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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/12/2007 11:16:08 PM | Ummm! Third date ends literally with sex. If she was real honest with herself, chances are she was looking for sex and not a relationship. He provided only what she asked for, no more.
If she wants a “relationship,” she should spend time getting to know this guy. I mean real time not just three dates.
Rushing him into bed only says, “If I really get to know you, well then I might not want to go to bed with you. So I better do it so I can feel the excitement and rush of that rabbit sex while it last.”
If she wants a relationship…..slow it down and for gosh sake both partners should be comfortable enough with one another to get STD checkups PRIOR to having “sex.” | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/13/2007 4:19:06 AM | I'm reading all these "he got what he wanted" and have to wonder... If she was someone he liked, took out on 3 dates, and got what he wanted, why wouldn't he stick around? I mean, there's likely to be more of what he wants. I really think for some guys, it's just the thrill of the chase, once they get it, it's off to conquer someone new. So if it was one, two, three, or 20 dates, the result would have been the same.
BeestonPoet, well said. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/13/2007 6:14:37 AM | the proof is in the pudding . a player is more likely to endure a long wait for sex(cos he will be getting it elsewhere) .than a guy who likes you an likes sex . cos the player will see it as a mission/challenge/ i started so i'll finnish ect.. theres still unfinished buisness ect . why is he there? cos u aint had sex with him an he still needs to jump through hoops an give you what you want before you give him what he wants .. I personally find the whole making a big issue of sex an withholding it is just borring an frustrating .you don't even know if you have owt worth working on until you had sex relaxed an its became real. SEX is only a massive issue when its WITHELD or PRESSURED .. I think the reality of life is alot MEN have the work of getting SEX an alot of.women have the WORK of keeping interest after sex .. longest/closest/happiest relationships i ever had are the ones with great sex ususally 1st date . the shortest are the one an the most painful,bitter an awful was when it was withheld ..
An i just had to get out of it because it was driving me nuts .. an we never had sex .. felt like a waste of life an time an felt like i was been played an led up the garden path ..played for attention an she was proberbly having sex with people who made 1000th less effort . found out she was seeing an ugly40 odd year old married man .. really didnt do my ego any good lol .. i was genuine not married an woulda give her a shot an tried to have a go at it as gf an bf
but ..aarrrrrrrrggggggggggghggghhhhhhhhh! .. i just couldnt do with it an i feel frustrated an pained just talking about it an reliving it again now lol  | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/13/2007 6:48:51 AM | | He SO didn't enjoy himself sexually,he obviously was having a fine time talking with you and communicating so what was left,intimacy,which he apparently disliked,I don't believe people would leave if the sex was great or unlees if he or she was actually married or with girlfriend and just playing you big time,but still just think person was turned off.you know some people are really turned off to tons of rules in bed,maybe you were a screamer or a constant complainer in bed,a big time snorer,didn't live up to his/her hygene level,"what 10 minutes wasn't enough",lol,"oh whats wrong with missionary only",lol,"don't touch this ,don't do that","oh I'd never do that,oh thats bad",lol,"oral are you kidding me" hey got to realize the person has already been with others that loved everything that person did had wished all were like that,whereas someone else wanted to label that person a perv.Intimacy is as important as communication thats why it should not be delayed for long,once you get over the two major hurdles you then have a chance of longevity......but talk all you want,spend months on end ,prolonging the sex,and I guarantee the person is gone,history ,if dissatisfied,so don't put it off to long your just prolonging the end and wasting everyones time | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/13/2007 6:57:43 AM | I think that happens for a few reasons:
Find out that oops... not that into you
They were in it for the case
There was performance problems on thier side
There were other feelings (like an ex) that made this not work
They realized that they were not that into you...
none of these things are great but take it as a lessons learned... and move on is the best advice I could give...
