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 AUTHOR
 iL0veSh0es
Joined: 9/5/2007
Msg: 26
How to ask about STD'sPage 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I was asked by someone I dated, If I was tested cause he had been. It's like he was already planning to sleep with me. I was totally turned off. AND he couldn't understand why? And yeah it was only one date, crazy! hmm...
 allureyou
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 27
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/5/2007 9:06:54 PM
SAFE sex! CONDOMS always. would you really sleep with a man who has an STD, they would lie!
I was with a man once, he used my washroom...out of his pocket fell a small tube of cream
I looked it up and found out it was for an STD!

asking does not give you a real answer.
 sugarmag710
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 28
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/5/2007 9:25:24 PM
Some good input here, but I'm really trying to figure this one out...


My son said to me mum youve had 4 kids you have no worries.


If you've had unprotected sex even once since the last one was born, it is not out of the realm of possibility that you could have an STD. Maybe not likely, but not impossible.
 Overdrv
Joined: 10/13/2005
Msg: 29
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/5/2007 9:53:36 PM
I would think that was alittle tackless but it is important info.
 akastar
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 30
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/5/2007 10:31:56 PM

If you've had unprotected sex even once since the last one was born, it is not out of the realm of possibility that you could have an STD. Maybe not likely, but not impossible.

Absolutely agree. But I haven't done anything unprotected since then... so I guess no worries.. I was quite proud that my own son could talk to me about this.. So Its not the content of what i had to say, but more the fact if you are open and can talk to your older kids.. Its a great relief that they are being personally responsible for there own health issues as well as there future partners.... But of course the unprotected sex thing is an issue and should also be addressed, then there would be less need to be checked this way...... Hmmm something to ponder.. Thanks for your input..
Catherine aka star.xxx
 Childlike Wonder
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 31
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/6/2007 10:00:35 AM

Absolutely agree. But I haven't done anything unprotected since then... so I guess no worries


Don't be too comfortable here. A condom is not a 100% preventative against an STD. Genital warts and herpes can be anywhere in the vicinity, not just on/in the area covered by a condom. Condoms also break and leak. Pre-ejaculate can carry the HIV virus. A condom is a good idea, but don't let it lull you into a false sense of security.
 akastar
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 32
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/6/2007 11:10:18 AM
If I must share with you my sex life.. which I really dont think I should have to .. but since we are here and I appear to be facing judgment.. I will share...I that I think in 3 + years and having had only one sexual encounter since ..non penetratable ..other than his I have had a 2 year long distance relationship with a guy in Vermont whilst I'm in the UK...Highly impossible for me to have contracted anything I think, since the birth of my last son...I'm certain that I would have discovered at least something by then dont you? ... If you want a full report IL happily provide you all with one..... for the record...All of my children were created through marriage or long term relationships.. my 4th son was conceived whilst I was fitted with a coil. On the very day my ex partners vasectomy was cancelled. I took a pregnancy test at 4 weeks which was negative... I saw the Dr who removed my coil. Then 2 weeks later I went back and the doctor did another pregnancy test which informed me that I was 18 weeks pregnant...His father became an ex when he demanded I have an abortion.. We went along looked at the options which was giving birth to a dead fetus at 28 weeks..or having the baby.. I couldn't go through with that, and still he demanded that I should... So I threw him out and kept the baby. Owen now 3 is the most wonderful gift anyone could have. His father does not see him but is now paying child support.. This little boy was meant to be in my eyes, as were my other 3 boys.. My 2 eldest's boys dad died in 1997. my 10 year olds father is a control freak who has just lost contact with his son through the courts. All of my children are loving and healthy children of whom I am proud. I have absolutely no regrets, and none were conceived through my lack of care with contraception.. Maybe my lack of judgment of men.. But certainly not through casual sex.. the one sexual relationship since which was with someone who for obvious reasons couldnt cope with the enormity of raising four children, oh and I might add that my second son was born with severe learning disiabilities.. . Although it has been offered once or twice by men that I had no real feelings with....Its a dream, that I will find someone who can and will and that I love, but I dont expect it.. I need to have love for that person in order to find that kind of comitment and I dont settle for less.
So I wonder how many others out there right now are feeling low and misunderstood because there past dosent look too pretty in black and white, where as if the full story were told people might just think again before judging..
regards Catherine aka star.
 Childlike Wonder
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 33
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/6/2007 3:28:13 PM
akastar,

I didn't judge you a bit. My comments were in reference to your statement, yes, but the information was for anyone reading the thread. I really have no interest in your sexual experiences. I am a trained mental health worker and hold a certificate in HIV training. I educate others in many areas, including safe sex.
 SunsetStorm
Joined: 5/27/2007
Msg: 34
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/6/2007 4:52:50 PM
LOL he certainly did handle It rather yukky and no I doubt I would continue to see him either Problem Is theres not a lot of point in even asking someone as they all think they are std free and most think condoms created that when they protect against no skin born disease and many people are carriers with no symptoms .

