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Posted: 11/11/2007 10:51:42 PM | No such thing as perfect for sure.
I don't know about anyonelse ..but it can be the imperfections that actually make someone more perfect for me! ha ha, but true!
and it don't matter to me what anyoneelse thinks.
Like the sexy woman who is not a model, but has something men want, she dosnt count on her looks alone to feel worthy, and that is very attractive in of itself, Imperfection is like that as well. | |
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Posted: 11/11/2007 10:52:32 PM | In general, women aren't attracted to people with low self-esteem or a lack of confidence. Nor do they like someone who is over-confident or narcissistic. I think the same thing goes for us men. Personally, when someone is in constant denial of their own worth or beauty, it's rather tiring to be reassuring them constantly. That type of thing personally turns me off to any woman, no matter how beautiful. Remember, a person can usually gauge your confidence level if they have more than two brain cells working in unison.
I'll also add that it's not a question of perfection, or seeking perfection. What I think is going on here (Referring to your first post Sapphire) is that people are simply trying to find chemistry amongst one another, common interests, that sort of thing. There is obviously a minority who's focuses are very topical, or superficial if you will. This type of person should not be at the top of your chain. In any case, a strong relationship depends upon building. Building things like communication, trust, etc.. Superficial people have a very hard time doing these types of things. Hence, the high divorce rate you mention. My only advice for this is... take the time to get to know the other person. Jumping into relationships based on mere outward attraction is like diving into a shallow pond. You'll end up hurt in no time..lol.
How people perceive things and how things truly are, are two different things entirely. Rejection is all part of the game. I honestly don't see it as my loss when a woman decides not to reply to my email, or rejects me when I ask them out. I think of something a good friend told me once. That is the person who gets rejected the most usually ends up with the most phone numbers at the end of the night. So suck it up, and just talk to her.
My two cents. | |
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Posted: 11/11/2007 11:30:26 PM | | OP no, there's no such thing as perfection, except in the ideal of each individual. IMO it would be better if we all looked for what we found to be perfect before we settled, then there might be many less divorces and single parents. Everybody's idea of perfect is different, personally I don't find overly 'nice' people attractive. I prefer a man who has faults and weaknesses and is honest enough to admit them. When I find that character in a person, combined with visual attraction, I will have found my perfect partner (I just have to hope he'll feel the same way about me :) | |
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Posted: 11/12/2007 1:05:26 AM | As I told a good friend the other day when they told me "You will never find a perfect relationship..."
"I am not looking for perfection - I just want a relationship where I can truly believe that 5 - 10 - 20 years down the road I would still be happy to see them at the end of the day..."
I looked him in the eyes and asked him... "Do YOU know ANYONE that you can honestly say has a relationship that lasted more than 5 years that is truly happy to see each other at the end of each and every day?" He has not answered the question yet...
(Personally I do not think I am setting the bar all that high... Unfortunately I only know one couple that fits that criteria..)
Looking back... I can NOT remember when I was last happy to see my ex-to-be at the end of the day... (After a while 90% negative feedback just gets to where you can barely drag yourself home at the end of the day... She accused me of not caring for the kids enough... Was she nuts??? With all that criticism, the kids are the only reason I came home at all....) | |
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Posted: 11/12/2007 1:20:01 AM | > "We come to love not by finding the perfect person
> but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."
Okay, it's certainly futile to be looking for a custom fit in this off-the-rack world, but there is a limit to just how much imperfection one can stand. | |
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Posted: 11/12/2007 1:24:46 AM | | Not many people would admit to wanting or demanding perfection in somebody they would date, but it is very clear by what they list and detail as to the person for whom they are looking that they seek a level of perfection that few could meet. Too many people demand a level of perfection that they do not bring to the table themselves. Add to this mix the deadly fear by many that if they date somebody who does not measure up to all the points on their detailed list would mean they are, gasp[i/], settling. | |
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Posted: 11/12/2007 2:00:44 AM | So people aren't looking for perfection? Well, why is that so many people here can't seem to find what they want.?
