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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 4/8/2009 10:52:07 AM | ys, i have friends wth benefits, and dats a gd thing cuz u dnt have to depend on nobody or ask any body for anything, i love beening independent and dats just d way i rock and my homies | |
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| Friends with benefits!
Posted: 4/8/2009 11:10:52 AM | I agree with ladyc4,
"I say FwB is a valid involvement, for grownups who truly know themselves and can compartmentalize, ............. or those who find that having a reliable and responsible outlet for sexual energy helps them......"
and
"While exclusivity/monogamy is NOT a "given", FwB is NOT about promiscuity or having casual sex with multiple partners. It's not about irresponsible sex. "
I couldn't agree more. You said it all! | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 4/8/2009 1:40:43 PM | I've never had a FWB, and I don't think I could. I need the emotional attachment and the love that goes along with it for sex. I would like to have a  Friends With Limited Benefits though. uddling, kissing, sleeping together, massages, skinny dipping. But not sex - intercourse or oral sex, not even going to go to anal sex.
Ron | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 4/8/2009 1:58:11 PM | No, it's not for me. I'm not morally opposed to it. I'd never judge or hold it against anyone who has done it.
I get attached when I have sex. I recognize it. There's no way around it. I actually like it that way. To me sex means something. I would like to always keep it special.
Some people make it sound really good:
Have to be fun to hang out with and someone that really knows how to push your buttons in the bedroom, or wherever the sex takes place lol. I had a girl that was like my best friends and the sex just made it a better friendship and since we both knew each other well and were intimate, it made things wild because we could be ourselves ...and after was comfortable because we were friends. Could be a great situation with the right girl!
But then my question is, Why not make this into a relationship? This is what I want from a LTR. If I had this, why would I take time out from it to "date" which I basically despise? Is the person not "relationship material"? If that's the case, I couldn't have sex with her to begin with. There must just be a switch in my brain that's flipped a little differently than in other people. I don't get it. | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 4/20/2009 11:25:28 AM | | no.. absolutely not.. sex is not meaningless.. never had one.. at least not on purpose.. there was one who thought i was a "friend with benifits".. but we quickly came to an understanding.. never want another.. my sex/love is precious!.. not to be taken lightly!!.. that is the most absurd thing I have ever heard.. women say that they want respect.. and for men to value them, then they have "friends with benifits".. which is, of course, totally contradictory.. I am too very valuable for that crap.. | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 4/22/2009 9:42:53 AM | Once again.
A genuine FwB is NOT about just having sex with someone you wouldn't be caught dead with in public. It IS about friendship and caring about one another.
It's not about the FwB participants being "not relationship material". They just wouldn't make a good match in a committed longterm relationship.
If this is not something you care to do because of your own particular standards, that's fine. But do not mischaracterize FwB as some sort of shady/sleazy/disrespectful arrangement. Unless someone is wilfully misusing the term to glorify a NSA,a "booty call" ,"f*ckbuddy ".
I'm valuable too. And there have been times in my life where I enjoyed sex, friendship and companionship with a man, but if I had tried to force it to be love/committed relationship because that would make it all be somehow more "OK",it would have added layers of unnecessary,and possibly NEGATIVE(in the long run) complication to my life.
I'm not suggesting that FwB is "better" or should supersede "real relationships". I'm simply arguing against the idea that it is somehow wrong,demeaning or degrading to the participants.
Cindy O | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 4/22/2009 9:44:24 AM | No, just two selfish people using each other's bodies to gratify their own selfish desires.
In the end, no one wins. | |
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| Friends with benefits!
Posted: 4/22/2009 1:15:53 PM | FwB, tho fun at times, is really just reducing your friend to either a penis or vagina. The friendship itself will have some candor problems. PLUS, if you're looking for something serious in the real world, it WILL bog things down and WILL keep the guy/girl of your dreams away, even if you are secretive about your bed-buddy. It's a waste of your valuable time to find love.
Now, if you dont' WANT a real partner and just want to swagger through life alone, have at it! Sooner or later, tho - you'll be getting less and less offers for those FwB's.
I've had my share of FwB's - i want something significant while i still look good! | |
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| Friends with benefits!
Posted: 4/22/2009 3:42:36 PM |
FwB, tho fun at times, is really just reducing your friend to either a penis or vagina. The friendship itself will have some candor problems. PLUS, if you're looking for something serious in the real world, it WILL bog things down and WILL keep the guy/girl of your dreams away, even if you are secretive about your bed-buddy. It's a waste of your valuable time to find love.
This has not been MY experience in the times I chose to have a FwB.
Now, if you dont' WANT a real partner and just want to swagger through life alone, have at it! Sooner or later, tho - you'll be getting less and less offers for those FwB's.
Actually, right now I'm more of a mindframe that a real partner would be nice if there weren't so few genuinely worthwhile men and so very many d*ckheads in the mix. And the FwB offers I've had lately felt more like somebody trying to sneak into a cohabitation( in MY house) and thereby a "relationship by default",and that's the kind of FwB that ends up being an effed up mess.
I suspect that the concept of a genuinely functional FwB is just too difficult for many to wrap their heads around, and yes, there is a risk that somebody will get overly attached or that it will obscure possible opportunities for the real deal. For the most part, FwBs have their purpose when one is not able, for whatever reason, to invest in a "real relationship". Or for those people who absolutely suck at "real relationships" and leave a trail of emotional wreckage in their wake. I do not suggest that they should be an ongoing lifestyle except in certain circumstances.
Cindy O
Cindy O | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 4/22/2009 4:27:06 PM | OP: "Just wondering how many of you have friends with benefits? Is it a good thing or not? No strings attached...just meaningless sex! I think it has it's benefits! A good stress reliver I may add!"
