| I don't do separated...
Posted: 11/3/2007 10:29:46 PM | | If a guy says he's divorced (and his profile says he's divorced), I've started asking when the divorce became final. I learned that the hard way. I was surprised by how many men have lied about that! | |
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| I don't do separated...
Posted: 11/3/2007 10:37:15 PM | well, still going?? Men and women who doesnt want to date separated individual, dont do it why make a big deal about it? Women? Before you all judged women who are separated look at your self first before looking us down. Dont judged them if you dont know anything about them.Your mom and dad are not married, what does that make you? were they married when you were born? if not then you are a illigitimate child who they called a **stard. To be a **stard is even worst than being separated. Living togehter with a child with out marriage is even worst of a sin. Thats even worst when it comes to moral values. To all men and women who doesnt want anything to do with separated people, you all dont have to explain why, just dont get in touch with them or date them. Flowers?? you dont owe them any explanation about your situation.    | |
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| I don't do separated...
Posted: 11/3/2007 10:41:05 PM | Flowers From the Fire - I'm not condeming anyone, calling them bad people, or saying they aren't worthy of love. I believe in making informed decisions. I have decided that a relationship with a separated man isn't for me.
I'm sure he has what he feels are very valid reasons. I've heard everything from, "My wife is sick" to "I have to think of my kids". Each person has to do what they have to do. I hope hope these men find what they are looking for.
I will be coming to them with my own set of complications. I won't be coming to them tied (legally, financially, emotionally or mentally) to another person. I want the same. Everyone has issues. I don't want to deal with those particular issues. | |
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| I don't do separated...
Posted: 11/3/2007 11:25:12 PM | lucilou-For someone who doesn't want to be judged, you seem quick to judge me based on something I had absolutely NO control over and you know even less about. Yes. My parents were unmarried. What does that make me? Illegitimate? A **stard child? Were those your questions?
I will keep my answers simple for you. I am a secure, much loved child who grew up to be a compassionate, but intelligent woman. Every child, every human being, is legitimate. Shame on you for catagorizing ANY child as illegitimate. For your information I was also never in the company of anyone ignorant enough to refer to a child as a **stard. My parents hung out with a better calibur of people than that. So no, I am not illegitimate nor have I EVER been called a **stard.
As far as "sin" goes, WOW. I never imagined you would have tossed your hat into the "moral values" arena. I would think you would have avoided going there. I mean, the hypocrisy would be just too great.
I wish separated people the best with their situations. I just choose to date people without papers binding them to another person. That's my choice. Any percieved judgement on my part was in your own head. | |
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| I don't do separated...
Posted: 11/4/2007 12:01:48 AM | Golden Rule = "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Matt 7:12 (the Bible)
Application - I wouldn't want someone to publically rip me a brand new ass for presuming to attack their family out of defensiveness toward a percieved slight as well as unimaginable stupidity, so I won't do it to you.
I'm feeling generous tonight. | |
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| I don't do separated...
Posted: 11/4/2007 12:06:21 AM | Do as you wish, we have been attacked here and as I said Golden Rule. | |
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| I don't do separated...
Posted: 11/4/2007 12:12:17 AM | | It takes one seriously sick and/or intoxicated individual to look at a child or adult and attempt to devalue the worth of that human being by labelling it as a **stard for any reason. It's on the same level as racial insults in my books. Cyn3100, I can't believe you had the enormous courage and goodnatured attitude to even dignify that with any response, never mind a gracious one. We are all children of God, and we all deserve the same respect as such. If ANYONE has a problem with that, I'd love to privately email with them about it. I apologize for their conduct. | |
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| I don't do separated...
Posted: 11/4/2007 12:26:23 AM | looks like this post is starting to get off the topic...
a previous response to this post questioned peoples religious standards.
my question is - if you are in a relationship with someone who is seperated, and it becomes sexual, is that adultry? | |
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| I don't do separated...
Posted: 11/4/2007 12:52:42 AM | Cyn - fair enough, i don't think you seemed to be particularly bashing, so my responses were directed at others....
I totally respect people's free will... i wouldn't be told what i should or should not do either. Heck i would obviously be more careful with someone separated myself, it's the wise thing to do.
I only take issue with people who are so quick to assume that everyone that is separated is a liar, a cheat and has unfinished business. yes that paper, still needs to be had, and i will get it, i'm just rallying my energy to have another go at it. I've just made a conscious choice to keep on taking care of business in my immediate life, and to make sure that i am well and whole for myself and my children, rather than get caught up in the legal battles with their father.
I'm not making excuses to anyone, and i would never try to force someone to befriend me or other wise if they are not comfortable with my status. That comes of respecting others, which is most important to me. I have no need to force anything, i am happier than i ever have been, i have a great group of friends, and i hope to make more from POF. I look forward to the opportunity to meet people that are intelligent and inspire me with their stories and their life. So there is no desperation or attempt to trick anyone on my part, just a sincere desire to continue meeting quality people. I can completely understand why you would balk at someone trying to justify something you aren't comfortable with. Someone that genuinely cares for you doesn't put their needs ahead of yours.... | |
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| I don't do separated...