So personally I find It easier to suss how free and easy they are putting It around. Still no guarantee clearly as It takes but one .. but less odds then the free lovin type. Only other option Is to both book In for a ton of testing before sleeping together. I prefer to just try to avoid the ones givin It away for thrills to anyone so to speak and hoping for the best
 akastar
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 35
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/6/2007 10:43:01 PM
Apologies, it did appear that way, I guess I can get a little sensitive about this issue, particularly in much of the mail I receive about having 4 kids and how irresponsible this is.. I am a very responsible person and that kinda makes my blood boil when people dont know the full story, rather they presume irrisponsibility due to the statistics...So in many ways Iv vented.. Im absolutely positive im clean in the nodding area...SO now I'm happy.. lol Oh and I bought my son a pack of condoms yesterday too... and told him to use them with his girlfreinds in future.. <--proud mum

Catherine aka star.xx
 Sigi
Joined: 5/26/2005
Msg: 36
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/7/2007 12:05:31 AM

Don't be too comfortable here. A condom is not a 100% preventative against an STD. Genital warts and herpes can be anywhere in the vicinity, not just on/in the area covered by a condom. Condoms also break and leak. Pre-ejaculate can carry the HIV virus. A condom is a good idea, but don't let it lull you into a false sense of security.


^^ Op, you are correct. One note about HPV (genital warts) though....since HPV is so common and USUALLY causes no symptoms, most men and women can get HPV – and pass it on - without realizing it. People can have HPV even if years have passed since they had sex.

Currently, there is NO test designed to find HPV in men.

So...even if your 'hubby' is showing you the results of the last STD test....it doesn't guarantee much.
 drmmergy
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 37
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How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/7/2007 12:58:44 AM
Then how do you suggest the subject to be brought about? granted not on you're first date and obviously not how he did it. But When things start picking up speed, and you've been together for the right amount of time.You don't want to bring it up right before hand no? Personally I've had every test under the sun, not because I had anything,but to make sure I didn't.
For my own piece of mind you could say,but exactly how does one discuss the subject with a partner? so it's done and out of the way. We are both adults and to not discuss those matters these days is really taking a risk.I guess when you come to that bridge you find a way across it. I've always been a one woman guy, and had been married for the better part of 6 years.And I've never tapped the vein so....
 dolphin_3303
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 38
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/7/2007 1:00:27 AM
Some useful information in this thread...

One should also note that some STIs/STDs (herpes I believe is one) can be passed by contact with the genital area or surrounding areas such as your thigh. (Which is not covered by a condom.)

However - to refer to the OP: That question was asked in about as crass a manner as I can think of. Its a good subject to bring up - although probably NOT on the first date. But the manner in which it is brought up will tell you a lot about the person. And that particular individual mentioned in the OP is crass and juvenile. (Lol - although since I probably would have also done something similar like sniff my armpits and say with a big grin YUP, I'm not sure I'd be winning the mature award either. But you get what you give!)




Don't be too comfortable here. A condom is not a 100% preventative against an STD. Genital warts and herpes can be anywhere in the vicinity, not just on/in the area covered by a condom. Condoms also break and leak. Pre-ejaculate can carry the HIV virus. A condom is a good idea, but don't let it lull you into a false sense of security.


^^ Op, you are correct. One note about HPV (genital warts) though....since HPV is so common and USUALLY causes no symptoms, most men and women can get HPV – and pass it on - without realizing it. People can have HPV even if years have passed since they had sex.

Currently, there is NO test designed to find HPV in men.

So...even if your 'hubby' is showing you the results of the last STD test....it doesn't guarantee much.
 dolphin_3303
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 39
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/7/2007 1:04:05 AM

Then how do you suggest the subject to be brought about? granted not on you're first date and obviously not how he did it. But When things start picking up speed, and you've been together for the right amount of time.You don't want to bring it up right before hand no? Personally I've had every test under the sun, not because I had anything,but to make sure I didn't.
For my own piece of mind you could say,but exactly how does one discuss the subject with a partner? so it's done and out of the way. We are both adults and to not discuss those matters these days is really taking a risk.I guess when you come to that bridge you find a way across it. I've always been a one woman guy, and had been married for the better part of 6 years.And I've never tapped the vein so....


