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 blondeinny
Joined: 9/17/2006
Msg: 76
Why women wont date seperated menPage 4 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
To me, not a question of ethics, or concerns over returning to an ex.
It's that the person is undergoing multiple changes.
Finances, family, friends, time and moods will shift- sometimes daily.

The impulse to reach for an escape, ego boost, or comfort is understandable.
But IMHO it's too tumultous, one-sided and ultimately, short-lived.

My advice?
If you want to be a rebound or test the waters person, go ahead.
Be prepared for many many stories that start with "MY EX"...
For me, personally ?
No, thanks.
 dauntless49
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 77
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Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 11/20/2007 1:27:26 AM
[ Sorry folks but you dont make sense to me!
You can go back to an ex if you are single or divorced too!! ]

Finally!!!!! Someone with some common sense. Yeah I've gotten that, "I loved him soooooooo much and he went back to his mean wife." Oh I forgot, "sob, sniffle."

I'm thinking that if you were hurt then the feelings weren't mutual. Sorry ladies, that's probably the truth. I am saving my pennies for my divorce. I do accept cash donations in what ever denomination you would wish to give. Please don't make me go back to her. LOL you gotta be kidding me!
 cpoorboy1937
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 78
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/20/2007 2:55:54 AM
i agree 100% with BRIDGE 317 i have been seperated from my wife going on 3 years and by choice not returning to it she lives 3 states away has her life and happy as i also am happy nobody knows the reason for it until they hear it comes from the heart i also believe age has alot to do with it sometimes your too old to start over take it one day at a time ' live today tomorrow may never come ' the way i see it it's the woman's loss if she won't date him
 cpoorboy1937
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 79
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/20/2007 3:18:03 AM
BLONDEINNY thank you ; you pretty mush summed it up for me finances family; time and moods ; plus age in other words my case[ she got a 25 year mine iv'e got the shaft ] but i'm happy she lives in another STATE thank god
 passioniteone
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 80
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/20/2007 5:54:00 AM
I recall when I was in the "separated" era of my life....I remember every man asking if I would go back to "him"..I never understood the question as I thought why would I go back..I "left him...
I did go back 2 times...to see if I really loved him to try again...but flying back "home" I just knew I could not see myself with my "ex" for the rest of my life...
My finally time going back was to let him know in his face I'm wanting a divorce....it took him 4 years to finally accept it and find a beautiful woman..
By this time it was 5 years that had passed....
So I now look back and fully understand a persons concern....I dated some incredibibly beautiful men....and I walked away as I was not ready.....even though I left my marraige...
Its a hard fianicial, emotional road of healing if both parties are not in "agreement" and that crosses over in your dating.....I can finally say....I am healed of the divorce....my "ex" remarried....my children are healthy happy etc....had "him" and I stayed married it woulda been 22 years....
As a mom and a "ex" wife....I needed everyone happy and settled....now its my turn...and that is my story ....
Long road I travelled..but I believe I make a better partner in my future relationships now that time has passed
The separated factor applies applies to both sexes....
 MsCheryl
Joined: 2/28/2007
Msg: 81
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/20/2007 9:18:16 PM
Separated men are not available.
 katiegirl65
Joined: 10/31/2007
Msg: 82
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/20/2007 9:44:37 PM
I met a guy on match.com a year ago; said he was separated. Two months later when his wife got back from England (and I was totally in love), I find out that the separation was mostly geographical. After another 6 months of indecision and torment, he decided that he loved his family more than me.

Usually, when a woman finally decides to separate, she is beyond the point of no return. A man doesn't seem to now what he wants until he has a choice.

I will not date a separated man again.
 SUCKAFISH
Joined: 7/20/2007
Msg: 83
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/20/2007 9:49:23 PM
because they are Married
 zeesuezee
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 84
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/20/2007 9:51:32 PM
In all fairness, kudos to the people that say separated - they could lie and say single or divorced - at least they are being honest about their situation.

Secondly, I would say it depends on their situation and how long they have been separated. There can be many reasons why the divorce isn t final - from children, schooling, health insurance etc, etc.

If there is an interest surely a question and answer session is a possibility.

Zee
 katiegirl65
Joined: 10/31/2007
Msg: 85
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/20/2007 9:58:58 PM
No, I'm telling you that my guy misrepresented himself as separated. It's the easiest way for someone to tell a half truth.
 Mr Fahrenheit
Joined: 8/16/2007
Msg: 86
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/21/2007 5:04:08 AM

Usually, when a woman finally decides to separate, she is beyond the point of no return. A man doesn't seem to now what he wants until he has a choice.

I see. So you date separated gay men? I mean if women are the only ones beyond the point of no return, then who else would these men be going back to if not a former husband? I take it you've had 100% success with single and divorced men. If a single man left you for another woman, would you swear off single men too? I mean they have choices too, don't they?

