| Someone please respond fast!
Posted: 11/7/2007 11:03:20 AM | hey
first of all: what did you do that wrong so you have to impress her?
if she stayed with you for 2 years its because she loved you for something. i think she's trying to see if she can manipulate you and get you to do whatever she wants.she went to your "friend" so forget her. dont go to her house, dont get contact at all with her for a few days and see how she reacts | |
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| Someone please respond fast!
Posted: 11/7/2007 11:19:06 AM | i agree with privatewolf... i would play it cool, tell her if she wants to talk to you , she knows where you live, i wouldnt go see her. make her wonder what you have been doing, dont let her think she has you as a "back up" and just dont call her, let her call you and dont answer the first time she calls either, let her sweat it out! you will probebly have many more girlfriends before you find the one anyway, you are still young, enjoy and dont be in a rush...... good luck hon | |
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nogo3
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Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 28 | |
| Someone please respond fast!
Posted: 11/7/2007 11:27:16 AM | For what its worth, neither one is ready for a relationship, they both are to imature
for anything serious.
and without help that poor girl is going to do that shit until she suceeds or gets herself straightened out, and the guy is not going to last very long wondering when she will try it agin, it will consume him to no end. | |
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| Someone please respond fast!
Posted: 11/7/2007 6:52:29 PM | ok so i went and talked to her, we were togeather about 2 hours. she said she wanted to be with me she knows she will be with me again but right now she wants to see how my "friend" can treat her. I told her id be there for her, whatever she needed. she maintained contact with me all of the next day ( yesterday ) untill she got home from work. when she got home from work she told me that she was going to hang out with my friend, and i shouldnt call her untill she calls me. About 2 hours later she called me up and said i have something to tell you. I said , go ahead... and she said im sorry, i think we need time apart... its the best for the both of us. i tried to call her back 5 minutes later, and she changed her number, just that fast! why must she mess with my head?
PS. she was the one to start the marriage thing, not me she told me she wanted to have my kids and be with me forever. | |
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| Someone please respond fast!
Posted: 11/7/2007 7:06:39 PM | | not only are you to young you are a punk if you are a one woman man why are you hung up on her how does it feel knowing the girl you want to marry is with you friend or do you think they just talk you sould listen when people say your to young. go get a girlfriend to talk to and she if your ex still want,s to play games sound,s like when she called you up to come over and do something to win her back! it was to do her like your buddy and other guy,s not like a kid! | |
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| Someone please respond fast!
Posted: 11/7/2007 7:27:59 PM | She sounds very depressed. I strongly advise that you speak with someone who is close to her and tell them that whilst shes not allowing you near, you are very concerned for her welfare. Tell them to try and encourage her to at least see her doctor.. They will help her. If she is now blocking you from your life, there is very little that you can do. Don attempt to call her. When she is ready she will call. Obviously something has happened that she is not prepared to talk with you about. In time things could straighten out for you both. But you really must leave it. Just try getting her the help she needs via a close friend or family member..
With love Catherine aka star.xxx | |
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nogo3
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Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 32 | |
| Someone please respond fast!
Posted: 11/7/2007 10:08:39 PM | there are 2 pages of helpful info here and he has ignored it all and is still going back for more.
so it makes me think this is a pity party, he needs the attention to build his ego up agin.
he is going to miserable life if he doesn't learn some basic things here, poor kid needs to grow up alot. | |
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| Someone please respond fast!
Posted: 11/7/2007 10:28:36 PM | I dont care for the name or words pity party. Love hurts no matter what your age. I was married at 20 and would still be if he hadn't been so immature.. But it dosent stop it hurting any less when things go wrong. Some young adults are ready whilst others are not. However this girl needs some help and if he loves her whe will want to... The statistics of depression are high enough at any level of maturity, however the level of suicide statistically are amongst the younger age groups.. Life is hard enough for everyone. without being a young teen in love and with instability issues to boot... Talk to people close. It really is important .. You have a long and bright future ahead O.P ...whatever you do with it make sure its the right choice before getting directly involved with someone who quite simply not ready, no matter how mature your feelings are for her.
Be a responsible friend/ boyfriend and make sure someone close gets her this help...
Hugs Catherine aka star.xxx | |
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| Someone please respond fast!