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/13/2007 7:07:14 AM | | Just read more posts,I'm telling you its like pulling teeth just to get a person to answer your hello email,so they like you if they did,then they talk repeatedly via email,so after 3 dates there is nothing wrong,you either like this person or not,come on,I can tell in person if I want to get up and leave you in 10 minutes or if you just really appeal to me.Holding out is dumb,now adays people think they need to know your whole life history before they grace you with sex.If my points aren't true that if sex isn't liked or your gone,then why is it you can have the time of your life for 2 months ,talking daily on emails and phone ,joking,laughing........only to meet in person ,and go gulp,this person doesn't look anything like their completely deceptive inaccurate pic ,and they are not pleasing plump like they stated ,like that person likes,why that person is skinny and shapeless as a rail,and then it all ends....see it doesn't even lead to the sex,because when the physical and the mental,the major two hurdles are not satisfying,its over,so waiting is DUMB,your livin in this fantasy world where someones going to ride up on a big white horse and romantically sweep you off your feet,and you live happily ever after and both say,thank god we waited months for sex because that made it all perfect,had we not waited I would have thought how boring in bed you are,but after waiting I realize I don't even care how extremely boring you are.........waiting is a Waste of time,I think 2,3,4,5 ,6 date is perfectly acceptable | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/13/2007 7:10:21 AM | It hasnt happened to me but ive seen it happen over and over on the net.
3rd date too soon to be havin sex, your still virtually strangers in my book which is fine if your happy to risk them not wanted to know but give ya self to someone so easy usually ends in tears. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/13/2007 7:17:08 AM |
How many women have met someone from a dating site, thought you made a connnection, go on 3 or so dates, get intimate, then the guy all of a sudden disappears, doesnt respond to your email nor does he sign on to the site at all? Guys has the same thing happened to you? What do u make of this situation?
It's never happened to me before.
I don't date guys.
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/13/2007 7:20:39 AM | | okay heres my take. I have gone out with a couple of guys that i was extremely attracted to in a sexual way and yes we did the nasty but if a guy or girl is not likin the sex or how it was done. Why not say hay I really like you but can we try something different case that didn't really turn me on. Or were you preoccupied when we had sex? I think if a guy or girl is interested enough to do the email back and forth talk on the phone and start to realize they have alot in common and enjoy talking to each other and can feel some sparks . Then after they meet and hang out the sparks get stronger and before you know it the passion takes over and bam your in bed with someone you think is really into you. Now sex performance works both ways guys. Your not the end all beat all in bed so lets not blame men running on women being terrible in bed. Infact I went on a few dates with a guy that was really into me and we had sex and he said it felt so good he was afraid he was going to come too soon. He was having a great time and seemed to throughly enjoy it. We snuggled afterwords and talked and then we washed up and watch tv. He had made me an outragious dinner to die for. He waited on me hand and foot and told me to relax and enjoy myself. So I did. He kissed me throughout the evening and we sat close to each other and snuggled. Then I asked if he wanted to go to a local flea market the next day and he said it sounded like fun. The next day came. I waited and didn't hear from him so I called and no answer so I left a message . No return call so I left one more message and still no call. Have not heard a thing from him. What happened? I have no clue. Was I bad in bed. I doubt it lol. He is not on this site btw. Am I hurt a little bit but If he is not man enough to call me and explain what happened then I certainly do not want to have a relationship with someone like that. i have enough respect for my dates that the chemistry is not there to let them know and not leave them hanging wondering what happened. Men do not seem to have the guts to tell us what happened. Like we are going to get revenge or something lol. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/13/2007 7:32:03 AM | | Sometimes bad in bed is only bad for that person,maybe he doesn't want to be forced to playact like a dr. or he can't live without oral ,or sex is all one sided its all about you,or alot of things,try to remember the ones that really loved sex with you,it might be you had a don't wanter is all.Doesn't mean your bad | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/13/2007 7:39:56 AM | oregon when it comes to sex I think both partners should voice what they like or don't like. I am a pleaser, not selfish at all, so I want to do what pleases the man, and hopefully he will recipicat. Thats the way it should be. Not forcing something on someone not knowing if they like it or not. Thats bad sex ediqite lol.  | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/13/2007 8:35:31 AM | They may not have had bad sex OP never said that , just that he didnt want to know her after, your just assumin sex was bad.
He may of got his rocks of and moved on.
She could have agreed to have sex and now in his mind shes easy?
yep some men do think that so im told by male friends.
He may have found her ok to sleep with but decided he didnt want to spend time with her.
We are all different we just dont know!
He could even of had a partner and does this kind all the time.
However if sex was bad how would you sit down with them and discuss it?
You hardly know them?
This is why sex between a couple is better eh? | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/14/2007 1:55:45 PM | The reasons that the guy leaves after 3rd date sex are pretty obvious.
