| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/16/2007 11:46:45 PM |
I will still never understand this. Are people really that lucky that they find that many people special enough for a message? Or are they performing the Spray and Pray aka Shotgun Approach that men and women can all see through and choose to ignore...
I'm guessing that it is a "Spray & Pray" approach. Eventually or hopefully, they will realize that it doesn't work. | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/17/2007 12:03:34 AM | Well. I fell for it once and that's the only way I learned about the term. It wasn't on POF and was about 6 years ago... But that was what he confessed... I didn't really mean anything, he was just sending out hundreds of messages hoping for a hit.
 I bit.
However, it was a great lesson. The boy was nothing he claimed in either his photos or in personality. As far as an investment of my time, it was well worth it and six years later he has no idea that I still remember him for the loser he turned out to be. Our date lasted 30 minutes and ended with me paying while he went on and on about bank mistakes after his two credit cards were declined for $25. We practically RAN in opposite directions.
Now... I don't trust much... So I prefer to choose.
Hence my choice to make first contacts. It works better for me. | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/17/2007 2:41:05 PM | I think the 95% rule pretty well hits the nail on the head.
All in all its really a numbers game. I think I would feel if I were a woman I wouldn't want to just sit and hope someone I might be intrested in might just happen to contact me.
I feel about the same about the mail settings that say 75 miles why not make it very easy and say down the block . We could say within walking distance.
Its kinda like throwing the whole ain't no mountain high enough thing in the trash. 
I guess it depends on how bad we really want a relationship. | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/17/2007 2:51:51 PM | After reading this thread I decided to be a little more pro active and so I have sent out a few initial emails to guys that I was interested in. I have been getting back a Hello and thank you for your email...but nothing very sexy lol
It's difficult ! I feel for you guys
It's really hard to try and figure out what to say without looking like an idiot! 
What is a girl to say? | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/17/2007 3:00:58 PM |
I feel about the same about the mail settings that say 75 miles why not make it very easy and say down the block . We could say within walking distance.
well I learn from you guys.  I have been told several times that 30 miles is too far for a guy to venture out and meet me for coffee. The person I dated once said I lived just within his range (and that was 25 mi) or he would not have considered me. So I thought 75 miles was plenty generous | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/17/2007 3:26:15 PM | Trust me it isn't.
It's too far for JUST a coffee. But it isn't too far for an intenet relationship that in going to end in something beautiful.
Tell me this. How far would YOU go if you found a guy who really was the right one. If the answer is "roudn the world" than that's the mileage limit yo should have on your profile. | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/17/2007 3:27:00 PM | i also have found that the few women that have made first contact with me after a while just lose interest.....in fact it is them who appear quite boring.
what is a guy meant to write when " first contacting" a woman.........
women moan about the " hi" and nothing else messages yet in a lot of cases i have wrote nice, polite , not too long messages--in other words i have spent time writing a message out only for the woman to read and delete my message and weeks later i have still not recieved a reply !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i cant speak for other guys but i seriously think that its the majority of women on here who are the time wasters and are not serious IMO.
what ARE men supposed to do, after chatting for a while i used to ask if meeting up in a public place would be ok....to get to know each other better, after a few bad GFs i decided not to jump in with both feet..anyway a short while back i was first contacted by a woman who after a while wanted to meet up and she made it fairly clear she liked me , it was then after realising that jumping in too quickly before had turned out bad moves i decided it was best to be more like friends with her and to see how things developed...this was not good enough for her and being friends was not what she wanted.....anyway we are no longer chatting...........there is a lesson to be learned here guys...........just wished i knew what it was !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/17/2007 3:29:20 PM | | But to know if he's the right one I'd need to meet him and date him fist, would I not? And that's where the distance comes into play. Sorry, I don't believe you can really KNOW much about the person just by internet/one date. Takes more than that, way more. People can write whatever in the emails and profiles. takes interaction with person face to face overtime to see what are they really about. | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/17/2007 4:11:06 PM | I have found that 100% of the women I contacted last Monday did not respond to my emails.
Now, from that we can prove that:
1) Monday is a bad day to email women.
2) November 12th is a bad day to email women.
3) My sister won’t answer my emails if I send her one on a National Holiday
( U.S. Veterans Day)
4) women who receive an email on a day that starts with the letter “M” or ends in a Y never respond.
5) It is all BS since I did not email any women. I am waiting for them to loose just enough of their vision to contact me but not enough that they start wearing plaid polyester.
hmmmmm ...one of those things HAS to be right, yes ?
Also …. We are in a dating site forum where MANY would not be if they were successful in meeting a D/Mate. So who cares what our success rate may or may not be. We are HERE, so whatever we did , did not work …..yet.
To all of those folks who have “rules” and “proof” that they are right, all of you who are so sure they know how the opposite sex always reacts, and to all of the folks who wish to complain about how unfair this all is ….. I have one question: Why are you still here ? Should you not be off writting your book and cashing the checks it will earn? | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/17/2007 4:29:57 PM | NO , i have found that personally FRIDAYS is a bad day for me and problems with women.
my last GF dumped me on a FRIDAY.
the one before her dumped me on a FRIDAY
the one before her fell out with me on a yes youve guessed it....a FRIDAY.
i was making two female friends on here i was hoping to meet.............
one told me FRIDAY i had better not contact her again.......?????
the other ( the same FRIDAY) started behaving strange on MSN , stopped returning messages then told me off because i asked if she had gone off line to which she replied " i dont like being told what to do " !!!!! out of the blue.
yes there is certainly some thing odd about fridays.
guys have you noticed on certain balmy nights that there seems to be loads of cats every where lurking about...........maybe its the moon...a full moon........who knows, maybe its the same for women, the time of the month........i dont think they know !!!
one thing i HAVE found tho ...the nicer you are to them ( women that is...not cats) the more they just pi$$ us guys off.