They know what they don't want, which usually isn't going to change a lot based solely on whether or not they find what they do want.
I'd personally rather remain single in the face of being with someone I'd never love or be attracted to. Just because they are somewhat rare is no reason for me to enter relationships that would make me less happy than when I'm single. | |
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Posted: 11/12/2007 2:31:28 AM |
So people aren't looking for perfection? Well, why is that so many people here can't seem to find what they want.?
Just my opinion, but here goes: People are looking for that person that makes them feel that "feeling" again. Not on the first date, but on the 10th date or 20th date.
There are two types of people on here...those that are looking for a relationship of sorts...whether that be LT, Friends, or something else.
Then there are those that are just playing a game.
But in both types of people there needs to be honesty. I am not afraid to tell someone my faults right up front. And I usually do. But too many like to stretch the truth, so you give them the benefit of the doubt and take them at their word, only to find out they weren't truthful. Or they just can't see their faults. That is why some are single.
I have said it in other posts, and will say it again: I am here for the fun of it. Not "fun" as in hurting others. I will go out on dates and enjoy it. I am not actively seeking "THE ONE", but if someone should come along that makes my toes curl and gives me the tingles, I won't run away screaming from it either. | |
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Posted: 11/12/2007 3:34:17 AM | The most difficult thing when attaining perfection, is figuring out what to do for an encore. To think that just when we made it, it turns on its feet despondent, just to keep us striving for it.
I don't know about you, but even if we have an image of what perfection is to us, in people or otherwise, I think we can change it by adding a hyphen. Anal-retentive has a hyphen, right?
I say the only place where perfection lies is in splleing. Damn, I keep spelling that wrong. | |
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Posted: 11/12/2007 3:40:15 AM |
I get sick of hearing about how everyone is looking for perfection. It's not true. Everyone is looking for what appeals to them, and you're not going to appeal to everyone
I completely agree. I am looking for someone who excites me mentally and physically. What sparks the excitement could be anything. He does not have to work of chiseled perfection or a brilliant man of science. What appeals to me may not attract others. Sometimes there is just an unquestionable spark when you meet someone. Maybe you can’t put words to it. Who cares. Maybe others can’t see it. Who cares. I think that’s all you need. That connection, whatever it is. | |
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Posted: 11/12/2007 3:42:17 AM | HulaZombie said it perfectly. We look for what appeals to us. Just imagine, you get a request from someone on IM and it goes like this: (WARNING: read this only if you have a sense of humor.... there are some people on this site that will think this is meant to be entirely on the serious side)
... chat goes like this.....
"Hi, want to chat?"
"ok, let me look at your profile.... hmmm... I see here that you like turnips, dead bats and counting white lines on the highway"
"Yep, that is me!!"
"well, i greatly dislike turnips, dead bats scare me, and white lines on the highway make me dizzy"
"WELL, YOU JUST WANT EVERYTHING PERFECT"
"uh... no... I... uh...."
"PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE JUST SO UNREALISTIC."
....... etc... etc....
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Posted: 11/12/2007 4:07:09 AM | | Except when their imperfections are deal breakers. I'm quite o.k. on my own until the one comes along with liveable imperfections,,,,,just like mine. LOL | |
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Posted: 11/12/2007 4:20:57 AM | I do agree with the statement. I also agree that some are indeed looking for perfection. It seems that certain individuals, now free, are thinking that they are still the chick magnets they once presumably were, not taking into account that time has passed for them as well. It's laughable.  | |
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Posted: 11/12/2007 4:21:55 AM | I never thought of "perfection" in terms of dating a person or finding them, just someone perfect for me, so I want to be honest that I can't even relate to this question and most likely anyone who thinks this way.