The manner will really depend on the individual and their own way of speaking. Some like humour, some like serious. Some clearly like crass (well not people on this forum.) Its an individual thing really. And the way that it is handled - well if the asking about it is not compatible, then neither are the people! There are some GREAT suggestions on page 1 though. Think it was by stephanie? (Didn't scroll back to check)

 drmmergy
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 40
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How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/7/2007 1:33:10 AM
When I use the the term "tapped the vein",what I mean is I've never been an
Intravenous drug user.No Heroin,crystal,oxycotin or what ever sh*t they can
suck up in a needle and stick themselves. I don't want to come across as crass either,
I'm still a big kid at heart but,I'm also an adult and would'nt want to seem juvenile
about something I think is very serious.
 jst_a_mskgn_grl
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 41
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/7/2007 6:54:07 AM
A great time to ask is for sure prior to intimacy, but maybe he is just lacking tack. Best bet - always use a condom. Men don't always have symptoms; therefore, can pass an STD without knowledge. Let's say, after a few months of condom use, you are both working out and decide to go without, what's wrong with getting a quick check at the doctors or health clinic? Better safe that sorry.
 Childlike Wonder
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 42
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/7/2007 7:23:39 AM
You could always donate blood together. The blood bank will contact you if you have HIV. The other stuff is harder to detect unless you have an active sore. Herpes and HPV can lie dormant for years; some people never show symptoms. It's a calculated risk we take when we are sexually active. You can never be 100% sure.

I appreciate the feedback on my original question. I really was curious how people discuss this.
 OOhMeeOhhMy
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 43
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How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/7/2007 7:34:03 AM
STD tests are only as good as the day they were taken... some STD's take over 6 months to show up.... Herpes and HPV and HIV and Hep are not part of standardized STD testing... so if they didn't ask to be tested for them they won't be.... and as someone else said there is no test for HPV in men at this time unless they have actual warts.... also, something like 80 percent of people with herpes are not symptomatic... and have no clue they have it... and most doc's don't think they need to test for it if the person has no symptoms... condoms are the most effect form of protection... but that doesn't protect you 100 percent.... any area that the condom doesn't cover that has HPV or Herpes can still transmit it... and you don't have to be showing signs to pass it...

bottomline... test results are great.... but in the end... they aren't 100 percent sure unless you both have gone years without sex....

and if he or she can't figure out how to talk about this with me... I am pretty sure I don't want to get naked with them... when you are at a point where you want sex in a relationship... you should be at the point where you can talk about this with out being offensive...
 cupholder
Joined: 12/23/2006
Msg: 44
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/7/2007 8:20:35 AM
"Any abnormal growths or small friends hopping around on your genital situation?"

Pretty simple.
 writer59
Joined: 3/7/2006
Msg: 45
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How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/7/2007 8:26:49 AM
Well, if he asked you "Are you clean", with a nod to his head at your crotch area, then too bad you didn't think of responding with, "Yes, I'm clean, but I have to be honest: "I've had all my shots because I'm a pre-op Tranny!" Let him do the runnin'!!
 Minnow1954
Joined: 10/24/2007
Msg: 46
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/8/2007 8:10:22 AM
I think a lot of good answers were given to this question already and YES everyone should be concerned about this. It isn't something that we think about while happily being married for 25+ years to one other, but that no longer being the case - it is out there - and awareness is good.
Now - to your question:
If I am asked this question on a first time meeting(ie:coffee) I will imediately assume this person is out to meet for ONE reason - he is looking for sex, and not for anything else! I don't say anything, just look at him as if he just came out of a sewer drain, and change the conversation to something totally different with the excuse of an appoinment I have to get to. OR, I ask him if he feels this was an extremely RUDE question to ask a perfect stranger!(all the while, looking him straight in the eye!) Next time he contacts - he is BLOCKED! In my mind - he is not interested in getting to know me - but only wishes to play the 'game' and it is the bedroom he wishes to see the most. If I wish to have an alley cat in my presence - I will go to the pound and adopt one. (four-legged variety)
Yes! I am old fashioned, but I know where I have been - I know where I am going - I have my priorities straight and I have my pride. If this person takes offense to my prudishness - he is definitely not the person for me.
 boisegoodbadboy
Joined: 8/21/2005
Msg: 47
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/8/2007 8:17:39 AM

How to ask about STD's


got crabs?
 annasthasia
Joined: 5/4/2005
Msg: 48
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/8/2007 5:55:06 PM
^^^^
How about...

"Got an itch you can't scratch right now?"
 tnt144
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 49
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/9/2007 1:51:56 AM
The best way to minimize the risk of sexually transmitted diseases is by practicing monogamy and marriage.
 CHARLIESFAVANGEL
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 50
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/24/2007 10:33:00 PM
Nowadays it is better to ask for it then be sorry later. Lot of people don't ask cause they are worried about being dump. I do not find it rude for someone who is interested in me to ask. At least I will know he is cautious of his health too.
I will tell you a true story.
A 22 years old virgin girl in POF asked one of the guy in POF for his STDS & medical results. He dumped her for asking. I was introduced to her once, if I met her again, I wanna tell her she did the right thing because she has saved her own life. Anyone who get offended when people asked them for STD result, i can quarantee they must have STD. I will not be offended if someone who is interested in me, ask me for STD result. At least I know he is cautious and clean, too. Sadly, people jump into the sack too fast before asking. They prefer to have fun first then cry later. That is why STD is spreading fast and nowadays people is treating it as a cold. They don't even care and is spreading it around to make everyone as one of them
A suggestion, STD people should mix around with their own kinds, so they will not spread the disease around. Go to STD personal ad.
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