| | GROW UP ...You're Over 45Page 6 of 8 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8) | | Wow, some serious stuff going on. BE VERY VERY CAUTIOUS WITH YOUR BODY AND WITH YOUR HEART. And use a condom, I hate to be so blunt, we don't know what kind of diseases somebody has. | |
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| GROW UP ...You're Over 45
Posted: 11/5/2007 8:10:09 PM | Lol…Grow up…your over 45! All of you…... Am more amused by the responses that were given to the ops’ posts then the post itself. I have to say for those that stumbled back in over your glasses of wine to give another jab were indeed behaving as part of the ‘wolf pack’. 
I read another post about negativity earlier and question how it all comes about. I read the posts here and question how easy it was for most of you to draw conclusions rather then ask for more information.
Judging from some of the responses here, it appears it’s far easier to be cynical when you’ve been hurt yourself. | |
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| GROW UP ...You're Over 45
Posted: 11/5/2007 9:58:58 PM | | Reading some of the posts in this thread, a similar thing happened to me at the start of my internet dating experience. What I drew from the experience is that it is easy to feel a sort of intimacy with a person through email and phone conversation, but the relationship starts over the moment you first meet in person. It is so important to keep my drawers on long enough to get to know this familiar stranger and decide if we really are attracted to each other. If I let my desire for intimacy overcome my common sense, someone will get hurt. Whether it is me or the other person is almost besides the point. | |
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| GROW UP ...You're Over 45
Posted: 11/6/2007 5:09:22 AM | Excellent post WaywardSeeker.. I know it can happen online, we get taken up by words on the screen, and it is hard to know what is going on without the facial expressions or tone of a voice. Even with phone calls, you never know. I have been corresponding with a guy for a year now, we may never meet, who knows, but he is still a friend. LDR are really tough, and takes a lot more trust than people who are closer. JMO  | |
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| GROW UP ...You're Over 45
Posted: 11/6/2007 6:26:03 AM | Wayward Seeker, love how you put it.......... In today's modern world, there are men and women who DO just want to have sex without strings. The problem there is that men outnumber women and a lot of the younger men have caught onto the fact that there are a lot of older women who aren't treated very nicely by men their own age and so those women usually can find younger guys for that kind of thing. On the other hand, not too many 35 year olds are looking for a 60 year old man. They have men their own age who know how to be good lovers.......
Having said all of that, there are people who don't want that. I particularly like what you said about if you don't keep your trousers on long enough to know if the two of you really do have things in common, someone is going to get hurt..........
I'm monogamous..........I had a secretary one time who dated about 3 guys every week and it just amazed me...........I mean, it didn't bother her and it didn't seem to bother the guys who were chasing her (one finally caught her!) but I guess I'm too old fashioned for that. I am monogamous.............therefore if I make love with someone, it means something more then just he turned me on...........and I don't think I'm willing to make the committment to be monogamous the first time I meet a guy..
I had never thought about it that way before but that's probably the main reason. I'm not ready to commit on a first date | |
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| GROW UP ...You're Over 45
Posted: 11/6/2007 6:38:01 AM | As has already been stated here, I believe there are two sides to every story and then there's the truth. We've only heard the OP's side here so let's just look at her words. She talked with some guy for 10 months, we don't know if it was daily, weekly, or several times a day. We don't how hard he pursued her, or if she pursued him. To spend 10 months in pursuit of sex seems like a lot of work to me and something a player is not likely to do while being put off.
We know "she" had a "wonderful weekend". It doesn't sound like she was used at all, maybe in fact he was the one being used. I think we can surmise that the weekend wasn't that wonderful for him, but we'll never know. The OP says her biggest hurt is not what happened that weekend but others thinking she's a nutso. What others? No one here would have thought that if she wasn't posting threads like this one. Very curious to me.
