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 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 251
Why women wont date seperated menPage 11 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
Didn't you "paint" me into the moral majority?
As far as a attack I haven't attacked anyone I did point out how one was scolded for her opinion while the one doing the scolding freely gave hers and all the time calming to be open minded.
As I said it is up to the people involved personally I would not do it and the morality of it is just part of the reason.
No hard feelings.
 AmbrosiaX
Joined: 4/20/2010
Msg: 252
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/24/2010 12:55:21 AM
because they're smart
 Spoken For
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 253
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/27/2010 4:52:35 AM
Back when I was dating, my reasons for refusing to date separated men had nothing to do with morals, but I do think morals play into it...

1. I know too many people who have made this mistake, only to have the "separated" person go back to their spouse, a couple of times after they'd been separated a year or more!

2. "Separated" means you have nonstop drama with the spouse, whether they are going through a divorce or not.

3. And what's up with those that are the "or nots?" If you are separated why aren't you getting a divorce?

4. I came to find that a lot of times "separated" to some people is code for "We had a fight and I'm staying at my buddys house for a week or so and am looking for some side action...after all, we are "separated!" But when things cool down, I'm going back home.

5. I'm repeating this one because it's the main reason and it bears repeating. No matter how much you say "there's no chance for us to get back together...." There is a high number of people who do just that, even after proclaiming that there's no way, and I wasn't about to be the one left behind when you decide to make it work "for the kids."

Get a divorce, and then you won't have this to whine about.
 83GS650
Joined: 4/1/2010
Msg: 254
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/27/2010 5:43:14 AM
^^^^ All great points.

I think the best thing you can do for either a guy or girl looking to date someone who is seperated is to keep it as a friendship only. A lot of things can change so do not go into it expecting to much.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 255
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/27/2010 5:50:16 AM

2. "Separated" means you have nonstop drama with the spouse, whether they are going through a divorce or not.

No, it doesn't. My gf had been seperated for two years when I met her. She had been living 250 miles away from her soon-to-be ex for over a year. The only ``drama'' involved was a couple of phone calls to get the paper work for the divorce done. My gf has never even seen her ex during the time I've been dating her. (I know this for certain. Her ex lives 4-1/2 hours from us and the only time we've gone to Houston to visit her mother, I went with her.) Prior to dating my gf, I'd never even dated a woman who had been married and I've had way more drama with those women.

3. And what's up with those that are the "or nots?" If you are separated why aren't you getting a divorce?

I already gave one good reason.

Basically, your reasons only apply if you make bad decisions about the individual circumstances involved. In my case, absolutely none of your reasons applied to my gf. I am capable of making judgments on a case-by-case basis and don't need a legal document to tell me whether someone is really single. I can think for myself.
 Spoken For
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 256
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/27/2010 11:00:33 AM
Abelian, I would guess that "most" people who separate do NOT move 4.5 hours away from their spouse. Of course that "might" make a difference. She clearly doesn't have any kids, or there'd be drama with the ex, unless he's a complete deadbeat.

I haven't read the whole thread, so if you say your girlfriend has a good reason for being separated for two years without getting a divorce, I'll take your word for it.

Someone who has been separated AND living 250 miles away from their ex for two years is going to be more "stable" in her "singleness" than someone who moved out last month. I actually had a guy contact me who had been moved out for 6 days! Now tell me there wouldn't have been some drama associated with THAT one. Not to mention a little dose of my #4 back there.
 Abbicci
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 257
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/27/2010 11:07:50 AM
Dating anyone who is separated can have some issues.

So much depends on how long they have been separated, how well they have processed the end of a marriage and what they want moving forward. Have they filed for divorce ( I am huge on that point) ? How long have they been living on their own.

The going back to a spouse can happen, but that can even happen after the divorce is final. Or for people who have ended a live in relationship or just dating.

I am always more concerned about how well that have accepted the end of their marriage and how ready they are for a new relationship.

I rarely date anyone who is separated but if I do I move even slower than normal for me, kind of like molasses running up hill in winter slow.
 DragNFlyBuzzez
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 258
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/27/2010 4:37:27 PM
ABBicci,
thank you,

You have given me hope, my divorce is 2 plus years long so far, this place makes me feel like toxic waste, thank goodness for the forums.........

