| I'll review your profile, tell the truth and help you out.
Posted: 11/8/2007 11:13:24 PM | SUPERCONDUCTIVE: what...? did a cat put this together? KIDDING-- you're naturally loved by me. I'm an OSU dude (back in the day -- i've got a decade plus on you)
seriously, i just closed my tread for the night and came over here to pick up what's her name -- kidding...
anyhoo, you start every sentence with "i." change it up a bit and get some photos in there. you can do it. list more activities too. i bet your into more things than what you list. Oh rocks man! i know you know how to throw down. live it up on here.
best,
chris | |
|
| |
getu1
|
Joined: 9/14/2007
Msg: 103 | |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| I'll review your profile, tell the truth and help you out.
Posted: 11/9/2007 1:35:45 PM | Would love to hear your suggestions. I am new to the single life and I do have a hard time talking about myself. I am a very direct person and I am not always sure it comes accross as direct so anything you could suggest to soften what I have to say would be great. Thank you for your time
Namaste’
Rob | |
|
| I'll review your profile, tell the truth and help you out.
Posted: 11/9/2007 3:10:25 PM | | if u wldn't mind, cld u review mine as well? and i guess if its not too much to ask, u cld include the critique in a msg to me, so then i wldn't have to try to find ur answer in the forum. i guess thats kinda hipocritical tho, since ur goin onto the forum to find out wat im asking, haha so w/e works | |
|
| |
| |
| I'll review your profile, tell the truth and help you out.
Posted: 11/10/2007 11:05:40 AM |
Big.
Well we get your height from the top info. Not needed.
You say nothing about you. Talk about you. This is your ad!
Write about these 4 things to be safe.
1. About yourself
2. About your interests
3. About what you enjoy doing
4. About what your looking for.
Also are you able to get any other pics, passport ones really dont work that well
Can you rewrite your profile and post again, i would love to see what you come up with
Carly
Okay, I changed mine a little. Let me know what you think. | |
|
holon
|
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 112 | |
| I'll review your profile, tell the truth and help you out.
Posted: 11/10/2007 3:48:57 PM | Thanks stage, I reworded things a bit. How's it look now?
I hardly know what I'm doing on here, but I'm still going to tell people what I think for the sake of giving my post content. Anyone feel free to comment on my comments. I'd like that.
Big,
It looks ok to me but I'm going to nitpick so you get some feedback. The lighting in the second picture is a lot better for you than the one you have up as your main. But then, you're not smiling in that one, so it's a tossup. I'd say get another one. Ideally, one of you in a social situation and taken by someone else (so that you get the preselection bias thing going for you). It's still best if you are the only one in it, though.
The allergic to cats thing is important but I'd say steer away from things that are more like statistics and focus on communicating facets of your personality. Attitudes and values are more believable if they're inferred, I think, if you want to try to get subtle about it.
I think you've got a good start with your what you're looking for section. I should look into that.
I would also present the last section differently. I realize it's stupid word manipulation, but it's better to put that sort of thing as adding value to one group rather than devaluing another or having requirements for people. No rational person is going to think you're a negative person just by that, but at the same time, look how little they have to go on.
I'll do one more. On second thought, maybe this is hijacking carly's thread, or big came for carly's opinion, not mine.
Anyone want my opinion? I'll give it to you promptly. | |
|
| |
holon
|
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 114 | |
| I'll review your profile, tell the truth and help you out.
Posted: 11/10/2007 4:31:28 PM | worcs, not bad. Same thing about the picture that I said to big. (social situation, taken by someone else, smiling, shaven)
If you are in a band, ffs add a photo of you on stage!
I'm pretty picky about spelling/punctuation/capitalization in these things. I mean, in my day-to-day talkings I'm pretty horrendous, but in a personals ad I think it's important to prove that you are in fact capable of proper english. That way if something's different people know it's stylistic and not laziness or stupidity.
Content-wise I think you are saying the right things. Then again, I'm not a chick. You put a little more expectation on it by saying that you want to be a writer. So take the time to say more with less and clean things up so it reads easily on the first try. It really is good- you have a lot going for you. I just stumbled a couple times due to punctuation and structure and formatting and such. Especially the joke part.
