| The stupidness of cats
Posted: 11/5/2007 9:13:47 AM | | CATS & all that.Cats were revered during Egyptian Pyramiddical days as being 2nd in the order next to human beings.There are many substantiated reasons one or two of which I will enlighten you with.(1) Cats will not do anything a human being tries to get them to do without being brainwashed ( denying food etc untill doing certain tasks) They can get a human being to supply all their needs with a look a brush against the skin or a mieaoow,(men could learn a lot from this ).Men prefer dogs and women cats,WHY? Because a cat is a free spirit,does what it wants,when it wants and can manipulate its "owners"quite easily.Men love their dogs because they can assume power over them by getting a dog to do their bidding and also because no matter how badly a man treats their dog it will always show Love and loyalty.It seems women have come a long way on their learning curve and left most men behind.... | |
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| The stupidness of cats
Posted: 11/5/2007 11:39:47 AM | My cat does exactly the same. If I watch tv or surfing on the net, she comes to sit with me, mesmerizes me and sqeaks. That is her order to walk with her to her bowl. She only gives a short sqeak, she is even to lazy to give a proper meow. I wonder why she is such a exhibisionistic food eater. I am glad she does not have it with all her activities.
She has wrapped me around her little finger. During the day she sleeps. Every now and then she sqeaks for a cuddle and the Duchess falls asleep again. In the night she jumps on my pillow till my eyes are open and I open the window for her. If she comes back, she is going to sit at the windowsill near my head and squeaks again to open the window. For a couple of times a night.
Who is mental here? I think she more normal than I am. But I can not resist her, I love her to bits. She is the most lovely and beautiful cat in the world. | |
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| The stupidness of cats
Posted: 11/5/2007 3:34:15 PM |
Mine is madly in love with me and rolls over in excitement whenever I come home (now why can't I get a man to do that he he he!).
You should know that it would be physically impossible for a man to roll over onto his stomach when you came home - he would get stuck on his side!!
Think about it  | |
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| The stupidness of cats
Posted: 11/6/2007 1:39:25 AM | | My 5 month old kitten learned a lesson the hard way the other night. When ever im washing up, she sits there on the side of the sink batting at the water. The other night though, she decided to try sitting in the sink when i ran the water, only to get a face full of cold water lol. She ran off shaking her head and paws, ands wont go near the sink now when im washing up. | |
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| The stupidness of cats
Posted: 11/6/2007 1:42:57 AM | Well mine has reached new levels now. Was watching some tv last night while nursing my burn and she's over at her food dish mooching about. I wasn't really paying any attention but next thing you know the dish has been tipped right over. Water and biscuits everywhere!! I was not impressed at all but she just looked at me with a "what's all the fuss about" look on her face. Mean while I'm cleaning it up whilst quietly seething  | |
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| The stupidness of cats
Posted: 11/6/2007 3:57:55 AM | Thomas is 15yrs old, lost one eye to glaucoma last yr and his other eye is also misted up too. The vet said at the time "don't worry, cats find their way around by scent and hearing so he will be fine" How right he was! Thomas wakes me up at approx 5am regularly by sitting on the bedside cabinet and tapping me on my forehead with his paw. If i don't wake up he then proceeds to meeow in a short sharp way that i swear sounds like "Rick Rick" of course being the soft sod that i am i get up and feed him, which brings Adidas to life who sleeps in my pc chair. They then do what can only be described as some sort of tribal dance round the kitchen while i put the meat in the bowls. It's weird they walk around in circles pausing only for a brief "boxing match" with eachother. Now somehow i get the feeling that Thomas is the smart one and i am the stoopid one 
I saw on a profile once "never try to out stubborn a cat" how true.
Also "dogs have masters, cats have staff" nuff said.
Rich. | |
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| The stupidness of cats
Posted: 11/6/2007 4:03:12 AM | Okay, I'm going to go very slightly off topic and extreme apologies.
