| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/9/2007 2:08:31 PM | girls - you need to concentrate on cooking your man a nice meal, fetching his paper, and the remote contol for the the telly- and stop thinking too much.... Now be a love and make me a cup of tea  | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/9/2007 2:34:22 PM | I see nothing wrong in the time frame or anything else in what you describe (except him disappearing) You don't mention if you talked about things and where they would be going after you (hopefully) enjoyed each other.
However:
OP: Did you have sex with him and then just kiss him goodbye at the end of the evening, or did you discuss what was going to happen now that you had "consumated" the "relationship"? Nor do you mention how long it has been since you last talked to him since you did the deed. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/9/2007 3:36:09 PM | | I say as an experiment you should have sex on the first date and see what happens, at least if the guy bails then you will not have any attachment. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/9/2007 3:56:10 PM | Seems fairly obvious to me. Clearly, this wasn't someone with whom you were looking to have a long term future, or you wouldn't have had sex with him so quickly. You gave him what he wanted without him having to put in any effort. Why should he stick around now? Don't be so eager next time and it won't happen.
And no, this has never happened to me because I'm a virgin. Reading stories like yours almost makes me want to stay that way. lol. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/9/2007 4:33:04 PM | Yeah OP, hard lesson learned but hopefully it will stick. We all make choices we regret, it's what we learn from them that matters. Bet you won't make this one again. 
Sorry you misjudged this guy. Remember it the next time. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/9/2007 4:46:25 PM | | There is a lot of reasons why a guy might leave after the 3rd date. Which might be he didn't feel compatiable, saw signs of fetishes you might be into, maybe developed a rash on his member or just might live a different lifestyle. Better to get out after 3 dates then try to get out of a marriage. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/9/2007 5:23:57 PM | Suz40:
I just read your profile.. and fellow posters please correct me if I'm wrong but I think you should remove this portion :
Looking for someone who will like me and take me as I am, flaws and all, and Who is willing to take things slow before getting intimate, ( due to recent experience)
From what I've read, the statement in bold is major bate for any players that are trolling out there. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/9/2007 5:40:57 PM | hey anyone who says they have not been there is lying. Men are just not born with that part of the brain that has decentsy. Now not all men are like that...but if a guy even THINKS hes gonna get some...he will hold out..but once the chase is gone...so is he. Unfortunately I date like a guy and I have done this to them but in a more "appropriate" way. Sometimes I feel bad and sometimes i don't :/ It does suck when one feels the connection and the other just fakes it. Their mothers should be ashmamed with how SOME of the men out there are.
I just think its important to remember that not all men are crap so dont blame the next one for the last ones mistakes...
Your a pretty girl, men will always try to take advantage...happy dating sweetie | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/9/2007 7:31:45 PM | Part of me feels empathy for the OP and the other part of me is laughing at some of the replies.  Sorry OP, some of the guys are cracking me up!
Hey...most of us have had this experience. To say you went to fast or gave it up to soon is not fair. You can hold out for a long time and still after the "deed" is done, he can disappear. There is no black and white answer to sex to soon. I have seen it both ways and it has worked out for the good in relationships.
However...as I have gotten older and wiser, I like to wait until he can experience me in that way. Again, it is an individual choice and we are adults. He was obviously good at his game , a Ba$tard and a coward. If two people have sex and it changes the feelings of one of the people, then why not just be a mature adult and tell that person. Even if he was playing you, he could have given you some excuse to bail. It is the fact he has disappeared that has you second guessing yourself. It wasn't the sex...this is not the issue. The issue is his character in my opinion. He would have split either way. It was his blatant disregard and disrespect for you that is wrong. He sounds like an immature little teenage boy getting off to a Brittany Spears poster...so be glad he is gone! Good Luck....you're okay! Just say to yourself...Next? | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/9/2007 7:58:12 PM | | I guess sometimes it just happens that way, it doesn't matter if you met him here or at a bar, chances are you both got carried away too soon, it is so important to make sure you both are on the same page. Some people get it too soon and realize that is not what they were looking for, instead they were looking for the other stuff that is involved in a relationship. or he was a player or you are unknowingly a player yourself?? don't know, but I know the hurt you must feel and that is shi**y. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/9/2007 8:38:07 PM | The "disappearing act" will happen when the man is a disrespectful a$$. Certainly it can leave you thinking terrible thoughts about yourself, but don't let it consume you. I personally don't buy into the "he got what he wanted" story unless it just wasn't a good experience for him. If you had sex and it was great I'm sure he'd be back for more. I'm not implying you suck in bed OP.........just trying to give you things to consider.