"kind of like molasses running up hill in winter slow"
after reading you everyday,
how about warm honey on your belly!!!!!!

hehehehehe
 Abbicci
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 259
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/27/2010 4:41:24 PM
Only if it's tupelo honey.
 DragNFlyBuzzez
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 260
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/27/2010 5:05:12 PM
Tupelo honey is produced when honeybees collect nectar from the blossoms of the white Ogeechee tupelo (Nyssa ogeche) tree.

I like your taste!!!!!
 beachgirl125
Joined: 10/12/2008
Msg: 261
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/27/2010 5:57:06 PM
I agree with you, however most they don't even tell that they are separated .

I had one who told me it was all right to be in this site and is nothing wrong for being separeted and dating .

and the reason for not getting divorce not have to worry about getting married again .
 Nu2010
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 262
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/27/2010 6:52:58 PM
I have dated separated man when I was also separated back in 2008. He had been separated longer than I had but my divorce went through long before his did. I felt guilty dating a married man and broke up with him. He eventually got his divorce about 7 to 8 months after I did and he contacted me and to this day we continue to be friends 2 1/2 years later.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 263
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/28/2010 7:51:53 AM
She clearly doesn't have any kids,

No, she doesn't. But if there are kids, the drama will still be there AFTER getting a divorce. If you factor kids into the picture, I'd think the drama associated with a divorced woman with kids would be greater than a seperated woman without kids. One thing that I didn't like about dating at my age was the fact that if I dated someone with kids, I'd have to be deal with her ex husband because she couldn't just ``move on'' and dispense with him as part of her life.

Someone who has been separated AND living 250 miles away from their ex for two years is going to be more "stable" in her "singleness" than someone who moved out last month.

That was my point. You can't make a blanket statement about issues with dating someone who is seperated. It's one of those things that you have to decide on a case by case basis. My gf could have gotten divorced sooner, but because she would have lost her health insurance, she'd be $40,000.00 in debt for surgery. She wasn't very keen on staying married because she wasn't going to get back together with her husband and her husband's credit was a negative effect on her credit. Remaining married until she had health insurance through her employer was simply the logical thing to do.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 264
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/30/2010 11:05:27 AM
Dating separated men ( still legally married ) is like playing Russian roullete,you don't know if you are lucky or unlucky to have a good a future with him with no hassles.

I know that there are some women who goes for separated men, to have their adrenalin pump to have a drama life, like the separated wife bother them , fights between husband and wife over her, husband was back with the wife, ect.ect..

Meh, I am not going to waste my life messing up with a separated man, for I don't know how long, we'll be together, and when he is going back to his wife.
Even we can't marry each other for economic reason, I want to see his divorce paper that he is legally single..


PS Separated men in the eyes of the Law ,their wives still has the holds on them legally...
 JFredMuggs
Joined: 1/26/2010
Msg: 265
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/30/2010 11:15:01 AM
I've made it my policy to avoid the illiterate. So far it's been working like a champ.
 Annie was here
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 266
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 4/30/2010 3:04:30 PM
Why won't women date separated men? Well first and foremost is because they are married!


Clean up the first mess you made before starting in on another one.
 123carrie
Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 267
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Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 4/30/2010 4:13:33 PM
I NEVER date men who are "newly" divorced nor those who are separated (not divorced). I don't want to be dragged into the legal mess the divorce might encounter. As the those who are "newly" divorced, I give them time to "sow their wild oats" with other women before I will date them. By the time they have done that for awile, they are seaching for someone with whom to develop a commited relationship (however either of both of us define it.)
 freedomagn
Joined: 2/17/2009
Msg: 268
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 4/30/2010 8:43:36 PM
Being separated for a lengthy time, does that not get some thought. Maybe the woman is not asking the right questions. Or maybe they are to damn ridgid!
 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 269
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 5/1/2010 8:02:36 AM
Legal status does not have any bearing on what is going on in the heart and mind of an individual.

You can be legally married...and not be committed to the relationship. Ample evidence of this everywhere.
You can be separated....and still be involved in the relationship or freed of it completely.
You can be legally single, and be passionately committed to your beloved.

Legal status does NOT equate to state of mind. You must get to know the person.