There is a cartoon on youtube which will make all cat owners howl with laughter. If you want the link send me a message and I will give you it.
Back on topic. My kitten has just started going out during the day so I put her litter tray outside to air and bring it back in at night. Well the other day in she comes looking for her tray to go to the toilet! So I put her back outside where she promptly went for a pee and a pooh in the litter tray on top of the recycling boxes!! I mean really, you're a cat, go in the garden and let me cut down on the amount of litter tray I have to do! Very civilised of her though, hehe. | |
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| The stupidness of cats
Posted: 11/6/2007 4:28:09 AM | My cat can't catch anything, he is toooooo stupid. Watching him try is fun, he bounces at the birds who look at him completely gone out as they casually fly off.
Was quite suprised to find him playing with something in the garden the other day. It turned out he had acquired a pair of birds legs and was tossing them into the air! | |
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| The stupidness of cats
Posted: 11/7/2007 6:27:19 AM | My kittens are 6 months old, they have been spayed/neutered and chipped, just got the catflap fitted and today I decided was going to be their first day in the garden.
They have tried to escape several times especially the boy.
But I've been standing by the front door calling them and shaking biscuits and they are sitting on the top stair looking at me like I'm stupid! | |
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| The stupidness of cats
Posted: 11/7/2007 9:17:12 PM | | so today one of my kittens ,blue, has decided to try to jump onto the bathroom counter... from the toilet seat... needless to say there was a big puddle on the floor 2secs after i heard the splash, never did see a kitten move so fast!!!! hahahahahahah!!!! | |
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| The stupidness of cats
Posted: 11/8/2007 2:35:34 AM | My 5 month old kitten becomes braver by the day......
Whilst taking a bath, she jumped onto the side and played with the bubbles, then proceeded to jump onto me wedging herself on the dry bit between the book and my face knocking my glass of wine into the water and curled up for the duration !
Bath for two.....not quite what I had in mind ! | |
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cargy
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Joined: 10/13/2006
Msg: 37 | |
| The stupidness of cats
Posted: 11/8/2007 2:56:00 AM | My 5 month old kitten becomes braver by the day......
Whilst taking a bath, she jumped onto the side and played with the bubbles
I'm impressed that your cat is clever enough to take a bath!
Does she run it herself too? | |
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| The stupidness of cats
Posted: 11/8/2007 5:54:17 AM | Had a cat called Sparky. Used to stand by front door and ask to go out. If it rained he used to run to the back door ! Everybody knows there are 2 outsides !
Also used to use my bed as a trampoline to jump on the window sill. Great in the middle of the night !
My current cat has a ritual. She runs out of the front door and when she is let back in she runs straight up the stairs only to come straight back down again ! | |
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| The stupidness of cats
Posted: 11/8/2007 7:15:48 AM | Sorry but every time I see this come around in E-mails it has me in stiches and it is on topic!!
1 Thoroughly clean the lavvy bowl.
2 Add the required amount of shampoo to the cludge water, and have both lids lifted.
3 Obtain the mingin' moggy and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
4 In one smooth movement, put mingin' moggy down the bog and close both lids.
5 Flush the lavvy three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which is most effective.
Note: You may need to stand on the lid so that the cat cannot escape.
6 Have someone to open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7 Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8 The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.
9 Repeat once cat is dry.
Signed- The Dog
An alternat version
1. First, dress for the occasion. A 4-ply rubber wet suit is suggested, along with a helmet, face mask and welders gloves.
2. A Bathtub with a glass enclosure is preferred to the one with a shower curtain. A frenzied cat can shred one of these in about 3.5 seconds.
3. Have the Kitty Bubbles and towel in the enclosed bathtub area before hand. No, blow drying the cat after the bath is not suggested.
4. Draw the water, making it a little warmer than needed as you still need to find the cat. Position everything strategically in the shower, so you can reach it even if you are face down or prone in the tub.
