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| Dating Single Parents
Posted: 7/2/2005 11:28:56 AM | | Dating a singleparent you really have to make sure that you like the child as well. You can usually tell alot alot a person by looking at their child, If they care for their child well they probably could care for u well, if their child is well behaved and politemthey proably have good morals. So instead of running form single parents and being scared that they have kids, use their kids to see what tpe of person you are dating | |
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| Dating Single Parents
Posted: 7/2/2005 11:38:47 AM | Okay, point of observations about dating single parents.
Yes I have done it, however, to me, I would want to start a family from scratch, not jump into one that is already formed. I would want to experience the ins and outs of parenting on an equal level with my significant other, it's part of "doing everything together". Not "I already have one, or two kids and don't want anymore, so your out of luck".
I'm not saying I wouldn't date a single parent again, but my preference would be someone with no children.
If they already have children, you won't have that unique protocol of the mental father child bond, and I think that is an important aspect of raising a child. It all depends on the age of the child(ren) as well though.
Also, if (heaven forbid) things do not work between you two, it can be catastrophic to a child depending on the age. A friend of mine was dating this guy for a couple of years, they lived together, and her son would call her boyfriend by his first name, her daughter would call him daddy. Now that they broke up, her daughter can't come to terms that the guy was NOT her real father, and she calls her real father by his first name. It just seems really hard on a child of extremely young age to come to terms with this aspect of life, and I would not want to put someone elses child through that.
Just my thoughts, that's all. However it also depends on how you go about the situation as well as how the children were brought up etc... Wow this is a good topic!!!
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Enig
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Joined: 12/18/2004
Msg: 28 | |
| Dating Single Parents
Posted: 7/2/2005 11:43:54 AM | Well "congrats" to the guys who are in it for the total package and not just looking out for their own needs and wants. It takes a special guy to oversee the fact of someone having kids and not terming them as "baggage". The whole spiel about placing the blame and their unfortunate situation on them alone, like where is the father and his share of the blame, just aggravates me to no end. I commend all the men out there that are willing to accept another man's child/children as his own, to me that's one hell of a guy. Cheers to you all!
justin6767: Yes it's a big thing to get along with the children and like them most definately. I do disagree with you however by judging ppl thru others totally. Kids go thru many stages in life so it's doing the best one can to guide them properly but one can only do so much and then it's up to the children whether they are willing to be accountable for their actions. Some are unwilling to accept another person into their lives for many reasons and can and will be on their worst behaviour in those situations. So your reasoning to me is way off the mark in that regard.
Kobie:
If they already have children, you won't have that unique protocol of the mental father child bond, and I think that is an important aspect of raising a child. It all depends on the age of the child(ren) as well though.
I'm glad you added as well tho, because as you've noted the little girl and the guy you speak of apparently had a special bond even tho he was not her natural father. That is a shame, but if the real father was in her life that whole situation would have been different I'm sure. In my experience from seeing it first hand it's very possible to have that unique bond also as long as both are willing to make the most of the situation.
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| Dating Single Parents
Posted: 7/2/2005 2:55:42 PM | | Well, I've never dated a single mom myself, but that's not to say I wouldn't in the future. Personally, I'm just looking for the right woman that makes me happy - if that woman just happens to also have kids, then so be it. :) | |
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| Dating Single Parents
Posted: 7/2/2005 7:13:13 PM | Being a single mother, dating a single father would not be a problem for me. I actually prefer a man with kids as I feel they can understand the limitations that having kids has. For example no jumping up spontaneously to do something, like a last minute camping trip for example.
So I have no problem with single parents.... | |
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| Dating Single Parents
Posted: 7/2/2005 10:57:43 PM | | I have no problem with it...However, I'm young and not really looking forward to dealing with freaky ex gf's thinking I'm trying to take over their role...You can call me selfish too but I'm in a mode of "get up and go". If my bf can't, that's a bummer too. Besides, even if it's only just dating casually, how healthy is that for the kid to see. Guys might say I'm thinking too far ahead, but dating a guy with kids, most likely you would meet them. What would they think if two weeks later daddy is bringing another girl home and you're history? Being a parent doesn't make you more mature than anyone else and not wanting to date someone because they have a child doesn't make you immature. | |
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| Dating Single Parents
Posted: 7/3/2005 8:20:53 AM | Then...
Personally speaking, I never dated a single mom. Why that is, I'm not quite sure. I was interested in a few single mom's over the years but nothing wound up happening.
Now...
As a single dad, I realize that being a single parent and dating is not an easy thing to do. I find that I even get shafted by single mom's on here  | |
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| Dating Single Parents
Posted: 7/3/2005 8:41:00 AM |
You can call me selfish too but I'm in a mode of "get up and go". If my bf can't, that's a bummer too.
Right, while I'm not exactly old at 30 , I still consider myself as young and like to be spontaneious whenever possible. Granted that on the weeks that I have my son, I am more restricted to what I can do. On the weeks that I don't have him living with me, I am quite open to doing just about anything.
