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 06mc69
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 1001
yes or no? Friends with benefits!Page 41 of 44    (4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44)
This FWB I had was the first one ever and like I said, fell in love with him.. The ony reason I do oblige when he does come over is because of the feelings I have for him. Yes it is wrong, not only am I hurting myself, it is hurting her too, if she ever knew. She knows about me, but she doesnt know that we still communicate. He is not stopping me from seeing other people, I do as I wish, but, what I do wish is that he would stop and realize how much I do love him, but, I know I wont ever get the same love in return, but a girl can dream, huh? I dont think I could ever have another fwb relationship, ever, again, because with me, sex is special, and I end up falling for the guy, and boom. Shot down.. I'm gonna wait til the RIGHT person comes along, then when its time for the next level, sex, then it will happen.. Not gonna get hurt or burned again. I am in my healing process and its getting easier to see other people, but, the sex is just gonna have to wait til I feel it is the right time...
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 1002
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yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 7/19/2010 6:53:45 PM
He is not stopping me from seeing other people, I do as I wish, but, what I do wish is that he would stop and realize how much I do love him, but, I know I wont ever get the same love in return, but a girl can dream, huh?

No, YOU are stopping you from seeing other people in any meaningful way.
He has MOVED ON. And proved himself to be a cheater,into the bargain.

I dont think I could ever have another fwb relationship, ever, again, because with me, sex is special, and I end up falling for the guy,

I agree with you. Some can handle FwB and some can't. And I think it takes a certain degree of tough-minded self-awareness to conduct one without someone getting hurt.
But you need to stop having sex with this guy-or you will NEVER get over him and will end up wasting a lot of your time on a guy who is SO NOT WORTH IT. How do I know what he's worth? He's using you to be unfaithful to his SO. If she's no good in bed, he needs to deal with that some other way than tearing off a piece with you.
Stop "obliging" him. Unless there is some reason you LIKE being his secret boinkhole. You and he are no longer FwB...he's just using you. People can tend to forget that the "F" in FwB stands for "friend"...worthwhile people do not take advantage of their friends.
Cindy O
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 1003
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yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 7/19/2010 7:07:54 PM

but, what I do wish is that he would stop and realize how much I do love him, but, I know I wont ever get the same love in return, but a girl can dream

Here's a head's up...
He DOES KNOW how much you love him... and he DOESN'T CARE....!!!!!! If he had any slight love for you, he would either dump her and take you back, or he would do the decent thing and sever the contact with you... in other words, it would be a kindness to let you go... and allow you to move on with your life...


Yes it is wrong, not only am I hurting myself, it is hurting her too, if she ever knew.

Yep. And if she found out how would she react...? Dump him? Direct her anger at you? You have to be careful here... you never know how the other person is going to react... it could be nothing or she could get violent... do you need the hassle? The drama? For all you know, she could be out screwing around on him... again, that can affect your health...


I'm gonna wait til the RIGHT person comes along, then when its time for the next level, sex, then it will happen..

Yeah, and the RIGHT person will move along when he realises you're still hung up on your Ex and still fcuking him... In other words, you're shooting yourself down...
The RIGHT person will be a guy who doesn't want someone who is still her Ex's cum dumpster...
And if you think you are anything more than that to your ex you are seriously deluded...


He is not stopping me from seeing other people,

Yes he is, and so are you... I bet all he has to do is throw you a few crumbs, a hope of rekindling, and you'd dump or lose interest in another guy... thus preserving your Vaj as your Ex's private domain...
 FunkTheMillenium
Joined: 7/11/2010
Msg: 1004
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 7/19/2010 7:24:35 PM
well considering how hard it can be to find a relationship and the effort and time it takes as well to find one, then i say YES to FWB's. Transactions can be very expensive.
 06mc69
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 1005
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 7/19/2010 8:00:02 PM
But, I do see other people, but am taking my time on the relationship part, am not in a rush.. I havent seen my ex fwb in almost 2 months, so I think I am past the ultimate hurt.. Pretty soon he will be just a memory.... Sometimes it takes another person to get your mind off someone, ya know? And am being very careful as not to make the other person to feel like a rebound friend. Am not in a rush on the sex part, but when the time is right, it will be special!!!
 tiltowhirl
Joined: 6/6/2010
Msg: 1006
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 7/19/2010 10:05:48 PM
The hard part about a FWB situation is the F part (Friends, not the other F!). Some people cannot separate sex from love, so those feelings naturally develop. And when they do, it can cause issues, especially when one side isn't looking for those feelings to develop. Which of course has the effect of killing the friends part.

