, my theory is that if I see a woman that I find attractive, if she is alone and not talking to another man, that its ok to approach her, let her know that you are interested, and hope for the best...if not...well, on with your life...as far as the request of some kind of continuation of chatting instead of a #, the truth is that there are a lot of nuts out there, and women have a right to be somewhat protective before they meet someone from here..its up to a man,if he really likes her, to be patient, and make her feel comfortable enough to allow her to call him...
I hope that everyone had a great time..I know that I did...hope that everyone is having a good week!!
Dean  | |
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| My perspective on this matter
Posted: 10/31/2007 6:36:55 AM | the only problem i have with chatting for weeks is you really don't get to know the person as well as you think you do. when they have hours to come up with a reply it's slightly different than if they are talking to you and have to reply on the spot. i've talked to someone for weeks online, a couple of days on the phone, and when it finally came time to meet up it was the biggest disaster ever. monosyllabic responses to all my questions, no eye contact, and twitching the whole time. i don't know if she was just shy or a serial killer but i suddenly felt like i had wasted all this time. if i had met her earlier i would have known immediately that it wasn't going anywhere.
i didn't say men who get pedicures are gay, i said if a man picks a pedicure over a woman it might be a possibility. either that or he's just not interested in that woman. personally i enjoyed the pedi i got. it starts with you soaking your feet in a little jacuzzi and ends in a foot massage, what's not to love? oh and somewhere in there they cut your toenails which i need from time to time; i can slice through socks and climb trees with these babies. | |
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| My perspective on this matter
Posted: 10/31/2007 7:07:56 AM | Come to think of it, I rather speed date than spend 6 weeks of chatting on the computer! Pros about speed dating(never done it, but heard about it!)is you see the person in front of you, for 5 to 7 minutes you get to share something about each other.
If the two of you hit it off, then you persue that person! I enjoy the fact that some men like to captivate a women, as I do, and some women love to be captivated! It's like the hunter and huntee! | |
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| My perspective on this matter
Posted: 10/31/2007 7:26:09 AM | I am loving the responses here! You guys are really giving us some insight as to what a guy wants. I know you don't speak for all guys, but it's nice to have your perspective on things.
I still don't understand why a guy would resort to emailing a woman he already met, danced with, talk to, etc. I think he should go straight to phone or coffee. Unless, of course, he is NOT interested and just being nice. But, like I said, I am talking about 3 different men persuing 3 different woman, and in all cases, they resorted back to emailing. Definitly MARS!! lol | |
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| My perspective on this matter
Posted: 10/31/2007 7:37:09 AM | Just an idea Yankee!, why don't you set-up another meet a Zachary's, lets call it a speed date meet, lets say around 8:00pm, on a Friday, get equal amounts of Ladies and Gentlemen, maybe after the so called speed date, go to get a bite to eat. After that whom ever wants to go back to Zachary's and dance and have fun, can do so with the person they are interest in!
Please, don't shot me it's just ans idea   Who knows, you may find your true love this way! | |
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| My perspective on this matter
Posted: 10/31/2007 7:51:11 AM | | i usually have to email because i'm just too damn busy. i don't normally get home til about 10-1030. the only time i really have to bs is right now when i'm pretending to work. | |
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| My perspective on this matter
Posted: 10/31/2007 8:05:36 AM | | Good idea plumber! Why don't you put something together? I am exhausted from putting this last event together, and still trying to get over this awful cold. Not sure if I have the energy to put another event together anytime soon. Plus the fact that there are alot of critics out there. So many people emailed me before this event (I mean real stupid, stupid, stupid stuff) and then didn't even show up, nor did they want to help! lol..............................I don't mean to complain, its just alot of work and aggrevation. Much appreciated to the people who posted and emailed me about what a great time they had. It made it all worth it. | |
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| My perspective on this matter
Posted: 10/31/2007 8:12:00 AM | Speed dating on POF
You know how much time and effort that will take?
You need equally amount in both gender...And age range too... You
have to be pacific with both!!!!
