| I'm confused and need some impartial advice - please
Posted: 11/8/2007 3:38:01 PM | Sounds like you pick decent guys,but they all have 1 annoying trait in common to each other. They are really insecure,which is natural. I have them too but,I address them and if I'm told no worrie's I'll let it go.The other guy you spoke of, seemed to need a little liquid courage. You may want add something a little suggestive about insecurity,
in your profile,JMO. | |
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| I'm confused and need some impartial advice - please
Posted: 11/8/2007 6:37:59 PM | | Hey i read this twice before deciding to post.He sounds like he wants and is the great man you think he is yet he has been burned and is insecure so he fights the insecurities but can't stop .Probably feels for you deeply and insecurities are in both genders .Here is the part i don't want to type I really don't think he will change and you will probably only get hurt in the long run. Do what your head tells you to do but be carefull girl. Seen it a few times .Never seen it turn out well. Sorry just what i see. | |
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| I'm confused and need some impartial advice - please
Posted: 11/9/2007 7:58:25 AM | Tracey61, this is going to be a little harsh but it needs to be said to you, first thing are you that desperate that you have to lower yourself to this man?
The red flags are there hun, cant you see them, does the Queen of England have to show up at your door and point them out to you?
Its all about respect, he's shown you NONE
then I didnt hear from him for almost 5 weeks - turns out he had blocked me he says because he thought that I had somebody else. Silly little reason but quite often if I say something similar or the same thing to somebody I automatically say 'jinx'. you found he blocked you and you still pursued this guy? come on most people would of said "oh well "and move on.
Two weeks ago we decide to meet - then he got cold feet and cancelled he kept asking me who jin was - I of coursde couldnt work it out - turns out he thought jin was another man and the x was a kiss (jinx) Jealousy issues already, and lack of communication
all except for the amount of booze that he drank - I already knew that he liked a tipple but didnt realise it was by the bottle load umm DRINKING PROBLEM
. I know it took him a long time to get over his split with his wife after she cheated on him so to a degree can understand him being insecure. NO he needs to work out his issues of insecurities its not up to you to comfort this guy, he needs to deal with his issues or get help from a professional.
I know that he chats to other women and thats sort of ok - i wouldnt be happy if he was meeting them as well as me but everybody is entitiled to have friends. No thats a lot of B. S. you're not ok with it, you're looking for a night in shining Armour, until you realize you are lonely and stop hooking up with insecure men, the man's a mess, jealousy, insecurities, excessive drinking, and whats makes this a good man?
Advice, work on your self esteem , you're lacking in confidence if a man cant treat you respect and whats worse you're letting him treat you like a dog, you will always get the dogs. | |
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| I'm confused and need some impartial advice - please
Posted: 11/9/2007 7:59:04 AM | OP, I agree with the rest of the posts! My red flags are getting stronger and shorter. At 47 yo, I don't have time to play these silly little raindeer games...catch and release...there ARE plenty of fish. But don't forget what you have learned either...
For what it's worth! Good Luck!
KateMarieFire | |
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| I'm confused and need some impartial advice - please
Posted: 11/9/2007 7:59:59 AM | uhmm lets see drinks too much
doesnt communicate well
jealous
abrupt etc...
ask your self sweety is these qualities you want in a man you are with for the rest of your life?
look with your mind leave your heart out of this sometimes when we are lonely we accept things we normally would never allow I have been there you deserve so much more you need not explain anything to him.. what do you owe this man? nothuing simply block and move on.. blessing my friend... | |
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| I'm confused and need some impartial advice - please
Posted: 11/9/2007 8:16:22 AM | If you care about your sanity you would forget about him.He is messed up and has issues, it won't go away , simply because you care about him. would only get more complicated and painful for you , you could spend years doing that .
You feel you could save him , make him happy ,if you love and care for him,it won't happen, he's a very insecure man with big problems.
You are caught up in the intrigue of trying to figure him out, which can become an obsession.........makes you believe you are madly in love , it's an illusion.
Wish him good luck, and move on if you prefer not to waste your time and feelings on a lost cause..............
Been there , done that . | |
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| I'm confused and need some impartial advice - please
Posted: 11/9/2007 9:25:07 AM | do you really need someone like that in your life, who is constanley ignoring you when he feels threatned. I was married for a man of 13 years who controlled me, and I spotted this a mile of. You can do better, more fishes in the sea....take care.. | |
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| I'm confused and need some impartial advice - please
Posted: 11/9/2007 5:10:34 PM |
Please I just need some opinions and some advice. Thank you for being my sounding board.
OPINION: He sounds like an idiot.
ADVICE:
Write him a nice "this just doesn't work for me, but good luck in finding your special someone."
