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| Why do women stay in a relationship that is not good for them?
Posted: 10/31/2007 8:53:53 AM | Very true - but unfortunately I can't call the abuse centers cause he does nothing bad. He just likes to be dependent on someone. Anyone one who meets him wants to take care of him for some reason but that is not what attracted me to him.
He seemed independent and confident. Little did I know.
I get fustrated when people say get out and I keep saying how? I am trying but it isn't easy. | |
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| Why do women stay in a relationship that is not good for them?
Posted: 11/10/2007 5:58:03 PM | | Iwas right where you are and have just started to round the corner. I was married for 27 years and was just about to become an empty nester, when my abusive husband decided he likes his secretary better than me. It's taken me awhile to learn that the comfort of sameness and financial security arn't all they are cracked up to be. and I deserve better. and so do you. good luck Charlela | |
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| Why do women stay in a relationship that is not good for them?
Posted: 11/12/2007 5:08:15 PM | | you need to not jump when he asks you to, instead of asking how high, tell him you have just became afraid of heights and cannot jump anymore..go out with some friends on the weekends, unplug your phone, keep from any contact..you must get away or this will get worse | |
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| Why do women stay in a relationship that is not good for them?
Posted: 11/17/2007 1:48:58 PM | Its all about control.
Quite a lot of men know the best way to control a woman is to make her feel small about herself. That way she thinks other men dont fancy so she stays where she is.
Typical line is:
You are fat and ugly so who in their right mind would want you ?
The opposite effect comes from building a woman up too much, then she thinks every man fancies her and she flirts a lot to get attention.
Its about using a womans confidence to control her.
I personally dont use this technique so thats why I never have a long relationship ! | |
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| Why do women stay in a relationship that is not good for them?
Posted: 5/12/2009 2:52:50 PM | He is a USER and YOU need some MENTAL Therapy...Human Beings as in ESPECIALLY WOMEN SHOULD BE LOVED AND CHERISHED. HE is using you to feed and support himself. Get off the Floor- YOU aren't a RUG or DOG. Just because you are overweight and less than PERFECT is no excuse to allow yourself to be used. There is little difference in your relationship than that of a PIMP and his property. Go FIGURE.....You do have a BRAIN as you have asked for help. Don't forget that each one of us- ARE special in our own rights and get out of the * SERVICE MODE* -YOU give all for HIS Nothing Exsistance mode of life*
Unfortunately there are many on this site that want only a Sugar Mama. Things to watch for is, pick me up something to eat- I haven't eaten all day! * Rocket Science- Huh--You can bet someone else feed HIM breaksfast and lunch while you won't around---and I need
to borrow your vehicle,is the next request- and I don't have anything to wear--and THEY want to shop the expensive store also!
Wouldn't be caught DEAD in Wallie World Attire...I ran across one that deserves a FIRST PLACE ribbon and when I said NO- you would of thought I had the cat by the tail.....LOL--He wasn't use to anyone standing up and knowing they can live without the commanding, controlling presence he creat. ( out of 10 are Manic Depressive and very Unstable in even living one day at a time)
If you don't do anything else..Get some HELP to discover how great a person U are. All of us are Imperfect- Some of us are ROTTEN Imperfection- I mean---I might be imperfect- but no Devil owns this womans' soul.....And they are Devils! And a few more choice words- but then I like to remember that each of us as adults control our own destinies. There Mothers aren't to blame --nor is the Sperm Donor that fathered him---
If in an unstable -uncommitted, going NO where FAST relationship-the first thing YOU don't do is BUY HIM STUFF....Love isn't purchased, it comes from the heart- and it isn't all about one - it is about 2 people and what they want or need in life. GIRL
HE doesn't have any desire for you, other than to USE one when no one else is available. WAKE UP before you end up Crazy yourself,,,,,,,,,,and then he is free to find another while you have no one but your ownself to blame!
Stand up with the rest of us! Udeserve someone who will appreciate you for who you are, accept the good and the bad and wishes to live life in Peace and Harmony. Don't settle for a Shh*****thead, it does belongs in the sewer!
Why ever do I bother?
We are all in this world looking a committed loving relationship- and there are so many Ungrateful **stards using women on a daily basis. Course there is a steady amount of women- looking to pay with their bodies for treasures of the wallet also.......
A sick world isn't it! NO WONDER, HE FLOODED IT BEFORE- I THINK THIS TIME HE WILL JUST BURN IT UP----HOPE I AM LONG GONE BEFORE THE FLAMES HIT THESE BACKWOODS! | |
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| Why do women stay in a relationship that is not good for them?
Posted: 5/12/2009 5:47:30 PM | | Well i to as many females have experienced this in the past or currently.... As for myself, I know its hard because you do hope for a change and want to be with this person so badly that you take the abuse...... whether its mental, physiacl, or emotional...... You try to make it work, and say just another month ill give him and maybe he will change....... Well currently i am in one of those relationships, and ill tell you, ask yourself these three questions........ when is the last time he has said anything nice to or about you -i.e. you look pretty, like your hair cut etc.... when is the last time he has cooked for you or got you your fav. ice cream- i bet he doen't even know lastly ask him why do you like me/with me/ what is it about me that you like so much....... if it takes him longer than 30 secs to answer girl leave, it may be hard but you deserve better. | |
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| Why do women stay in a relationship that is not good for them?