We all take risks time to time hoping this will be the risk worth taking and when it turns out negatively we end up pi$$ed off at ourselves. I would quit trying to contact him and wouldn't give him the time of day.
Hopefully nothing has happened to him as another post has mentioned! | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/9/2007 9:24:35 PM | | Yes ladies even when we don't give it to them on the first date ....they still find a way to disappear or fall off the face of the planet .......Bottom line is your damned if you do and your damned if you don't ...Until you find that one guy that respects you enough to wait, and then when you do it's mutual and Surprise surprise he comes back, and not just for the sex either, he actually likes you lol There will be that one, and you may not even meet them on here....You just gotta be careful, and take it as a lesson learned and move on.....Good luck | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/9/2007 9:27:45 PM | | Don't judge... a master player can hold off for months, he infact is ****ing other women at the same time. Some master players are indeed masters. It don't matter if you hold off or not. There are NO lessons learned here. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/10/2007 12:03:41 AM | Re: *bitbit
I agree with you somewhat. I am NOT going to bash men and make a general statement, however there are some men who are just players. Doesn't matter if you have sex rather quickly or wait a little while until you know each other better. Once the chase is over and they get what they want, the player is going to vanish. The thrill for them is gone now and they are on to the next woman. (If they are not yet already involved with someone else.) Pay attention to how quickly they delete your messages, etc. Now I know we all get a lot of messages in our inbox but the players tend to delete messages as soon as they read them. They get their women confused. They think they have told you things when they haven't. It was the another woman they told. They get your likes and dislikes confused with others as well. They will rarely want to take you out, especially at night. They don't make plans with you in advance. Instead when they have no one else to call, they will call you at the last minute to come watch a movie, etc. In hope of getting lucky.
So sad really. Especially when there are a lot of nice guys out there. The bad guys just spoil it for the genuine ones. Keep your chin up and try holding out longer with the physical intimacy. It may not run off all of the players, but at least if the guy is still interested after you've waited an adequate amount of time, odds are he is less likely to be a player. At least that is what I am banking on!!!  | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/10/2007 1:53:15 AM | I've had this happen to me. And the week after we had sex, he called me every day, set up a date for the weekend. Never showed, never answered his phone, never called. Haven't heard from him since. I saw that he was online a couple of times, so I know he could get ahold of me if he wanted to. No idea why that happened. If he was going to disappear, why call me every day?
Anywho... for those who say, lesson learned, I'd like to know exactly what lesson we are suppose to learn? Are we supposed to not trust anyone again and not have sex?? And whoever said that she should know better at her age, believe me age has nothing to do with it. Players come in all ages. As far as her giving it up too early, more BS in my opinion. If she was comfortable enough with him to have sex with him, why wait? (Especially as we get older. My advice would be a bit different if we were talking about teenagers and early 20's) Sexual compatibility is very important in a relationship. Good to find out early. If he was gonna bail after the 3rd date, he'd probably have bailed if it was the 6th or 10th also. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/10/2007 6:08:19 AM | | Again, it does not matter HOW LONG you "hold off" if indeed you do at all LOL. Players will play the game, they make the women THINK they are holding off cause they respect them. WHEN infact they are sleeping with their regular "booty calls" till they get in your pants. That's how a player truly plays. Has nothing to do with if they delete your messages or not or where you meet them , what job they hold, how they were raised etc. Point to all this IS, you take a chance PERIOD. Now KARMA, that's MY best friend, works everytime!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/10/2007 9:45:10 AM | I read a few replies before feeling compelled to offer mine.
