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sar_86
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Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 655 | |
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| Let an accomplished screenwriter rate your profile. C'mon. Try me!
Posted: 12/11/2007 10:42:45 AM | MEZO-MEZO: this one is original; like it. you gotta get more pic's up though. I would expand your interest too. since you're 25, you have to have many likes and dislikes by now. throw 'em up there.
i like the first date material. seems like your a conversationalist.
best,
chris | |
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| Let an accomplished screenwriter rate your profile. C'mon. Try me!
Posted: 12/11/2007 10:48:04 AM | SARAHMARIE22: loved it! you're great at expressing yourself. try pinning up the second to last pic. the black and white is sooooo classic. plus, it brings out your eyes.
your writing is tight and very descriptive. i really felt like i knew you.
just be patient on here.
best,
chris | |
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| Let an accomplished screenwriter rate your profile. C'mon. Try me!
Posted: 12/11/2007 10:57:40 AM | SAR 86: liked it, but throw some of your interests under the "interest" section and use the body to many tell us about your pic's. i think a little more organization is needed here; however, you've got loads of material to work with, which most lack.
maybe tell us why you're a geo major. what happened in your life that lead you to that study.
what do you do in the summers... what kinda of work do you do, etc.
best,
chris | |
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| Let an accomplished screenwriter rate your profile. C'mon. Try me!
Posted: 12/11/2007 11:18:29 AM | VALLEY GURL7: you're a true mystery, which is a good thing. i loved reading your profile. you're first date lines are gorgous lines for a movie! scrap being a model; be a writer!
at first, i wasn't crazy about the white space between your lines, but then it started to have it's own rhythm, so keep it. also, i don't know if i would put up "...desiring to be a model." just don't put a profession if you don't have on; you're only 21 so it's to be expected you're still soul searching and what not. if someone doesn't get that, then just f 'em.
i would also change out your intro pic to another one you have. try to get a nice face shot. one that's not tilted down either. just at even keel with your chin.
you'll find someoe. just be patient.
best,
chris
p.s. on a sidenote, i wore my whale's tale charm for over a decade! i think they're magical. | |
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| Let an accomplished screenwriter rate your profile. C'mon. Try me!
Posted: 12/11/2007 11:24:56 AM | NAPARIMA: *uck.... if you showed up after i just spilled coffee all over my keyboard -- i'd run! i picture you entering a room and shotgun'n out: "i pitty the fool that has computer problems." then a slam cut to a body being thrown against a wall.
profile time: liked it. however, scribe out some interests. you gotta have 'em so give 'em to us.
next, clean up the body with being careful not to leave sentences having off on their own. button this up. you've got the white space down, but just string the sentences together, making it tighter.
last, pin up some more pic's. the more the merry.
best,
chris | |
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| Let an accomplished screenwriter rate your profile. C'mon. Try me!
Posted: 12/11/2007 12:30:08 PM | thanks Chris...
well here is the question... I have lots of interests etc, but how does one put a list of interests without sounding terribly conceited and arrogant.
In addition, at what point does someone just stop reading a book???
For instance, I've travelled to 40+ countries.. but how do you say something like this without again sounding conceited....even though I dont just say travelling is a passion, I live it...
thoughts?
Rish | |
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| Let an accomplished screenwriter rate your profile. C'mon. Try me!
Posted: 12/11/2007 12:53:12 PM | Chris,
I welcome feedback from a fellow wordsmith. Not apparent from here but I have my moments, too.
Nope, I won't post a photo but current hand-cut sihouettes are available from touring last year's local county fairs. Those are shared once communication is established which has to occur because of this Dy-No-Mite profile.
So, tune me up...after you critique the profile. Ah, a sensual reward for a plebian task you could toss off in mere seconds. Or I could send you some tissue to use with the combs...to become a one man band.
Kind Regards,
Joy  | |
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| Let an accomplished screenwriter rate your profile. C'mon. Try me!
Posted: 12/11/2007 5:17:17 PM | NAPARIMA: i would put just that "traveled the world," then list maybe a few countries you liked the best. ....or.... i live what you just wrote. "traveling is a passion, so travel when ever i can." better yet, make it a queston, "traveling is my passion. is it your? if so, let's blow this popsicle stand and get outta here! ....or make like geese and get the flock outta here!"
when you think you're sounding conceited, turn it into joke or light humor. it'll still get the point across yet soften the blow.
hey, dating isn't for the lighthearted! just be yourself.
best,
chris | |
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| Let an accomplished screenwriter rate your profile. C'mon. Try me!
Posted: 12/11/2007 5:21:28 PM | KITCAT1827: you're a classic example of great pic's, simple writing, yet it's not popping out at me. the professional shots i think are overkill. write a bit more about yourself and tell us a story.
next, pin up some new pic's. try 'em for awhile, then let me know.
best,
chris | |
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| Let an accomplished screenwriter rate your profile. C'mon. Try me!
Posted: 12/11/2007 5:25:50 PM | IMRUBENTOO: great pic's, my man! the one with your head facing down is killer! now, throw in some interests. i know you've gott'em so up'em up there.
your writing has a great rhythm. love what you've written.
last, add a few more pic's. put one up of you doing something. maybe huggin' mom or sis. this will give the viewer a sense of caring. she'll picture herself huggin' you.
best,
chris
p.s. you've got a great look too. ever think about acting? you outta think 'bout it. | |
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| Let an accomplished screenwriter rate your profile. C'mon. Try me!
Posted: 12/11/2007 5:41:36 PM | Chris, you prevaricator! Mine's a HORRIBLE profile! I was just testing you! I already knew it was The Profile Of Death. HAHAHAHHAHA Even with the pictures (and they are not only recent, they are CUTE HAHAHAHAHAH), that profile does not garner a SINGLE RESPONSE! Its been up there for three weeks now, with nary a writer. I think the guys really hate being told they can't flirt. I guess if they can't flirt, that leaves nothing left to open with?
Wow.
Is it that hard to be honest and not bullsh*it - I mean, uh...flirt? HAHAHAHHAHA
Ok. Now I know the truth. You are just shining us all on! OY VAY. ALL these people who have entrusted you with their futures!!!!!
That's it. I'm getting a lawyer.
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| Let an accomplished screenwriter rate your profile. C'mon. Try me!
Posted: 12/11/2007 7:00:49 PM | Thanks for the prompt feedback, Chris.
I will take your advice about the interests... I had not noticed they were missing. duh
Mid July, 2008, I will be in Sacramento. Want to join a large group of military brats
dancing like they were still 18? Instead of sending you a comb, I will buy you an adult beverage of your choice.
Some of these beverages are consumed at sunrise to welcome the day!
Best Wishes,
Lady  | |
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do mine. I have been on here for some time. I think I have cob webs.