Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > I don't do "separated"...      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Naganadoy
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 276
view profile
History
I don't do separated...Page 12 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
nope you are not wrong.

I agree with you. and after their divorce he needs time ALONE to think about how he contributed to the failed marriage and how he plans on correcting his mistakes. he cant do all that if hes got a new main squeeze on the side taking up his time and taking attention away from how he fukced up. a new sweetie would jsut boost his ego and hed probably neverrrrrr even consider that he helped his marriage fail.

anyway....many "separated" people are extremely touchy about this topic. so dont ever expect them all to agree. who cares? you dont need their approval and dont need to listen to their excuses.

Its your choice, not theirs.
 steveb310
Joined: 11/20/2009
Msg: 277
I don't do separated...
Posted: 4/5/2010 5:22:23 AM
I agree it's your choice. But never make assumptions about why someone is separated. You could be missing out on the opportunity of a lifetime.

In Canada, you have to be separated for a year before you can file for divorce. Would you be willing to marry a guy after less than a year of dating anyway?

My wife left me for another woman. There's no way you can say I "contributed to the failed marriage" or need to "correct [my] mistakes." The assumption that the guy "fukced [sic] up" is incredibly insensitive and just plays into the stereotype that it's the guy's fault the marriage failed. Sometimes it's not the man's fault...you have no idea what the circumstances are, so why assume the worst of people? It just means you wouldn't have enough faith in me as a person to build a healthy relationship with anyway, and I wouldn't want to waste time getting to know someone like that.
 ~Azul Ojos~
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 278
I don't do separated...
Posted: 4/8/2010 3:40:04 PM
I don't do separated either...

My ex and I were separated for a year, and we eventually got back together. He cheated on me, and I vowed never to take him back. I did give it another try, mainly for my kids sake. I can at least say I gave it my best shot, and I didn't give up to easily on my marriage. So, I am proof that separated people sometimes go back. I have no idea if my ex dated, but I did. It was just someone to take my mind off, what he had done to me. I would hate to be that other person.

It takes a while to get over a marriage/relationship. Everyone, male or female has to take the time to rediscover themselves and learn to feel okay about being alone. Some people are very needy and need to fill the void with just anyone.

When I left the second time, I dated again. I was totally upfront and told those I dated I was not getting into a relationship (sexual), but I didn't mind being friends. I gave them the choice. This time I felt better about things and knew it was for good. I still needed the time to work through it, and learn to be single after being married for 23 years. It was a good time, where I learnt a lot about me. I met some great guys who are still friends today.

So, double standards...

I won't date someone who is separated, but I would agree to be strictly friends. Some people can't handle just being friends... boundaries... everyone needs them...
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 279
I don't do separated...
Posted: 4/10/2010 2:53:36 PM
i do not date separated men either.

but i do not think that good cant come of it.
for example:
once , yrs ago, i met a man...we dated..after about 2 dates he let me know his divorce was not finalized.
i told him that we could not go on until it is.
he said he wanted to wait till tax season or something..which was waiting another 8 or months.
i said no thanks.
he was serious about wanting a divorce and wanting to get to know me.
within a month he showed me the final papers..
we ended up engaged but it didnt work in the end.

i was also one to get back with my ex husband after we were separated.
he cheated which was why we separated.
but, like so many,...i gave him another chance,..we had children.
that didnt work out. he quit cheating..but i never got the trust back..
i never loved him the same.

i do realize that some ppl are separated for long times...and they will never go back to their spouse..
some have good reasons....some are for giving medical benifits to an ill spouse.
but they are still married.
it is my personal decision not to get involved with a separated man.
 whenwillthiswork26
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 280
view profile
History
I don't do separated...
Posted: 4/10/2010 3:27:08 PM
It's the ones here who are married but don't tell you that are the ones
that should be locked up. It should be illegal.

