| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/10/2007 6:14:18 PM | Msg: 21,
You can't screen for them - but chances are when they seem 'too perfect' - they probably have some kind of hidden agenda! I would think that every person who has been played here has a different tale to tell. Unfortunately only experience will make you wiser!
In other words, if it is too good to be true, it probably is?
Msg: 20,
I'm wondering does OP want to know if his current girlfriend/wife is cheating, or is he so worried a new woman will cheat that he's looking for clues before they've even given him any indication that they WOULD cheat??? Because if it's the latter, well that's just nuts.
It is neither.
If it was the first, then I would ask myself "Why do I have these suspicions?" The answer is obvious. In this case my initial post would have read something like, "How can you tell if your spouse is cheating on you?".
It isn't the second. I'm not worried a new woman will cheat on me. If I knew she will then why would I be asking the question? I'm interested weather a woman exhibiting certain attitude might . Do you see the difference? See my response to msg 18. That is what prompted me to ask the question.
Msg: 19,
Silent Thunder, I'm interested in personality/attitude, not a particular action. Why? Because your interpretation of their actions is based on your understanding of their personality - or so I think. Do you agree?
Msg: 18,
Also... A friend always tells me, once you have been cheated on or cheated you can spot a cheater from a mile away. You just have to not ignore it when you get that feeling! Which is what a whole lot of people do!
EXACTLY! Now only if someone can put this knowledge into words.
If your friend can do that, then there is something s/he recognizes in each and every cheater! It follows that there is something common among all cheaters. Which is exactly why I asked the question!
Judging by the posts thus far, some of you are not even aware that such a thing is possible. What's even more troubling is that some of you claim, it isn't! | |
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leaxon
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Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 27 | |
| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/10/2007 6:16:08 PM | Hi,
First, follow your vibes, they will tell you but it's up to you to feel and listen to them(something doesn't seem quite right, it usually isn't). Second, if they don't want to go into public places with you (only meeting in out of the way bars, your house or parks) third, usually only meeting for sex almost all the time(I wouldn't complain but it's just not cool). | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/10/2007 6:42:46 PM | Msg: 5,
Screening for cheaters? No such thing! If all you ever look for is the worst in someone, thats all you'll ever find.
Wouldn't it be better to look for the good AND the bad in a person so that you can compare the two? Even gangsters do the occasional good deed! Should one label them "good"? | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/10/2007 11:57:44 PM | When in doubt, Interrogate, Interrogate, Interrogate.
For gods sake never trust a person.
I hear water-boarding has become very popular in some circles. | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/11/2007 5:07:29 AM |
2) An addiction to attention, flirting, or otherwise being validated by members of the opposite sex. To get a kick out of someone other than their SO being sexually interested in them.
That is so not true... just because someone likes to flirt doesn't mean they're a cheater. I flirt all of the time and it isn't for validation.
I said if *both* those traits are present, which is very different from saying 'if they like to flirt they will probably cheat'. | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/11/2007 6:00:10 AM | | Cheating has to do with a person’s character. Too often, people are willing to “overlook” things at the beginning of a relationship. I don’t think there is a specific set of characteristics that will create a flashing arrow saying cheater, but be aware. Are they willing to lie, cheat, manipulate in other areas of their life? Do they justify their behavior without seeing their responsibility toward others? Even if they never cheat on you specifically, do you want to spend your life with someone with those character traits? | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/11/2007 6:07:23 AM | Its impossible to "screen for cheaters", but if that little voice tells you something
feels wrong, than go with it.. Its usually right. | |
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Nona37
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Joined: 10/3/2007
Msg: 33 | |
| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/11/2007 6:12:16 AM | | Hmmmmm,,,I think a sure sign of a married man/cheater on here is when they invite you out for dinner and want to bring their child. I guess their wife wouldn't babysit. This also being stated with them stating they are "seperated" and their profile states they are looking for "hang out", it doesn't take a rocket scientist there :) | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/11/2007 7:09:41 AM | A friend of mine said if a Man makes you his SUNDAY to WEDNESDAY it means he isnt interested in you as a long term GF...if you are his WED to SAT and he wants to see you on the weekend and books it way in advance...it is meaning he is wanting to spend time with you with and without his friends. It means he is interested and wants for more than just someone to hang with....If they call you Sat for SAT night, it means all other plans have fallen through and you are his last resort..
