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7times
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Joined: 4/11/2005
Msg: 101 | |
| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 5/17/2005 11:40:46 AM | friends with benefits
one night stands
sex with ex'es
sleeping on the 1st or 2nd date
swinging
so I gather all of these fall into the same grouping basically? One thing I did notice was seemed more women answered yes compared to the men with this question, so the whole notion of men liking it doesn't seem to fit.
I believe how or the way you live your life is your own business and I have no right to judge or make decisions about you based on it. We all do things be it sexually or just by everyday doings that will cause others to be pissed or judgemental so to each thier own | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 5/17/2005 11:45:20 AM | | As far as the people who feel that friends with benefits is safe sexual relief, I can understand where you're coming from, and I respect the opinion, however .... having sex with anybody these days isn't safe. When I need safe sexual relief, I have myself and my toys. lol I don't judge anyone who does have a friend with benefits though .... that's your perogative. | |
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Apocx
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Joined: 10/3/2004
Msg: 103 | |
| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 5/17/2005 11:51:48 AM | | I have a problem with a segment of the older crowd criticizing FWB. Based on your age, some of you lived in the 60s and 70s, and I'm assuming a lot of you went to college. The similarities between those decades, college, and FWB are dramatic. They are all different names at different times for the same thing. I re-iterate that the act best be done with a friend who has some emotion and/or respect and/or tolerance to you than some random person off the street. Besides, the giggles and smirks at future social gatherings is always entertaining. | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 5/17/2005 12:02:02 PM | What's interesting about the thread so far is that frosty seems to be the most logical and analytical of the group.
In the strictest sense, frosty has hit on the situation as it stands in the light of day.
I read someone compare us to animals and how they have sex with no thought or commitment, going from hump to hump as the years wear on…. until they die of old age or predators claw.
Not all animals are like that, as there are many species that pair up for life, now whether they do this for one reason or another is not for me to say. But, it does most likely have to do with survival more than anything else.
Seeing sex as something more than grunts and the exchange of fluids, really has nothing to do with taboos.
If you can have sex with someone just to relieve some stress or to scratch an itch… well, that’s on you. That doesn’t make you a lesser person, and it does not make you evil (or whatever), all it means is you can push aside all those things that give us our humanity and get to the f*ck’n.
If that’s you, well, so be it.
That is not me.
I don’t pretend to be something I’m not, and I don’t think I or we as a species are something we are not. We are not common animals, we can think and plot, and dream of things greater than ourselves.
When animals dream, they don’t dream like we do.
When animals f*ck, they do it because they are compelled to do it, and that is all that matters.
When animals lie dying they don’t wonder at their fate or wonder at their wrongs.
When animals live, they don’t pretend they are something they are not.
Animals don’t love like we do and they don’t feel like we do, not exactly.
Do they have feelings? Yes I think so, but not like we do.
Animals can become fond of someone, they can rely on someone, they can come to trust someone and they can even feel love, through us, as we give it to them, freely.
Do these things make us better or make us worse?
Neither, we are what we are, and they are what they are.
Think of it this way…..
In nature, animals have arrangements, they don’t have love.
And you can either see that as some pesky baggage or for what it is. | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 5/17/2005 12:17:06 PM | the difference is that animals have no souls...
despite if they pair for life or not...
humans can not be compared to animals due to this...
we are a different life form... | |
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moist
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Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 106 | |
| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 5/17/2005 12:20:21 PM | animals have no soul?? Thats very demonish...
so your cat there has no soul?? I find that hard to believe...every animal I have ever had is a differnt soul to it | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 5/17/2005 12:20:39 PM | "I have a problem with a segment of the older crowd criticizing FWB. Based on your age, some of you lived in the 60s and 70s, and I'm assuming a lot of you went to college. The similarities between those decades, college, and FWB are dramatic."
Apox...We were all your age once, and thought we knew it all..ya just proving to us older groups that things never change...we just know better from experience
M2 welcome back  | |
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moist
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Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 108 | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 5/17/2005 12:32:29 PM | | we ain't gonna take it, never did and never will, lets forsake you, gonna break you, lets forget you better still | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 5/17/2005 12:33:05 PM | Well....As far as I undestand the definition....A primary, loving sexual relationship with a person...can ALSO be defined as a "sexy friend"....So where does that leave us?!?!?!?
