| Do you value being nice to people?
Posted: 11/7/2007 8:12:54 AM | I value that I am a kind curteous, compassionate empathetic person....its actually a big part of my job.....I would hate to see a person with no empathy try to do what we do in our jobs in any health care field....I've seen it infact and it isn't pretty.
I also value sticking up for myself and not being a push over...so I know when I'm being taken advantage of and say NO. Sometimes people who are good people are easily manipulated...and taken advantage of...I'm trying not to be on of those people.
My Beauty and my waist line certianly are not more important to me than being considered a good friend, hard worker and someone that can lend a helping hand if needed. | |
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| Do you value being nice to people?
Posted: 11/7/2007 8:17:14 AM | | I like a woman who is honest and thinks for themself. If they aren't nice...so be it...my ego can handle friction. | |
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| Do you value being nice to people?
Posted: 11/7/2007 8:21:15 AM | I am not sure how taking care of physical attributes and being nice are related.... I am a certain way - call it friendly because that's who I am irrespective of other person's behaviour and it's not dependant on gender either. And yes, I value who I am and value others enough to treat them with courtesy and dignity.
The only question I consider is whether their behaviour is acceptable or not, I am not interested in fixing/changing anyone, and if another person's behaviour disrupts by personal well being too much than it's time to move on... for both our sakes. | |
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libbyv
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Joined: 8/17/2005
Msg: 28 | |
| Do you value being nice to people?
Posted: 11/7/2007 8:27:49 AM | I treat people the way that I want to be treated. If they are disrespectful to me then I will be disrespectful back. It goes both ways.
Treat me well and you will be treated well in return. | |
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| Do you value being nice to people?
Posted: 11/7/2007 9:00:20 AM | Yep, I value being nice to people. Nice to me being generosity of spirit.
I work in the health field assisting people in their homes with some very personal and daily chores. They are exposing themselves in ways that I am sure they never ever thought they would. And to me, that shows a level of trust that I must reciprocate. So, I am generous with my humour and my respect and my friendliness and general good nature. And I see the results in that they smile and laugh and appreciate my efforts to improve their day, however rotten it may be.
After doing this for many years, it has just become the person that I am. So, to ask if I am like this "especially with the guy" is answered with "I don't know how else to be."
In clubs around the world, women will not compete for fashion and looking good, but they'll be tripping over themselves with being polite good people.
Being "nice" is not at all the same as being polite, IMO. Polite people tend to be very PC and are concerned with how others view them and their exemplary manners. I can be crude and still nice. I can be slightly rude and still nice. I can be forthright and honest and still nice. | |
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| Do you value being nice to people?
Posted: 11/7/2007 10:51:09 AM | "There but by the grace of God, go....I"
Is my fondest quote.
I am a good person who does nice things for people.
Sometimes I do fear it's for my own self gratification, because it makes ME feel good to do so. But I would never let that stop me. 
Am I good or bad.
Don't really know.....but I'll keep bein' Sunny.....till I'm not. | |
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| Do you value being nice to people?
Posted: 11/7/2007 10:54:16 AM |
There's also a huge difference between the man who appreciates someone who has a compassionate and loving heart and the man who appreciates someone being compassionate and loving to him. Wait, I'm not seeing this difference.
Everything you say points to a recognition of the fact that you have really come to value people who are nice to you, people who make the effort to be nice, to bite back that selfish instinct and give of their patience, time or affection to you; you've recognised that you value this behaviour more than you value appearance. But I think you need to look deeper: behaviour is a deeper indication of a person than their appearance but beyond behaviour in any moment is the whole person.
Superficially, you might look at it like this: a lot of women are taken in by a man who is nice to them and fail to notice that he's nasty to other people or notice it but fail to see it as an indicator of how they might be treated in future. But it's more than that -- it's about seeing beyond behaviour to the nature of the person: someone whose nature is loving and giving can be distant or snappy if they are under a lot of stress, someone whose nature is grasping and self-centred can be nice when they want you to like them.
I guess what I should have asked is, where on the list of priorities does it fall? Yes, most can say they value it, but what I was trying to get at is, is it something that you actively work at and think about? Yes I am working on it, and have been all my life. Yes I see it as more important than any other thing, really. I have various skills and abilities and knowledge and so on, but I believe that the best that I can do is to be compassionate and loving towards others. I fail all the time and I see my life as being small, narrow and selfish and I want to do more but I don't know how -- and I am very often too ill to do much at all.