Posted: 11/4/2007 12:59:17 AM |
We are all children of God, and we all deserve the same respect as such.
Hey skyblu... i certainly don't disagree with the content of your post... i don't like to judge nor be judged. Having respect for others is high on my list.
I just want to point out that part of the post, and note that there has not been much respect shown to a category of people in this thread by many individuals. Something to think about. Some of us have done the best we could, given it all we've got, put up with some pretty difficult circumstances and then some and then had to face the inevitable. Some of the comments in here feel a whole lot like a case of kicking someone when they are down, doesn't smack of respect to me....
and yes, some people behave in a manner that is so completely disrespectful of others, thinking they can have their cake and eat it too and have not earned anyone's respect, but people like that come from ALL walks of life, i don't care for being included in that category. | |
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| I don't do separated...
Posted: 11/4/2007 1:02:03 AM | qtpie i guess that depends on YOUR values and your circumstances. Some of us don't live according to biblical standards and yet have high moral values. The reality is there are all kinds of different people, some are very old fashioned and see things as such. Others look at it based on different standards.
If you sleep with someone and aren't married are you committing a sin? Our world has changed a lot..... | |
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leesie
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Joined: 8/6/2006
Msg: 113 | |
| I don't do separated...
Posted: 11/4/2007 1:04:42 AM | | Interesting topic! But I'm not so sure it's all that easy to figure out. I'm sure that for most of us our head tells us not to bother. That we're being unrealistic so pass on that fish. I have to say I have been conversing with a man for quite a while now, we talk on the phone at this point, not emails on here. Anyway, he has been legally seperated for six years or so and has full custody of his kids. According to him, the courts gave him custody because she is bipolar and was abusing drugs. And was abusive. He has moved away from her, moved close to his parents so they will take the kids after school until he gets home from work. That seems like a thinking caring person to begin with, not farming the kids out to babysitters. Anyway, he says he's leary of going back to court to proceed with a divorce because every time they do go to court she is awarded more visitation and he's afraid for the kids. I tend to believe that point because his mother is upset with him because he has allowed her to see them now on Sundays instead of just every other week, while he is away doing laundry. Even his mother is afraid of this person spending too much time with them. They say they are afraid she will take the kids and drive in to a lake or something crazy like that. So his reason for not divorcing her yet is because the kids are still young and in his custody and he wants not to rock the boat with her for as long as possible. He says though, that if he wants to re-marry he would go ahead and approach the subject with her but he hasn't met anyone he would consider marrying. I am not rushing it with him in any way and am taking it really slow. I haven't even agreed to a meeting because I haven't felt great lately and it doesn't bother me to wait. I have enjoyed our conversations and find him to be a really decent man and caring father who seems to be genuinely afraid of her and has no thoughts of ever being with her again. But he's trying to stay friendly to keep her happy and out of the kids lives as much as possible. He worries terribly when they do see her. Anyway, thought I'd throw my two cents in. I'm certainly not in love with this person and maybe it would be different if I were serious about him but I am old enough to know that if there were any signs of interest in her and we were dating, I would simply bow out and hope they get it right the second time around. It's not a simple subject me thinks! | |
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leesie
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Joined: 8/6/2006
Msg: 114 | |
| I don't do separated...
Posted: 11/4/2007 1:17:07 AM | Cyn don't listen to Lucilou. Don't worry your mind over one who has none. She's obviously very ignorant. Please don't let her stupidity upset you. You are obviously a very well spoken intelligent woman. I feel sorry for her.  | |
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| I don't do separated...
Posted: 11/4/2007 1:39:26 AM | Separated = not divorced = still MARRIED. The equation is simple enough for a first grader. WHY someone has not bothered with a divorce does not change that.
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| I don't do separated...
Posted: 11/4/2007 1:42:09 AM | | skyblujeep - Thank you. I couldn't believe her nerve. That was outrageous! I've dealt with and overcome much worse than her. Thanks again. You're my hero!! | |
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Nona37
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Joined: 10/3/2007
Msg: 117 | |
| I don't do separated...
Posted: 11/4/2007 2:09:06 AM | Actually I do not choke on my own self-righeousness,,however I am fast becoming nauseous of all the whinning exhibited by the "seperated" people on this thread. If one takes the time to read the thread through, you will see I do indeed not judge all, but...since you put it out there, EVERYONE says they have never cheated!! If I had a dime for every time someone said this to me, I would be typing to you from my mansion in Beverly Hills. :)
"prefer not to say" can have many different meanings for those with a creative side, here are some great examples.
"prefer not to say" = I'm too lazy to type.
"prefer not to say"= I"m hoping you won't notice this section of my profile.
"prefer not to say"= I"m seperated and want back with my wife but in the mean time, I"m on here to get laid.
"prefer not to say"= Not unlike the rest of my profile, which is very secretive, I am actually still married, this is my lame way of being on the "down low", I"m hoping you have such low self esteem you will talk to me anyways.
"Prefer not to say"= Prefer not to say! | |
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| I don't do separated...