1. The chase is BETTER than the catch. Some men enjoy the seduction phase. Once the sex is over, well it's time to move on in many cases. Some men will stick around and continue to have sex but interest is waning, they're already looking for the next one.
2. You gave it up on the 3rd date. Something that is given away freely is perceived as less value than something you have to work for. Think of it this way. You put a used fridge on your front lawn, with a sign saying "Free fridge - Works Great!" It will still be there a month from now. Put the same fridge out there with a sign reading "Used Fridge $25" and someone will steal it overnight.
3. If you have sex on the third date, then likely you have with lots of other guys. I know, the guy had sex on the 3rd date too. But that's not what he's thinking about. He's thinking about YOU having sex on the 3rd date, not about his own ethics. Is that right? Probably not, but then that's life. Too bad.
4. He's since found out that all of the other guys in the same bar, or neighbourhood or whatever have had sex with her. Or that all of her "friends" are her "ex-lovers". Time to move on. We usually don't want to meet your past sex partners at all, let alone on a regular basis.
5. Maybe the sex wasn't that great. Sure you may have lot's of experience, but what you did with Tom, Dave, Harry and all the rest, and got them off doesn't particularly do it for me.
6.Chances are that he's now met a girl that DID NOT want to have sex on the 3rd date. Ok, NOW he's interested. He's got a challenge. She has perceived value. She may have some experience, but she's not jaded.
7.Finally, some of us are players. You're a victim. Life isn't fair. It's not supposed to be. Life is about evolving. If you keep getting played you're not learning and deserve what you get. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/14/2007 2:08:28 PM |
INTUITION
Use it. Woman are naturally more intuitive than men.
When you meet someone for the first time, pay attention to the first thoughts that come into your head and any feelings you get in stomach or solar plexus's. Thats your warning signal. You subconcious recognises danger before you rational mind does.
Bort, we have built in antennas and we don't use them.Learn to trust and develop your intiution and psychic ability, it will help you protect yourself.
Trust me
Marelle
I was just thinking this very thing when I came upon this post - how very true! I can remember a couple of times when I met with guys and I knew right from the first moment it was just going to be sex - if I allowed it and nothing more. I had to make the decision - did I want that few moments of fun - or did I want to move on and not allow him to get what he came for.
Marelle you are bang on! | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/14/2007 2:14:48 PM | | m church sure there are those men like that but some put no such meaning on a lady that sleeps with you 3 rd date,they assume she really liked you and wants you,I dislike so many that put woman in a kind of slut position if she has sex,its not true,yes some sleep with anything yet others sometimes speed up their personal time table for someone they really have fallen for.I have found that girls that wait along time ,not by amount of dates but more like time,like a month or two months have told me there have been a few that were first date and a few that were 3-4 dates,I have heard from many ladies that varied on their time frames,now some have no timeframe,if it feels like the right time then they do whether thats first date or tenth,no time frame.Guess men all judge on a certain level,even I,I have a fear of a prostitutes and have never been with one,because shes been everywhere and I don't want to catch something ,yes I am afraid for my safety with one that sleeps with 10 or so a night yet I still just think she has a different way to make a living and don't call her names,I choose not to do business with her,and for me thats good enough,make it legal,I still am not going to her | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/14/2007 2:15:43 PM | The reasons that the guy leaves after 3rd date sex are pretty obvious.
1. The chase is BETTER than the catch. Some men enjoy the seduction phase. Once the sex is over, well it's time to move on in many cases. Some men will stick around and continue to have sex but interest is waning, they're already looking for the next one.
2. You gave it up on the 3rd date. Something that is given away freely is perceived as less value than something you have to work for. Think of it this way. You put a used fridge on your front lawn, with a sign saying "Free fridge - Works Great!" It will still be there a month from now. Put the same fridge out there with a sign reading "Used Fridge $25" and someone will steal it overnight.
3. If you have sex on the third date, then likely you have with lots of other guys. I know, the guy had sex on the 3rd date too. But that's not what he's thinking about. He's thinking about YOU having sex on the 3rd date, not about his own ethics. Is that right? Probably not, but then that's life. Too bad.
4. He's since found out that all of the other guys in the same bar, or neighbourhood or whatever have had sex with her. Or that all of her "friends" are her "ex-lovers". Time to move on. We usually don't want to meet your past sex partners at all, let alone on a regular basis.