Besides, even if it's only just dating casually, how healthy is that for the kid to see. Guys might say I'm thinking too far ahead, but dating a guy with kids, most likely you would meet them. What would they think if two weeks later daddy is bringing another girl home and you're history?
I totally disagree with your comment on kids/casual dating. There is no way that I will ever have someone that I am "casually dating" be around my son. I'm trying to provide a stable enviroment for the weeks that I have my son and having a different girl every other week would not set a good example for him. If you date a single dad that's like that, I'd be worried. The only time that I will ever consider having the girl that I date being around my son is if its a serious thing that's anything but casual.
However, I'm young and not really looking forward to dealing with freaky ex gf's thinking I'm trying to take over their role
While I may not be on the best terms ever with my ex, I am not on the worst terms either. My ex is in the past and while she is my son's mother, she knows quite clearly that anyone that I date casually would never be around my son.
Being a parent doesn't make you more mature than anyone else
I beg to differ, being a parent does make you more mature than what you were before. You have someone else's life that you are responsible for. You have a lot of responsibility and tough choices to make. No pun intended, but once you have a kid or kids, you might be able to relate to that a lot better than how you are relating to that now.
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| Dating Single Parents
Posted: 7/5/2005 8:26:27 PM | | I sure would date someone with kids. But thats usually part of life at my age 41 and I usually assume and do not contact someone who has no kids as I think they would be uninterested in me. And by the way my children are not baggage for those of you who think so. It depends what stage of life your in I guess, or your circumstances. | |
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| Dating Single Parents
Posted: 7/7/2005 12:22:19 PM | | I feel at my age there are not many men that aren't single father's to date. I absolutely adore children and don't have any of my own, would like one at least but at my age that may not be feasible. Dating a single father is great imho. | |
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| Dating Single Parents
Posted: 7/7/2005 1:02:38 PM | I am a single mother of three. My kids are 5 and under, two of them are 2.
Being that I am a single parent, I would much prefer to date someone who has kids of their own. I have found that most men who have kids (whether full-time or part-time) they understand that kids come first in a parents' life.
I too put my kids first, and make it known. Then my health and then my work (when I am healthy my work comes before my health ...). I have found in my experiences that a lot of men are fearful of strong and independent women. But what they don't realize is that in order to be a single mom, you have to be strong and independent (this works for the single dads too, I am just talking from a woman's side).
I guess what it really boils down to is that its a person's choice. Unfortunately there are too many people that are too judgemental of single parents. KUDOS to all who step up and become involved with a single parent. Its not an easy thing to do. | |
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| Dating Single Parents
Posted: 8/8/2005 12:30:00 PM | | To date someone with children should makes no differance at least it shows that they have priority in there life. To be able to do such a thing alone shows alot of character and strength. I think it also shows that there is a sence of humor somewhere because if there isn't you would go insaine. | |
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~KC~
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Joined: 5/10/2005
Msg: 38 | |
| Dating Single Parents
Posted: 8/8/2005 2:38:41 PM | | I agree Alexander.. if you don't have a sense of humor about things... INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE... | |
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| Dating Single Parents
Posted: 1/8/2007 7:36:55 PM | "What is the general consensus here? Do you date single parents? "
As to the question? I have dated single parent of two kids, although things didn't work out.... the kids were never an issue... well no for me anyhow. unsure of his responce to that, seing as things didn't go as to him meeting my kids, but I met his and from feed back things were ok ........ If you find someone you like enough to love, or see where it goes........... then kids shouldn't be an issue. I know for some it is - thats there choice, but plenty out there that will take you with your kids........ and if they aren't willing to, they weren't worth the effort in the first place 
related to question but didn't think should start a different thread, so hopes ok to post here.
it definiatly takes a special kinda guy/gal to take on someone with children, but that's the resposibilites they have, they are awsome people single parents, and your surely missing out if you don't want to know one but that's cool and everyone is looking for something different .... that a personal choice... hats off to those who can take on a single parents and everything that goes with that
..... few problems that go with that .... one should never call kids baggage, and I would never change having them for the world, most of us get along fine as a single parents, in the long run we would like to find someone to share my life and family........as personal choose not to involve kids in first meetings, untill I/we think something more may come out of a freindship/relationship,(due as stated on other forums I've seen......... it's hard enough kids having a single mum/working/etc and then have guys/gals continually in and out of their lives to).
having no family close to rely on, or xx factor to take the kids on a reliable basis, lol still doing fine by the way It's gonna take some special man/lady to understand kids are - homesick wanna come home, so can't meet, or they got sick litrally over night, had an accident or something so - can't meet, etc ....so although hopeful ..... dont hold your breath either.
for those out there that think they just an excuse not to meet or have to cancel on occasions........ they arn't excuses - thats life as a single parent ... .... untill you have kids or understand the life of a single parent, you couldn't accept them things, so congrats to those who can and understand our lives warts and all
In the end if things work out there isn't an issue, as you too will be a part of their lives so your included in all those great things warts and all
best of luck to you all | |
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