| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/13/2007 3:42:12 PM | The old rule is just that, old.
You don't see 95% of women being a home maker, barefoot and pregnant, is it possible that men making first contact is a thing of the past aswell?
If not, why such a low "success rate" ?
I don't know, you'll have to ask the 95% of men that have been doing it for the last 200 years. | |
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Who.Me
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Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 102 | |
| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/13/2007 5:24:19 PM | I make first contact all the time...success rate is VERY LOW!!!!
It's not you....I have come to the conclusion it's the type of man I'm contacting...
They are what my friends refer to as the "TOTAL" package...good looks, successful, nice body....and I only contact men in the age range of 38 - 49.....
I think even though men want women to contact them, they are put off by it. So the circle still goes round and round....I'll continue to make first contact....I'll hook a fishy someday!   | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/13/2007 6:51:07 PM |
Boy sees girl.... boy likes girl.... but not sure if she likes him..... he waits
Girl sees boy.... Girl likes boy... She feels like he should make the first move
match made in heaven never realised......
that is why I will contact and contact and dig through the pile--who knows I may just pull out a winner! | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/13/2007 7:32:12 PM | | Sometimes it works and sometime it don't. It depends on the guy and the kind of person he is. I emailed a guy and he reply back. And asked me to email him back and tell him a little about myself.Said he would like to hear from me again. Well, i did. I told him a little about me. And want to know what happened? I never heard from him again. LOL,LOL, Oh well it happens to the best of us. I guess he just could' nt handle the fact that i am a decent woman. | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/16/2007 9:36:03 AM | I've been on and off this site for over a year...while I don't initially contact oodles of men, if I see a profile that catches my interest and if I meet any/or all of their listed "criteria", I will usually send a short, initial note to the person.
I've yet to have any success in getting past being read/deleted by 98% with the other 2% at least being polite enough to acknowledge me as a human by thanking me and wishing me best of luck~this rate of "success" includes both men in the RI area and now the FL area...so you can't say it's just guys in one geographic area.
So for all the yapping men on this site do about wanting women to contact them first, unfortunately based on the data I've collected, I'd say...NOPE, men really do want to be the ones to initiate and pursue first~ | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/16/2007 10:00:15 AM | So for all the yapping men on this site do about wanting women to contact them first, unfortunately based on the data I've collected, I'd say...NOPE, men really do want to be the ones to initiate and pursue first That all depends on how attractive the recipient of your email finds you and its as simple as that. I have dated plenty of women on this site who have made first contact, just makes it easier for me, but then again i have read deleted even more purely on the basis of lack of attraction. | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/16/2007 10:58:47 AM | So for all the yapping men on this site do about wanting women to contact them first, unfortunately based on the data I've collected, I'd say...NOPE, men really do want to be the ones to initiate and pursue first
The men that you contacted were either a ) not attracted to you or b ) didn't like your profile. Read/deleted clearly shows lack of interest regardless of how rude you think it is. It doesn't necessary mean that they don't like being contacted first by a woman. | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/16/2007 11:38:43 AM |
They responded to that. A little introspection might be in order, IMHO.
Fantastic rowdysheis - hammer-nail-head-WALLOP! No wonder you are going great-guns with your correspondents.
The OP is exhibiting a classic case of avoidance in looking for an external scapegoat for their problem - despite much strong evidence to the contrary, e.g. yours.
This is indicative of (though not conclusive evidence of) a worrying character flaw, and it may well be this that her correspondents, who are failing to deliver with the expected date request, are picking up on in their email exchanges. | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/16/2007 12:02:11 PM | I'm not shy. I might be picky, but I'm certainly not shy. There's nothing to lose by contacting someone first. It's sure a lot easier than walking up to a stranger face to face. I've sent 5 initial contacts in 5 months and been out on dates with 3 of them. The 2 I didn't go out with simply didn't "click". One of those two progressed to the phone call where he professed his "deep dark secret" that had to do with 13 year old girls and that scared the crap out of me so... Buh-byeee.
