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 Heartbreaking12
Joined: 1/25/2007
Msg: 101
Why women wont date seperated menPage 5 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
Honestly,

to me it seems all a "seperated" man wants to is to find his ex-wife again. Or someone like her. Inaddition, seperated means you are still married, there's the whole grieving process to go through, and no woman wants to be the rebound girl.

Sorry hon, maybe you should wait a while and THEN look for some sweet loving.

JMHO though!


Heart
 racquetballkathy
Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 102
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/27/2007 11:16:51 PM
I can tell you why. I fell for a separated guy years ago. I got to go through his ugly divorce with him and all his stress. I think a person should only start dating after they have straightened out their past. Not fair to drag another person into your mess.
 Pamperpooch000
Joined: 11/7/2007
Msg: 103
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/29/2007 9:51:50 AM

I just find it odd that people mis-trust those who state "seperated" on their profile, but not those who state "single" or "divorced" We can never know who is being honest and who is not. Some will state single or divorced when in fact they're still married, we have no way of knowing. As previous posters have said, you can always reconcile with an Ex, whether you're divorced or not. I arranged to meet a guy who said he was divorced but during conversation said that "we live seperate lives, but still share the same house" Needless to say I left shortly after discovering this. Having been on the receiving end of this kind of deception, I had no intention of helping to inflict it on someone else.


It is true, people can lie on their profile, and we may have no way of knowing until later, but at least we are setting out with the right intentions. As soon as we find out they are lieing, then we have a choice whether to be taken in by them, or to dump them. That is completely different from actively chosing to date someone who states separated in their profile, that way we are actively allowing for more possible complications, and possibly going against our principles. We are entitled to make our own decisions based on the facts we are given, if we are given the wrong facts, then we have to deal with that when we come to it.
 eternally sacred
Joined: 10/24/2007
Msg: 104
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/29/2007 10:07:26 AM
Personally, I don't care about a mans official status, separated or divorced. I'm just scared of his ex. What really matters is if she is still on the continent. Nothing scarier.
 nigelwright
Joined: 3/24/2007
Msg: 105
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/29/2007 3:43:03 PM
Seperated people havent finished going through the stress of a divorce yet !
This means there is likely to be troubles ahead.

Its better to date someone without baggage if possible.
 ~vhdc~
Joined: 10/1/2007
Msg: 106
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/29/2007 4:19:18 PM
The real question is why do men consider themselves separated when they live in the same house with the spouse?
 ps1luvu
Joined: 5/30/2006
Msg: 107
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/29/2007 5:47:25 PM
message 17, i want to jump all over what you just said and how wrong you are - maybe just the WAY you said it was wrong, but i won't.

i won't date anyone separated either because of the healing time. not because of the "drama" that everyone talks about because who doesn't have some? someone single and living at home can have drama too. anyway, everyone who is separated or just newly divorced needs healing time. even my divorce atty said something about that. little did he know that i already knew that . i've known people that thought or felt that they were ready, but you could just tell that they were just fooling themselves. they said that they were, therefore, they thought that they were. not so.

i've been emailed by men who are separated, but i simply tell them that i won't date them because of the healing time they need. if someone wants to be just friends throughout their divorce, then that's ok with me as long as they know it won't develop into anything more. but with that, once i get to know them, i don't mind being a sounding board, but i won't be a crutch for them. and certainly not a rebound either.
 MOAB4U
Joined: 6/21/2007
Msg: 108
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/29/2007 8:50:33 PM
seperated men who are divorcing after a wife cheats on them is sheer disaster.

They fall in love too easily , wanting to get from the new what they still want from the old whether it be conscious or sub conscious thinking .

A seperated man going through a divorce asking another to marry them before a divorce is dotted , signed and sealed is vulnerable. Sadly, another divorce is imminent again.

No one should get themselves involved man who goes from one marriage right into a nother. Barracudas smell desperation and the desperate at the end find themselves the Barracudas' fodder.

I have seen it happen to a friend who went to Bolivia, met a woman, not even divorced himself, she readily agreed to marry him. He visited her about 5 times or six times, a total of a couple months in all and bang he was engaged. As soon as divorce came in , he married her. Finally, a new wife and a woman to love him. And she found herself a man with a tony address. Having visited and studied in Canada once but alas immigration was not available to her unless by marriage. WHAT A FOOL he was. He believed she loved him utterly for him and not a desire for a canadian address.

Vulnerable, hurt people make huge mistakes especially when they think they are cured of a broken heart by finding some else too quickly love them again.

Dating a seperated man is fine but don't get emtionally entangled. Sometimes one side gets burned and sometimes both sides can end up in the ash can.
 Bethlet
Joined: 4/22/2007
Msg: 109
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/29/2007 9:20:27 PM
OP wrote: Why wont women on this site date seperated men
**************
Because they are married.
 okeedokee444
Joined: 7/21/2007
Msg: 110
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/30/2007 2:59:50 AM
I have a couple of Seperated women in my search here on POF, one's pretty hot, but has issues.

Anyways, she's been "seperated" for YEARS. With "no chance of getting back together", yeah one day he'll come prancing into her life again.

It makes me wonder what the "hold up" is, it's rather suspect.

Friend of mine took only 2 weeks to get his divorce.

