Nona37
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Joined: 10/3/2007
Msg: 76 | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/11/2007 7:35:24 AM | Hmmm....it is always interesting to note that it is USUALLY always women who condemn other women for having sex "too soon" (whenever that may be?). Like that imbecilic book "The Rules".
3 dates, first time the two meet, three-four months of dating, ...Jeez! so many choices...so many "wrong choices"....WTH!
We are one of the most sexually repressed countries in the world.
Sex is NORMAL. Psychologically HEALTHY. And has no built-in "rules". Or, shouldn't have...other than being safe and trusting "intuition".
Perhaps she indicated verbally, or physically, more emotional attachment than he was able to handle.
Perhaps he WAS "a player"...whatever that is.
Perhaps he was hit by a Mack truck.
Perhaps he was already "involved" with another...or deciding between.
Perhaps he is back on site under a new alias.
Lots of "ifs"...but it happens to both sexes...men do it more often I think because they SEEM to have more difficulty with communication and confrontation. Easier to just quietly bail.
As far as playing the waiting game? I think it depends on the situation, how much physical desire and "chemistry" exists, and a whole lotta other "etceteras".
I have had a very long-term relationship/marriage that began with sex on the first date.
I have also dated for weeks months with nothing but making-out...and we ended up NOT being physically compatible.
You never know when that Mack truck with your name on it might be careening towards you...
Life is short. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/11/2007 7:36:25 AM | warmthnpassion "Please quote all of what I said, not just part of it"
"I dont think it quanitifies insulting the OP by saying she sucked in bed or the man for not calling back. Yes he could have said thanks, but I am not interested in anything further...but he didnt, so move on. It also didnt make her terrible or a bad bed partner"..
Make sure you quote all of what someone writes...so very unfair to use part of someones thought or comment. By excluding the whole comment.
I also stated it wasnt right of him not to say something.. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/11/2007 7:50:20 AM | | Sad to say, but it is what it is. Learn by it and move on. Not everyone, male or female, conducts themselves as WE think they should. It's just another one of those things that happens. Expend your time and energies doing something more productive then wondering where he went. I'm sure in time, we'll be reading a post from another gal who's wondering what happened also lol. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/11/2007 8:06:12 AM | | Londons_Most_Wanted: I enjoyed your post and I agreed with most of it. However, you never said that the guy did anything wrong and that was the only thing that I spoke up about. My intention was not to misquote you or to pick on you. After all, it really was your post that inspired mine so thank you so much. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/11/2007 10:02:22 AM |
I just think it makes her look dumb for having sex with him so quickly
Women can be a Woman's worst enemy...
You give her 100% of the blame! *shrugs shoulders*
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/11/2007 1:26:21 PM | Maybe this guy is just a nice, sensitive person who hates confrontation and causing offence. (and also sucks at communication).
After a few dates, he realises his date is not who he wants to be with long term, but doesn't want to upset her. So he bails out quietly. Maybe he was offline for a week for what ever reason. What then?
Does he contact her again to say "Thanks but no thanks, I don't want to see you?" or does he just stay gone?
I'd love to hear some advice on what he should do now. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/11/2007 1:41:02 PM | Well with all the 'nice guys' replying to this post and condemning this guy how do we still manage to find the 'not so nice guys' (was going to say shits but thought I had better not)!!
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/11/2007 1:51:31 PM | | He would not have had 3 dates if he was sensitive and didn't like her. He can't correct it now but there is a possibility that he will want to see her again. He'll write and say his computer crashed so he didn't have a way to contact her. Oh, and his phone got dropped in the toilet so he could not call either. Question is, what does she do then? I mean the guy did take her on dates that she really enjoyed. So does she pretend to buy into the line of garbage and see him or kill it off once and for all? I'm ready for the next episode. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/11/2007 2:10:09 PM | | I have been in this situation before, after like a month of dating the guy, he disappears. He has not been online in any form to my knowledge and he hasnt called me so im wondering what could've happened to him. I know he was trying to join the army and was leaving for basic training so he may have done that but you would think he would let me know first. All I can say is, life goes on and what doesnt kill us makes us stronger. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/11/2007 2:12:05 PM | | its funny how the only ppl that happens to are those who dont want it to happen....id totally love it if some woman wanted to come and f uck my brains out and then dissapear without wanting anything at all. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/11/2007 6:15:21 PM | WOMEN DO IT TO MEN TOO!