I'm just trying to be very selective about who I send a note to. I think that has a huge factor on success/failure rates. | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/16/2007 12:05:14 PM | Jazz Fan and Askaguy...I'm very aware of the fact that read/delete means I didn't pass the physical attraction test and/or they didn't "like" my profile-sheesh, I may be old, fat and unattractive; but I'm not stupid~
The ones who were at least polite to say hey best of luck obviously weren't put off by being contacted by a woman first...the other ones-eh who knows and who really gives a rat's azz; by their "rudeness" they removed themselves from being in the who I might be interested in "pool"...believe me, being rejected online is much easier to deal with than in person and I certainly don't loose sleep over it.
Personally, I've become an expert in "rejection" by the opposite sex which I think you have to become in order to survive the "dating" wars...my attitude is NEXT and thanks for saving me a lot of wasted time and frustration.
However, back on topic, I do think there is some truth to the "old-fashioned" notion that men like to be the ones to pursue as evidenced by not only my "results" but by quite a few others. It's like the one's who view your profile and don't write, they clearly weren't interested...and I don't bother to contact them regardless of what their profiles may indicate. | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/16/2007 12:37:10 PM | > I guess he just could' nt handle the fact that i am a decent woman.
Yup, that must be it. It couldn't possibly by anything else.
> I do think there is some truth to the "old-fashioned" notion that men like to be
> the ones to pursue as evidenced by not only my "results" but by quite a few others.
So, could a guy who also finds himself experiencing the typical 95% rejection/ignored rate similarly conclude from his results that all women are 'new fashioned' and don't like to be hit on?
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/16/2007 12:37:23 PM | | My point was simply this. Just because a bunch of men didn't respond to your email even to say "No Thanks", it doesn't necessary mean that they were turned off by a woman contacting them. If some woman with "super model" looks sent an initial email to a bunch of men, I'm pretty sure that most of these men would respond to her. | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/16/2007 12:49:28 PM | Life of leisure wrote:
So, could a guy who also finds himself experiencing the typical 95% rejection/ignored rate similarly conclude from his results that all women are 'new fashioned' and don't like to be hit on?
I can't speak for other women; but I'm polite enough to acknowledge 99% of the email sent to me-the other 1% that I read/delete are the ones with rude and/or sexual comments in them.
You can draw whatever conclusion you like, just as I have based on my own experiences. I think overall there are many people using online sites that forget behind ever profile is a person with hopes, dreams and feelings. Sad, but seems the greater majority of both male and females lack basic manners.
JazzFan-I agree, too bad there are only a handful of supermodels in the world and I highly doubt any of them are on POF sending emails to men on this site...but hey, I guess the guys can keep on hoping for the supermodel to bestow a gracious email into their box as they continue to delete/reject/ignore those women who did at least make the effort to contact them first~  | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/16/2007 1:46:21 PM | | EVERY date I went on since I started using online dating sites was with a woman who contacted me first. It never seemed to work for me to make first contact, so I stopped trying and wrote a profile that would hopefully entice them to contact me. It worked very well, and I replied to everyone who wrote me, but dated only the few who seemed to be good matches. | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/16/2007 1:50:40 PM | I guess the guys can keep on hoping for the supermodel to bestow a gracious email into their box as they continue to delete/reject/ignore those women who did at least make the effort to contact them first
I don't expect a woman to be a super model or a beauty queen. However I'm not going to be interested in a woman just because she contacts me. If I'm not physically attracted to her or there is something about her profile that is a dealbreaker, then I will simply send a "No Thanks" response. | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/16/2007 3:21:38 PM | i can honestly say that in nearly two years i have been on here ( except for a short break away) i must have sent up to 1000 plus messages yet must have only been first contacted by women about 12 times or so..........not bad hey........NOT !!!!!!!.
the odd thing is ...i actually met 4 out of those , one became my GF for 3 weeks and another who i thought was gonna end up being my GF by the way she was with me.
i would have to say that women contacting men is a very bad idea....especially so when they get keen and "appear" to be serious because in the end its just a bit of to these women.
at least when the majority of men on hear contact a woman they are in the majority looking for either dating, friends or some one to chat to.