Occasional sex isn't my "thing" simply because if I'm going to invest the time and energy into a friendship...then I don't want to screw it up by adding sex to the equation...The only successful FB situations that I've witnessed are not ACTUALLY "friends" but more , acquaintences....
I guess it's all about definitions and what works for you....Dee | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 5/17/2005 12:35:44 PM | Thanks for the welcome back, harry 
OT: I don't think FWB has anything to do with their generation... it's an individual choice to make. | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 5/17/2005 12:38:21 PM | people try to put us down...talking about my generation...
Confucious says; "man who take girl on hill, not on level"
M2 LUVU2 | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 5/17/2005 12:42:30 PM |
And you can either see that as some pesky baggage or for what it is.
once again, profound as ever giggle.. | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 5/17/2005 1:18:32 PM | these things make us better or make us worse?
Neither, we are what we are, and they are what they are.""
Actually,as with any type of dysfunctional relationship...they add negativity,which nets "makes us worse". Now obviously its a choice.Still generally speaking FWB as is true with any type of dysfunctional relationship make us worse.
Are we "what we are"? Depends on perspective.We are developing beings(some seemingly more so than others
  )Dysfunction inhibits positive growth,it can't promote it,yet the desire to recover can be an impetus to positive growth. In other words FWDs do NOT GENERALLY contribute positively to the mental/physical/emotional well being of people in the long run.
Again:
1)FWB IS a relationship!
2)FWB USUALLY doesn't work.....1 or both admittedly or not, are negatively affected.There are consequences to having "non emotional sex" that are OFTEN unnoticed obsiticles to future relationships.
3)There are some circumstances in which a FWB could work...but very VERY RARE
4)at the end of the day,after ending a FWB relationship it becomes just another type of relationship that failed,the difference being that it was an agreed upon dysfucntional situation.
5)Having a series of FWB should be a HUGE RED FLAG  to ANYONE wanting more, as should being in a series of anykind of dysfunction 
Don't believe the HYPE about FWB's......to an extent they are WMDs to healthy functional relationships | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 5/17/2005 1:26:06 PM | | i don't believe in friends with benefits... to me sex should be shared between 2 people who seriously care alot about each other. | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 5/17/2005 1:26:20 PM | | I have to agree ^^^^^..We are spiritual beings, and its the spirit that needs the loving, the flesh is only a part of it, which we use to express love..Turn sex into a gratification for the itch is rightly in my view dysfunctional.. | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 5/17/2005 1:36:30 PM | sex is a wonderful part of a healthy relationship...
but by itself its kinda hollow, mechanical... guess some people see it as
a form of working out, like jogging or something...lol
dysfunctional. oh yeah
I'd pass on anyone into that.. shesh life is hard enough without bringing in dysfunction to try to deal with..on purpose.
that would be kinda dumb or desperate or somethingh... no matter what it is. something I would pass on fast. | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 5/17/2005 2:03:27 PM | is it dysfunctional to hug a friend or in some other way show affection?
some people understand that sex isn't a promise, it's an action. admittedly, i don't go around humping my friends, but at the same time, having had a few FWB's, i can say that being lonely is far more destructive/dysfunctional than having an FWB around. | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 5/17/2005 2:05:46 PM | so you do the FWB to keep yourself from feeling lonley?
I thought it was the sex with no strings people did it....... | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 5/17/2005 2:15:13 PM | not just the lonely thing...but i'm a very sexual person. at the time, i was just out of my marriage, and like i said before, i didn't have anything to offer emotionally. i still missed the physical inimacy though...so an FWB was the perfect answer.
would i do it again today? probably not. not unless there was AMAZING chemistry but no relationship-type spark there.
who knows though...putting limits on myself isn't something i like doing. makes a person miss out on the fun! | |
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| yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 5/17/2005 3:00:44 PM | Mixed feelings on this, every time I find a woman to take the role, after we take out all frustrations she immediately wants to get serious. I take pride in being a good lover, but, I never seem to know when to stop, being an Aquarius ( a true giver ) has it's benefits and also it's liabilities!  | |
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