See this is why I don't care if people pass me by because I'm separated. I couldn't handle a relationship with someone who bases their decisions on false logic. It's probably the best filter I've ever had.
 Z Circle Snap
Joined: 6/23/2007
Msg: 87
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/21/2007 5:17:10 AM
I think the real question here is why a man that is STILL MARRIED wants to date and act like he's single... You aren't single, until the divorce... Real women won't date a married man because of morals... look into it... pfft...
 IMaPA
Joined: 2/2/2007
Msg: 88
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/21/2007 5:37:38 AM
BECAUSE YOU'RE MARRIED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Trust me, been there, done that. I have been divorced for over 10 years now, and in my mind I was divorced from the second we separated. There were no attempted reconciliations, no ex sex, nothing. I started dating about a month later and it was a relationship that lasted about 2 years. BUT, even as bad as my situation was, (in terms of being 100% certain it was over) I can honestly say the best thing would have been to wait until the paperwork was signed before attempting to date again. (which took about 1 1/2 years)

It's like Dr. Phil says, You need to do a relationship autopsy and find out what went wrong, and why. You have to know you tried everything to make it work, counseling, etc. (which I did) but if you've taken a relationship to the point of marriage, you REALLY need to get THAT relationship over and done with, before starting another.

Rule number 1 of dating women- THEY ARE IN CONTROL. It's their rules and you have to abide by them if you want to play. You don't want to play by their rules, then switch teams, LMAO !!!!!!!!!!

 goodlistener314
Joined: 7/8/2007
Msg: 89
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/21/2007 5:52:12 AM
Well being a separated man, I completely understand why anyone would not want to date a separated man or woman. Now, having said that I do have a few points.

1) Even though I personally would date a separated woman, I think it is very annoying when a separated woman will not date a separated man. That just smacks of double standard and I hate that.

2) For all of you who say because he (or she) is married. Actually that is not true. There are two aspects to a marriage. The legal and the spiritual. Just like that, there are two aspects to divorce. Separation is the spiritual side of divorce. There are dozens if not hundreds of reasons that a couple chooses not to legally divorce (insurance being the primary reason I have seen) Now having said all of that *I'm* the one that did not want the separation but I'm also smart enough not to "pine away" for someone that obviously does not want me, hence my profile on this site (among other sites)

3) For the ones that speak of divorce as final... Just how many divorced people have you known? Just from my 3 years being out there, I've come across at least 10% that divorced and then went back to the ex. So Divorce is no more final than separation or being single. The status can change in the blink of an eye.

As anyone who read my profile will see, I'm out here in a passive sense although what I have not yet updated on my profile is that the pseudo-wife has decided on divorce. Bummer for her but come the beginning of the year, better for me.

Don

PS I was re-reading the posts and came across a Hallelujah Brother one :) To the one that was talking about being separated is the best filter. Amen to that, the only women that contact me are those who are genuinely interested in me. Enough to risk the separated tag. I might even keep my separated tag after the divorce because as I mention in my profile, "If you are still reading this then that is a good thing" that means they are really interested and feel a pull more powerful than the "separated tag" pushes away. Since I'm looking for love at first sight, this really helps narrow the dates down to just those who actually might be love at first sight.

Don
 IThought UWereAHandpuppet
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 90
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/21/2007 6:49:26 AM
Why do separated men try to convert the women they do not want to date anyway?

1. Some single women refuse to date legally married/ separated men.
2. These women feel that such men have "unfinished business."
3. Some separated men judge/ label those women as judgmental.
4. These separated men do not want to date such a "close-minded" woman.
5. The filters work on both sides - never the twain shall meet!
 Red_N_Blue
Joined: 10/1/2007
Msg: 91
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/21/2007 8:46:55 AM
[quite] To the one that was talking about being separated is the best filter. Amen to that, the only women that contact me are those who are genuinely interested in me.

sure they are interested in you, and as long that is the kind of interest that you like - go for it. Again, it all depends on preference if you will, and what kind of relationship each party is looking for. I can see how 'separated' would not matter if someone is seeking email/chat or an activity partner. Or some other things :;-): There are exceptions, but they are EXCEPTIONS. Overall I do completely understand and agree with women that do not want to invest time and affections in legally unavailable men.
 MissSelf
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 92
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/21/2007 8:56:58 AM
I dated a seperated man and he asked me to help him take his ex's stuff out of the loft!!

Not good, but I did help. I couldn't be there when she picked them up, that's just too awful
I don't think it helped us though as it felt realy weird handling his ex's stuff and I shouldn't think she would have wanted me too either.

