| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/10/2007 12:24:53 PM | Selena you said what I was thinking mostly and so did the Jimmy.
Personally, getting to the sex stage comes when I have knowledge of him as the person he is. And I like who that person is. And I want to know that person more. And I want to see his "O" face (crude but true for us all no?) And I have that gut feeling about him. And yes, I TRUST him. With my body, my quirks, and all those little flaws we feel self-conscious about. Maybe it goes back to the biblical term of "knowing" someone.
It's also biological. Google the differences between men and women in the number of neurons linked from a woman's brain to her gut, vs. men's wiring. I read some stuff yesterday about just that. Can't remember the site though.
I didn't mean it harshly at all when I said "lesson learned" because who am I to judge when I've learned the same lesson. Glad to have learned it. It's one of those things you appreciate about being older and wiser.
And maybe the sex wasn't good? Which sometimes happens when you really don't even know someone and you sleep with them.
Maybe the OP isn't back because she's stung by the posts. If so, then I'm sorry OP. No stinging intended here. Just honesty. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/10/2007 12:41:44 PM | If you slept with him on the first date you could have saved some time. lol!
In my past (early twenties) there were two women in particular I didn't want to be with after I had slept with them. One was a "dead fish" in bed and the other was stretched beyond feeling anything. I may have avoided a few phone calls then but if it happened now I would definitely tell them why I had backed off.
You should just move on. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/10/2007 2:00:13 PM | | I went out with this lady for while. Nice lady. It must have been a month roughly 7-8 dates, before we got physicall. And after feck we had a great time with each other. I had a lot respect for here for holding back on sex for while. Now being the honest bloke that I am if she had offer a shag on dates 1-3 I wouldn't have refufused, but most importantly I dont think I would have had the same amount of respect I had for her. To some up the longer you leave sex out of the pictute the more respect you get and also better sex as the bloke is likely to be like a fully loaded weapon at this point! | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/10/2007 4:03:40 PM |
Now being the honest bloke that I am if she had offer a shag on dates 1-3 I wouldn't have refufused, but most importantly I dont think I would have had the same amount of respect I had for her.
So you'd lose respect for yourself as well then? Because if she's a slut then so are you.  | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/10/2007 4:54:45 PM | | Selena, your point is well taken. And I really don't disagree with you. But speaking for myself, (and I really don't care what anyone else thinks about me), I would just as soon be enjoying some good sex WHILE getting to know him. But, that doesn't mean I sleep with every man I date. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/10/2007 5:43:46 PM | Suz, You don't have a phone number on this guy? Three dates Suz and you have no other way to reach him other than POF? OPEN YOUR EYES. He's either married or the sex was awful. Even with lousy sex he would still come back for more...So where does that leave you? He's in a committed relationship with someone else or he's blowing you off for his own reasons. Next time be sure, collect information on the guy, an address, phone numbers, go see his place (and make sure it's not one of his friend's place). Protect yourself Suz, life is too short and emotions are not toys to play with. My problem has always been getting free of the ones that should have gotten away, not finding them after sex. A girl that I was seeing on this site did a background check and probably had every piece of information available on me before she slept with me. I have to admit that I was a little freaked out about the credit check. The relationship crashed and burned a couple of weeks later anyway, I think there was another guy waiting in the wings...Sound familiar?
Just be more careful next time.
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/10/2007 9:26:39 PM | [Quote]You gave it up for him; had sex.
That's what he wanted.
He got what he wanted and left.
Simple.
There are lessons to be learned here.
I a tad surprised a woman your age hasn't figured it out yet.
Agreed... and sex on the 3rd date? Sheesh, it just makes you sound easy. He probably went on to screw another girl. Shit happens. Move on. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/10/2007 9:45:14 PM | | ^^^^ No darl'n, It doesn't make her sound any easier then the guy. But you're only nineteen so I'll just stop now. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/10/2007 10:08:52 PM | ^^^ ummm yeah, what she said.........................??
yeah, this has happend to me.....but in my own defense, I was really tired and had a very hard day at work....and I did give him taxi fare......................? | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/10/2007 11:12:35 PM | | Unfortunately it does. There is a double standard, sad but true--and theres no point in denying it. I just think it makes her look dumb for having sex with him so quickly and then wondering why she can no longer reach him. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/10/2007 11:18:57 PM | Well, on the dates I've had they are usually 1 date and then it just dies out on it's own. The one or two times it went to two dates, it also just died out. Mutually just not clicking. It's easy to tell.
On the other hand, if the guy hangs around till they get a little "intimate" then you are probably dealing with boys that are just collecting experiences. Get some and get out, so to speak. Also, if the intimate moment includes discovery of things that don't work then that's a good excuse I suppose......   | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/10/2007 11:40:20 PM |
You might have found a player.you must be carefull ...