The OP attempts to make an issue of his not wanting their first meet to be at his church and then scoffs at his faith. Given the uncertainties of first meets, how many of you would agree to meet someone for the first time on the steps of your place of worship? I find that a very strange request, as I'm sure most of you do too. I personally wouldn't do it. By your fifth or sixth first meet the other parishioners might start looking at you funny. lol
The OP states he F'ed her. Well then didn't she also F him? Don't woman use men for sex too? The one thing we do know from her own words is that the F'ing was wonderful, at least until he didn't call her back. The OP states that next time she wants to see the colour of his eyes because she'll have a better chance of figuring him out. Didn't she do that on her wonderful weekend, or did she just jump his bones in the dark without looking in his eyes first?
I don't wish to bash the OP but why would she post something like this? She's publicly testified to the world that she slept with some guy on the first meet and then tried to publicly shame him when he wasn't interested in a repeat. I hope her family, friends, or any men interested in her don't read this. Maybe she is now embarrassed by the posting and that is why she removed her id. I can't help but wonder what she hoped to accomplish with this thread.
Could she really want validation from a virtual world when she's clearly stated she doesn't trust the virtual world any longer? Or was she hoping to shame the man? I think she has issues and if she comes on to read this I sincerely hope she considers counseling. | |
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| GROW UP ...You're Over 45
Posted: 11/6/2007 6:51:49 AM | Sometimes I wonder why this post keeps going but here I am posting something to it!
I guess OP hit some kind of nerve with her post in a lot of us.
I've had three men try to meet me for the FIRST time by either having me go to their church or wanting me to take them to mine. And no, I won't do that. My faith is a personal thing. I don't even care if a man shares my faith as long as he respects my right to have it.......... Heck, Wayne was an atheist and when he was passing away, he laughed and said, "Well, I guess I'm going to find out if you were right or I was right"
I'm more then willing to introduce them to other men who can help them get to know other people at my church but I won't turn up at church WITH a guy unless we really turn into a couple. I went to this guy's church once and I figured he was a nice guy because he was in church with his grown kids and all of that and he wasn't a nice guy!
Well, I ran into his daughter a year later and she said that he had been showing up at church with a string of women after me..........and now she knew why! It was hard for her to accept that her father was like that but with a string of women being paraded through the church, she couldn't deny it anymore. And this guy was in his 70's!!!
I felt sorry for the family............really. And I realized that I had to be protective of my church. I didn't want to bring a string of guys through there. | |
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| GROW UP ...You're Over 45
Posted: 11/6/2007 9:11:51 AM | ^^^^ Interesting, but I agree with you about not wanting to drag a parade of people into a faith community that you value... it just doesnt seem right...
Another good reason for the OP to be wary is what happened to me; met a lady who seemed very nice, church going, seemed to have a solid faith and was a very fun, warm, caring person...but our relationship was mostly online and I didnt see/hear any warning signs. Corresponded for months and thought she was wonderful. AFTER I finally met her, my eyes slowly opened and I realized that she was indeed all of those things *plus* she was an alcoholic, something that would be hard to detect through email or phone calls. Everyone has their stuff, but I just wasnt prepared to support someone with addictions, and that was that. | |
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| GROW UP ...You're Over 45
Posted: 11/6/2007 9:25:02 AM | Have you not worked it out - the players will invest a lot of time and energy in breaking down the walls. You will be up there on a wall chart
Sorry it happened to you hun, but don't think there are any serious male daters on this or any site, we all hear this so many times, the women rip off the men and the men play the women. And - before I get sent to the 'Success Page' - did anyone ever meet a couple who met and married on an internet site and stayed married?
The idea is keep it in your pants till the ring is on the finger - that sorts the players, cos then you got something to sell when off you go on a holiday to get over being played, AGAIN | |
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| GROW UP ...You're Over 45
Posted: 11/6/2007 12:52:03 PM | Phil Ochs 'phrase " putting notches on their thighbone" describes those addicted to the chase but not interested in anything more.
what manner of script offers anyone ,at any age , more than a chance..just a chance to make a good choice and make it right by working at it.
No one is ready for whatever two people become.. and what it starts out is always complicated and changed by act two.. We don't just write it , we live it .
our parents ,DNA,political upheavals, poor roll of the cosmic dice.. even bad that arrives masquerading as good.. a promotion that takes all your time to deserve, money flowing faster than you can develop the skill set to manage, a new love that seems to be perfect til you realize that to hold her attention you have to act like you don't care keeping her busy seeking your attention, to keep from being drowned in boredom-driven drama .