Look...the partnership between a man and a woman is complex and sex is ONE of them?
We ask each other for pix online because we have to see what we may be kissing if we meet...right?
Do we know how good the sex will be in advance? Did it ever occur to you that you didn't do much for the man sexually? He HAD to be using you for sex because you KNOW you're all that in bed?
If you ARE all that in bed...he'll be back for that alone...hellloooooo?
Men will continue (as will women) dating someone because something about them is JUST THAT GOOD. A face you adore...a body that you can't see often enough...a sense of humor that keeps you laughing...the best chest...the list goes on.
Point is...meet and greet...first date...second date...whatever. When you've seen, talked to...and perhaps even had sex with another person and it's not working...why are you still seeing them??? HE WASN'T INTO YOU. At least not enough to continue. He knows what he wants. You thought it was you. So...HE'S a player? HE'S a bad guy. HE'S a jerk? Please, if I knew him and he was my friend...he'd tell me all about why he dumped you and it wasn't because he's a player and got what he wanted. Men want the right woman...just like you ladies do, but don't be nasty when you're not the one. | |
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Soul.
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Joined: 8/29/2006
Msg: 46 | |
| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/10/2007 10:03:24 AM | This situation is the stereotypical 'Playa' situation. The guy you were seeing was only going to all the effort of those three or so dates to get into your undies unfortunately. These type of men are in it for the chase and it's a game to them. Your feelings were not considered in his conquest to get 'down and dirty' with you.
Learn from this mistake and make the guy wait alot longer is future, maybe ermm 50 dates. Might just be able to filter out the snakes that way. Try telling the guy you're dating that you dont want to get intimate for a 'long while' as you're not that way inclined, see his reaction. If he runs a mile, let him run because that was his main goal.
Hope i helped?!?! | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/10/2007 10:05:36 AM | Makes perfect sense PJ... but it's much easier on the "regectee" if their "rejector" at least lets them know that they won't be coming back.
Lots of people just disappear cause they're chicken and they never re-appear. However, lots of people don't close the door cause they think they may want to go back through at a later date.
We haven't heard from the OP in awhile... wonder what's happened in her instance??? | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/10/2007 10:23:00 AM | There are definately no guarantees, and internet dating sites open you up to all types of undesirable behaviour and mental illness. All I can say ladies is beware. So this guy is a Player, hes after sex, so did he pay for these dates? Or did you split the costs? The guy s rationale probably its cheaper and safer than a hooker. So he trolls on these sites for vulnerable partners. I hope to god, you had safe sex because I know there are guys on this site who have and are aware they have STD's and do not practice safe sex. Which ladies, is a crime and they can be legally charged. So PLEASE ladies use your heads. Think good and hard before you hop in to bed with someone. Give it time. NOT ON THE THIRD DATE!!!!
If they are sincere they will wait, if not...they will move on to the next victim and leave you alone.
Time reveals all
Marelle | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/10/2007 10:30:27 AM | INTUITION
Use it. Woman are naturally more intuitive than men.
When you meet someone for the first time, pay attention to the first thoughts that come into your head and any feelings you get in stomach or solar plexus's. Thats your warning signal. You subconcious recognises danger before you rational mind does.
Bort, we have built in antennas and we don't use them.Learn to trust and develop your intiution and psychic ability, it will help you protect yourself.
Trust me
Marelle | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/10/2007 10:36:12 AM |
Anywho... for those who say, lesson learned, I'd like to know exactly what lesson we are suppose to learn? Are we supposed to not trust anyone again and not have sex??
You answered your own question.. sort of. You DO trust again, and THEN you have sex. OP had sex on the third date. I highly doubt her and the man had a trusting, loving relationship. Has she been to his home? Does she know his friends? Have they spent time with one another learning about each others hobbies, interests, passions.. I doubt it. 3 dates is probably dinner, a couple of movies, maybe some drinks. 3 dates is NOT adequate time to know someone enough to have sex. | |
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