He definitely wanted you for sex and he probably does that all the time with other women!
You gave it up for him; had sex. That's what he wanted. He got what he wanted and left.
Don't jump in the sack so quickly next time sweetie!
... or you wouldn't have had sex with him so quickly. You gave him what he
wanted without him having to put in any effort. Why should he stick around now?
Bet you won't make this one again
Men are just not born with that part of the brain that has decentsy.
Use it. Woman are naturally more intuitive than men.
News Flash. It has happened to everyone, in one way or another. Read the other threads. How many include womens voices concerning kicking a guy to the curb if his penis is not big/long/hard/small enough ? If this happens is it the woman who is the player ? And if they waited until the 12th of never would that make the guy bigger/harder/thicker/smaller ? We hear ONE side of a situation and the crowd goes wild! He is a player ! Perhaps he is .
But she could have been , not bad in bed, but horrible. I won’t work real hard at defining “Horrible in bed”, but surely many of us here have had partners who qualify , yes ? A bite here, a “aren’t you done yet?” there, an odor that only CSI could explain, perhaps a “ OH My last BF didn’t do that! Do it RIGHT !” and i am sure many people would change their mind about “Even bad sex is better than no sex”
There are other reasons why women brag on other threads that they "will not settle" . After sex, leaving is bad. After seeing his bank account leaving is good? There are shallow people of both genders. And there are people hurt by what they feel was poor treatment by anyone who leaves, quickly or slowly, who then have to foist blame anywhere but on themselves.
There is way to much “projecting” on these threads. We are all single. That means we have all probably had fun with a “player” “manipulator” or “she-b#tch from hell”. But why is every guy who has a BAD night with a woman turn into a “player”. If all males are only after sex, why is it we run after we get it ? Is this logical ? “ Oh, you are just in it for the chase!” Really ? All men enjoy chasing women until they catch them ? Sure ....makes sense. OR could it be men chase women until they catch them and find out they are not worth keeping. Nahhhhh! That might imply that some person did that to you, wouldn’t it ? OR ...it could be each case is different. Not so much fun to b^tch about , but .....
OP, i do not know you. I do not wish to accuse you of anything. For all I know the guy is an @sshole. If so i am sorry. But to all of those who jumped on the bandwagon here, think before you type. You know no more about the OP than i do. Not all men perform like the guy who f#cked you over last month. There are women who are stalkers/ weirdos/psychotics. If the OP is one of those, there might be a damned good reason this guy is hiding, impolite as that may seem. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/11/2007 4:40:12 AM | Suz
I can feel for you. Looking at your profile, I think I would feel lucky to have you.
I will offer this, though. Bear with me while I explain this. I have never been good at meeting women on line or in public. I was painfully shy, then didn't know what to say or do when I did attract a woman.
Finally, I started asking men and women and read books about what might be wrong with me (assuming it was me at fault). I have been told that, as unfair as it seems, for some women (and this can apply both ways) , I am way, way too eager to please. There are some women (and men) who simply cannot appreciate someone too eager to please. Imagine that! One woman actually told me she divorced her first husband. He was too eager to please, and she couldn't stand him anymore. For a while, she wouldn't stop finding fault with me. I finally called her on it. She admitted I was too eager to please her. We didn't last much longer. I kept challenging her contemptuous behavior, and she dumped me.
You are a very attractive woman. There are men I know who learn how to attract someone like you (you become a trophy) and after they bed you, they are on to the next conquest. It becomes a sport to them. Men I know who do that typically either have a real phobia about commitment or they have been treated poorly by other women, and you are the next one in line who should suffer the payback.
But there are some men out there who do appreciate a good woman when they have one.
I will offer a suggestion. This may be out of line. It may not seem fair or appealing. I said I have been painfully shy most my life. I still pay a price for it in frustration and loneliness. If I were a woman, I would try looking at a few shy men, if you haven't already. . I have met very, very few women who would think about approaching a shy man. The man is supposed to the aggressive one, and show what a man he is. Right! You may not feel like he is much of a man if he cannot force himself to approach you. For him though, for better or worse, he simply freezes up at your beauty and the competition, if there are other men after you, and he just can't muster the strength to approach you.. You have that much of an effect on him. It's a profound effect. For him, you look like someone he doesn't deserve. However, he may feel like he is a very, very lucky guy to have someone like you desire his compansionship. I would. And if I seemed to eager to please you, you could simply tell me I am just a little eager to please, or just enjoy how much attention you get. Chances are, that attention and the love he gives to keep you happy might be something that will last.