the most stupid thing i have come accross on here is when a woman is looking for some one to chat/talk/e-mail and ive seen some thing in her profile i like or am interested in so i contact her about such things only to find she has checked my profile out (who viewed me ) no dought checking my pictures on my profile, her female brain thinking " oh he aint hunky enough" so she doesnt bother to reply to chat...dduuurrggggggg.
the best way guys is NOT to contact women either.........just watch the flow lol
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/16/2007 5:37:24 PM | I personally have not found that to be true. I initiate contact when I feel so moved, and sometimes they bite, and sometimes I don't evn get a nibble. I also have an inbox full of men who contacted me and I didn't think we were a good fit, for whatever reason. I ahve dated men I contacted first, and those who ahve contacted me first. Sometimes it works, sometimes it jsut doesn't. Keep trying, and maybe have a friend take a look at a "first contact email" you have sent.....
Happy Fishing! | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/16/2007 7:15:29 PM | Oh he$$ no!
Honey you are soooooooooo wrong! You know what I think when a woman contacts me first. I think she’s got guts, nerve, kahonas, and she probably has an outgoing personality. A woman who makes first contact, yep, she’s got my attention. Now don’t get me wrong. I make first contact most of the time but every once in a while POOF. She just appears. My standard response is “Hey ballsy, how’s it hangin”. She is either going to Flip or Fly.  If she flips she’ll hang in there and chat with me or she’ll fly meaning end of conversation. The ones that hang in there are still talking to me today. Sure, I may not find them to be my type romantically, but generally they wind up being pretty good friends. So far only one that contacted me first really turned my crank but I figure that’s probably about par. I mean hell, I can sit and contact girls all night long and only get one or two bites. Believe me, don’t expect a high batting average on this. But if you are seeking more outgoing men, more outgoing personalities, then keep making first contact. A sparkey guy is going to jump all over it.  If you’re looking for dull and boring, lack of confidence, and afraid of losing control type of man,  then first contact isn’t your game. It’s kind of funny. I’ll share the very first time a woman contacted me first. I flew… She asked me if I liked to be spanked…  I’m thin’ what are you nuts? I don’t recommend that approach. Men will just think your psycho. Try something original, like…. (Hey, saw your profile… and realized that I just may like this guy… and I haven’t even seen him naked yet?… Kidding.. I’m not looking for something like that but I wanted to get your attention. Feel free to check out my profile and shoot me an email if you’re interested. Look forward to hearing from you.)  Now you see. You got the guys attention, he doesn’t think your psycho, he’ll probably think it’s funny, and he is definitely going to check out your profile at bare minimum. Remember contrary to popular belief, guys are wary and judgmental on initial contact probably just as much as women are. If you’re boring, you’re not going to get anywhere. Good luck!
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/16/2007 8:04:51 PM | 45 years ago a woman's perspective, ideals, and rights of equality were on the verge of recognition. From then till now, we have our second potential women president. Women have proven that they can exist and thrive in this world., and they've made it a better place. The opportunities and pay scale available to women is wonderful. You, and they made it happen. Women own businesses, run corporations and still maintain their femininity.
So, what's your point?
Why even worry about it?.
Yes it works.
Who cares about a low success rate?
Being turned down ain't so bad.
Rejection, who cares?
Grow some courage and get on, or over it. | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/16/2007 9:36:22 PM | | The only thing I have to say is "welcome to our world". I could send out 100 messages and get two responses. People on dating sites are extremely picky, which is why they are on a dating site. The men and women that don't care are out at the bars picking up anyone they can. Men on dating sites are not the average bar-goer, you're going to have to intrigue them and find something on their profile worth commenting about. | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/16/2007 9:44:02 PM | could send out 100 messages and get two responses.
I will still never understand this. Are people really that lucky that they find that many people special enough for a message? Or are they performing the Spray and Pray aka Shotgun Approach that men and women can all see through and choose to ignore...
I only WISH I found 100 people worth mailing.
I've found five.
Edit: That's not including the men and women I've become friends with via POF forums. Just... thought I better add that lest I have myself ripped a new one.. | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/16/2007 11:26:39 PM | Now you know what guy's have gone through for years. The average guys has been turned down hundreds if not thousands of time in his life and you're worried about a few rejections! Give me a break. You won't find much simpathy here. Quit complaining or quit asking! | |
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