In my age bracket, that's at least 65% of the men here.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 281
I don't do separated...
Posted: 4/10/2010 3:30:22 PM
I have done separated before, but only after I knew for certainty that it was over and they both were or had moved on. In other words she was dating and he was dating or already in a new relationship. I had no intentions of getting too deeply involved with her, but I made that clear from the start. We had a lot of fun hanging out and enjoying a few nights "alone" but all in all it was just too much baggage to deal with where true blue relationships are concerned.
 *MidniteBlue*
Joined: 2/28/2010
Msg: 282
I don't do separated...
Posted: 4/10/2010 3:36:12 PM
As to the "separated"... What cracks me up are the ones that complain they only get back, what they've given (they see themselves as "cheated"), in their experiences of "dating/relationships" during their separations.
 migivadamsbusted
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 283
I don't do separated...
Posted: 4/10/2010 3:36:20 PM
I don't do separated either, they are still married and have unfinished business.
 minako79
Joined: 1/15/2009
Msg: 284
I don't do separated...
Posted: 4/10/2010 9:55:20 PM
yeah i wouldn't date a guy who is still seperated. only because they might be still lingering feelings for their wives, don't know i'm still uncomfortable with the idea. to each their own.
 debe77
Joined: 9/8/2010
Msg: 285
Seperated
Posted: 3/5/2011 5:18:36 PM
People are people. We are human beings with emotions, desires, needs. The termination of a marriage takes time.

I've been seperated from my husband for a year I have no contact with him. Not all seperated people are the same Squeak077. Some people who are seperated have been seperated psychologically, emotional, etc for years before they actaully leave the physical residence.

If your not happy (in your marriage) get divorced and stay single? What do you mean by this? Can you expand?

Should people who are seperated crawl into a hole and die perhaps?
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 286
view profile
History
Seperated
Posted: 3/7/2011 7:13:21 AM

Should people who are seperated crawl into a hole and die perhaps?


Not at all...but if they want to start over, they should get a divorce so that the can legally start over.

Some of us are looking for more than casual dating, and I dont want to start something with a man who legally is not authorized to start something with me. I dont want to be around during the proceedings, I want the man to have already put all of this behind behind him when I meet him. I dont want to hear about it, I dont want to see his kids go through it. This is for the two who were married to 'put to bed' and they should do it without dragging anyone else into it. jmo

Yes, there are odd situations where say one of the two in the marriage has literally disappeard and a divorce cannot be obtained. But that is not the 'norm'.
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 287
Separated
Posted: 3/7/2011 8:18:18 AM

Should people who are separated crawl into a hole and die perhaps?


Well op, it sounds like you already been in that hole for a long time in a unhappy relationship.
So sorry to hear that, but now, you are really to start the next chapter in your life, so what's stopping you? imo, You payed your dues with the first one....

And not having any kids so young is a plus. jmo
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 288
view profile
History
Seperated
Posted: 3/7/2011 11:29:17 AM

Should people who are seperated crawl into a hole and die perhaps?

^^^No, of course not. I think however if you've dated enough separated and divorced people, and have gone through the whole route in your own process...you do understand why there is skepticism. Is it warranted? In my opinion, yes.

It takes a while to put a marriage behind you. Separations, even legal ones aren't necessarily as firm as one would believe. I know of people who have gone back to spouses after a considerable time apart as 'separated'. I know of no couples that have gotten back together after divorce, or who have remarried.

There's a finality to the divorce process and as FC writes above, I'd prefer not to be embroiled in another divorce process with my relationship with the guy under glass while it's taking place...been there and done that.

I get contacted by a lot of separated men. In fact, I think POF newbies are more often those coming from the newly separated ranks. And while there are some good prospects swimming amongst their ranks, I'd really prefer to have a relationship with someone who is on the other side of that whole thing.

I think for me it's a case-by-case decision, but generally 'separated'---means still involved on a few levels, and this is something I find I need to stay away from.
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 289
Seperated
Posted: 3/7/2011 1:42:24 PM

I get contacted by a lot of separated men. In fact, I think POF newbies are more often those coming from the newly separated ranks. And while there are some good prospects swimming amongst their ranks, I'd really prefer to have a relationship with someone who is on the other side of that whole thing.