The thing is that it is a rare man who can actually appreciate someone who has the instinct to do and be good as opposed to only their superficial behaviour as it relates to himself. I consider myself very fortunate in having found a partner who understands my struggles and longings and way of being, who identifies with it -- as opposed to one who revels in being loved and enjoys thoughtful gestures and patience and compassion but fails to understand the wider picture of my nature: fails to embrace the whole of who I am rather than just enjoy the benefits as they relate to him. To put it in more concrete terms: a man may enjoy thoughtful affection from a gentle and caring person -- but he may get fed up of her being vegan and needing to help people and at the end of the day simply caring so bloody much about everything and trying so hard to make the world a better place. It winds people up, it makes them feel guilty or bores them silly or drives them up the wall. I don't think it's possible to be "too nice", as I learn I gain the strength, peace and intelligence to be nicer than I was, and I always want to do more and be better.
Someone at the extreme is not a good match for you, it would drive you nuts, but I think it may help you to see the difference between nice as an expression of inner nature and nice as a behavioural strategy. | |
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| Do you value being nice to people?
Posted: 11/7/2007 12:58:44 PM | Great Question OP
I think somewhere along the line alot of people have forgotten the niceties of this world.
I would much prefer to date someone that is grossly overweight, uglier than a mud fence. A face that only his mama can love..
If A his mama is still around and he treats her well.
Stops and helps someone in need.
Remembers to smile just to smile..
Does things just because and not to get anything out of it.. I have to admit I do watch for these things.. I know in my heart I can't even begin to love someone if I can't like them and respect them.. I can't like and respect them if they don't have kindness in their soul.. I do agree there is some great eye candy out there and yes I look and drool as well as the next woman.
But again it comes down to if he isn 't a nice person why would I want to bother with him
Now that doesnt' mean I want him to be a push over ..God Forbid if this should turn into a nice guy thread.. I am just saying there has to be a balance | |
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| Do you value being nice to people?
Posted: 11/7/2007 1:13:24 PM | Being nice makes logical sense. There are consequences to everything people do, and that includes just being a sourpuss. Sometimes the consequences is merely to our inner being. Being unhappy, mean, and miserable makes us not feel good. **What you do on the outside feeds your inside.**
I don't need morals, or a god, or any other external thing beyond logic to convince me that being nice is the way one should be. Even when one is being nasty to me, often the situation can be turned around with niceness. One can even stand up for themselves in a very nice way. No where does it equal doormat. | |
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| Do you value being nice to people?
Posted: 11/7/2007 1:14:33 PM | Well except on some of these forums I'm generally friendly.
Unless of course someone gives me reason not to be.
I smile at people, say hello, please and thank you. I listen to people when they talk most of the time. | |
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| Do you value being nice to people?
Posted: 11/7/2007 2:19:34 PM | | I value being nice to people. Damnit we're all stuck here with each other. I also value when it's appreciated. Bugger that saintly altruism - show me someone who doesn't require any external validation at all and I'll show you a sociopath... | |
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| Do you value being nice to people?
Posted: 11/7/2007 2:35:42 PM | Being nice to others - being a good person - is a priority for me. I try to follow the age-old rule of "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
A long time ago I was a selfish, self-centred person. I respect and like myself much more as a kind, caring, and giving individual.
One of my exboyfriends was very sweet and caring to his coworkers when they were around, but liked to criticize or make fun of them when we were alone together at his home. Over time I became very bored of his rants and told him that his attitude was not only disrespectful but unattractive!!
Beauty fades while character grows. | |
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| Do you value being nice to people?
Posted: 11/7/2007 7:53:41 PM | Well, maybe it's because I'm older, but I tend to care more NOW about how I come across to people moreso personality-wise than looks wise! Don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm a dog, (hopefully), but where, in my teens, and 20's, it was ALL about looks FIRST then how I came across to people, nowadays, it's the reverse!
Should someone refer to me as a "beautiful person", I'd like to think that they're covering ALL bases - but ESPECIALLY - the way I treated them - nicely! | |
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| Do you value being nice to people?
Posted: 11/7/2007 8:35:18 PM |
There's never "Look at me, I'm nice, friendly and don't start fights. I look at you lovingly and smile, and try to make compromises. I put my greed behind me because there's more to the world than my feelings!" Ok, I admit, it doesn't have the same punch.
I actually try very hard to do just that. I am not perfect and have on occasion lost my temper while driving  but I do try. I make a game out of getting grumpy people to smile...you have no idea how rewarding it is until you try it. My New Years resolution last year was to relax and not take things so seriously....Now if something starts to get to me....I just think..."Will this be a factor in 6 months?" Usually the answer is no, and the stress just melts away. I find it is much easier to be kind and patient with others when your not stressed yourself.  | |
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| Do you value being nice to people?
Posted: 11/7/2007 8:40:56 PM | | im mostly nice to people cos i got brought up with the thinking if you've nothing to nice to say...then dont say anything unless you've got proof otherwise. | |
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| Do you value being nice to people?