Posted: 11/7/2007 10:52:28 PM | | people that fall in love at a young age or get married at a young age 8 times out of ten it dont work because he she is to immature aka to young and like most young people dont listen falling in love is great and even at older ages in life love is still a mystery dont get in to deep with this one or you will learn the not so good things about love if you really love her let her find herself while she hang,s with your friend,s and when she is rode hard they will send her back wet. | |
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| Someone please respond fast!
Posted: 11/7/2007 11:12:45 PM | I know it hurst, youngling, but in realty, she is doing you a favor by changing her phone number. She is making it clear she wants no contact. She told you so.
You have your identity wrapped up in her. You must, you must move on. She is no good for you. Sounds like a nut-case. She needs help.
You need to get your life together and your own head. Quit assigning your own self-worth by what these nut cases think about you.
Trust me, I have been in my younger years, in the Jerry Springer arguments. I can not even write about it here, the things I said and done in bad relationships. It kills you inside, you feel. You feel like you will die without the other person. Your reason for living. Well, what does not kill you makes you stronger. YOU WILL SURVIVE. And you will grow into a person who respects yourself too much to get dragged into these sick type of relationships. Pretty soon you will lose interest fast in any beautiful person that displays nut case type tendencies.
You are worthy and wonderful just being you on your own. Do not let her shutting you out make you feel you are unworthy. There is nothing you could have done. Sounds like she already had made up her mind and did not tell you BEFORE the big argument.
Try doing something good for yourself. Play hockey, basketball...geek out...whatever floats your boat.
And try going to church, if you have gone before. It is a good place to meet girls (like the gentleman before me brought up) and also quite frankly you need to surround yourself with some more positive people and make some friends maybe. Not to mention worshipping God and not some girl that likes knives.
If I seem harsh, understand I have a 16 year old nephew. He is only slightly younger than you. And I would talk much to same to him as I am you if he were in your situation. I would give you a hug if I were there and a nice hot cup of cocoa.
Also, once you have mended your wounds in your heart a little...try putting up an ad and fishing on this site! Nothing like a new 19 year old fish to make you forget the old one!  | |
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| Someone please respond fast!
Posted: 11/7/2007 11:31:49 PM | Martin, I know it's hard to look at an incident as a red flag but hopefully you can put things in perspective now. For what it's worth, you guys could've been married and this would have eventually happen. Try to look at the positives out of a negative. If a female says she needs space or anything of the like, it is out of your control to change her. Acting nicer or doing things for her only makes you seem weaker and women view that as smothering.
Next time just keep yourself busy. Take after a hobby. Try to date other women. Exercise or something. I suggest you forget about this mentally unstable broad and not let it ruin that male ego of yours. | |
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| Someone please respond fast!
Posted: 11/8/2007 5:56:41 AM | | aaawwww... im sorry hon, that sucks that you fell into her trap, but hey....dont feel bad.... live and learn, it happens to the best of us. my advise to you is to move on, run forrest run! find someone else who will appriciate you and treat you like you deserve to be treated! just remember that you are special and tell yourself that anyone who has you is lucky, just carry yourself with confidence, if you dont have it yet , fake it! its not gona be so bad if you learn from this! you will have better in your time, im sure and you will be glad that you saw her true colors now and/or found out that she wasent ready and wasent trapped in an adulterous marrige.good luck hon | |
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| Someone please respond fast!
Posted: 11/8/2007 6:04:23 AM | tell her how she makes you feel, tell her how much you value her, tell her the memories you cherish from you being together - just because you are 19 doesnt mean what you have experienced is worthless. If she can relate to all that and she can see what she wants and what you want is the same - then u have wowed her.
marriage might be a mighty big word but its just a civil ceremony that unites two souls who wants to spend time with each other. you were already doin it for the past 2 years - be confident and listen to your heart - you want her back - you talk to her from what comes to you from your heart.
M | |
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| Someone please respond fast!
Posted: 11/8/2007 9:43:32 AM |
ok so i went and talked to her, we were togeather about 2 hours. she said she wanted to be with me she knows she will be with me again but right now she wants to see how my "friend" can treat her. I told her id be there for her, whatever she needed.
Sooooooo....basically she wants to be with this other guy and expects you to wait around until she is ready to be with you again on HER terms??? And you're willing to do this for her??