5. Find your cat. Use the element of surprise. Pick the cat up, nonchalantly as if you were simply carrying him/her to the supper dish. No need to worry about the cat noticing your strange attire, the cat barely notices you anyway.
6. Once you and the cat are inside the bathroom, speed is essential. In one single liquid motion, shut the door to the bathroom, step into the shower, close the sliding doors, and drop the cat into the water. While the cat is still in a state of shock, locate the Kitty Bubbles and squirt whatever part of him is above the water line. You have just begun the wildest 45 seconds of your life. Remember that cats have no handles and add the fact that he now has soapy fur. His state of shock has worn off and he's madder than a wet hornet.
7. As best, you can, wearing welder's gloves, try to field his body as he catapults through the air toward the ceiling. If possible, give another squirt of Kitty Bubbles with his body now fully exposed.
8. During the 5 seconds you are able to hold onto him, rub vigorously. No need to worry about rinsing. As he slide down the glass enclosure into the tub, he will fall back into the water, rinsing himself in the process.
9. Only attempt the lather and rinse process about 3 times. The cat will realize the lack of traction on the glass by then and will use the next attempt on the first available part of you.
10. Next, the cat must be dried. No, this is NOT the easiest part. By this stage, you are worn out and the cat has just become semi-permanently affixed to your right leg. We suggest here that you drain the tub and in full view of your cat. reach for the bottle of Kitty Bubbles.
11. If you have done step 10 correctly, the cat will be off your leg and hanging precariously from your helmet. Although this view of the cat is most disgusting, he will be in a much better position for wrapping the towel around him.
12. Be sure cat is firmly wrapped in towel before opening tub enclosure. Open bathroom door, put towel wrapped cat on floor and step back quickly, into tub, if possible, Do not open enclosure until all you can see is the shredded towel.
13. In about 2 hours it will be safe to exit the bathroom. Your cat will be sitting out there somewhere looking like a small hedgehog while plotting revenge.
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| The stupidness of cats
Posted: 11/8/2007 8:46:06 AM | Yes, I know, slightly off topic, but this email one always crack s me up...
How To Give Your Cat A Pill
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and apply gentle pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for glueing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw away T-shirt and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Ring Fire Brigade to retrieve cat from tree across road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to miss cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Get spouse to drive you to Casualty, sit quietly while doctor stitches finger and forearm and removes remnants of pill from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Call RSPCA to collect cat and ring pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
How to give your dog a pill.
1. Wrap it in bacon.
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| The stupidness of cats
Posted: 11/8/2007 8:57:59 AM |
its soo true.....
I am sure you just wrote the events in my house since the cat broke its leg!! can i get it to take painkillers?? no...
cats arent stupid.... its owners normally are to fall for every trick they play on us....
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Wa Hae
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Joined: 10/31/2007
Msg: 42 | |
| The stupidness of cats
Posted: 11/8/2007 10:30:08 AM | Cervantes:
Those who will play with cats must expect to be scratched.
Colette:
Time spent with cats is never wasted.
Colette:
There are no ordinary cats.
Helen M. Winslow:
Women, poets, and especially artists, like cats; delicate natures only can realize their sensitive nervous systems.
Joseph Wood Krutch:
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.
Leonardo Da Vinci:
The smallest feline is a masterpiece.
Mark Twain:
If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.
Montaigne:
When I play with my cat, who knows whether she is not amusing herself with me more than I with her.
Norwegian Proverb:
It's better to feed one cat than many mice.
P.G. Wodehouse:
The trouble with cats is that they've got no tact.
P.J. O'Rourke:
It's easy to understand why the cat has eclipsed the dog as modern America's favorite pet. People like pets to possess the same qualities they do. Cats are irresponsible and recognize no authority, yet are completely dependent on others for their material needs. Cats cannot be made to do anything useful. Cats are mean for the fun of it.