Posted: 9/15/2009 11:52:39 AM | Hi there, I was reading your article and it reminded me of me. I actually met a guy on Plentyoffish... he was a total jerk from let's say day 2. I thought he was physically attractive, and honestly the sex was good, at first, but he was so rude! He took me to Taco Bell... that was the extent of our socializing together. I walked out of the bathroom and he was oogling over some young girl in line.. I said "Nice eye candy huh?" He then replied with a "Yeah, I'm sorry but she is hot." what an ass! He said if he was with a girl like that he wouldn't need to look at other women! Then he told me that I was " borderline hot".. And during one sex session he grabbed my tummy and told me that he thinks I should "firm up". I kid you not! After sex he would "joke".. Hey you gotta leave, I got another date! I know this is absurd, but something made me go back for more of this jerk...pathetic I WAS... I finally stopped seeing the prick after 2 months of this crap. O.k.. I started seeing someone else now, much younger than me, and the red flags are happening already! We have been dating a month... he was supposed to call me at 8 last night to meet up, but did he? NO, I found out he went to watch the football game with his buds instead, which is fine, if he at LEAST would have called and told me he made other plans!.. I haven't heard from him since. It's o.k. though, I have a lot more self respect now, and I know that I deserve respect and adoration. I would recommend to any girl that if your gut is telling you something isn't right, or if you cry more about this person than feel good about yourself... GET OUT! Love yourself first! :)  | |
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| Why do women stay in a relationship that is not good for them?
Posted: 9/16/2009 11:06:06 AM | Wow. I was totally intrigued by the incredible amount of sympathy offered to the OP here.
OP, I'm not going to be quite so "warm and fuzzy" with you because frankly, I just don't believe that you are as innocent as you make yourself out to be.
Firstly, you pointed out your obvious sweetness too often in your post. Anyone having a need to do this is disregarding THEIR responsibility in relationships, especially bad ones.
Let's take a look at self-esteem because I think a lot of people have no idea what it really entails. Self-esteem is the thing we derive from doing things that are in harmony with our morals and beliefs. An example: I volunteer for a local community supper for the lower social economic class and this gives me a good feeling. I am giving back to my community and helping those in need. This sense of pride I have in my philanthropy helps me to gain more self-esteem.
Another example would be that I believe I deserve a wonderful person to share my life with. I negate anyone who doesn't suit me as someone who is good for me. As a result, I feel a sense of respect for myself and develop greater self-esteem. I believe I'm worth good things.
Self-esteem, unfortunately for some, does not come by way of thinking it so. I can say I'm amazing and wonderful in my mirror every day but if I do not participate and ACT to demonstrate how I feel about myself and what I believe I deserve, I am NOT enhancing my sense of self-esteem.
Many people are care-TAKERS (their "taking" is an indirect expression of their way of going about getting their needs met) and would rather gain their sense of value from others rather than to go out there and demonstrate what they are made of to themselves. These persons often stay in bad relationships because somewhere deep inside themselves they are aware that everything that they do that might contribute in some way to REAL self-esteem is actually a mask for their need for external approval or a passive method at manipulation. This, unfortunately, does not work and it often keeps the cycle going. They know their best intentions are fraudulent in that they are constantly hoping for the "big win" much like a gambler does. As a result of this "inner knowing that doesn't speak" the symptoms shows itself in the person they are most drawn to.
Fact: Healthy people who desire healthy relationships do NOT stay involved in unhealthy relationships. Period. Yes, they MAY end up with someone abusive/neglectful but they draw a fast boundary on how long they are willing to put up with that kind of treatment and promptly leave the relationship. They are not massochists and they do not pretend they can change the other.
Controllers believe they CAN change the other--that if they just love enough, give enough, fix enough that person will suddenly throw their arms up in an epiphany and profess their helper to be the most amazing human being on the planet. Sadly, this epiphany never comes and the giver is so baffled. Why doesn't he recognize how good I am? Why is he doing this to me?
OP, you have issues that go beyond what this relationship is making obvious. These are your saboteurs, not just this man. You had those issues BEFORE you engaged in this relationship. Neglect such as he is displaying reflects the neglect to yourself these past 12 years. It is my estimation that you are what is termed a "passive manipulator" who is unable to look at herself squarely and honestly.
Case in point:
forums1, you are probably right that the answers will come after I am away from him. I will be able to see things clearly. Yeah he has crushed my self-esteem to nothing. Thanks so much for your input.
HE has not crushed it. YOU allow him to continue reinforcing your apparent LACK of self-esteem in the first place.
Our relationships are mirrors. Examine his behaviour and see how it directly reflects the way you treat yourself.
I think you will find the two match quite well.
Change yourself and everything changes.
Personally, when someone is hitting me over the head with a stick, I don't stand around waiting for the next blow to come.
Getting out is YOUR responsibility. And your choice.
And I don't believe you are a victim. I believe you choose to stay and gain sympathy by staying. | |
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