OP, I'm sorry, but now you are sounding like a doormat. You are letting her play games with your head and walk all over you and you are just taking it because you think true love is going to win out in the end.
Love makes you do crazy and stupid s**t. I was with a guy for three years who told me he loved me, then proceeded to beat the living **%% out of me, physically and emotionally. But I stuck with him because I thought if I thought love would win out in the end, and if I waited it out, then things were going to change. Well guess what, they didn't, and I wasted three years of my life on someone who wasn't worth my time. Staying away from him was soooo hard, even after all the crap he put me through. But when I finally managed to separate myself from that madness, I realized I was better off.
This isn't a fairy tale. This is real life. And you need to get the hell out of this joke of a "relationship" and find a woman who respects and appreciates you. Not treat you like a backup/insurance policy/safety net. Stop trying to make things work with this girl. IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. No matter how much you love her, it's not going to change things.
As I said before...GET PROFESSIONAL HELP. You need it. A licensed therapist. | |
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| Someone please respond fast!
Posted: 11/8/2007 9:53:54 AM | | Just let her go, you are just 19, and I have seen to many young people like yourself that think this is the one and 5 or 6 yrs later divorce court and then there could be kids also so live give yourself time don't rush into anything | |
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kaz82
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Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 41 | |
| Someone please respond fast!
Posted: 11/8/2007 9:55:38 AM | | From a womans point of view i would go round and explain that if your not the person that makes her happy anymore your sorry and hopes she finds what she is looking for, then walk away. You cant MAKE her love u or want to be with you, all u can do is tell her that if she needs space you will give it to her (and make sure u do) Let her call u first. If u go round and beg her it will get u no where, believe me! Wish u luck hun but pleas be strong, u need to walk away if ur not what she wants. As much as it hurts u have to do it x | |
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| Someone please respond fast!
Posted: 11/8/2007 1:24:53 PM | thank you to everyone that responded. its hard to leave someone you love, real hard. as for finding another girlfriend, im not sure im ready to do that. everytime im with another girl ( work classes ect, ) im having a good time, and then within a few minutes all i can think about is her. im going to give her her space, and im going to take her a Christmas present around Christmas time. if shes happy with her new boyfriend , then she can take it and forget about me, but she says thats not what she wants to do. Mind games are a M-Fer but im not going to sit around whilst she messes around with my friend. i asked her right before she changed her number.. whos more important to you, me or him? and her responce was " are you really going to make me pick one of you" and i told her if you cant put me infront of him then you honestly dont want to be with me, no matter what you say. you cant make someone love you. as much as i want to make her, i cant.
as for the treatment....
im currently going through something we have here in Chester County Pa called Drug court. i got arrested with a Dui and a bag of weed. I go to treatment 4 times a week, an hour each time. Treatment is suspose to be about drugs, but everytime i go i bring up my X and my counslers always help me through it. As for getting relationship treatment or something i honestly dont have time time to do it, or the licence to get me there. | |
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| Someone please respond fast!
Posted: 11/8/2007 4:21:55 PM | There is more than one issue going on here First she is suicidal and needs help with that. Help that you unfortunately can't give her. Second..You picked her up and through her on the ground??????? No excuse for that whatsoever. So you need some anger management. I understand that you care and I am in no means negating that fact.....FEELINGS ARENT RIGHT OR WRONG THEY JUST ARE...but you need to communicate those feelings as you see them not in a way you think the other person choses to hear them. Third,you are both young and I suspect somwewhat immature. If she is telling you to impress her and your willing ot do it something is worng here. The fact that you care and are willing to talk th e situation out should be impressive enough. jmo
DONT TAKE AWAY SOMEONES DREAM....IT MAY BE ALL THEY HAVE | |
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Posted: 11/8/2007 4:34:20 PM | I have shoes that are older then 19 yrs old......
Move on and do what 19 yr olds should be doing.....
Going to college.... partying .. preparing for MANhood. | |
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| Someone please respond fast!
Posted: 11/8/2007 4:37:20 PM | | she walked out and into the arms of another guy, what are you holding on to......... sloppy seconds, if she can move on that fast, you had nothing to begin with !!!!!!!!!! | |
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Posted: 11/8/2007 11:35:44 PM | Is there a drug issue here? If a friend described this same scenario - would you think the two people concerned were really in a position to make a go of marriage?