Rebecca West:
Did St. Francis really preach to the birds? Whatever for? If he really liked birds he would have done better to preach to the cats.
Robert A. Heinlein:
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
Robert A. Heinlein:
How you behave toward cats here below determines your status in Heaven.
Lesley S. MacDuff:
There is no such creature as a stupid cat | |
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| The stupidness of cats
Posted: 11/13/2007 3:05:15 PM | http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/dorset/7092301.stm
Excellent story about Sergeant Podge (great name) the Norwegian forest cat . | |
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| The stupidness of cats
Posted: 12/19/2007 4:25:18 AM | I have never heard of a stupid cat, they normally have their owners well trained to provide for their needs.
Other species of feline are more likely to hunt us, take the Cheetah for example..grace, beauty, speed..built for the hunt. | |
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| The stupidness of cats
Posted: 12/19/2007 4:40:03 AM | I had posted this on another cat thread a while back.. But for the benefit of those who never got to read it...
DOG DIARY8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing! 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing! 1:00 pm - Played in the Yard! My favourite thing! 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing! 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing! 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing! 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing! 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing !
CAT DIARY Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. The dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed some sort of dry nuggets.Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless, must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However - they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. B4stards!! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies". I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. This morning? I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.
For now...
Cat
So are cats really THAT stupid?
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| The stupidness of cats
Posted: 12/19/2007 4:45:43 AM | 10 Reasons dogs are better than cats.
Dogs will tilt their heads and try to understand every word you say. Cats will ignore you and take a nap.
Cats look silly on a lead.
When you come home from work, your dog will be happy and lick your face. Cats will still be mad at you for leaving in the first place.
Dogs will give you unconditional love until the day they die. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you've ever made since the day you were born.
A dog knows when you're sad. And he'll try to comfort you. Cats don't care how you feel, as long as you remember where the can opener is.
Dogs will bring you your slippers. Cats will drop a dead mouse in your slippers.
When you take them for a ride, dogs will sit on the seat next to you. Cats have to have their own private basket, or they won't go at all.
Dogs will come when you call them. And they'll be happy. Cats will have someone take a message and get back to you.
Dogs will play fetch with you all day long. The only thing cats will play with all day long are small rodents or bugs, preferably ones that look like they're in pain.
Dogs will wake you up if the house is on fire. Cats will quietly sneak out the back door. | |
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| The stupidness of cats
Posted: 12/19/2007 4:57:23 AM | Dropping toys in a full water bowl then bringing them to you to play fetch with has to be top of the annoying list at the moment.
Other than that, they're disturbingly bright... | |
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| The stupidness of cats
Posted: 12/19/2007 5:31:32 AM | My two cats love the warmth of our new Halogen heater. Cosier than the radiator except they need to realise that they can burn, and they do.
We have put the heater away till we get a fireguard clipped to the wall. They sit too close and next thing we know is this awful smell, we look at the cats whose fur is literally smoking and they are still sitting in front of the heater despite this. The stink of burning cat hair is unimaginable - and Oust doesn't even come close to getting rid of the stench.
It's happened twice, and you would think they would have learned the first time the error of their ways from the shrivelled-up fur.
Pam xx | |
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| The stupidness of cats
Posted: 12/19/2007 6:40:57 AM | There's some things that aren't stupid, but could be thought through better...
Put kitten in empty bath. Turn on tap slightly. Let kitten be fascinated by water and chain.
Exit bath the following day, kitten runs into room, jumps up and then down into not quite empty bath.. *scrabble**scrabble**scrabble**scrabble**scrabble*
I didn't laugh, honest
bwahahahahahahahahaha!
The day after that, hanging on via back legs on the hand rail.. Except he then started to slip and get closer and closer to the water... I was nice and picked him up :).
They're lovely most of the time though. Except when playing with litter, or waking me up at 6am, or chewing cardboard, or slicing open kitten packs and scoffing the food.. | |
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