| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/27/2007 12:26:41 AM | I didn't use this line on her, but that's definitely how it was with my first serious girlfriend. I was exceptionally infatuated with her..but I couldn't STAND who she really was, therefore I wasn't IN LOVE with her.
There are few things as painful...except being left for someone short, fat, bald, AND poor..after 14 years of marriage.
Well I've stopped trying to make sense of it...just keep shaking my head !
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/27/2007 4:35:03 AM | | To Love someone vs to be In Love (aka Eros). I love humanity, my relatives, I love some of my exes but I am not IN LOVE with them. To be in love is purely a matter of the heart and the heart is fickle. That is why people fall in and out of love. Love is a more durable emotion but has nothing to do with eros or sex or lovers. Thus the title of the OP makes lots of sense: I love you (as a person, human, partner, "relative" eg mother of my children) but I am not in love with you (anymore, aka I have fallen OUT of love with you). | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/27/2007 5:26:18 PM | | you can love some one for a very long time, then somethings happens, maybe out of you'r control, that kills the being in love with them, but you can't stop loving them, does that make sence? | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/27/2007 5:50:54 PM | Once again I'm going to reverse things on everyone...
"Loving someone" is a higher form called unconditional love. This generally lasts a lifetime.
Being "In Love with someone" is a lower form as it is very exclusive and consists of completing each other's egos. When they negatively affect your ego, you dump them. Basically the participants are saying "I trade you very much." Buddhists call this a "special" relationship. | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/29/2007 6:16:11 AM |
"Loving someone" is a higher form called unconditional love. This generally lasts a lifetime.
True, but then we are supposed to love all other humans as well as the world around us.
Do we? | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 6/1/2007 12:11:34 AM | Oh boy. I love you, I don't love you. I want you, I don't want you. I need you, I don't need you.
What a merry-go-round...
Wait until you feel at home with someone. Wait until you could live in an igloo or a grass shack and still want to be with that person. All the rest is pretty much games, imo.
Trouble is, life is short. We hate to miss opportunities. On the other hand, don't waste time with a lame duck.
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rwcul
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Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 83 | |
| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 6/1/2007 12:56:09 AM | yeah thats the suckiest part about loving someone like that. and i think that line hurts more than the actual breaking up
but then again. i have many female friends that i love dearly but i am not "in love" with them. after a relationship it can hurt really bad tho when they say that | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 6/1/2007 1:02:36 AM | Well ok being in a similar situation myself.....It is not necessarily mean you found or are looking for someone else. Being hurt among many other issues in relationships can cause a person to "fall out of love". Love can not always heal hurt. And yes it is hard on both ends when this happens because you may not be "In Love with the person" But you still care deeply for them because you were close to them and friendship took hold before the heart went out. There is no easy way to make sense of the comment "I love you but, I am not in love with you". Ir maybe confusing but it happens to the best of us!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just cherish the friendship even if you no longer hold the person's heart.
~Jackie | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 6/1/2007 3:04:49 AM | Yes Im guilty of using It if telling the truth makes me guilty haha. It means just what u say - as you spent years and a great chunk of your life with this person you do feel love for them ( as you would a mother, brother, friend ect ) but this form of love Is no longer enough to keep you happy. You have no romantic love left for this person for you have grown apart or they neglected you so long that your love simply faded but hate never grew. Ie you think they are a good person but no longer can give you what you need emotionally.
I actually think Its the only way a relationship comes to a good and unprovoked end. Ie the person still thinks highly of you and respects you they simply cannot recreate the romantic love. Better that than them leaving you for someone else ect .. as this Is where the affairs start.
I know you may not be able to see It now, but someone even better with more love than you have ever known will come Into your life somewhere down this road | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 6/10/2007 7:08:24 PM |
True, but then we are supposed to love all other humans as well as the world around us. Exactly the point. So saying "I love you", without the "I'm in love with you" is tantamount to saying "You're just like the billions of humans on this planet that I'm not in love with either. Back on the shelf, baby."
In reality, it means one of 2 things:
You have no romantic love left for this person for you have grown apart I've moved on, and found a new someone special. Usually a 2o-year-old, or the tennis coach.
they neglected you so long that your love simply faded but hate never grew. You treated me like dirt, but I'm still too scared to say that, in case you get mad and treat me even worse. So I'll just say it nicely, till I move to Australia.
you think they are a good person but no longer can give you what you need emotionally. Can we say ME, ME, ME?
Love is about the other person, not yourself. If you feel true love for any person in the entire world, you stop thinking only of yourself. With anybody, not just your partner. So you wouldn't say this to anyone, without explaining why.
This is just sugar-coating, to avoid being honest. Anyone who says this is a liar. It goes deeper than that. But we don't want to say it, because we are afraid of the repercussions. So fear breeds dishonesty, and dishonesty breeds confusion. Unfortunately, most people forget that confusion breeds more in the one who causes it, not in the one who it is done to. So their next relationship is even more f***ed up than you and they were. Now, ain't that nice?
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 6/10/2007 7:21:31 PM |
This is just sugar-coating, to avoid being honest. Anyone who says this is a liar.
You are SO correct. That " I love you, I'm just no IN love with you" statement is the biggest load of shit that can ever be said to someone. It's a way of assuaging guilt, a cop out, a candy a*s way of telling someone they mean shit to you compared with the person you are leaving them for. | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 6/10/2007 9:27:11 PM |
That " I love you, I'm just no IN love with you" statement is the biggest load of shit that can ever be said to someone. It's a way of assuaging guilt, a cop out, a candy a*s way of telling someone they mean shit to you compared with the person you are leaving them for.