Posted: 11/8/2007 12:05:20 PM | I can get along with ANYone _Worth_ getting along With . .
Im nice to everyone that deserves friendship, respect and admiration . .
I respect the elderly , the handicapped and those in need . . | |
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| Do you value being nice to people?
Posted: 11/8/2007 1:08:56 PM | I can get along with just about anyone. Being mean is just a waste of energy.
What I dont get is this. How can a NICE person be 'nice in real life' but mean online because they get relief from a bad day?? What? You CANT be nice if youre rude to others online.
Im nice in real life but would never be mean just because its online. People have feelings off line or on line..I just cant wrap my mind around that one. | |
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| Do you value being nice to people?
Posted: 11/8/2007 5:17:12 PM | Not just in a relationship, but in life, we normally get back what we project...
So, yes, I value myself being kind, considerate, gracious, polite, logical, and extending good will...
That's not always an easy task - there are times when I fail (notably, most often, in traffic - where at least the other drivers can't hear the epithets which I hurl their way with gusto, sometimes extending insults and threats into the realms of art - save those who lip read, anyway)...
But being "nice"?? It's not altruism (is there any such thing?) - it's motivated self-interest because I really do reap ten-fold what I sow. Why would I want to reap drama, grief, manipulation, and anger? My life is quite interesting enough without those complications!
edit:
Objectivist:
1. Philosophy One of several doctrines holding that all reality is objective and external to the mind and that knowledge is reliably based on observed objects and events.
2. An emphasis on objects rather than feelings or thoughts in literature or art.
Was that what you meant post 44??
Some of those who are able trade on looks or fashion while others trade on behavior or the ability to engender feelings...
Some will trade on their ability to provide luxuries and comforts...
Some will trade on all of these aspects.
But the question, itself, has largely determined who would answer (and how) - like many questions in these forums...
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| Do you value being nice to people?
Posted: 11/8/2007 5:53:45 PM | I'm not generally "nice".
I'm respectful, at times, but that has it's limits too.
I was in a huge lineup at the grocery store the other day, so far back that I had to leave a gap and actually stand back in the aisle so other people could pass back and forth between myself and the next person in line for the till. (Come to think of it, that was nice of me)
As I stood there, this doddering old woman pushing a walker approached. I attempted to make eye contact to see where she was going to go, stepped further back to give her more room, and she suddenly turned (only about a foot from me) and tried to MOW ME DOWN with her effin' walker!!! She ran over my foot!
And then...
She said "Move."
I said "Excuse yourself like a big girl and I'll be more than happy to get the hell out of your way."
Not nice? Meh. The geriatrics around here think they run the place. I've had enough.
What I wanted to do was shove her into her walker and see how fast I could make it sail down the grocery aisle with her upside down, legs kickin, in it.
I thought I was nice enough. | |
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| Do you value being nice to people?
Posted: 11/8/2007 6:00:51 PM | I try and be nice - yes. I value that I am nice - yes. But - I will even let you be a jerk - for a little while, because I will be trying to figure out why you are being a jerk - If I figure it out, and determine there is a valid reason - then ok.
If you are just a jerk because you are a jerk. Then I will put you in your place - jerks aren't worth my time. | |
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| Do you value being nice to people?
Posted: 11/8/2007 6:15:34 PM | | yes I do!I am very friendly and nice to be around.and I am a good person but I am not a push over and I speak my mind when people are mean rude or try to get over on me I will not stand for it. | |
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| Do you value being nice to people?
Posted: 11/8/2007 8:12:02 PM | Hey now, JohnnyBoy - no fair!
The question was do we value being nice to people - I answered as honestly as I possibly could. I DO try to be nice to people. Some would even go as far as to say that I'm too nice to the point of just being plain naive!
So, ummm...wouldn't you say "liar" is a bit strong? | |
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| Do you value being nice to people?
Posted: 11/8/2007 10:28:39 PM | The people who think that others only behave with kindness, consideration or compassion because they want something for themselves or that such behaviour is always fake or insincere reveal a great deal abut themselves.
It pains me to be inconsiderate or unkind. I am very often less considerate or kind than I could be and it bothers me. I always feel that I "could do better" and it' not about how people respond to my behaviour, but how it feels for me to behave less kindly or less patiently or less generously than I feel I could, regardless f what others think of my behaviour (although of course it is very nice when anyone appreciates anything that you do, it's not the motivating force for the behaviour, to my mind). | |
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| Do you value being nice to people?
Posted: 11/8/2007 10:51:22 PM |
What I wanted to do was shove her into her walker and see how fast I could make it sail down the grocery aisle with her upside down, legs kickin, in it.
I love that girl !
you never fail to impress me, a girl with an attitude ! cool.....such a shame your a tad too old for me | |
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