Madness is always just a few bad moments distance,
while death is stalking all of us.
So what, thats what it is.. but its better than being a spider getting his web wet..
Not knowing if its rain or a dog pissing on him.
using what we have to make it better.. anything else ends badly
If you push as hard as you can against whatever rock you have found in front of you
at least you know you have tried..
and in the end is there more than that to take with us?
Oh thank you for the info Mr mailthrower.. A new sex offender in my neighborhood
He's a serial rapist and a pimp.. and only 92
I must warn Granny..
we are all so consistently absurd ... I love it ! | |
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| GROW UP ...You're Over 45
Posted: 11/6/2007 1:34:06 PM | In an ideal forum, we would be able to look at an OP and just comment on the events, and not the person posting.
In an ideal forum, we would be able to post thoughts about how WE might have handled the situation, as it's presented to us, and not judge anyone involved.
But we're not ideal. There are always two stories and there are some that think they know what happened (whether or not they do, is inconsequential) and of course there are those that feel they have a lesson to teach with their scolding words and judgments.
I know a little of what has happened here and it would be crass to share any of it.
Instead, I'll simply say that no matter what, our expectations are just that.... OURS.
We have no right to project our wants/needs/desires on another and we might wanna try to be gentle with ourselves when dealing with disappointment. | |
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JWA
| | Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 138 | |
| GROW UP ...You're Over 45
Posted: 11/6/2007 6:18:20 PM |
In an ideal forum, we would be able to look at an OP and just comment on the events, and not the person posting.
But in that same idealized forum the OP would include ALL pertinent information and not return several times adding little bits until we finally have the complete story. So many beginning threads start off wrong and once its seen there is a misunderstanding more of the whole story is revealed. Any post made almost has to include some comment about the OP since they are typically the center of the post and without considering everything then we’re not really dealing with the whole situation; ignoring the people involved while trying to address just the events or facts (as posted) simply doesn’t address every aspect of the problem or whatever is asked or offered.
read another post about negativity earlier and question how it all comes about. I read the posts here and question how easy it was for most of you to draw conclusions rather then ask for more information.
Just like I say above WHY is it anyone’s responsibility to dig deeper and deeper into an opening post? If they word it in an unclear or easily misunderstood manner OR don’t give enough facts in order to get a balanced reply then it’s not a fault when the wrong conclusions or opinions are offered. I’ve always been of the mind most anything that follows the opening post is a direct result of that alone. Since it’s known so many read only the OP and reply it makes sense that a well written opening comment is vital to getting useful replies. “Negativity” may appear but in too many cases it’s because the OP just wasn’t clear enough and the wrong perception is the result. Having an opposing view or somewhat harsh judgment of someone’s actions that bring about a situation isn’t a bad or evil thing-----in some cases it IS the OP who has caused or brought about something they’re now complaining about!
We’re not responsible to anything but what we reply to here---it’s not up to us to beg more information from someone just to avoid posting something “negative” about an OP. Yes it’s easy to express something not-so-uplifting but it’s NOT our duty to try reading between the lines or ask for more and more information. Rightfully many assume what’s posted is all we need to reply about and we do so----if our conclusions are wrong we first must start if the presentation itself isn’t partially or completely at fault! | |
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| GROW UP ...You're Over 45
Posted: 11/6/2007 8:44:54 PM | | And on that note jwa I agree. Many do start posts that seemingly are to inform and yet actually end up being pity posts. Or "poor me" type diatribes. These are public forums and when one chooses to air their grievances, hurts, joys or whatever then it is the public that responds. And often it ain't purty. If one doesn't KNOW that, then one shouldn't post their problems or private affairs in an arena where the audience can throw stones at the actors. | |
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| GROW UP ...You're Over 45
Posted: 11/6/2007 11:32:20 PM | Loz Hunter I know at least three couples who met on the internet and have passed the five-year mark with all indicators in the green zone. I am nowhere near as pessimistic as you and I have yet to meet a serious lady player here. I have just met a number of nice ladies that just did not seem to fit right for one reason or another.