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/17/2007 4:30:45 PM |
I will still never understand this. Are people really that lucky that they find that many people special enough for a message? Or are they performing the Spray and Pray aka Shotgun Approach that men and women can all see through and choose to ignore...
It doesn't necessary mean that they emailed a 100 women around the same time. It could be over an extended period of time. For example, if a man emails 5 women a week, then it would take 20 weeks ( 4-5 months ) to email a 100 women which is reasonable. | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/17/2007 4:35:37 PM |
It doesn't necessary mean that they emailed a 100 women around the same time. It could be over an extended period of time. For example, if a man emails 5 women a week, then it would take 20 weeks ( 4-5 months ) to email a 100 women which is reasonable.
I realize that it could be over an extended time, but I still think that's really amazing luck to be able to find 100 people that you're interested in on a dating site. I've been here for about 4 or 5 months and ... No where NEAR that many have caught my eye.
I wish. | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/17/2007 4:51:24 PM | I realize that it could be over an extended time, but I still think that's really amazing luck to be able to find 100 people that you're interested in on a dating site.
I think that it is possible especially over a period of time. Suppose a woman did a search for men within 10 yrs of her age and a 50 mile radius. She wasn't too picky about race, height, body type, hair color among other things. There could be thousands of men that show up in her search results. Even if she is interested in 100 of these men, that is still a very low percentage of the men that showed up in her search results. | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/17/2007 5:16:01 PM | OP....
I've had dates with quite a lot of the women who contacted me first. And I'm pretty sure I did 95 percent of the asking once we started talking. Not that I would know how other men handle it if the contact was first initiated by a woman. The length of time between initial contact and the actual date varied. I used to have a 'talk for a few weeks' policy when first starting this whole thing. And that was more because of establishing a 'safety zone' for the woman, which was kind of important for me to do. But as the dating became a bit 'disapointing', I would actually ask them with only one day of correspondence. It was more like.....'I'm really getting bored with the whole formality thing......would you like to do dinner?...I'm hungry!!'......and they actually DID....LOL Good dinner....good conversation.....just no connection.....no harm/no foul...
I don't think it will matter who does the asking out...... Chemistry is going to happen, or it's not...... I still admire when a woman does actually risk contacting me first. I DO have greater respect for them, because they are at LEAST willing to undergo an 'enth' of what most men do in the rejection department. And if we hit it off in the conversation, I might, at the least find a good friend.....and all my friends know I usually spring for the tab anyway.....
So....who wants to be my friend tonite???? huh??? C'mon....a girl's gotta EAT, ya know....!! | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/17/2007 6:02:00 PM |
So....who wants to be my friend tonite???? huh??? C'mon....a girl's gotta EAT, ya know....!!
lol Just made a date with someone that I contacted an hour ago for drinks and a movie tonight — so for me the answer to this:
Women contacting men online first? Does it really work?
Would be "yes".
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/18/2007 5:26:15 AM | | I like this question. I never initiate conversations with women online. Women deserve the right to contact men first. If they don't, then men should get the hint that they don't appeal to women. It's tough enough for a man to strike up a conversation with a woman who seems intriguing and never get an answer back. | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/18/2007 8:20:29 AM |
wow---thats quick.
i notice you have "not single/not looking" .........was that up before your movie date.
Yes it was up before I contacted my date. Because I'm really not looking, but after I contacted him to let him know I had added him to my favorites "for later" we realized we were both bored and it was Saturday night.
I should knock on wood, but because I am so fussy and careful about who I choose — I've really yet to have a bad experience with any of the guys I made contact with first. | |
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dsj34
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Joined: 11/1/2007
Msg: 149 | |
| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/18/2007 8:57:34 AM | I should knock on wood, but because I am so fussy and careful about who I choose — I've really yet to have a bad experience with any of the guys I made contact with first.
I don't think that being fussy necessary prevents bad dates. I know some women who are very picky. They have a long list of requirements and expectations that are sometimes too high and unrealistic. They haad plenty of bad experiences. I know some other women that have some reasonable requirements, but aren't as picky. Most of their experiences have been good even if a long term relationship never developed with the men they met. | |
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| Women contacting men online first? Does it really work? Low success rate.
Posted: 11/18/2007 1:11:06 PM | Red N Blue makes a good point, one that coincides with all alot of popular belief that men need to be the "hunters" and reinforces what books like "The Rules" preach. I've found similar experiences with emailing guys first. They don't always get back, give polite rejections, and seldom do you strike up a new relationship this way.
On the other hand, I've received alot of email from men here on POF and appreciated it. I'm not saying it's always true, but I think most men like the chase and need to pursue. If you're too easy to catch they are not as interested. On the other hand, maybe it's healthy, now we know how it feels to be rejected!  | |
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