So, be really careful about it. And make your position (pun somewhat intended) perfectly clear on the issue.
 Meltedcandle
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 1007
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 7/20/2010 5:25:04 PM
I dont think it can be done in all cases. It would be personally hard for me to split love and the physical aspect. I think I would expect more in the end from the other person, then they would be willing to give.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 1008
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yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 7/20/2010 5:30:35 PM

The hard part about a FWB situation is the F part (Friends, not the other F!). Some people cannot separate sex from love, so those feelings naturally develop. And when they do, it can cause issues, especially when one side isn't looking for those feelings to develop. Which of course has the effect of killing the friends part.

Well stated. I think for me? I'd be able to have a FB long before I'd risk a FWB situation. I love my friends, I see no reason to risk the loss by sleeping with any on e of them.

So, be really careful about it. And make your position (pun somewhat intended) perfectly clear on the issue.

LOL @ the pun!
 rejectingall
Joined: 1/24/2007
Msg: 1009
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yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 7/20/2010 5:32:29 PM
FWB = 2 people with no self discipline and almost certainly no self respect much less any respect for each other.

They deserve all the drama and heartache they create for themselves.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 1010
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yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 7/20/2010 8:42:27 PM

FWB = 2 people with no self discipline and almost certainly no self respect much less any respect for each other.

They deserve all the drama and heartache they create for themselves.


So, after many years of having a FWB when can I expect this drama and heartache to kick in?

as for your theory on self respect or self discipline..........pfffffffffffft!

Tell me how meeting someone, dating them for a couple of months, having sex with them....and then finding out it isn't going to work.......
then starting over with another ......repeating the same routine.....
over and over......
is better than me sleeping with 1, and only 1, very good friend for many years.

If that's the route you choose..........that's fine and dandy......
but I'll not just sit here and let you condemn those of us that can and have very maturly
handled a FWB relationship in our lives.
I have far more respect for myself than all the women on here complaining how they
were "used" for sex......because they had sex expecting a relationship out of it.
 tiltowhirl
Joined: 6/6/2010
Msg: 1011
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 7/20/2010 9:40:40 PM

FWB = 2 people with no self discipline and almost certainly no self respect much less any respect for each other.

They deserve all the drama and heartache they create for themselves.

Wow. Just...... wow.
 eastwood969
Joined: 12/21/2009
Msg: 1012
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 7/20/2010 10:44:50 PM
Well I had a date and it was ok, but I'm not flying yet and we did have sex, and we are still talking although it's usually her contacting me. So I guess now it's somewhere between friends with benefits and not friends. Not enemies either, just not feeling the passion. My goal is to try again, find someone I find more compatable and see where it goes. This is a good experience in a way because I am willing to be on more of a friend basis with the next person without pushing the sex thing. But will I go back to this woman, as a friend or whatever. I don't know yet cause I can't help but have the feeling she wants more than that and I don't get off into hurting people so right now I am just keeping my distance. It wasn't a booty call either, it was just a date so when I see women advertise that they are not interested in just a booty call and I like the way their booty looks, I might be inclined to lie a little. Yet for me its not a lie at all because without the booty call I don't think anyones intelectual abilities will get me flying either. But in any case what I mean is that I have to test the whole package and I don't think any man really wants just fwbs or booty calls, but they don't want long term confusing friendships either. So profiles don't mean jack to me. If I read long enough I will be disqualifying myself from all of them.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 1013
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yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 7/21/2010 10:40:36 AM

Well I had a date and it was ok, but I'm not flying yet and we did have sex, and we are still talking although it's usually her contacting me. So I guess now it's somewhere between friends with benefits and not friends. Not enemies either, just not feeling the passion.