I am honored that an Ageless Wonder and a Friendly Lady both have something nice to say about me! I will sleep tonight with a smile on my face | |
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| GROW UP ...You're Over 45
Posted: 11/7/2007 3:47:01 AM | Glad to know that Ageless and I helped to put a smile on your face, Wayward
I met Wayne online back in the 90's when this whole thing first started so I know it does work. But as I've said before, he was attracted right away but it took me about a month to be attracted to him. At that time, he lived about two hours away from me so if we hadn't met on the internet, we never would have met! Our first meeting was dinner at Shoney's and then the second one was a poker party with his friends who were mostly couples because I thought of him at first as a friend. We had a lot of fun and it gave me a chance to see what a really nice guy he was .........
The only other couple I know who ended up in marriage were a disaster. It was all the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. He had been in a loveless marriage for years. She was very independant and on her own. He wanted sex and she was sexy. She wanted money and he had money. His family had a fit and hated her. He tried to isolate her from her friends and needless to say, it didn't last long. | |
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| GROW UP ...You're Over 45
Posted: 11/7/2007 8:29:59 AM | | Back off me old man, didnt direct anything at you and dont want you singling me out thanks. | |
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| GROW UP ...You're Over 45
Posted: 11/7/2007 12:25:34 PM | | Im thinking he was getting clear of the other woman before he came to see you. Mass my ass. Drop the bomb on this loser sweetheart and move on. Just one of lifes harsher lessons. | |
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Lea333
| | Joined: 10/16/2007
Msg: 144 | |
| GROW UP ...You're Over 45
Posted: 11/8/2007 12:35:11 AM | Sorry...but that unfortunately is life in the internet laneway..and any laneway actually....you were a challenge!! remember ..when we were young... you put them off and off and off..then let down your guard...BANG! he got ya!
If I were u i would think.....did u enjoy his company? did u enjoy sleeping with him? did u have sum fun? IF yes to these questions...then's who's really hurt... he misled u yes, he lied ..yes...possibly... but hey in the end a man who is truly serious about a woman will not let the situation get out of hand and will treat her with respect and true friendship and not bed her on the first date..... just learn from experience, thats what life is all about after all.. | |
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| GROW UP ...You're Over 45
Posted: 11/8/2007 4:54:55 PM |
Could it be that just maybe in finally meeting you he didn't like what he saw in you ? as a person. Maybe he wasn't impressed with you in the intimacy dept during that "weekend". I have read some of your posts POF, and your continuous negative attitude towards men in general. these could all be, or even one could account for his "post "weekend" attitude towards you. Maybe it's time to reassess, your attitude? Sorry but I call them as i see them "JMO"
Makes me think of her original profile. The most negative profile any woman ever posted. A few days ago I noticed the profile was changed, probably because of the thread where she claimed to miss a close relation ship . Now all of a sudden one can not view her profile anymore.
Anyway,Muskoka, good luck to you in the future.....you need it
Kahuna | |
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| GROW UP ...You're Over 45
Posted: 11/8/2007 5:19:00 PM | | You never really know if there is going to be that SPARK until you meet. | |
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| GROW UP ...You're Over 45
Posted: 11/8/2007 5:24:37 PM |
Back off me old man, didnt direct anything at you and dont want you singling me out thanks.
If you were directing that towards WaywardSeeker, which you were, I believe you asked a question and he answered it.
One thing we have to remember on the forum is not to take things so personal. I saw nothing negative about his post. JMO | |
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MsChar
| | Joined: 10/4/2005
Msg: 149 | |
| GROW UP ...You're Over 45
Posted: 11/8/2007 10:02:30 PM | wow is it just me , maybe cause im old .... 56 ! but you spend 10 months talking on the phone before you met ! this is a dating site maybe talk less date more and stay out of the bedroom till you get to know him for real !!!
charla | |
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| GROW UP ...You're Over 45
Posted: 11/9/2007 5:02:00 AM | Hiding behind religion , or pretending how "holy thou art" has fooled more people into trusting these individuals .
I;m sorry that you've been hurt, but ,"everything happens for a reason".
Thank your higher power that this man is out of your life and have faith in yourself. | |
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