Don't talk, email, IM, call or text him again. (Although if he's a drunk then it's likely that he won't get the message right away.)
Then find YOUR special someone.
This guy has "project" written all over him. Um...OP, do you ride a white horse? C'mon sweetie, you can do better | |
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| I'm confused and need some impartial advice - please
Posted: 11/13/2007 12:47:29 AM | This guy is an amateur compared to two women I've known.
Both did the same thing as your friend: Everything was great until, suddenly, they got angry about some unspecified thing, and wouldn't talk to me anymore. I'd truly miss them and do whatever I could to rememdy the problem. Then, out of the blue, maybe months later, they'd call and our relationship would be back on. This went on for years.
These kinds of relationships are NOT fun. I've finally gotten over both of them and I'm not planning on answering the phone when they call again. There's a limit to these dramas. before reaching the point-of-no-return, and damage is done. | |
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gkmb
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Joined: 8/18/2007
Msg: 37 | |
| I'm confused and need some impartial advice - please
Posted: 11/21/2007 12:28:23 PM | | Maybe too late for you to read this hun..but my personal opinion is he has problems deeper than you can help him with , from experience and training in the profession he probably has a drink problem larger than you know or want to know, this is paranoia... and he will think you are seeing someone else etcetc., he will drain all your energy until there is no more left, or something worst. You sound like a pretty level headed person normally so move on and if you really feel you can not let go just be there as a mate only. Good luck ok. | |
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| I'm confused and need some impartial advice - please
Posted: 11/21/2007 2:31:35 PM | Hi Tracey
Can I just say I think you sound like a lovely lady who , like most of us would really just like to meet that special person.
I believe you are a good hearted person who gives a lot of yourself and perhaps doesnt expect very much in return. Maybe you dont even realise you have received nothing in return until you look back and take the rose tinted glasses off. You can perhaps take a small crumb of a gesture and build this into something much greater in your head.
You sound as if you have invested a lot of time and energy in your online relationship. Which he has too! You have obviously found much common ground with him and have a good friendship online. However your relatonship is not built on experiences together but discussions between two people living your two separate lives.
I would however be very wary of him for a number of reasons;
I think this man feels as if he owns your time, possibly because you have been happily available to chat to him for hours. He is not entitled to know where you are and who you are with every minute of the day.
He is hurt by his past relationship. You are not that person. He has no reason to distrust you but I firmly believe it is unlikely you will ever convince him of that unless you are under his CONSTANT OBSERVATIONS.
Due to the type of person that you are; honest, decent, loving, considerate and an open book on your feelings, you are EXACTLY the type of woman this man wants. If he ever wants a proper relationship!
He has been a good 'listener' and online friend but he is NOT the type of man you need.
I think if you risk having a relationship with this man you will spend your life compensating for the sins of his previous partner. He should trust you until you do something that merits losing that trust.
I also think if he could not control his drinking on the first date this man has his primary relationship with the bottle. Perhaps he neglected his previous relationship or the alcohol destroyed it causing his partner to seek solace elsewhere. Perhaps it only started when she left him. Whatever the cause of it I believe it is his problem.
You are not his nurse. You are not his psychologist. You are not his answer to his problems. He needs to sort himself out. Do not try to be something he needs for little or no reward.
I am sure you already have a very full life. You do not need a boyfriend in your life but hey it would add something to it. The icing on the cake perhaps.
Think about what YOU need not what you can provide for him.
I hope you meet somebody wonderful who ADDS something very POSITIVE and WONDERFUL to your life. I dont think he is it.
But what the heck do i know (i recognise some of myself in you i guess)
All the very best
Take care
Ang x | |
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| I'm confused and need some impartial advice - please
Posted: 11/21/2007 2:42:31 PM | | hi it seems your friend is thinking your chatting on the side, which is not bad since you two dont have a commitment to each other, jealousy is something that can an has ruined relationships, if you have strong feelings for this guy, be matter in fact with him,but from personal exp, it wont do any good. what is in his head only he knows. i wouldnt lose any sleep over this guy if you want to pursue this relationship do so under your own warning feelings | |
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| I'm confused and need some impartial advice - please
Posted: 11/21/2007 9:19:44 PM | | Sounds like this guy is either extremely jealous, or bipolar. Perhaps he may have a serious alcohol problem. In any case, you are probably "Looking up the ass of a dead dog with fleas", if you choose to continue to pursue this one. You are strongly encourage to move on. If not, you run the risk of getting involved with someone who is guarenteed to treat you like crap. It could be a medical problem which obviously can be treated, but the drinking binge, and frequent comments about you seeing other men leads me to belive otherwise. If you insist on proceeding, take extreme caution. Good luck! | |
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