This is what I used to find... Have sex and it was just that sex... No real interest or passion after that... And I think if you have sex too soon, you never really develop that interest or passion later, at least, that's the way it was for me...
I think a problem that results from Friends with Benefits is that it's a passion killer. FB's FWB's casual sex or whatever you want to call it... it can make one jaded towards a real relationship...
 SpecialTreasure80
Joined: 1/24/2009
Msg: 1014
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yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 7/21/2010 11:15:18 AM
Nope. Not a good thing.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 1015
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yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 7/21/2010 11:31:23 AM

I think a problem that results from Friends with Benefits is that it's a passion killer. FB's FWB's casual sex or whatever you want to call it... it can make one jaded towards a real relationship...

Here's the way it should be-more or less,and generally speaking- with a FwB.
There are times/circumstances in some people's lives at certain points, where a full-on relationship just is not feasible or just not a good idea. There are people in this world who probably don't belong in relationships,and people in this world who don't WANT a relationship.
There also seems to be some "wiggle room" in the definition of FwB. For instance, my vision of a relationship for ME, is that we do not plan(or pretend to plan) to marry, we do not cohabit or significantly mingle money and assets, but yet we spend time together, we have each other's backs,and neither is looking for the next bigger better deal. You cannot imagine the number of people (especially men) who either cannot wrap their heads around this at all, and other people( again mostly men) who insist that what I want is a "friends with benefits" involvement, and somehow or other they seem to think that it's pretty much all about the BENEFITS-and the friendship part simply means we aren't actively trying to kill one another when we aren't in bed!
But while it may kill "passion" and "interest in a real relationship" for some,especially guys who think it means an ongoing "no strings" sex deal,without having to give a shit about anything else,it also can be an involvement that makes better sense than being completely unpartnered/celibate, or relying on using the internet to find "boink and run" opportunities.
Your comment could also be seen as REINFORCING the quiet but persistent belief developing with women, that the only reason a lot of men are even remotely interested in a so-called "real relationship", is so that they don't have to endure a hellish existence of involuntary celibacy,and if they can find a way to get sex without having a serious girlfriend/significant other, they'll stop right there. Which I personally don't GIVE a rat's rear end-to me a "real relationship" is a man and woman who are a couple/pair-bonded because they want to be one another's SO for more than just sex,regardless of whether they may,or may not choose the conventional path of cohabitation or marriage.
Cindy O
 missbee89
Joined: 12/25/2009
Msg: 1016
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 7/22/2010 3:11:49 PM
I'm not sure if it's a good thing or not because I'm actually trying to figure that out for myself since I'm currently in one with my best guy friend of 5 years. It's because I got told that I might be possibly setting myself up for getting hurt. I did lose my virginity to him so for now it's pretty good. We're both loving our "dirty little secret".
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 1017
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yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 7/22/2010 6:32:27 PM

I'm not sure if it's a good thing or not because I'm actually trying to figure that out for myself since I'm currently in one with my best guy friend of 5 years. It's because I got told that I might be possibly setting myself up for getting hurt.


Ok, so that being said, you're on a dating site looking for someone to date...

So, that makes me think... Who is going to want to date you, when you're fcuking your friend...?
What happens to your friend if you meet a significant other....? Chances are that a significant other won't want you to remain friends with the guy.... and who can blame him...?
So someone, possibly you, possibly everyone, will likely end up getting hurt...
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 1018
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yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 7/22/2010 6:38:19 PM

Your comment could also be seen as REINFORCING the quiet but persistent belief developing with women, that the only reason a lot of men are even remotely interested in a so-called "real relationship", is so that they don't have to endure a hellish existence of involuntary celibacy,and if they can find a way to get sex without having a serious girlfriend/significant other, they'll stop right there.

Close, but no cigar...
My point was that once they get used to 'no strings' sex... They separate sex from intimacy... It devolves to the level of a biological function... So the concept of sex partner and a lover are no long bound together mentally... That eventually, intimacy won't mean enough to them to be a part of couple/pair-bonding process. So that sex then either becomes a lack lustre duty, or is left by the wayside... Or they seek sex elsewhere as it's not a focus to them as an act of intimacy anyway.
 eastwood969
Joined: 12/21/2009
Msg: 1019
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 7/22/2010 9:38:20 PM
It's just overwhelming to look at so many women, not knowing what they really want. I think as a single person I would rather have benefits with strangers. Don't really care to talk to them later unless it's to ask for sex later. Don't really want to think of them as friends. Would like to just get a motel room and give out the room number and see who shows up. Maybe a costume party where you don't recognize who they are,lol. Where is the meat market when it comes to women. I could care less what they like other than not being abusive to them. My attitude really fits into the escort type dating just to prevent the relationship hassle. Maybe I can find a woman that likes women and she can split the cost of the escort with me.Nothing wrong with being in a regular relationship but it's the whole process that makes it annoying. Speed dating is probably also a good alternative for me.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 1020
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yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 7/23/2010 1:01:46 AM
It would seem that if some logic were appied to this question, the answer would depend on the two people involved in the relationship, the same as marriage or any other form of agreement. One or both foul it up in most marriages and some are successful. Why should it be any different with this agreement or any other?