However this "3 dates too soon for sex" that some are posting is a bunch of crap. We are all adults. I have had the same thing happen to me after a third date sex she is on this site herself. Yep a 'female' player.. LOL
Then again I dated a women off an on for over a year. I knew this women for 5 years she was an ex neighbor. We finally had sex, ater that I never heard from her again. I would think I would know her.
On the other end of the spectrum. I had sex with a woman once before we really ever had a date... We got married.  | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/12/2007 1:45:16 PM | | Well I can't say much about it but there will always be what happened what if's but you know that there is no real time frame as to when you should or shouldn't have relations with someone you feel a connection with we all take chances be it female or male I feel all of us in some way or another is looking for that special someone that just makes the world seem like a much brighter place and when we do give ourselves to the other there is never a way to tell if they will stay for a little while or a long time thats why you take chances in the persuit of that special someone and if you find them then you are 1 of the lucky 1s but if you dont no matter what to me that just means the right 1 is still out there waiting to find you and you them like me for instance i did find a special lady on here fell in love with her but because of my own pride i broke it off with her for my own personal reasons and i did try to explain it to her but what made since to me didnt make since to her but anyway thats a whole different situation so in all fareness there is no time frame as to when you should or shouldn't and if they keep comeing back then hey maybe there the 1 but if they dont then the right 1 might be the next 1 you just never know besides isn't life about takeing chances so just keep Fishing and never give up because you never know | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/12/2007 3:39:20 PM | ^^^^^^OUCH! Greedy...pleeeeeze use paragraphs and punctuation of some sort!
Not thinking SEX had anything to do with guy's disappearance. Well, unless it was terrible and he didn't enjoy it...maybe? (What GUY doesn't enjoy sex??? ) Oops! There might be a few out there!
I think he just wasn't "feeling it" and bailed. Guys usually dislike confrontation...quietly bailing is easier.
Again...number of dates before sex does not usually make a difference (except for those with religious/moral hang-ups)....people KNOW (inside) that the person they have just met, hung out with, is someone they REALLY want to continue with.
And yeah...perhaps they got into the sex when they had no intention of pursuing the other person for the long haul, oh well. Happens. (BUT...They both got some...hehheh!) 
Had she continued "dating" before any sex, he was STILL gonna bail.
Just wasn't that into her....'cause if he was, esp if the sex was good, he'd still be around.... 
And it's not just guys who do this....
People are chicken-sh^ts. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/12/2007 3:48:02 PM | I had this happen to me as well and it is not a nice feeling.
The bad part, I miss him--he was fun and intelligent and I enjoyed talking to him
and he just did a 360 degree turnaournd on me.
Hope he figures out what he wants in life--I think he is really hurting from something to have done such a thing.
Thank you warmthnpassion for your comments--made me feel better! | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/12/2007 4:00:50 PM | And THIS is the VERY reason I have vowed to stay CELIBATE!
I am going out on a limb and I will admit, I am naive. I am a warm and caring woman who saved her virginity for the Honeymoon. After being married for a long time, I could not take the abuse and I divorced him.
Dating is as fun as it is precarious. Dating has changed SO MUCH in the last 5 -10 years.
I was burned right after my divorce and it WAS NOT wasted because I learned a valuable lesson.
I will remain celibate until/if I re-marry to avoid the pain of the same situation the OP described.
I feel good about it and will be more assured that the wonderful man is sincere when I choose to be intimate with him on my next honeymoon. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/12/2007 4:33:42 PM | you call 3rd date quickly? lol
. i think she just met a very patient player who bullshitted her an woulda done the same thing if it happened on the 1st date or the 33st date .. so maybe she shoulda done it on the 1st date so she hadnt invested so much time an effort getting to know him ..why waste time? ..