Ditch the read below comment. They're already in the middle of it. Don't second guess yourself about your profile in your profile. (I probably do that. yup. I do.)
The dan brown/rowling bringing literature back comment is probably going to repel people beyond a certain level of intellectual snobbery. If you care about that. | |
|
| I'll review your profile, tell the truth and help you out.
Posted: 11/10/2007 10:39:56 PM | Hi Carly,
Would really appreciate your review. I know the pictures aren't right, but it is all I have right now. Is it better to take off my profile until I have proper pics??
Thanks so much,
don't mind if your brutal with me ... so go ahead | |
|
| |
| |
| I'll review your profile, tell the truth and help you out.
Posted: 11/10/2007 11:26:08 PM | Bravest.
Ok. This is not needed.
I know for some, it's hard to imagine, but despite being a smoker, I smell nice and I’m a good person – a really good person. Sounds a bit desperate.
I think you really have a grasp on how to talk about yourself. I like the content of it. It just seems a bit messy, like things you just thought of you put in. Make it somewhat organised. Make it sound like you put thought into it, to make it sound just right.
carly | |
|
| I'll review your profile, tell the truth and help you out.
Posted: 11/10/2007 11:52:58 PM | Steven.
This sentence makes me feel like you have been hurt before with something like this
what you do for a living does not matter to me as long as its honest
You list your interests but dont talk about them, how about try and talk about them, maybe even say what you would do with a women and your interests... if you know what i mean.
I like your last sentence, maybe before it outline what you are looking for on here, doesnt have to be a firm list but let us know.
Carly | |
|
| I'll review your profile, tell the truth and help you out.
Posted: 11/11/2007 1:28:32 AM | Just a bill.
We all know that
Interests are listed above And we do read, but women like to know more about your interests does show more about you and your personality.
If i take the time to contact you and your not interested a simple no thanks would be appreciated.All others will be thrown into a pit of crocodiles......hungry ones. Not interested in any more drama,lies or games iv'e had enough............guy's hurt too. If you can stay away from negativity it does help with a profile. No one is looking for a negative person, and having something negative on a profile does turn some off.
Yes this site is shallow, people in general are shallow. But the right one or few will come along read your profile and msg you... it wont happen overnite... but it will happen..
Carly | |
|
| I'll review your profile, tell the truth and help you out.
Posted: 11/11/2007 2:08:31 AM | Drdreiii.
I hope to meet someone who shares some of my likes and dislikes You say this then dont talk about yourself? Add more, also dont talk much about your dislikes as that is negativity.
I'll tell you more if you're interested and I would definitely love to know more about you ; ) Lets try and spark interest with a little about yourself and your interests... Say a little and leave them wanting to know more...
When you talk about what you like in a woman, please dont list. makes us think we have to fit into that strict list. Say what you like in a paragraph, maybe give examples about them.
Carly | |
|
| I'll review your profile, tell the truth and help you out.
Posted: 11/11/2007 2:58:03 AM | 4infinity.
I love the way you know yourself. I guess what you have been thru has taught you that.
As for changing your profile... it is a tad long and some guys cant be bothered reading, also explains everything so they have nothing to ask questions about.
Also it is negative and that does put off people when reading a profile. Maybe even lose the last paragraph.
Carly | |
|
| I'll review your profile, tell the truth and help you out.
Posted: 11/11/2007 3:06:31 AM | Britenblue.
I like your profile. It shows you for you. You have humor in there and everything that i would suggest.
As for being in a rural area, you could put on there that you dont mind driving to meet and that you dont see it as an issue. If they are the right one they wont mind.
Carly | |
|
| |
| I'll review your profile, tell the truth and help you out.
Posted: 11/11/2007 4:12:01 AM | Peace.
Are you able to get any other pictures as yours is not so clear.. a nice one showing you off... need a product for the sales pitch...lol
DEFINITELY a B*i*t*c*h (Note the capital "B"!) this will turn guys off.
On the whole i think that your profile shows you for you.. maybe a bit long tho. Tease them with information... make them want to ask more.
Carly | |
|
Home
login 
Hello, can you help a sista out? 
It appears she has left us... 