BTW, there certainly isn't a shortage of the self rightous here.
 Hypno_cat
Joined: 4/15/2007
Msg: 1021
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 7/23/2010 9:16:41 AM
I seem to have fallen into the FWB scene without realising it. We first were friends.... Nothing sreious... I have a lot of male friends (NO SEX!). He asked me out, I wasn't that bothered and kept making excuses not to. Then we had a wonderful conversation which made me a little more interested in him. Then I didn't see him for a while as he was going out with someone which did not bother me in the slightest. Then (catches breath). I had some furnature which I needed storing and he had the space and it was moved in. By that time he had broken up with the woman. We started seeing each other occasionally for a cup of tea and a natter. No sex. Then after watching a lot of comedy the inevitable happened. I initiated this, he was quite happy either way.
We now see each other once or twice a week, sex may or may not happen. We always chat and have a laugh.
I have found by talking that he doesn't really want a relationship but does enjoy my company. I am having a few problems with accepting this. I thought it would move forwards, however although it is improving, I don't know where it will end. I hope I will always be friends with him.
Now to me this is FWB and not just a FB. I think it is a better relationship, but it still has its problems for me.
 lilcontrary
Joined: 3/16/2010
Msg: 1022
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 7/23/2010 5:24:27 PM
Then there are some of us that are calling the wedding off and returning to the fwb because they gave more respect then the fiancee'. Wow, what a wake up call!
 Pamperpooch000
Joined: 11/7/2007
Msg: 1023
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 7/25/2010 6:34:41 AM
Not my bag I'm afraid, and I don't think it really works for most people because mostly there is one person who is attached but afraid to say it for fear of losing the 'friend', and the other who is taking it for what it is and simply getting the most out of it. Hence the one with the feelings usually gets them trampled all over.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 1024
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yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 7/25/2010 11:10:23 AM
Considering that the odds of a FWB ending well seem to be close to that of winning the lotterey I wonder why women enter into it... Granted a few women do seem to manage it, but they are so few and far between...

For the guys, there does seem to be much more incentive to do this... easy sex, multiple partners, no commitments.... no tie downs

Its interesting how often women seem to post that they hope a FWB will change into something more... and how rarely that men seem to....

I guess that says a lot about it...
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 1025
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yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 7/25/2010 2:15:38 PM

Considering that the odds of a FWB ending well seem to be close to that of winning the lotterey I wonder why women enter into it...

Define "ending well"? What does THAT mean? That it turns into "a real relationship"? That a marriage occurs? What quite often does happen with people of BOTH genders who actually GET that FwB is neither the back road to marriage or completely no-strings sex, is that the benefits may not continue, particularly if one of the 2 people arrives at a place in life and meets the potentially right person. And the friendship may not be as tight, but there certainly isn't a bunch of anger and resentment-the 2 people do not become enemies.

easy sex, multiple partners, no commitments.... no tie downs

One of the POINTS of having a FwB, is so that one has a fairly reliable,enjoyable sex partners. While there is no "rule" against it, most good FwB relationships are not out there rounding up multiple partners. Otherwise, what would be the sense? if one simply wanted to get laid with absolutely no other contact or "strings", why not just frequent certain bars on Saturday night? (Obviously one would follow the rules of street smarts and safe, responsible sex-but no, a well-conducted FwB doesn't generally include multiple partners and as far as "easy" sex? Hello-did we forget about the word "friend"? One treats a FwB with respect and kindness, does not make unreasonable or inconvenient demands, and it certainly CAN included activities that are not all about sex.

Its interesting how often women seem to post that they hope a FWB will change into something more...

That is because either they don't understand that it's not just a "different road" to get into a relationship, or they have been intentionally led to believe that the FwB "might" become a relationship.
Cindy O
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