You can't have a relationship without sex . Until that happens you don't even know if you are compatable as anything but mates .not bf an gf . longest i waited is 3rd date an that was a waste of time cos we got to the bed room an we just werent remotely compatable .we tryed a couple more times an worked on it .. but it wasnt happening.. so its better to find out sooner rather than later .. cos no matter how much u can say sex dont matter .. it matters massively an spills out into everything else if it aint great .. maybe thats what happened with that guy . but he didnt have the guts to be honest or patience to work on it .. maybe its cos he had to wait 3 dates already ..so he thought u worked enough lol | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/12/2007 6:40:32 PM | Wow....I must be getting old....sex on the third date? I obviously missed something!
If I had sex with a guy on the third date and then I went AWOL, I would hope he wouldn't take it personally. Honest Hun...it's not you, it's me... | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/12/2007 6:57:53 PM | | I don't think the problem is that she had sex on the third date. Yes, like someone said, we are all adults here. The problem is sex on the third date AND THEN expecting him to be around afterwards. Sex on the first date even--fine as long as you aren't looking for long term commitment from the person. Why would he stick around? He got what he wanted--and you were no challenge=time to move on. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/12/2007 9:40:04 PM | I think that people have sex for different reasons, even the same person can have sex for different reasons.
Sometimes, it's just wanting to satisfy the urge... sometimes, it's used as a manipulation -- given to get something in return... sometimes, it's the most intimate expression of love for another person that one can give.
I think communication is at least as important as the 'connection' that the OP mentioned. Connection is great if you're satisfying an urge but hardly a basis for thinking that the sharing of each others body is an implied contract.
It CAN be that, but it's not NECESSARILY so, and the only way to find out is to communicate.
That said, the next consideration is TRUST. Someone can be articulate and NOT trustworthy so even an open line of communication may not be enough to rule out the player-type from the sincere-type.
I don't know that there's any guarantee for either guys or gals... the best any of us can hope for is to find someone who IS as trustworthy as they APPEAR.
Good luck to us all in that arena! | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/12/2007 11:03:24 PM | It's all relative...
There should be no rules on 'dates' before sex. My experience has been, the more interested in one another, the longer you should wait. If we both want a tremendous relationship, with love, passion, trust, friendship, etc...then let's find out the important stuff first...can we have fun together...multiple times...
I believe many men feel a 'letdown' after sex...as we get older. There is often a buildup and we have in our minds that if the sex is great then it will enhance our relationship..in fact I believe the opposite is true...there shouldn't be a buildup to sex...too much pressure on both sides and too many 'rules'....
I think the following rules would be wise to follow (based on personal experience on hundreds of dates)...
1. no kissing on the first date
2. keep the first date short...30 minutes max...let it build...
3. always leave one another wanting more...i've had the 6 hour amazing first dates and then we don't see one another again...too much too soon i think..and it's usually the woman who gets scared off.
4. no sex until 5-10 dates and only if you see long term potential...and friendship. Why ruin what could be a great friendship with mediocre sex without passion.
5. General rule...sex on the first 3 dates is meaningless...1 in 100 might continue on as we get older.
6. no dinner on the first 1-2 dates...keep it low pressure. I can't tell you how many $150 dinner dates i've had after hours of chatting, etc that turned into dinner and it's easy to feel used. Women...if you like the guy...don't act like the women on the TV shows if you want respect...and don't ever use the word 'cheap'...as pressure to make the guy buy.
7. communicate, communicate, communicate. If you like one another....write to one another as well as talk and visit. How many of you find that once you've had sex...the wonderful chats and emails stop...let's get it right if we like each other and don't stop what brought you together in the first place...
8...make that first kiss special and memorable. One of the best relationships i've ever had...our first two dates...she held off...even though i wanted too and wow..third date was an amazing kiss (...and more). We were together for 3 years...we dated 21 days in a row to start after that...we talked for hours each time about all kinds of things.
9. if you (men or women) have hangups like don't like holding hands, kissing, touch, hugs, etc before you meet..LET THE PERSON KNOW...it's not offensive...some of us warm up at a slower rate, but there's nothing worse then opposites on a date...communicate people! I am very passionate and my profile usually indicates that, so if you don't like holding hands on the first date then say something before hand...which leads to...
10. set expectations...both sides...and stick to it. :) | |
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