And we all know how people get on this site!!! Half of them, all FLAKE OUT!
And then that leave's an odd number in speed dating....
Have I ever speed date before?
HELL NO... But, I have watch it before and see what goes on...
PLUM....I'm going to call you PLUM now on HA.... Can always do speed dating at a meet n greet.
This way we know lot's of people will show up and be there...
I think the next meet and greet should be after the holiday's and going into spring time...
Just my thought though... Everyone come's out during March and April BIG TIME.
What's up with this feet talk? Feet are gross! I do my own toe nails LOL.... I never ever
had a pedicure! | |
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| Speed date @ Zachary's
Posted: 10/31/2007 8:23:15 AM | Yankee, Honey, Darling, Sweetheart! I'm from an Island, we all know that!
but my Island is Staten Island, where the heck is LOOOOOOOOOOOOng Island?
I would love to set it up you beautiful woman you(hope you feel better), but I don't know where to begin.
It doesn't have to be this weekend, just sometime in the near future.
Plus, I don't have the connection you do.
Call me.........I81U812.....lol | |
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| Zack'ssss
Posted: 10/31/2007 8:47:26 AM | I'm always nice! | |
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| Zack'ssss
Posted: 10/31/2007 9:07:50 AM | side note from a different conversation...why do they call it PMS?
cause mad cow disease was already taken.
THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT!!!
 | |
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| Zachary's Halloween Party Pictures (East Meadow-10/26/07)
Posted: 10/31/2007 9:25:23 AM | Hey, interesting turn of topic, so I thought I'd chime in...
rejection is hard to accept, some woman tend to say no when asked out to dinner, or coffee
And some say yes. It's a numbers game, after all.
Rejection is even harder for a woman, generally speaking, because they don't get rejected as often as men do. Society has also cultivated this pattern which springs from our make-up where the man is the "aggressor". So women tend not to initiate most of the contact. But they do go about it by making eye contact to make their interest known instead so that the man then will take the lead. And sometimes they don't even do that. It's a big world.
(I'm talking in what typically and generally happens, which is integral to this topic, and so since there's always exceptions, please don't feel the need to post how it is that you're it!)
Equality in the workplace and voting booth and seats on the bus is one thing, but when it comes to male/female relationships, it's quite another because that's not about equality, that's all about our gender differences.
When a man doesn't initiate and make contact, several things happen. First of all, if he's passively waiting for the woman to make the first move, then he doesn't ever get what he wants because his desired woman will most likely not make that first move.
Secondly, let's say that she did "give him the eye" but he doesn't act on it, waiting for her to do more. What happens on a unconscious level to her is that she feels he isn't sure enough of himself and that turns her off (unless she's needy, insecure or desperate).
As far as the phone number thing, I myself asked many women on this site for their phone numbers, and many replied "should chat on here a bit longer"
Drop 'em.
We're on a dating site with the purpose of meeting in real life; the site serves to introduce us so that we may meet. Cyberchatting and emails does not replace real life and defeats that purpose.
They may not be what and who they say they are and so can never meet lest you find out that 110 pound 5'5" honey is really a 6'1" 300 pound man; they may just be attention spongers loving all the emails in their inbox or just terribly insane people who could never sustain a relationship on Terra Firma.
It may also mean that you're asking for the phone number before you've built enough interest on their part, or perhaps you've unintentionally lowered their interest.
when it finally came time to meet up it was the biggest disaster ever. monosyllabic responses to all my questions, no eye contact, and twitching the whole time. I don't know if she was just shy or a serial killer but I suddenly felt like I had wasted all this time.
When people meet in real life, even if they've seen a photo of who they're to meet, real life is different from a two dimensional photo. It's the way your face moves, the way you carry yourself, your physical presence. So, I think she thought you were quite handsome, more than your photos. Being 6'4" and in shape and looking good and being a few inches away from the gal as opposed to your picture being 3" on a monitor makes a huge difference... her reaction to you took her by surprise - and that can make a woman nervous and she may shiver or appear absent minded as a result.