Art | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/11/2007 4:51:11 AM | | it's just sex , why do women take it so serious when u have the same earges as men do.... u gal just hide it a little better than men do | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/11/2007 4:55:14 AM | | No one knows how many, only that it's A LOT. Um, on the third date? I've never really been on a "date", but i've had lots of sex.... go figure. Women I got funkee munkee with might have disappeared, but I'm not sure, since I was busy not looking for them. Buh dum bump. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/11/2007 5:35:59 AM | Well, ame story happened to me last month, met three times, been intimate 3 times, dumped me after one month. His excuse was I am too passionate and him too cold and northern, has got a lovely wife and need to be a good boy again. He closed his account for few weeks and has opened a new one with a different name and looking exactly what we have done together....!!! I trusted him, liked him and was hoping to be with him for longer, but he stopped taking my calls. I felt abused, used and was very down and depressed for a long time. I learnt a lesson the hard way.
xx | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/11/2007 5:51:16 AM | OK, I didnt want to post here but reading through some of the replies had me a little irritated.
First off we all want love and to be loved. I love intimacy, when I make a decison to be inimate with a man it doesnt mean, I am going to marry him or have a life time commitment with him, what it means was he and I were consenting adults and shared intimacy and shared a feeling of desire and pleasure...
I dont understand why women more so then men were quick to call her easy?? She had sex, she is an adult.
Her issue is she had hurt feelings because she attached herself to him right away, thinking he was going to be the ONE! Her feelings about him were different then his was about her. Maybe he sensed that after sleeping with her and it freaked him out and he ran for the hills. He could have called and said thanks but no thanks. He didnt so move on. But that doesnt make her EASY or a SLUT etc...
In my opinion, she was a consenting adult and I can guarantee they didnt discuss being exclusive after the 3rd date....She had what she had SEX. Take it for what it was worth it was a evening of sexual pleasure.
I dont think it quanitifies insulting the OP by saying she sucked in bed or the man for not calling back. Yes he could have said thanks, but I am not interested in anything further...but he didnt, so move on. It also didnt make her terrible or a bad bed partner..
People need to remember, for every action is a reaction.
Humans as a whole need to learn how to communicate better. Some people are not who they say they are, we have all been there.
When we move on we cannot judge others by past experiences. We just need to love and be honest with ourselves and the new people we meet. Somewhere we will connect with someone who is right for us.
Until then keep an open mind and an open heart.
JMHO | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/11/2007 5:57:09 AM | It's never happened to me as I've never had sex that quickly, but without knowing you and him and more of the situation, who is to know why. I've had them disappear because I won't have sex with them lol.
If he's going to be a moron you're better off without him. Easy to say to put it behind you and move on, but that's what you need to do.
Not all guys are like that, as evidenced by some of the posts here. Some men respect women and know how to communicate, and/or take things slow.
Don't beat yourself up and blame yourself -- you'll never know why unless he mans up and tells you, and I doubt it will happen. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/11/2007 5:57:56 AM | well it seems men are getting a bad rap on this,but not just women who get hurt sweetie,men to(oh yes me to) we went dutch to dinner she asked me out lets go eat, then after dinner she said lets go watch a movie,lets cuddle,i said cool,(you see where this is going) well anyways she wanted to go to my house, so asked her where she lived,hummm, but anyways we went back to my house, got comfy ,like 4 th date to by the way,then she wanted to play so bad (and i wanted it to so bad,) but i said you wont tell me where you live, dont have to say what house what street,but is close to me, ,then she went to say she tossed her boyfriend out she was horny and all she wanted i told her sorry(oh she was so pretty to,but it is only skin deep,so i said nice knowning you have fun doing what ue doing, ,hope this was not to deep,but good luck sweetie keep ur chin up there are good men out here,thanks againxoxoxox | |
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Nona37
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Joined: 10/3/2007
Msg: 74 | |
| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/11/2007 6:15:13 AM | | I must say, women are guilty of this behavior as well. Nonetheless, if he just left without warning, his loss. Don't beat yourself up over it, at the minimum, you got some good sex out of it, so not a total loss :) | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/11/2007 6:53:33 AM | I dont think it quanitifies insulting the OP or the man. Yes he could have said thanks, but I am not interested in anything further...but he didnt, so move on.
I'm sorry to disagree but when you take the time to get to know someone, show lots of interest to the point that you have sex.... It's just plan rude to walk away without a word. That's not an insult to the man because it's accurate.
Of course she will move on. What other choice does she have? She's sure not going to hunt him down to find out what happened. Still, it leaves her wondering - insulted - used - and now she is less likely to trust again.
I agree that a GREAT date doesn't mean anything in and of itself. I agree that there is no implied 4th date just because of 3 great dates. Technically, there is no law against seducing a woman, having sex, and then dumping her ass without a word but it’s still rude. | |
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