I disagree. I love my ex-wife, but I am by no means in love with her. And I didn't leave her for someone else. We just married very young and grew apart as we grew older. We are both a good deal different than the people who married at 18 and 19. | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 6/10/2007 9:51:55 PM | | I've heard them words before from my ex, but I was already in love with him when he told me, luckily I turned that all around and hate his guts now and I was going nowhere with him anyway, LOL.. | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 6/10/2007 9:56:13 PM | I've compiled a list of the most heard quotes. I assume I don't have them all, but I do suspect those on here that were dumped by their partner heard several of the below.
I love you, I'm just not IN love with you.
I still love you, just not like a husband/wife
I still care for you.
I don't want to hurt you.
I am really, really, really sorry.
I really want you to have a happy life.
This will give you an opportunity to do all the things you've always wanted to do.
You will meet your special someone someday, it’s just not me.
I hope we can stay friends.
Look at it as a growing opportunity.
You will look back at this someday and thank me for this.
He/she has nothing to do with it. I was gone a long time ago.
You deserve someone who can make you happy and share your hopes and dreams!
People do this every day what is the big deal?
Kids need adversity in their life or how will they learn to deal with problems.
I just need to see what is on the other side of the bend for me.
I am so sorry for hurting you.
I think I was too young when I said I’d marry you
I’m doing what is best for everyone.
I want/need to find myself.
I’m doing this for you, not to you.
I'm doing this because I know I've not been in love with you for the past 6 years...and I'm not sure I've ever been in love with you...."
I don’t think you know what true love is.
I need some space.
This is not what I really want, but I think it's best for everyone.
I didn't tell you because I didn't want to hurt you.
I'm a dumbshit and don't deserve you.
I can't stand seeing your face and living with the guilt of what I did to you.
It's not you, it's me.
You deserve so much better than me
This is the first thing that I have ever done for myself EVER
I don't want to be a wife/husband and a mother/father anymore.
We just aren’t compatible.
Look, just get over it and move on would you! | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 6/10/2007 10:21:54 PM | It's not you, it's me.
The people saying this are lying. Either to themselves, or to the person it is directed at.
It's not you(let's call them person "A"), it's me(and this is person"B").
If A were C who was more compatible with B, then B wouldn't be saying this to A. But A is A and can't turn into C, therefore it is them.
I just re-read that and concluded it is time for bed. No clue if that will make sense to anyone other than my sleep deprived self ;) | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 6/10/2007 11:54:17 PM |
The people saying this are lying. Either to themselves, or to the person it is directed at.
It's not you(let's call them person "A"), it's me(and this is person"B").
If A were C who was more compatible with B, then B wouldn't be saying this to A. But A is A and can't turn into C, therefore it is them.
I just re-read that and concluded it is time for bed. No clue if that will make sense to anyone other than my sleep deprived self ;)
Actually this post made more sense than the one you posted earlier stating how you left someone you love. There must be a new definition of love that I haven't read about yet. What do you do with people you like? | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 6/11/2007 4:54:48 AM | To clarify - It was a mutual decision and both of us are happier now for it.
If you think there is only one kind of love...You need to open your mind a little. I can think of a couple right off.
A) The love you have for your family
B) The love you have for very close friends
C) The love between a couple | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 6/11/2007 5:02:22 AM | You can love someone like a brother or sister without being "in love" with them and you can fall out of love if you have lost the passion or the connection that brought you together in the first place. The more baggage a couple leaves between them through lack of communication, compassion, and/or lack of intimacy - the further they get pushed apart. Eventually the only thing left is the same level of love one would feel for a friend or roommate.
Love may be eternal, but being "in love" requires effort from both parties to keep it alive and well. It takes nurturing like any living breathing thing. | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 6/11/2007 5:17:54 AM |
You can love someone like a brother or sister without being "in love" with them and you can fall out of love if you have lost the passion or the connection that brought you together in the first place. The more baggage a couple leaves between them through lack of communication, compassion, and/or lack of intimacy - the further they get pushed apart. Eventually the only thing left is the same level of love one would feel for a friend or roommate.
Love may be eternal, but being "in love" requires effort from both parties to keep it alive and well. It takes nurturing like any living breathing thing.
I agree with this 100%. I know this to because it's how I feel about my ex. I was married to him 16 years, we shared alot including two sons. Yes I love him as the father of my children, but I lost all passion, trust and respect for him as a husband, lover and friend. If you have never experienced it you can never understand it, once you do you'll know.
C~ | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 6/11/2007 5:33:27 AM |
If you think there is only one kind of love...You need to open your mind a little.
I read a book telling of seven different types of romantic love. It went onto explain if two different types of love exist between two people it can strain the relationship. One may possess emotional type of love while the other possesses a friendship type of love. While the love is there, it's sometimes not realized by the other simply because each is not receiving what they expect to receive in a love relationship. I think this probably applies better than the platonic love you speak of.
More pertinent yet may be the type of love Hollywood and romance novels display. This type of love is often what people have convinced themselves of what love is all about. Of course the mundaneness of life sets in and the fireworks, stars, queasy feelings and dizziness just doesn't last forever. It's this type of love people fall out of but if you love the way love is described in 1 Corinthians, 13 you don't 'fall out' of that type of love. Either you do it or you don't. Nowhere is it described there as a 'feeling', but as character traits.
Good to hear yours was a mutual decision. The feelings of betrayal, rejection, and guilt was surely minimized or avoided in your case. While it does happen, it doesn't seem to be the norm. | |
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| I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 6/16/2007 11:47:01 AM | | I feel that this is a terrible thing to say to someone for it's a line. It's due to fear of commitment I believe. It's same with the, "It's not you. It's me" line. UGH!!! Makes me so mad and it's annoying. Here's a solution. Just don't date at all and remain single for these people who say this are just wasting someone else's time in hopes of possibly finding someone that truly cares for them on all levels. | |
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