It did make some sense to me in a very warped way... if
I am working on this Theory I will let you know...
LOL | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/11/2007 7:39:02 AM | | Interesting....I have taken women to dinner and brought my child along....I never knew that was a sign that I was a married man or a cheater.....her mother passed away when she was about 3 weeks old and I'm the only parent she's ever known.....and I've never left her with a sitter that wasn't a relative and sometimes they aren't available. Guess I should have thought that through a bit more..... | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/11/2007 7:45:56 AM | Screening for Married cheaters - how to?
1) Ask them for thier home phone number... this will weed 95% of the cheaters out, they won't give it out because they don't wan't you to reach the other half at home.
2) Call them on a weekend (so more likely to be home).
3) Ask them out on a weekend (again, moma's in the house!).
To screen cheaters... cheating is a form of deception... only date people who have more integrity than you do (this is assuming you are not a cheater yourself).
Dating is simple, when you know how it works. | |
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Nona37
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Joined: 10/3/2007
Msg: 37 | |
| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/11/2007 7:59:26 AM | | Taxguy: I do realistically understand that each and every situation is different, if you re-read what I had stated earlier in this thread, the particular guy I was speaking of, example wise stated he was "seperated", and his profile stated "hang out". I know that people are different, and one can do as you have done, and not be a "cheater", but I must say, I do not find it appropriate at all to bring children on first dates, I feel we parents need to shield our children from our dating life, unless of course it turns very serious. I would feel uncomfortable on a first date with anyone no matter the circumstance if they brought their child along. | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 12/5/2007 11:35:29 AM | This works for women. (and maybe men) BEFORE you even start to e-mail or chat in any way. Tell them for safety, you require a home phone# and address. No married man will give his home number out! Same if he has a roomie or GF. Tell them you don't chat with total strangers and it also helps filter out married cheaters. They will understand 80% of the time. Reverse the address thru Whitepages.com and the phone # also. Intelius.com will give you (for free) a mountain of info. A friend of mine caught two guys, first time out, with female roomates! Should have heard the BS stories when confronted (and blocked). They had no idea a WOMAN could be smart enough to do that! Besides, asking questions on the first date is useless when dealing with a cheater. They are USED to LYING, it comes natural!
Would you let your daughter meet a stranger without even knowing his home # and address? Hell no! If you get played, its your own fault. The Internet can also be your friend and you can background anybody for free. Men worried about female stalkers? Screw them, female stalkers do less damage than lying cheaters! | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 12/5/2007 12:01:34 PM | | Its really hard to tell if there a cheater or not. The best way is not to rush into a relationship. Become there friend first get to know them. After you know them well enough there will be little baby signs. Since everyone is different in there own way it won't be easy. The best thing is not to get attached to anyone till you know for sure. | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 12/5/2007 1:01:13 PM | Some clues----he only sees you on certain days of the week. He (never) answers his cell phone and you have to often wait a long time for you to return his calls. He turns off his cell phone when he is with you. He seems agitated or uptight when you call him, as opposed to being happy at the gesture.
He guards his cell phone whereabouts with his life or leaves it locked in the glove box
when with you. You don`t see his home. If he live a long way away, he only comes your way and doesn`t offer for you to visit him on his turf. When you meet his friends,
watch his interaction with them. Create a rapport with his friend. If his friend likes you and thinks you are a good person,
he may bust his friend, so you don`t get hurt.