I think for me it's a case-by-case decision, but generally 'separated'---means still involved on a few levels, and this is something I find I need to stay away from


Your point well taken , the majority of women[&[ men as well] whether separate or freshly divorced,it's been everybody experience but not all, too of hearing the endless rambles of their ex.& all the other crapola.

As in what debe77 said,she was married very young, has no children,has a great profile,many interests,still young enough to turn the chapter with little remorse , little baggage to be carried over into another relationship.
Good luck as over 30 is the better for maturity,love & life. jmo
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 290
Seperated
Posted: 3/7/2011 4:53:23 PM
i have found that too many separated men (and could be women too , but i dont date women)...tell "white" lies...they skip the fact that they are not yet divorced or they lie and say they are divorced. when confronted with the question...are you really divorced,..they let you know they are separated and how they are not with their ex wives etc etc. i just prefer to wait until a man is divorced. i would not want to be in the way of the chance of them trying to re-unite. and i dont like the lying.
 ProcolHarem
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 291
view profile
History
Seperated
Posted: 3/8/2011 3:52:25 AM
right right...all separated men have unfinished business, lie, cheat steal, kick puppies and go back to their wives.

While the single people you all date are practically perfect in every way.
They would NEVER cheat on you or lie to you or go back to their ex or argue with you or worse.

If almost everyone dates ONLY single people who is really doing ALL of the cheating, going back to exs, telling lies, fighting, etc?

Lastly it's SEPARATED.
WTF?
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 292
view profile
History
Seperated
Posted: 3/8/2011 6:39:14 AM

While the single people you all date are practically perfect in every way.

I'd guess you're separated just from reading this comment.

Lastly it's SEPARATED.
WTF?

SEPARATED doesn't = O V E R that's WTF !! JMO
 ProcolHarem
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 293
view profile
History
Seperated
Posted: 3/8/2011 6:52:36 AM
^^^I am indeed.
I mention it prominently in my profile. Two years physically separated, 4 years emotionally.
That does not detract from the fact that for some reason separated men are treated like lepers, like they alone hurt or cheat or go back to their ex.

Yet since single people pretty much only date other single people, it stands to reason that the majority of people cheating on them or going back to the ex while dating them are single people.

I don't care if anyone dates the separated or not.
I just object to how separated people are portrayed.

It's like the "Why do ALL men or why do ALL women." threads that people object to, yet for some reason it is permissable to paint ALL separated people with the same brush.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 294
view profile
History
Seperated
Posted: 3/8/2011 7:20:20 AM
^^^^^No one is painting anyone with any brush when it's a legality. That means you're objections should be addressed to the judicial system, not those of us who aren't interested in meeting/dating someone that isn't legally available. If you've been separated as long as you state (I don't read profiles here, so I wouldn't have a clue what yours has in it) ~ why not yet divorced? There's not a state in the US that doesn't accept pro-bono Petitions for Divorce for nothing more than the filing fee required to file it at the Clerk's office and? There are Federal Grant monies available in just about every county in this country which will give one an qualified assistant to assist someone in filling out the appropriate forms to file for a divorce should they not know how to copy a petition from the net and fill in the blanks. (Hence? No lawyer needed!!!) My objections to those merely separated go MUCH deeper than simple legalities ~ been there, done that, have the tee-shirt and the neon sign over my head now ~ "Separated is NOT single ~ at least not single enough for me." And in the end? Personal preferences are ALL that matter in the world of meeting/dating. There are men that won't date me because I'm too old, or I'm too thin, or I've not got x, y, z that they are looking for. It's not a personal slam, it's personal preference. Just like those of us who don't wish being with someone that hasn't yet finished what they started (e.g.: divorce.) JMO
 ProcolHarem
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 295
view profile
History
Separated
Posted: 3/8/2011 7:28:27 AM
^^^Re-Read the thread.
I'll not go into gory detail regarding why I'm not divorced. That's included in my profile as well.
Wow...Please re-read my post. Did I mention anywhere that i felt that separated is single.
Everyone is free to date who they please. That is not the crux of my post.




I don't do seperared either. Too much of a chance for them to reunite with their ex.