It is mind boggling there are people out there looking for someone perfect !... who? would want someone perfect? ugh, not me | |
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Posted: 11/12/2007 4:31:31 AM | | Cupcakes.......believe me, I've met some people who are looking for perfection, and I agree.....it would be very boring and very hard to live up to. Especially when you might be far from perfect yourself! LOL! In fact, I doubt that the so called "perfect" people out there would even give them the time of day! :D | |
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Posted: 11/12/2007 4:36:09 AM | I don't need 'perfect', but it would be nice to find someone who is willing to compromise and actually WORK on a relationship. I think too many people have the attitude "Take me as I am" and refuse to bend one bit to accommodate another person.
I was married for many years, and learned how to negotiate many problems (in the end there were too many, so we gave up, but not without a serious effort to 'fix' it). I just ended a relationship with a man who could have been 'perfect' for me, but there was one thing I absolutely needed and wasn't getting. I told him several times that I wasn't satisfied in that one area. He chose to leave the relationship rather than even try to compromise. The problem was something that I suspect will be a deal-breaker for most women, so he'll have to deal with it sooner or later or be alone all his life. | |
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Posted: 11/12/2007 6:07:24 AM | | I have said it in my profile...."I am looking for a man who is perfectly imperfect for me". I actually do not want someone who is "perfect" or someone who is exactly like me. I prefer someone who compliments me and me him. People who think they are perfect are typically self-centered, egotisical, and uncompromising; not the best attributes upon which to build a strong, mutually-beneficial relationship. | |
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Posted: 11/12/2007 7:17:14 AM | | The standards that most are looking for are most likely much higher than the standards they themselves can offer. Anyone that posseses the standards most commonly requested are probably not on this or anyother dating site because they will not have a problem getting a date. | |
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Posted: 11/12/2007 8:11:07 AM | I think the problem is that so many people are looking for model perfect people. I don't know how many guys have messaged me saying you are cute, but how overweight are you-lol how crazy. I am who I am either except me or don't.
Another problem people have is they don't believe in themselves. I am tall (which for some reason is unattractive to men), I am overweight (but losing), and I am attractive. And I believe that I am. I don't need someone telling me you are pretty all the time. Alot of people need that--believe in yourself first thn you will find the right person. | |
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Posted: 11/12/2007 8:20:24 AM | I think the OP's point is well stated.
Just recently, I was talking to someone on this subject
and it was said that we should be able to allow a person "one thing" that we
don't like. It could be size, crooked teeth, personality flaws, whatever whatever.
We should have a capacity to allow others to be imperfect in some way.
Good post, OP> | |
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Posted: 11/12/2007 8:29:22 AM | | People aren't looking for "perfect" they just have so many options that they have a hard time picking somebody to get to know better. They're afraid they'll miss out on something better that might be right around the corner, so they keep turning corner after corner with that hope. | |
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Posted: 11/12/2007 10:20:50 AM |
I think it was Ann Landers who once said, find the one thing that drives you crazy about your mate......... And learn to love it.... for you will live with it for a long long time.....
Ann Landers was a wise woman.... but how does one learn to love the trait of public 'nose pickin'??? | |
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Posted: 11/12/2007 1:04:04 PM | i agree with moraima, about not "hearing" anyone say they are looking for perfection. I don't hear it either but its out there in subtle ways and awareness of whats around you goes along way. Now as for "perfection" which there is no such thing EVER! ANYWHERE! let me say this.....................society has created the illusion that a "hunky" man or a "gorgeous thin woman" is where its at. Well these kinds of people do exist but they spend all there time worrying if they look "perfect" that there is nothing else in there to get to know! as we all know, gravity takes hold and we all get old, and gray and sag!
Now, been reading the forums and omg.............I'm not whacked, depressed, lonely, sad, broken hearted, co-dependant, need rescuing, flaky, stupid, niave or desparate! No wonder im not getting anywhere on this site! Well keep on fishin! | |
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