5. Maybe the sex wasn't that great. Sure you may have lot's of experience, but what you did with Tom, Dave, Harry and all the rest, and got them off doesn't particularly do it for me.
6.Chances are that he's now met a girl that DID NOT want to have sex on the 3rd date. Ok, NOW he's interested. He's got a challenge. She has perceived value. She may have some experience, but she's not jaded.
7.Finally, some of us are players. You're a victim. Life isn't fair. It's not supposed to be. Life is about evolving. If you keep getting played you're not learning and deserve what you get. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/14/2007 3:07:22 PM | This is exactly why you should NEVER sleep with a guy too soon. Sleeping with someone too soon just distorts things on so many levels it's better to wait until you are sure that this is a guy that has some long term potential for you.
Here's a different way of looking at the sex too soon thing. Pretend for a moment that everytime you saw someone they gave you a $100 bill (read sex) wouldn't you be motivated to return time and time again not so much by the giver of the money but for the $100 bill (read sex) itself? In other words, even if a guy didn't see you as someone who had long term potential but the sex was good he'd be back in your bed (I'm not saying all guys will do this, but some would)--clearly he's using you for sex. Do you want to be used in that way or do you want someone in your life who wants you for you and not what you "provide". | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/14/2007 4:30:34 PM | | there are lots of people together as good friends,I had a girlfiend for 6 years that liked me most for sex,we both knew we were far from marriage material yet we liked each other and had fun,we liked each other to much to just leave each other so we had fun for 6 years.So many of you think like sex is only for those that are the one.You are kidding yourself completely with the thought that sleeping with someone distorts things on so many levels and should wait for the guy with long term porential,give me a break,there is no long term potential if the sex isn't satisfying,very few men and woman will initiate a start of a relationship if it will have no sex,seldom sex or unsatisfying sex,this forum could easily read 53rd date sex, then guy disappears,it all ends 98 percent of the time if the sex is no good | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/14/2007 5:29:13 PM | Without knowing why the guy vanished, it is all speculative. They guy could have been a dirt-bag, incompatible in bed or had some life crisis.
I agree that the number of dates is irrelevant. When you are comfortable, and it feels right, go for it. Anyone following the number of dates for calling, holiday visits, sex or meeting family is obviously with the wrong person. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/18/2007 10:28:12 AM | | Women and men both do it but I don't think it makes them a player. Not to offend anyone but maybe the sex was really bad whether it was the first,2nd or third date. It happens and it is hard to tell someone that they just were not pleasing you. Should someone fake it and pretend it is good and keep seeing the person? Not in my opinion. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/18/2007 10:48:56 AM | I have a question....
Do older men still do this ! or have this same attitude about women, if sex is given too soon? | |
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Sasoon
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Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 123 | |
| Re: 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/21/2007 9:17:11 AM | | C'mon, the OP was asking for it... She knew she was gonna get dumped and she's upset with herself for going through with it anyway. Anyone with enough common sense can instinctively tell when a person is dedicated to them by the time they get intimate. If she didn't think that it was already over before it began then she is truly a ditz that doesn't know how to judge whether or not she is being loved by someone else. Most people are smart enough to know when someone they are seeing has taken the amount of interest in them that the person is willing to devote their time to the relationship. It's just an assessment that most people know how to make naturally. The OP probably wanted to be and was ready to be dumped by someone she bumped uglies with just for the experience of it. I've done exactly the same thing. No harm, no foul. | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/21/2007 9:35:55 AM | Works the other way for sure, actually we made love lots for the 2nd through the 5th or 6th, to me, every indication that everything was good, the sex and otherwise. She went to visit home in another state for a couple of days, never heard from her again after several phone call of me trying.
Here's the rub, for all I know she had an accident or other problem instead of the more probable reasons. Wonder if I should initiate again, track down exactly where she works and call, or leave a note in the mailbox, or just drop it.
My heart will mend ........ Neeeeeext! | |
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| 3rd date Sex then the guy disappears
Posted: 11/21/2007 9:45:29 AM | After three dates, do you really care? I mean, how much can you actually know a person after three dates?? I guess I'm not really prudish about sex, so I don't think he "used" you--you both got sex out of it, right?
I wish women would stop putting so much emotional investment into a man they have only known for a few dates. | |
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