You note however how it was a turn off for you, which you ascribe to her being different in RL than she was in weeks of emails. I believe the turn off is actually, on a deeper level, about her giving you signals of her being insecure. And that's how a woman feels when a guy acts nervous around her too. Consider the above discussion regarding not approaching the woman, and that's the signal that's sent to her when that happens.
I still don't understand why a guy would resort to emailing a woman he already met, danced with, talk to, etc. I think he should go straight to phone or coffee.
You would think so. After all, if the guy meets her and spends some time with her and isn't interested, then why waste time emailing back and forth some more? So I think it's probably more a matter of those guys being more comfortable behind their computer than being face-to-face.
Going forward face-to-face with a woman requires a guy to now give some of his time to this woman and actually get up and out, and he has to spend some money and think up things to do and carry out those plans. It means he has to engage in live conversations with her and meet her friends (which also risks rejection). In those live conversations, he risks being himself and concerned that the real him won't turn her off if he's insecure about himself, and since he's insecure about himself...
Going back to maintaining an email correspondence avoids all that. | |
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| Zachary's Halloween Party Pictures (East Meadow-10/26/07)
Posted: 10/31/2007 11:17:43 AM | creative, most of that was pretty insightful. but on a personal note i like shy ones (as well as aggresive ones if you read me previous post..i like em ALL ) a little chasing is fun as long as i get that they like me but are just shy, i.e. looking then looking away, blushing, etc. then you can ignore a little faux pas here and there. it's cute. but when they almost completely ignore your existence by staring at the wall and not answering questions with more than a yes or no... maybe it's extreme shyness but it comes across as complete disinterest.
as for insecurity with approaching girls i'm very guilty of that. the more you want to talk to a girl the scarier the thought of rejection becomes. i'm actually pretty introverted by myself. by choice mostly, i'm comfortable being alone. i'll sit on a crowded bus for 6 hours and not talk to a soul, but all it takes is a hello (or a couple of beers) and i'll be telling you about the rash i got when i was 9...k 29.  | |
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| Zachary's Halloween Party Pictures (East Meadow-10/26/07)
Posted: 10/31/2007 12:33:27 PM |
as for insecurity with approaching girls i'm very guilty of that. the more you want to talk to a girl the scarier the thought of rejection becomes.
Because you're thinking about the possible rejection more so than simply enjoying the moment. In the seconds that follow the thought of approaching her, you're conjuring up all the reasons why you'd be rejected, but that's focussing on the outcome instead of the event itself.
What would happen if you changed that thought? What would happen if you thought instead, "I can interact with that woman over there and we'll both have some fun!" That's what she's likely there for too, so you're only potentially delivering what she's seeking anyway. As a matter of fact, that's the kind of experience women tend to cherish, where the guy isn't focussed obviously single-purposely heavy-handedly about his intent to pick her up (although they all know the intent is there) but is "sweeping her off her feet" by bringing some fun and laughs into her life for a moment. It's the difference between "I was sitting at the bar and out of nowhere I see this man smiling at me and he said 'we should be dancing!'" and "I was sitting at the bar and this creep wouldn't leave me alone and kept asking me out!" Assume that they're interested to some degree therefore, you'll find out if they are or not soon enough, rather than trying to figure it out before approaching them.
I was at the party and there was some gal sitting there at the bar by her lonesome watching the dance floor, so I went up to her and said something like, "c'mon, you oughtta be dancing" and she was hesitant and a moment later, she touches my arm and nods toward the dance floor. All I'm doing is offering a fun experience, take it or leave it, no strings attached, it's all the same to me. I just felt like dancing, thought I'd ask her. And girls just wanna have fun, you know.
I'm not so convinced we're afraid of feeling rejection as we are fearful of what happens if she were to say yes. If we're rejected, we end up no different than we were just moments before.
when they almost completely ignore your existence by staring at the wall and not answering questions with more than a yes or no... maybe it's extreme shyness but it comes across as complete disinterest.
