| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/19/2007 12:13:33 PM |
(Msg 48) I want to say something - I think it's just awful when people respond with comments such as "Why does it matter what it means" or "Move on, he/she doesn't want you" etc. MOST people want to know the 'true' reasons why someone wants to end the relationship - one of them being that in order to 'move on' and not dwell on that relationship is to 'understand' what happened and what one can do to maybe prevent the same thing from happening next time.
I believe the posters who are leaving those comments are saying, "It's not worth thinking about."
I came across a thread/post by Swiftone (Msg 66) http://forums.plentyoffish.com/2727816datingPostpage3.aspx where they write,
Statement- "It's not you honey, it's me"
Translation - "It IS you, you moron. I can't stand being around you anymore"
Statement - "Let's be friends"
Translation - "I can't stand you, but if I can sell you on the idea of being friends, I won't feel so guilty about crapping all over you."
Statement - "I just need some space"
Translation - "I need you as far away from me as possible so I can bang other people without feeling guilty."
Statement - "I need to find myself/figure things out for myself"
Translation - "I can't stand having sex with you anymore and need to find someone else to bang. I figure that'll be way better than spending any more time with you."
Obviously one can fall out of love if their partner beat them regularly or became a drug addict and tried to burn the house down or shot a family member but what does "love" mean to a person if they can easily fall out of it? If the "dumpee" does not know the reason then there probably wasn't any reason other than the "dumper" was never in love.
What reasons are legitimate for falling out of love? Does one fall out of love because their partner watches too much TV or dresses differently or stops playing golf? Would anyone consider entering a relationship with someone who fell out of love because they were bored or didn't like the movies their last partner watched?
I think that's what the other posters are saying. They are not belittling the OP. I understand them to be saying it's not worth considering. The point is it doesn't matter because if the reason isn't obvious there probably wasn't any rational or reasonable reason(s), again, except for what Swiftone wrote. | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/19/2007 9:14:52 PM | Msg 48 I know exactly what you are saying about the harshness of what some say.. Then to wonder why they dont have anyone... hmmm imagine that...
People dont like to hear shes not into you get over it.. and ect... Not as if they hurt bad enough.. | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/19/2007 9:46:39 PM | I want to say something - I think it's just awful when people respond with comments such as "Why does it matter what it means" or "Move on, he/she doesn't want you" etc. MOST people want to know the 'true' reasons why someone wants to end the relationship - one of them being that in order to 'move on' and not dwell on that relationship is to 'understand' what happened and what one can do to maybe prevent the same thing from happening next time. It makes most people feel better to 'know' what, why, how come, etc. when their partner wants to end it.
Oh, I used to want to know the how and why of it, but after going through that twice I've come to realize the reasons usually aren't very relevent or useful. Even if they were, most people simply aren't going to be satisfied with the answers they get. That's assuming you can get the other person to tell you the truth. All trying to figure it out did was leave me confused and stuck on the issue when I should've been cutting myself off and moving on. | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/19/2007 9:58:51 PM | OP... this line is often uttered from the lips of those who percieve love to be a feeling that they 'get' or 'dont get' from another person; more accurately this is actually biological attraction/ lustful desire they are speaking of
.......... for those who know that love is none of the above, and that it is rooted in 'giving' rather than 'getting... would probably not say such silly things
...it appears many people confuse the two | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/19/2007 10:44:51 PM | | Never used that line. I don't like lame excuses. My lines range from: 'I like you, but there is no future between us, sorry' all the way to: 'Get away from me, you freak' | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/20/2007 1:25:11 PM | Been there!!!! That has to be the biggest cop out I have ever heard!!! It hurts something wicked!!! Who ever does this should be ^&*%. Ahhhhhh I agree with the one guy who say's "it's been nice but I have found someone else." People who say this just are not worth anything as far as I am concerned. Bitter? May be I am but come up with a better excuse!! *lol*
I have way to much time on my hands I think *lol*  | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/20/2007 1:38:46 PM | | Sure I will explain it to you...They want to move on but they still want to keep you emotionaly confused. The next time someone says that to you tell them don't let the door hit you in the a-- and then you go out and be around people and have fun. Don't even waste anytime trying to figure out "why" because there is NO answer. | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/20/2007 1:59:37 PM | | I believe the two are very different. The "I love you" part is more like a love for a family member. Being "in love" is more to do with the special love needed toward a romantic partner whether it be a girlfriend or wife. If someone falls out of love, to me, it means someone has given up on the relationship or hasn't done their part to contribute to the relationship. Both have to give 'er and of not, it's over. | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/24/2007 3:07:37 PM | Let me try to explain. Married 16 years and was in love for the majority of it. Through circumstances, life and maturity people change and things happen. I love my ex, but i'm so far from in love with him. I could NEVER live with him, have no respect for him, no passion left for him, and 0 trust. He is the father of my children, we shared alot in 16 years and he helped make me the person I am today. I don't think you can just fall out of love for no reason but the way you love someone can change due to circumstance, at least it did for me. I have only told 2 people in my life that I loved them, I don't throw that around lightly.
Father of my children
friend, lover and confidant(sp?) for 16 years
still cares what happens to him ultimately for example major illness's etc.
no trust
no respect
no passion
= not in love
C~ | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/24/2007 5:39:23 PM | I've had three boyfriends in 9 years.. and each of the three have given me that exact same line... I still don't get it, but that's ok, I guess I'm not supposed to.
I think the days of true love are over...
(can you tell i'm not that long out of a nice painful breakup?) | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/24/2007 9:21:06 PM | True love is out there. Hard to find but its there. I believe it is but then again I am a hopeless romantic.
People use the line I love you too lightly.. If not in love say I like you ot I am really into you..
I love you if not in love does some really damaging stuff to people. I am one in example. Should you give up on lookin no theres more out ther and one to love you as much as you love them... | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/24/2007 10:21:16 PM | | I know some to have said that but still want the benefits of the sex just not the commitment of the relationship... Have to remember lust isnt love... Being attracted to a person dont mean you are in love with... I've known people to be just friends and havin sex They love each other to death but not in the way to be with each other as a couple .. So sex isnt really always the issue.. | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/26/2007 10:07:56 PM | I LOVE YOU AS A FRIEND.... I'm either not physically attracted to you or emotionally connected with you.
I love you like I love my ice cream on a hot summer's night.....
I'm in love with you = I want to share my mind, body, soul with you .... you break my heart I end up on POF for the rest of my life  | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/26/2007 11:40:25 PM | i have a different feeling on this,,due to getting burnt so many times i don't think I could ever be "in love" again, that doesn't mean i can't love someone and be perfectly happy for the rest of my life...to me being in love makes me feel too vulernable..
Evie | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/26/2007 11:46:47 PM | again, nothing wrong with feeling that way for someone , I'm sure we've all had that as a relationship dies , the feelings don't just die immediately (well usually hah)
but it's such an unfair thing to say to someone whose heart you are about to break.
it gives a false sense of hope when there really isn't any.
Someone thinks to themself "hey (self hah) he/she said they still loved me, that must mean theres a chance right?" wrong.... it's over!
and friendship after breakups are entirely possible, I should know, I've remained friends with every guy I've dated, with one exception... | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/27/2007 12:12:47 AM | | People change, as well as their feelings. It means that though they care for you, they are not ready to commit or have met someone else they feel more compatible with. If anyone ever tells you that, it's not because of anything you did or didn't do....it's just them. It could also be related to an emotional or mental crisis they are dealing with and feel the need to be alone. | |
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