I didn't split with him for that reason though, there were a few others unfortunatley.
 girldiver
Joined: 8/23/2007
Msg: 93
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/21/2007 9:00:50 AM
People in the midst of divorce are the walking wounded. You are in the middle of such a catastrophic event that your emotions are constantly shifting. Why would you think you are emotionally healthy enough to have a relationship with someone else?
 prairie gal
Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 94
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/21/2007 9:45:25 AM
I don't have a problem dating separated men (within reason). Take some time to get to know them before leaping in. So many people just listen and buy into the words "he/she said they would never go back" etc... and yet if you spend some time with an open mind usually their actions or emotional responses tell you whether they are still connected emotionally to that person or not ready to move on yet. Follow your intuition!
 The PALLAS
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 95
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/21/2007 9:49:40 AM
This is a loaded topic. Some personal background first. I have been divorced for 8 years and was separated for 2 years prior while working out the standard legal hassles. I was not interested in dating until my divorce became final and took the 2 years of separation to heal and reconnect with myself as a single person. This was the best decision for me. When the divorce became final, I was feeling whole and very ready to begin the dating process. Since then, there have been many dates and 2 longer term relationships since then, one with a separated man. I hope to never experience pain like that again nor would I wish it on anyone. I chose not to date separated men for a while following the end of that. But what I found was that although I had a bad experience, it was just that, one experience. My biggest lesson here is that every "separated" situation is unique: some are just waiting for the papers with no chance of reconciliation, some are just out for a physical relationship or to play the field, some are still in love with their wives and a few are emotionally healthy enough and removed enough from their s/o and have been quite enjoyable to date and develop relationships with. As with every relationship, when lies enter the equation the problems arise for all involved -- including those that lie to themselves and continue to live in denial. IMO, it's ok to date separated men as long as it is based on truth, not naivete, and the person is truly in a place to move forward even if it's a snail's pace.
 windsprite1
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 96
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/21/2007 2:48:53 PM
I suppose there are lots of reasons we make the choices we do, but in the 'separated' case, I don't need the drama of having some wife, friends of same or whoever, "find out" . I'm looking for a guy that's ready and able to have a relationship with me, not deal with his past... or not really yet past.
 TillyToo
Joined: 10/3/2007
Msg: 97
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/21/2007 3:20:25 PM
katiegirl65
"It's the easiest way for someone to tell a half truth"
for a liar any way you choose is easy, they could be single/married/divorced/seperated or a little green man from Mars. A liar is a liar, it's not specific to being seperated. Surely the deciding factor in whether or not to date someone is how long their relationship has been over and done, not their marital status. Someone could be divorced after ending a marriage say 18 months ago. Is that a better bet than a person who's been seperated for 5/10/15 years, or a person who has never married but recently ended a relationship that has lasted years...then there's the common law "husband/wife" they haven't been legally married. Does that make them available?
Are any of the above more honest than those that state "seperated"?
 cpoorboy1937
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 98
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/21/2007 9:28:24 PM
ZEEZEE? you hit the nail right on head thank you i have been seperated for 3 years since last october mainly due to family situations /hers is more important than her marriage after 25 years blood is thicker than water families don't like each others life is too short all these years i could have advertised on these sites that i was divorced or widowed but i chose to be HONEST PS. also she lives in another state PSS. wish you were a little older i would ask to meet you ?' sound like my kind of woman thank you JOE.
 cpoorboy1937
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 99
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/21/2007 9:37:57 PM
GOODLISTENER314 sock it to them whats good for the goose is good for the gander it works both ways why the women condemn us is beyond me ladies go back and read DON'S points please thank you Well being a separated man, I completely understand why anyone would not want to date a separated man or woman. Now, having said that I do have a few points.

1) Even though I personally would date a separated woman, I think it is very annoying when a separated woman will not date a separated man. That just smacks of double standard and I hate that.

2) For all of you who say because he (or she) is married. Actually that is not true. There are two aspects to a marriage. The legal and the spiritual. Just like that, there are two aspects to divorce. Separation is the spiritual side of divorce. There are dozens if not hundreds of reasons that a couple chooses not to legally divorce (insurance being the primary reason I have seen) Now having said all of that *I'm* the one that did not want the separation but I'm also smart enough not to "pine away" for someone that obviously does not want me, hence my profile on this site (among other sites)

3) For the ones that speak of divorce as final... Just how many divorced people have you known? Just from my 3 years being out there, I've come across at least 10% that divorced and then went back to the ex. So Divorce is no more final than separation or being single. The status can change in the blink of an eye.

As anyone who read my profile will see, I'm out here in a passive sense although what I have not yet updated on my profile is that the pseudo-wife has decided on divorce. Bummer for her but come the beginning of the year, better for me.

Don

PS I was re-reading the posts and came across a Hallelujah Brother one :) To the one that was talking about being separated is the best filter. Amen to that, the only women that contact me are those who are genuinely interested in me. Enough to risk the separated tag. I might even keep my separated tag after the divorce because as I mention in my profile, "If you are still reading this then that is a good thing" that means they are really interested and feel a pull more powerful than the "separated tag" pushes away. Since I'm looking for love at first sight, this really helps narrow the dates down to just those who actually might be love at first sight.
 star53
Joined: 4/9/2006
Msg: 100
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/21/2007 10:17:28 PM
doesn't matter if your male or female. each person sits their own standards. when separated there could always be a chance for reconciliation between husband and wife.
to many people like to use being separated as an excuse. my opinion, married is married, separated or not. to many people get hurt, some even get killed. hear it on the news all the time...estranged husband kills his wife and her boyfriend and vice versa.
besides, most times it doesn't work out when falling for someone who is on the rebound.
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