Separated people, depending on how difficult the previous relationship may still be dealing with drama and may not have resolved internal conflicts, therefore not be healthy and ready for a new relationship. The amount of time anyone might need to get whole again, will vary.
 sanyoman112
Joined: 3/21/2010
Msg: 270
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 5/1/2010 8:44:19 AM
But, there are some single people you can't convince of what you just said that will make them think otherwise.

There are single people who won't date separated people regardless, a single person thinks they're running a risk dating a separated person, because there might be a chance of reconciliation.

Also, if marriage is a state of mind, then why even get married, if being divorced is also a state of mind....why get divorced.

I usually hear, "Marriage is just a piece of paper, I don't need a piece of paper to tell me that I'm married"

But not many mention the reverse....so...is that to say, "I don't need a piece of paper to tell me that I'm divorced"?
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 271
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Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 5/1/2010 9:23:55 AM

"Marriage is just a piece of paper, I don't need a piece of paper to tell me that I'm married or a piece of paper that I am divorce.


Well, document papers is nescessity , intangible emotional matters is not acknowdge in civil court, example >> A man is separated from his wife let's say 30 years ,they won't get a divorce because they are Catholic..And this man is living with this woman for blissful 30 years,she gave him her best years, of loving him uncondionally,she took care of him when he become disable ,she even losed all her savings for hospital bills ,to augment his life for no avail. When he passed away even his remain is not hers it went to his legal wife /family,and all his properties.. what the older mistress have is just memories and broke..
""" That piece of paper is important in a person's life.""
 Vagabond1975
Joined: 10/1/2009
Msg: 272
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 6/26/2010 1:49:12 AM
I think it's funny how abelian thinks he's a woman...

the thread title clearly states: " Why women wont date separated men"



 misszmsz
Joined: 5/31/2008
Msg: 273
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/27/2010 12:34:00 PM
Many seperated men put "single" as status.

Last time he wrote, his status was seperated. 4 months later he has a new profile, with single as the status.

This guy I know is still seperated, and not planning on getting a divorce because he said it has to do with his wifes medical insurance.

I told him that was fine to remain attached to his ex-wife, but it was not in MY best interest to even correspond further.

Did he think that I would not recognize him?
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 274
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 6/27/2010 2:47:32 PM

Legal status does NOT equate to state of mind.

I agree -- because it's not about legality, and nothing will always be the same. But particular statuses, like "just broken up" or "recently separated" and the like do give a higher % chance of their state of mind being wrapped up in or about another person.

You must get to know the person.

Yeah, but nobody is obligated to get to know the person. Hence, many people move aside when it comes to someone who's separated when they don't know them. Why utilize all that time? Far more often than not, there's issues/baggage, etc. if they're still separated w/o divorce. Additionally, getting to know them some won't tell the real tale -- only if they seem to be telling the truth or if there's more to it than they say (which much of the time it ends up being). Sometimes, folks who are recently broken up or separated won't totally know how their state of mind will unfold, or how the events will too, as time rolls on in the not too-distant-future. Hence, if they have other potential options that are desirable to them, they'll go over there.
 Vagabond1975
Joined: 10/1/2009
Msg: 275
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 6/28/2010 10:30:33 AM

Sometimes, folks who are recently broken up or separated won't totally know how their state of mind will unfold, or how the events will too, as time rolls on in the not too-distant-future. Hence, if they have other potential options that are desirable to them, they'll go over there.


thank god for people who never signed a piece of paper and making vows!!
they appearently KNOW how theyre state of mind will unfold and what rolls on in the no too distant future!!

confident realist, most of the time you make sense.. but this statement I find very short sighted...

I am seperated, not legally divorced yet. wich doesn't make a difference to my situation at all..
no kids, no ties, no contact, not living in the same town...

I guess the only way, me personally in my seperated status, would affect anything.. is when I would win the lottery, what would mean me having to share it with my ex..

but emotionally or physically there are no ties..no dependancies, no contest..

I understand people being hesitant toward the "seperated" status, but like stated before by a poster, you have to look at individual cases..
there's not one formula applicable to each label..

thanks to the discussions about seperated/married/widow or what have you I changed my status to single...
not that it would make a difference..but Im in north america..and I found out that people have phobia's and create phobia's as soon as something isnt the way walt disney pictured it..
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