I don't look that stupid, do I? | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 4/22/2009 6:40:33 PM | | So...for those who wrote in opposition to the FWB idea, what is your preferred alternative? If a person does not wish to remarry, are you saying that the 'benefits ' must be foregone forevermore? | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 4/22/2009 8:24:58 PM | I have been in that situation a few times and it tends to get complicated after awhile causing too much drama. I don't think anyone looking for a relationship will want this because it has no future.
The benefits part can be a lot of fun though, but have found more benefits from a long term relationship.
Besides, if I want meaningless sex why not just a one night stand? It has a lot less drama. | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 4/22/2009 8:47:59 PM | Been there - - Done that - - Was great because we both agreed on what we wanted, and did not want; however, after a little while: I personally began to have feelings for the guy. But, it did not end happily with him and I together - - I personally would not recommend this  | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 4/22/2009 8:50:22 PM | In my opinion, it can lead one or two ways. Drama or beneficial. Either way it will go no where. "Friends with benefits" isn't my thing. But to each their own.  | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 4/22/2009 8:52:41 PM | | There is nothingw rong with friends with benifits. As single peopel its much better to have a friend ypu can do mutal things togther and end the night up right.. long as both understand the rules | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 4/23/2009 12:33:48 PM | A big yes, to this! I am blessed to have a few,and it is nice to be able to not have to play the game..... If your horny,your horny and it is a give as good as you get situation.
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 4/23/2009 1:34:42 PM | Nope YamIhere, but you have evidentally lost your friggin mind. And I bet you spend at least 4 1/2 hrs a dy on internet porn sites, lol. Ok ummmm, really shouldnt have typed this but did, so umm yeah..
d.  / 
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 4/23/2009 1:44:32 PM | Damn I have tried that but the problem is that to me friends with benefits means that I don't want the pressure of a full time boyfriend at the moment wanting to know my every move or just simply being pressured into lock in date times. My life can be busy and sometimes I am lucky to make a free night.
The last time I tried this he agreed and it was fun but over the next week he asked me 4 times if I could see him the following weekend and after I said no asked for even a few hours.
Friends with benefits means Friendship first and sex if you can find the time..for me anyway. If I want to be bugged every night for when next its going to be for someone I am fully involved with!! | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 4/23/2009 1:54:48 PM | | I think it all comes down to what the person wants. I, personally, would never do that. But if you're not hurting anyone, and you're being safe about it, why not? | |
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| Really....
Posted: 4/23/2009 1:59:52 PM |
A genuine FwB is NOT about just having sex with someone you wouldn't be caught dead with in public. It IS about friendship and caring about one another.
It's not about the FwB participants being "not relationship material". They just wouldn't make a good match in a committed longterm relationship.
If this is not something you care to do because of your own particular standards, that's fine. But do not mischaracterize FwB as some sort of shady/sleazy/disrespectful arrangement. Unless someone is wilfully misusing the term to glorify a NSA,a "booty call" ,"f*ckbuddy ".
...you should give up trying to explain concepts of this depth to people who aren't prepared to accept them based on their own biases (or intellectual limitations).
In summary, people almost universally forget the "Friends" portion of the "FWB" discussion.
Let them...if you understand the real definition, that is enough...save for finding someone else you like who does as well. | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 4/23/2009 2:01:14 PM | ladyc4, you seem to be the only person on this page who is both supporting FWB while at the same time seeking Long Term. I'm not trying to pick on you, but I have some questions. Anyone else who is also a supporter and seeking Long Term, please feel free to pipe in.
A genuine FwB is NOT about just having sex with someone you wouldn't be caught dead with in public. It IS about friendship and caring about one another.
I get this. This is the difference between FWB and FB, right? With FWB you're doing things together, even if it's just hanging out and watching movies, etc. With FB, they come over, take care of business and leave, usually after an unsuccessful night at the club. If I'm wrong, let me know.
It's not about the FwB participants being "not relationship material". They just wouldn't make a good match in a committed longterm relationship.
This is the part I'm not getting. It seems you're saying they are relationship material right before you're saying they aren't good for a committed long term relationship. What am I missing?
Ok, the questions for those seeking Long Term... I think the biggest thing to set a romantic relationship apart from any other relationship is the sexuality and the physical attraction. If you're already involved with a FWB, don't you find your desire or ability to even consider someone for a real relationship to be lacking? At what point do you stop having sex with the FWB while pursuing a LTR? Do you tell your potential mate about the FWB? If not, isn't that starting out a new relationship on deceit? If so, how soon do you tell him or her? If the potential LTR doesn't work out, do you go back to the FWB? Does knowing you'll have that option cause you to take the LTR less seriously? Do you maintain the "friends" part of the FWB while you're working on the LTR?
I'm not even going to ask about attachment issues, because I would suppose those are a risk regardless of whether you're also seeking a LTR or not. My biggest question is, if the FWB seems to have all these qualities we want from LTR's, including the sexual and attraction component, why not make it Long Term? Is it just a convenient way to have a non-monogamous relationship with less of the social stigma? | |
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| Oh I see...
Posted: 4/23/2009 2:02:29 PM |
I suspect that the concept of a genuinely functional FwB is just too difficult for many to wrap their heads around, and yes, there is a risk that somebody will get overly attached or that it will obscure possible opportunities for the real deal. For the most part, FwBs have their purpose when one is not able, for whatever reason, to invest in a "real relationship". Or for those people who absolutely suck at "real relationships" and leave a trail of emotional wreckage in their wake. I do not suggest that they should be an ongoing lifestyle except in certain circumstances.
...you didn't need my help after all... | |
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