I took your previous description of her behavior to mean that she was averting her gaze, shaking and not knowing what to say, which suggested nervousness on her part, and having had women respond to me like that, I've figured out what that was about... but that's far different than starring off and her not engaging in the conversation and her body language giving you the cold shoulder by turning away from you, maybe crossing her arms and such, which would certainly be signs of lacking interest.
i'm actually pretty introverted by myself.... all it takes is a hello (or a couple of beers) and i'll be telling you about the rash i got when i was 9
Here's the interesting thing about that... it's NOT the hello or beer that flips your extrovert on. That extrovert is already there ready to go on, and all that's happening is that you're waiting until someone else flips the switch. It's like a light switch in a room, the electricity is already there as is the light bulb and it can go on at any time, but it doesn't turn itself on and needs that flip to come from some other person - and when they flip it, YOU'RE the one that actually turns it on. But unlike a light switch, you can turn it on yourself anytime.
Though when you do, I wouldn't tell them about the rash. | |
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| Zachary's Halloween Party Pictures (East Meadow-10/26/07)
Posted: 10/31/2007 12:41:29 PM | Hi everyone....wow, this is better than an episode of Dr.Phil!!!!
Anyway, great thoughts from creative......heres really what it comes down to, and again, just my opinion...
If I feel connected with someone from the first chat, I will offer my # right away to talk on the phone...if theres a connection there, then I will offer to meet for a drink.....its that simple really; I dont want to waste time e-mailing, chatting over and over if there seemingly is a connection between myself and a woman...and I would hope that a woman could do the same in return to me....whats the worst thing that can happen; that one of us rejects the other? So what? I would rather take a chance, and have a woman take a chance on me, than to spend weeks...maybe months wondering what if...especially if the woman in question could possibly become the one woman that I would want to spend the rest of my life with....
Ok, didnt mean to get sappy here....just how I feel......have a continued great day everyone....
Dean
ps.. do we need an official pof get together?...why not have everyone meet somewhere this weekend again for some drinks...dances...fun???
just wondering | |
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| Zachary's Halloween Party Pictures (East Meadow-10/26/07)
Posted: 10/31/2007 1:13:12 PM | well, I am at work and did not have tome to read the whole thing (Creative-I will read it all when I get home.......lol). I do have to say PLUMBER! WTF! LOL
good god, if you were not 20yrs older than me!!!!!!!! lol | |
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| Zachary's Halloween Party Pictures (East Meadow-10/26/07)
Posted: 10/31/2007 1:44:16 PM | hm, well i agree that i'm the one who flips the switch, but it's not quite how you're making it sound. it's not like i'm sitting there wishing i had the balls to talk to someone. i have no problem doing it if someone says hello, i AM pretty friendly, but i'm very happy being alone with my thoughts. i'm the wander off into the woods during a rainstorm guy. sometimes it's just nice to be the only one there. in Jersey City where there's almost always someone already there, usually peeing on the wall, that means going inside yourself and zoning out. i don't know how many times i've missed my stop on the bus because i was lost in thought.
and on another topic...you guys know there's this pretty cool place named manhattan. it's a LOT closer for some of us, just sayin  | |
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| Zachary's Halloween Party Pictures (East Meadow-10/26/07)
Posted: 10/31/2007 2:24:24 PM | OMG, what's up with all theses Islands?..............seems to me I'm always crossing a bridge. WTF, Yankee, don't get so hung up the number.........LOL......................I probally think younger, and maybe look better that the last 30 year old you went on a date with! It's all in the mind!
Remember Yankee, a man gets better with age, like a fine bottle of wine, if
I was to worry about my age, I might as well stick my head in the sand and call it a day.
I must admit I'm happy to hear how other men feel about the chatting, phoning, dating thing. It's all good, makes you stop and think about how others truly feel about being single. It does have it's up and downs..................
HAPPY HALLOWEEN ALL, please do not eat the opened bags of candy! | |
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