I bet no better odds than anyone else going back to their ex.

Look...Don't Do Separated. I could give a rats azz, but it's statements like the above that irritate me.
It's just not logical or factual.
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 296
Separated
Posted: 3/8/2011 7:59:50 AM
"legally available"?? what does that mean? cuz i just tried to look it up in my law dictionary and it ain't in there. i have heard of "legally separated", but not "legally available".

i can understand the reluctance many people have to date those who are separated. i agree with most them for most of the usual reasons, but it's not an iron-clad rule. there is always the exception. circumstantial evidence. plus if you won't date some guy who's separated because your own worst fear is them going back to the ex, then how is that really any different from dating somebody who dumps you for a new deal or an old GF? dumped is dumped! so why approach your relationships like you're buying a car. you want a warranty? pfft.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 297
Separated
Posted: 3/8/2011 8:16:24 AM

"legally available"?? what does that mean?


^^My interpretation of this is that the person is not available for marriage. (???) As they are still legally tied to their spouse.

Many rather they (separated folks) close that chapter before treading those waters. It is what it is.............
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 298
view profile
History
Separated
Posted: 3/8/2011 9:36:38 AM
^^^Re-Read the thread.
I'll not go into gory detail regarding why I'm not divorced. That's included in my profile as well.
Wow...Please re-read my post. Did I mention anywhere that i felt that separated is single.
Everyone is free to date who they please. That is not the crux of my post.

And I wasn't saying YOU said "separated is single" I simply said??? "It's NOT single enough for me."

^^My interpretation of this is that the person is not available for marriage. (???) As they are still legally tied to their spouse.

Sort of, but not really! (I see he deleted that question, but I'm going to answer anyway!!) For me? I've watched SO many nightmares play out judicially when someone is still legally attached to someone, that it has imprinted into my brain just what can happen to someone who is "legally" attached to someone else by marriage. Say someone doesn't take care of getting the car into his/her own name alone, goes out ~ gets drunk, kills someone. The parties listed on that vehicle can BOTH be held responsible for damages. Much like one of those two-undivorced-parties dying tragically. Legally, the next-of-kin is the spouse ~ the one legally attached to the other, even if they haven't seen each other in 10/20 years. Which then can mean? Estates with NO wills default to that person, much as debt can default to that person, etc., etc., etc. There's a LOT more to being legally bound to someone than simple emotional attachment.

~OT~ I'm don't worry about someone returning to an ex. I can see why some worry about that ~ but it's not something I personally worry about. I pay a LOT of attention before I get even remotely emotionally attached to someone, if I need to worry about his ex(s) ~ I need to move on to a man I don't feel the need to worry about. JMO
 DebiDuzDishes
Joined: 4/9/2009
Msg: 299
Separated
Posted: 3/8/2011 10:02:17 AM
i have only dated one man who was separated. (that i know of)

it was a bad time for sure. Kids hated me... hated him.. ex(2b) wife hated me..

I wont go into the gory details tho.. :))

it was rough!

BUT. .. I wont say that i will NEVER date someone separated.. just that you cannot hope for a real commitment from someone who can't give it.
And i surely don't want to meet someones kids unless the relationship CAN go forward..
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 300
Separated
Posted: 3/8/2011 10:02:34 AM

I've watched SO many nightmares play out judicially when someone is still legally attached to someone, that it has imprinted into my brain just what can happen to someone who is "legally" attached to someone else by marriage. Say someone doesn't take care of getting the car into his/her own name alone, goes out ~ gets drunk, kills someone. The parties listed on that vehicle can BOTH be held responsible for damages. Much like one of those two-undivorced-parties dying tragically. Legally, the next-of-kin is the spouse ~ the one legally attached to the other, even if they haven't seen each other in 10/20 years. Which then can mean? Estates with NO wills default to that person, much as debt can default to that person, etc., etc., etc. There's a LOT more to being legally bound to someone than simple emotional attachment.


^^^I didn't think of this!!! Definitely scary, as one would be held liable for someone else's downfalls.
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > I don't do "separated"...