| Let an accomplished screenwriter rate your profile. C'mon. Try me!
Posted: 11/19/2007 8:41:12 AM | WHITE KNIGHT 4U: not bad writing. i think it just needs a little polish and you're set. now for the real make over: this pic's. the intro pic is to blurry -- get another one. the others are just okay. i feel there lacking a confidence that you certainly have. you need to show this in your pic's at all times.
best,
chris | |
|
| Let an accomplished screenwriter rate your profile. C'mon. Try me!
Posted: 11/19/2007 8:46:06 AM | MUMMY IN TAZ: I like it; however, you need more pic's. Pic's a must in this business. Also, when reading your profile I've noticed a sometimes you capialize "I" and sometimes you don't i.e. "im." Stay consistant with this. It looks a bit sloppy at times. I do the same thing and have to remind myself to stay consistant when writing -- it's tough.
I think you'll attract the right guy, just be patient.
Best,
Chris | |
|
| Let an accomplished screenwriter rate your profile. C'mon. Try me!
Posted: 11/19/2007 8:56:40 AM | MOUNTAINMEADOWHONEY: First, your intro pic is too ghostly (massaging the goose bumps down as I type this). It's a beautiful pic, but it's too flushed out. Plus, you need to ad more pic's; they tell a story about you.
Second, you don't seem commented about this whole on-line thing; I think this is a major problem, but it's something that you thought about and are now trying, so get over it. Your intro line is not inviting. Look, who would ever think we would be buying things that we love through the internet without even seeing them first i.e.: ebay. Who would ever think we'd meet "someone right" on the computer? It's a lot better than in a bar or the usual places. At least you don't have to give up where you live or anything like that what you usually do when you meet someone out in public or have them follow you like what happened to me.
Become more commited here and think of something you would like to do on your first date. Talking is great before you meet someone, but actions speak louder than words, right?
Best,
Chris | |
|
| |
| SR the wordmyster
Posted: 11/19/2007 11:29:34 AM | Chris,
I am glad to see your comment on my writing.
Now the BiG Issue; You are the only reviewer that did not completely trash the whole profile.
The consesus was, 'too cute', 'too poetic', 'makes no real sense,' ' will only attract other poets, & such', 'doesn't flow' 'do not use point form' 'do total re-write',
'It looks like I am a clown, or childish' 'way too much supposed comedy & jokes'
'it will not be attracting to the ladies', et al., at all.
So, what's a guy to do?
The 'hints' say to put your life into your profile, by using life experiences, and preferences, and accomplishments. Tell a bit of a story of 'Me'. Be clear about what I am Looking for in a Lady.
I imagine you are busy, busy, however, I would be eternally, (or a few days), grateful if You would take a shot at 'A Re-Write'. Even if you did a bit to give me a starting point would help. 
Tx Mate
Ken | |
|
| |
| Let an accomplished screenwriter rate your profile. C'mon. Try me!
Posted: 11/19/2007 11:50:24 AM | DAWQ1105: more pic's, bro. i like what you've written, but expand your interests. list: music groups, TV shows, movies anything to spark a conversation. do you have a pet? what do you do in various seasons, etc.?
spend a little more time on this. reference some of the good elvaluations i did and you'll get the hang of it.
best,
chris | |
|
| Let an accomplished screenwriter rate your profile. C'mon. Try me!
Posted: 11/19/2007 12:06:04 PM | BLONDASSETS: like the name!!! now, are you getting divorced? if so, put that down. i'm finding many people are not interested at even starting something with a "separated person." you might even attract a lot of folks just looking for sex.
your profile is short and i think you need to expand it more. i'm sure you're new at this, but trust me, the more time you put in the better the responces will be.
best,
chris | |
|
| SR the wordmyster
Posted: 11/19/2007 12:07:25 PM | Ken: i'm not going to feed you out to the wolves, but i'll need your help. i'll craft something out for ya tonight when i can focus on this.
best,
chris | |
|
| SR the wordmyster, scene 3
Posted: 11/19/2007 1:19:53 PM | Chris, I am pleased that you are available to do some cobbling with my profile.
I have always wanted to be a writer in the entertainment field. Not quite enough, or way too much 'stuff' in my head ? Comedy seems to be my forte, however, to 'have to do it' seems a lot harder than 'random'.
So, until I get your call for help, or your craftyness with my writing, I will stand by in anticipation.
Peace Mate
Ken | |
|
| |
| SR the wordmyster, scene 3
Posted: 11/19/2007 1:45:13 PM | Ken, telling stories is tough, but anyone can do what I do -- you just can't give up. My hat always goes off to a book auther -- that's a whole different level.
Check in with me tomorrow.
Best,
Chris | |
|
| Let an accomplished screenwriter rate your profile. C'mon. Try me!
Posted: 11/19/2007 1:50:46 PM | SOUNDS LIKE FUN: like the name too! now, for your opening pic, crop the one where you're a the party poured into that black diamond dress! you stole the show that night i bet -- beautiful; look at the smile too!
the rest of your profile is fine. it's nice a sweet and too the point. you've listed some great hobies as well which gives you an interesting edge. love the tat too!
don't change a thing, but the intro pic.
best,
chris | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| SR the wordmyster, scene 3
Posted: 11/19/2007 5:06:59 PM | Ken, check your inbox. Let me know.
Best,
Chris
INT. STAGERIGHT'S OFFICE - NIGHT
SLAM... A bottle of bourbon is now sitting next to his laptop. Ice cubes are drown in the coppery liquid as they gently CRACK as if they crying out.
A hand caps the bottle, then the glass is snabbed. GULP.... then, AHHH from a lonely man we can only see in the reflection of the window, as he leans back in his CREAKY old chair.
FADE TO BLACK..... | |
|
| |
| Let an accomplished screenwriter rate your profile. C'mon. Try me!
Posted: 11/19/2007 5:21:53 PM | MISSDEMEANOR: at first i thought, "kinda short" then i thought, " wish i could be so brief." you said a lot about yourself in a tiny burst of words -- less = more; great job!
leave it. you're a beautiful lady and will fetch some fantastic lads!! you might kill'em once you find out they drive gas drinkin' suv's, but hey, the date was fun while it lasted! just remember to drive seperate.
best,
chris | |
|
| |
Home
login 