Your are 19! It will be nearly another 10 years before you have truly worked out who you are and what you want in life. The biggest reason for marriage breakup - is marrying young - give yourself a chance at least for happiness. Do you really want a manipulative, fickle, suicidal, confused woman to be the mother of your children - I mean really? Do you think you are going to really going to get the chance to be Dad to your own children at the rate things are going? Again - is she on drugs? Consider the damage that foetal alchohol syndrome does to someone for the rest of their lives - is that what you really and truly want for your children, as a minimum?
Believe me, you can do so much better! Don't sell yourself short - just as life is beginning - don't end your future before it has even had a chance to begin. | |
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Posted: 11/9/2007 1:54:27 AM | Hunni From what you are saying now it is clear that the both of you are in need of help. Drugs do kill. The husband I married changed dramatically when he started to get involved with the wrong people. He became someone I no longer recognised, I had 2 little boys to take care of.. Eventually we divorced as the abuse became worse and worse.. I really dont think he knew what he was doing half the time...He met and married another woman following the discovery that our second son had severe learning disabilities. plus a whole lot more problems to boot. It didn't dawn on me that the drugs he was taking could have had anything to do with why my son was born with these problems until he had another little girl also severely handicapped. My ex husband died 1997 the combo of drugs he took killed him, although it wasn't suicide.. They buried his little girl with him last year. You really do not realise the effects drugs have on peoples lives.. Please do yourself, your girl and everyone who loves you a favour and get yourself clean. Neither of you are ready for marriage and its possible that she does not want to be with you since your need for her could be a form of dependency in your very unstable life. Nobody should use another to gain stability in there life unless they are completely stable themselfs... I realise that you love her, but I have a feeling that your feelings are more out of need, rather than true love. Continue with the help that your getting. and discuss also her problems.. The professionals will know what is best for you.. Stick with it and listen to what they have to say..
I wish you all the luck in the world..
Catherine aka star.xxx | |
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| Someone please respond fast!
Posted: 11/9/2007 2:12:52 AM | Yeah hun,
You are definitely this girls doormat...
She hooked up with one of your friends?
She doesnt know if she can forgive you????
-This needs to stay over before you post AGAIN saying that she cheated on you. There are better people out there... | |
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| Someone please respond fast!
Posted: 11/9/2007 7:58:36 AM | thank you to everyone that responded. its hard to leave someone you love, real hard. as for finding another girlfriend, im not sure im ready to do that. everytime im with another girl ( work classes ect, ) im having a good time, and then within a few minutes all i can think about is her. im going to give her her space, and im going to take her a Christmas present around Christmas time.
Ack! Geez! No, no, NO!!! You're doing it again!! Do not, and I repeat, do NOT take this girl a Christmas present, or ANY present for that matter!! All you do is give, give, give, and she's going to continue to take, take, take! Everytime you offer her anything--let her know you're waiting for her, giving her stuff--you are basically reinstating your doormat status, and letting her know your door is open for her to walk all over you again!! You keep trying to prove to her that you're a nice guy, and you're worthy of her, but really, she's not worthy of you! You need to WAKE UP to that.
Stop trying to show her that you care. No presents, no phone calls, NOTHING!!
And again...no one on here is suggesting you jump right back into the dating game. You need time to get your life straightened out. You are too far gone right now to offer anything remotely stable for any girl. Take the time for you, stop chasing this girl, and continue to get the help you need. | |
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| Someone please respond fast!
Posted: 11/9/2007 1:52:06 PM | You just saved me from myself, by writing the following to someone else:
> Ack! Geez! No, no, NO!!! You're doing it again!! Do not, and I repeat, do NOT take
> this girl a Christmas present, or ANY present for that matter!! All you do is give,
> give, give, and she's going to continue to take, take, take! Everytime you offer her
> anything--let her know you're waiting for her, giving her stuff--you are basically
> reinstating your doormat status, and letting her know your door is open for her to
> walk all over you again!! You keep trying to prove to her that you're a nice guy, and
> you're worthy of her, but really, she's not worthy of you! You need to WAKE UP to
> that.
You just saved my life.
Marry me.
Okay, not marriage -- what's that thing wot we get in the same bed and roll around? Yeah, that.
(just kidding) :^o | |
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