Cheaters often do very well with the opposite sex so will have alot of confidence with their own attractiveness. If they seem more focussed on their own needs as opposed to yours, you would want to get away anyways. (Qualifier- The he could be a she-please
don`t attack!) | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 12/13/2007 6:25:45 PM | | I don't agree with the entrapment idea. Guilty until proven innocent. Entrapment is also a good way to make absolutely certain to scare away anyone legitimately interested in a relationship. It is usually too obvious when it happens (be it a male or female trying to set the traps). | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 12/13/2007 6:53:41 PM | Please read msg # 5. This poster is right on the money. I could not put it in better words. So many of you Guys/Gal are still fighting the war. It will only drag you down. Be positive, look for good, look towards the future. You dont need little tests, if a person is not right for you, it will quickly surface. And if a good person figures out your running little tests on them......well for me that would be good by !
Things like running tests just instills more fear upon fear in meeting someone new. If you look hard enough, you will even hate Santa ha ha ha | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 12/13/2007 7:16:56 PM | i think that you have to trust your iner self if in dou.t pull back and go slowly.
if traps and test to comfirm that the feeling is not right proves to be true. you have a very good tool in your kit for the Next one.
go with the flow of your inerself and good luck.
still haven.t seen that mermaid? | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 12/13/2007 8:17:08 PM | Great question. I have a built-in lie detector. Maybe it's from playing lots of poker.
Cheaters stay away from me. They sense my pathological honesty, and that lies cannot get past me. :) | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 12/13/2007 9:03:34 PM | | You can't screen for cheaters DUMA** I've had people ask me it the past.....could you not see what was going on? NO because when you trust someone the last thing on your mind is them cheating.....When you trust someone and you find out they have been cheating ....you think....How could I have been so blind........You trusted them.......I'm not picking on women this has happen to Men and Women.... But If I can't trust a woman I don't need her....I think everyone fells that way......... | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 12/18/2007 2:52:48 PM | Cheaters make me nuts but I find it easy to figure out what they are up to fairly soon. I agree with Tstwii except that now many people don't have land lines. I've discovered that an attached person can't chat as often or as freely as an unattached person. They will often call you while they are driving and can't stay on the phone for long. Most single guys/gals will chat for so much longer trying to get to know you. Trust your gut instinct. If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it be a duck  | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 12/18/2007 5:36:48 PM | Oh, ain't that the truth!!!!! Gut reaction is sooo important. I was going out with a guy for a while (didn't meet here) who I INSTANTLY knew was a player - didn't stop me though - he was tooo cute!!! He faded away, and that was the only time I have dated someone where I thought, "Hmmmm, I wonder what will come up if I google him?" Yikes, it wasn't good!!!
But I also believe the "vibe" you give will determine what kind of people you will attract. Generally speaking, I feel as though I date men who are decent good people. There are VERY few of my ex's that I look back on and go "He was such a creep." It just didn't work out, it happens.
If you find yourself looking over your shoulder waiting for something to go wrong, it just might. People are complicated, they have "stuff". Some stuff is tolerable, some isn't. Determine what stuff you can put up with and what you won't, things will work themselves out | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 12/18/2007 7:16:26 PM | An honesty test that's worked well for me: Ask the subject a
question where a truthful answer will be punished, a lie will be
rewarded, and they believe you have no way to know whether
they're lying. | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 1/11/2008 8:31:04 AM | Just read this post, and Pokerjimmy has it right. It has been estimated that the Internet dating sites have 60% of the men as Married. Eliminate them, and you have a much lower chance of encountering a cheater. Not zero, but just a lot less. Everyone lies to some extent, and the Internet is full of liars, BECAUSE THEY CAN! Nobody polices the internet for honesty. Fake profiles, "handles" instead of real names, who would expect honesty to come out of such a place? Alls fair in love and war people think, so lets make it a real rodeo! The Internet is just like a "dive" bar only you don't get to drink! Even if 80% of the folks on here are honest, its still the wild west. Here are some numbers:
100 profiles (male)
60 married or committed
3 criminals or parolees
6 underage pranksters
5 unemployed
5 fake profiles
Net available prospects 22! Nobody can prove otherwise can they? | |
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