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 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 76
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How to ask about STD'sPage 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

How to ask about STD's


Hunny I made reservations for our next date...it's at the walk-in STD office.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 77
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How to ask about STD's
Posted: 12/30/2007 9:12:28 PM

Hunny I made reservations for our next date...it's at the walk-in STD office.

Had a girl do that once. Was a hoot. We got tested, then got drunk....
We both passed a week later....
(She puked the same day though.... Oh well....hahahaha)
 southernlass
Joined: 5/2/2006
Msg: 78
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 12/31/2007 3:04:38 AM

Hunny I made reservations for our next date...it's at the walk-in STD office.


What a wonderful, humorous way to address a serious problem. How could anyone have a problem with that? heh.
 Doouglass
Joined: 2/26/2006
Msg: 79
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 12/31/2007 4:32:23 AM
You can ask, but not necessarily get an honest answer.

I was talking with a PoF girl from Edmonton for months. We really clicked and I 100% trusted her. After a while we made plans for her to visit from boxing day to NY's of last year.
I remember she once said to me that her worst fear was to contract HPV or herpes.
I asked her to get tested and she told me her results came back clean.

We had unprotected sex and she found what she thought was a wart on ME. After she returned home I was very bent out of shape over it and that's when she told me that it was ok and not to worry about it because she'd had HPV/warts before and that she'd had it looked after so it wasn't all that bad. I went to the doctor and got it all checked out and it turns out it was just a blocked gland. Unfortunately I contracted herpes.

Months later I asked her about the herpes and she denied she had it, but I certainly find it odd that her worst fear was contracting HPV or herpes, yet she later admitts she has HPV.

I guess I should have asked for the written report. So tactless of me.

Buyer beware, you might get more then you bargained for, even if you ask. There sure are some STD ridden sicko's out there.
 claire2282
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 80
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 12/31/2007 7:41:25 AM
^^^
Sounds like she wasn't clued up on the virus...which is EXACTLY why we need to keep reminding people. See, i think that she thought that because the warts were "cured", she didn't have HPV. However, as the virus doesn't go away, even when the sores do, that was obviously not the case and unfortuantely she passed it on to you. I sympathise with you, this is the worst way to get the virus...i can understand those that are promiscuous, but when it happens to someone that is faithful and invests their trust in one partner, then it's awful and can leave you terribly hung up and emotional. I know it's not the end of the world, it's harmless but it carries a terrible stigma with it...but the good, intelligent people won't care about that!
 hopeforlove
Joined: 3/27/2007
Msg: 81
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 12/31/2007 7:55:58 AM
No one should assume they are safe this day and age...Times have changed, you as a person should take responsibility for your bodies and not be afraid to ask such questions. Like others have just said, many STD's have no symptom and the carrier isn't even aware they have anything....I don't see any other choice these days but to ask such questions. Don't be offended, you may not have thought things were going to go that far to be concerned about such things, but perhaps he thought he got different signals and thought things might go further and was just being concientious and take responsibility for his body.
 sweetnfeisty1
Joined: 7/1/2007
Msg: 82
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 12/31/2007 10:05:25 AM
Doouglass,

Just a word in your ex's defense: It is unlikely that she would have been tested for herpes as it is typically not tested for when asking to have an STD test. Lots of people don't realise this.

MANY people think they are being tested for Herpes when asking their doc for a panel of STD tests, but Herpes, and a few others, have to be specifically asked for. (And there is no HPV test for men). In Canada its even more unlikely that she would have been tested for Herpes as most doctors will not test for Herpes EVEN upon special request.

I recently called the Hassle Free STD clinic in Toronto to find out which Herpes test they are using, as the IgM is usesless and the IgG (herpes select test) has to be expressly requested, and here in BC they will not test you unless you have a partner that is positive for Herpes and has the results to prove it. The Western Blot (which is the gold standard) costs $200 to have done and many docs will not write a sctipt for that either - even if the patient is willing to pay!

The Toronto clinic told me that they don't test for Herpes at all anymore! Not even using the IgM test. (And if your ex did get the old IgM test, it was highly unreliable).

Also, just as an FYI, swab cultures have a high false negative rate as the window for testing by swab is very small, even if you still have some symptoms. A POSITIVE result by swab is almost always accurate as the actual swab test is not the problem, so if its positive it means they got enough culture to test it. But if one missed the window, then the result would come back negative, however that may or may not actually be the case.

I know many people who have assumed they have been tested and have not been. I wish our doctors would be a lot clearer about this!
 Next Time Round
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 83
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 12/31/2007 5:22:56 PM

Hey if we bump uglies am i gonna get a rash, is it gonna hurt when i pee, will i die a few years later, or will i have to shave my package.


Thanks for making me laugh. I needed that.

But to answer the OP I think that provided the conversation or dynamics between two people are at the point where sex is likely an option that there's nothing wrong with a person being direct and disclosing the last time he or she was checked and asking "how about you?"
 Blueguy21
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 84
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 1/1/2008 3:29:45 PM
Blueguy, you talk alot of sense, i like your posts...and your quite right, blood tests can only detect if your a carrier of HPV, it cannot tell you which KIND it is, mouth or genital


Thank ya :)

But HPV cannot be detected in either males or females. Females get to visit a gynacologist office, where they spread their legs and the doctor uses a microscope and light (correct me if I am wrong on this) to look for any abnormalities(raised bumps/warts) which indicates a presence of HPV. It's not really a test for hpv, more of a preventative measure really, I mean they can take samples and say "oh yeah that's hpv" so it is basically the closest thing we have to a test, but it's only for females I believe and gay men as well.