Posted: 11/4/2007 2:33:57 AM | To Nona... nothing personal, though i found some of your comments rather wildly presumptous and narrow minded. I do realize though that is likely due to your skirmishes with lucilou....
prefer not to say has many other meanings too, but there are those, like yourself who choose to see only the negative possibilities. All the power to you, and if having that on my profile weeds out those such as yourself, i'm all the happier for doing so.
What i said was that i had not in fact cheated in my marriage, in response to what you had said about separated people having bfs/gfs having likely already cheated, so why not. What a lovely thing to say. I see that what i say in honesty has absolutely no value to you, so i would say this is a prime example of bigotry where you are so attached to what you believe you cannot see any other option.
Being confronted by people with these kinds of attitudes just makes me sad and ill. No wonder there is so little peace in our world and so much hate and war. Just look at how we will treat each other without really knowing any of the facts for any given situation. Who gave anyone the right to judge? How dare anyone presume to know who i am or what i have done and then brand me according to their intolerant views. I am sorry for you and others who live your lives with such negativity.
I would only hope to continue finding people that choose love, and acceptance and have the ability to make their choices without judging other people who make choices that differ from their own.
I have said repeatedly that I respect people's choice in regard to this matter. I do not , nor will ever try to make anyone accept my situation. If they know me, and who I am speaks for itself as it seems to do, that is all that matters.
Peace love and understanding.
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Nona37
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Joined: 10/3/2007
Msg: 119 | |
| I don't do separated...
Posted: 11/4/2007 3:07:04 AM | | Flowers: Thank you for understanding, and yes, I was going a couple of rounds with the aforementioned person, but I must say, I have been seperated myself, I know it is a section of life that really stinks, I must say, after reading your reply above to me that you and I do stand on two different sides of the fence, it does seem you stand on the side where yes, you are seperated, but you are a good person and a victim of circumstance, and I'm truly sorry for that :( I however, am on the side who has been burned by "seperated" people, a few in my lifetime unfortunately, and my bad attitude stems from this. I feel same as you, there are good/bad people on both sides of the fence, those on my side that understand/or may be judgmental, and then there is your side, where the bad ones makes it look bad for all of you. I do not believe that all who are seperated are cheating pigs, and I do know how the court systems can slow things down tremendously, nonetheless, I wish you well and I hope your life is truly rewarding and I hope the day comes you do meet the man of your dreams and this period of your life can be looked upon as something that made you stronger. :) | |
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| I don't do separated...
Posted: 11/4/2007 3:35:53 AM | | Every one has opinions and nothing is going to stop that, to stop that people need to be as up front as possible, i am old fassion I still belive in the 10 comandments thow shall not steal, thow shall not kill and thow shall not covant thy nebourgous wife and that all so means husband. Now cause i belive in them i shouldnt be call a bigot i belive in all of them not just the ones that suite me. People are stating why they wont do separated some are divorced some have lived together as a realtionship and some have lived with separated thats thier choice and they are intillated but to call some one a bigot or a ba$$ard is uncalled for. Now alot of people on here have went thur a divorce and most are on the nasty side and they rememeber what they went thur and they way not want to go thur someones else divorce as it brings up bad menories for them. | |
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| I don't do separated...
Posted: 11/4/2007 4:41:14 AM | This budding flame-war between lucilou and cyn3100 made me realize something:
We DON'T care about others when we SHOULD; and, we DO care about others when we SHOULDN'T.
!Les | |
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| I don't do separated...
Posted: 11/4/2007 5:40:42 AM | The litmus test here is simple.
Tell the guy "If you are TRULY interested in a life with me, get your divorce NOW." That will show you just how "separated" he is..... | |
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| I don't do separated...
Posted: 11/4/2007 7:00:59 AM | Leesie?? What is the difference between ligitimate and illigitimate child? What is the difference between living together with a child and living together with a piece of paper called marriage cerificate? And Cyn, I apologize for the word **stard, I am just trying to make a point that being separated is a big cheating to the innocent bystander and makes us feel that committing a sin, and i agree we are committing a sin who are not in this world. Those who believed in the bible would see that , the point is like I have said, if you are looking for some stable relationship then PLEASE look at the status, if you dont like what you read then skip it, dont judge them . Leesie PLEASE analyze your self before you call me stupid, you dont know anything about me, but then who are you for me to even to listen .   | |
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| I don't do separated...
Posted: 11/4/2007 7:28:44 AM | Yes, you are biased.
You're making a lot of assumptions about an individual and the state of his psyche based, not even on your own experience, but on your imagination, and apparently your religion.
Just be aware that that's what your doing. Your choices speak only about you. | |
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| I don't do separated...
Posted: 11/4/2007 7:41:13 AM | I think seperated is just the same as divorce. Sometimes a divorce takes a long time. Some times people can't agree on how they want to split things up and don't want to give all their money to the lawyers to fight it out. I would definitely not limit my self from daring someone seperated. Divored people get back together all the time.
For those saying mariage is a sacred vow and till seperated is still married. Well then why should a divorce count any different. They still made the sacred vow weather they got seperated or divorced. I personally don't believe in divorce, but sometimes you have no control over it. | |
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