OK Blueguy... from Westover Heights.... the leading research in Herpes and STDs.... not sure where your info came from... but this is the most up to date...

http://www.westoverheights.com/index.html


Thank you for the update, I guess the CDC's web site is out of date. I just find it strange how they can test you for herpes and not for HPV, since the two are viruses, you would think they could detect HPV as well.


I recently called the Hassle Free STD clinic in Toronto to find out which Herpes test they are using, as the IgM is usesless and the IgG (herpes select test) has to be expressly requested, and here in BC they will not test you unless you have a partner that is positive for Herpes and has the results to prove it. The Western Blot (which is the gold standard) costs $200 to have done and many docs will not write a sctipt for that either - even if the patient is willing to pay!


This is a good example of what I was talking about! People think they are being 'tested' for everything, but they don't take hpv,herpes into account. Then they pass on the virus while thinking they are "clean", they should really clear this up because people are putting way too much faith into condoms and STI testing(which I find isn't even that reliable to begin with).
 agent4664
Joined: 11/13/2007
Msg: 85
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 1/11/2008 2:02:46 PM
That has never ever happened to me (and I hope it never does), but lets just break it down. Whats the point of asking?? If you weren't you could just lie and say you were. Does asking if you are clean before deciding to have (unprotected) sex make it safe or guaranteed??? This post is interesting yet disturbing...I don think I could have sex with a guy who felt asking would make a difference either way. Had you said no, would he have had protected sex with you anyway?
still disturbed...
 mary_jane_420
Joined: 1/6/2008
Msg: 86
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 1/14/2008 5:32:13 AM
I don't ask and will not answer that question. Its not anyones business but your own. I don't care how worried you are about STD'S. If your that worried about them don't waste your time with me then.
 motherof1lookin4fun
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 87
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How to ask about STD's
Posted: 1/14/2008 10:24:04 AM
Honestly there's no harm in asking. Always better off to be safe than sorry. But...if the guy asking asks you in a crude way ie are you clean, then I'm sorry he's not really worth it. Asking someone when they had their last STD testing done is acceptable. Ask in a none offensive way ie "I appologize if this question might offend you, but for my own protection, when were you last screened for STDs?" not offensive, non aggressive. It shows the other person that you care about your body and that you are protective of it. As anyone should be. Good luck with this to all.
 motherof1lookin4fun
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 88
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How to ask about STD's
Posted: 1/14/2008 10:29:15 AM
Damme!!! That really ****ing sucks!! To be assured it wasn't tactless of you to not ask for the paper report. Most of us might make the same mistake too. You should've insisted on wearing a condom though. No one really ever truly knows a person, unless you spend a lot of time with them. Internet doesn't count. I'm sorry that you contracted herpes, but...you can still have a good sex life even with it. Take all the necessary precautions and always make your partner aware of it. I have friends who have it too, and they have partners who are understanding and caring. Just make sure the person your sleeping with is aware of all the facts about it. Cheers
 _eunique
Joined: 6/9/2011
Msg: 89
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 8/5/2011 1:52:33 PM
Msg #4 says it all!! Very well said!

I will advise that many people are running around with STDs that they arent even aware of these days. I dont believe anything one says about their sexual health unless I can confirm it with a State Board certified Doctor! I trust no one when it comes to sexual diseases!
 Pinayto
Joined: 2/5/2011
Msg: 90
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 8/5/2011 2:07:33 PM

"Are you clean?" I thought that showed a complete lack of class. At first I didn't even realize what he meant. I'm thinking, I shower 1-2 times a day, my house and car are clean...OMG, did he just nod towards my crotch when he asked that?


I LOLed at this. Nice. STD test is compulsary for me before intimacy. I see no point in JUST asking. Ya, like he will admit that he has syphillis. Come on. The walk-in STD clinic date line is epic.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 91
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How to ask about STD's
Posted: 8/5/2011 7:11:34 PM

The walk-in STD clinic date line is epic.

The fact is that it's awfully easy to print up a fake medical report too...
It would be easy to take last years (or from 5 years ago...) test, scan it, edit it, print it...
Pretty quick and easy...

It would be funny to insert 'weird' diseases in there too....
I can imagine the look on her face when she finds out you don't have Martian Syphyllis either....

A girl I dated a few years back insisted on being with me when I picked up my test results for that reason...
I went one better, told my doctor's office she was picking them up.... she really liked that....LOL
So she knew I was clean before I did...
 PhiliGrL
Joined: 11/19/2010
Msg: 92
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 8/5/2011 7:32:44 PM
Yea, and just how many people are honest on here,,,,I am finding less and less......
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 93
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 8/5/2011 8:10:36 PM
how do you ask? Say, When was the last time you got tested for any stds?
 Morning_Face
Joined: 5/26/2010
Msg: 94
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 8/5/2011 9:07:42 PM
When I broke up with my long-term ex, a good friend of mine was warning me about the new dating scene and what to watch out for. She was very sexually active, ehem, so this what she says to the guy (I am not sure how this will come across to others but I do it and so far no problems)

I like you a lot. What do you think, before we take it to the next level WE get tested. When the results come back [they send letters to your home here] we will show them to each other for peace of mind. What do you think?

There is only one right answer to this question, unless he knows he has something to hide, too arrogant, or too stupid.
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