And staying together over "perks" like insurance, is quite silly and selfish.
 zentral
Joined: 10/30/2005
Msg: 111
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/30/2007 6:51:14 AM
Bottom line is, who cares if you/they will or won't? There are plenty of people who will, and the ones who won't aren't likely to change their minds. It doesn't matter what reasons are given, or even if the reasons are rationalizations, deeply held convictions, or blatantly stupid. It's simply another preference, or another way to screen candidates. If it really bothers you that someone you may like won't date you, that's just too bad - you can either complete the divorce or find someone else who will date you. It really isn't that hard!
 islgurl
Joined: 10/22/2005
Msg: 112
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/30/2007 7:14:51 AM
NOPE. Never EVER again. Got the tattered t-shirt.Was the most unpleasant of times in my long life. (Think..."Rebound Gurl".UGH!)

Get your divorce, move on, and perhaps casually date (and be upfront that that is ALL you are interested in) and HEAL. Then, only then, are you "ready" to be in a committed relationship again.
And it really has zero to do with how the relationship ended. Even if you and your ex still remain good friends (as I have with mine ) it is STILL an ending...and requires emotional "time out" for awhile. And some serious introspection.

Just my experience.....
 cpoorboy1937
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 113
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/1/2007 6:21:13 PM
sweetie i'm always available you notify me i'll be there i promise JOE
 cpoorboy1937
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 114
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/1/2007 6:25:54 PM
VHDC you got it wrong i don't live in the same house she lives in another state it's been 3 years now so don't throw stones shes got her life i try to have mine why don't you join it
 1000kisses
Joined: 11/23/2007
Msg: 115
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/2/2007 12:52:05 PM
you can be legally separated and srill live in the same house, i have the same situation, as long as you dont do any chores for each other, have a relarionship, cook, clean lead separate lives - its classed as separated, no ideal , but not all of us can afford to immediatley move out or finance a new home,
 darice58
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 116
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/2/2007 1:49:58 PM
I have been 'separated' for 22 years and I have not even seen my ex since he left town almost 20 years ago (now in FL), and only talked to him once in all these years. I'm too cheap to pay the outrageous court fees (when he's the one that left--call it principal, whatever) until I have a damned good reason to.

In my head, and my heart, I am divorced. To my family and friends, I am divorced. In the eyes of the IRS, I am divorced. No one else matters.

There's a better chance of me getting back together with my 5th-grade crush.......

Please, everyone has their own story--if the person is worth knowing, you'll never know.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 117
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/2/2007 2:29:10 PM
Many women don't want to be the rebound or transitional girlfriend. Why start a relationship with someone that has so much unfinished business?
How on earth can you possibly call living in the SAME home being separated? Don't you think physical separation is black and white? It does not mean just merely kicked out of bed. How many cheaters have told their new GF that they had not slept with their wife in years but stay because of $$$ or the kids? Read these forums, someone posts this BS once a week.
 cpoorboy1937
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 118
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/3/2007 11:36:34 AM
DARICE 58 ou said the magic words also the cost she called the shots so let her pay she got the mine i got the shaft it seems people just don't understand yep i call it principles i've been seprated 3 years as far as i'm concerned thats the same as divorced[ after all life doesn't end here ] [live today tomorrow may never come ] :
 Drakes
Joined: 9/24/2004
Msg: 119
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/3/2007 1:08:47 PM
I personally prefer not to date separated men or men with children from previous relationships. I'm sorry if that offends some people, but I am not looking for anything that I am not willing and able to offer in return.
I am single, and want someone single, not someone married and just living away from the wife.
I have no children, and my observations on that subject are:
1) I have no visitation drama, no court or custody drama, and no need to see any ex partner on weekends at pick up and drop off times.

2) I can go out when I want without having to book a babysitter in advanced.

3) When and if I have a child in the future, I would like him or her to be as special to me as it is to my partner. It would be "the baby", not the second, third or fourth child with another woman (me). Single fathers (bless them) are wonderful, caring men, but already have their little prince or princess in their life. One more wouldn't be as special.

4) In my humble opinion, it takes time and dedication to develop a great relationship before any children are brought into the equation, and I will not even try to put myself between a man and his children. But at the same time that kills most of the romance for me.

5) As someone else above stated, all it takes is for the wife to pull the custody strings and not let him see the kids because of me and it will be over, cause if he doesn't leave me, I'll leave him, and spare both of us the drama. I refuse to be judged by a woman that didn't treat that man well enough to keep him.

6) The kids know their mother (well, most of them do), and when they realize how life is, more often than not, you tend to become "the other woman" that is all of a sudden "trying to replace mommy". I won't put someone's kids or myself through that drama if I can help it.

If I am important enough to a man, I am sure he will understand why I would rather not date him if he's still married, and as cute as kids are, I would rather not be involved, even though I would be the nicest, coolest, most caring "evil stepmother" any kid could hope for :o) In the right situation I would spoil them silly if they gave me a chance, but the "you're not my mother" , and even "you're not their mother" has a way of coming up in the best of circumstances, and I know myself, and I know I won't be able to handle it and still be the same happy me :o)
 trisha18
Joined: 6/7/2007
Msg: 120
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/6/2007 4:46:51 PM
i totally agree with u i was dating someone from pof who said he was seperated from his wife living in ipswich and got his kids on the weekends and in fact i found out later hw hadnt even moved out yet and was projecting the future events that was going to happen and on our dates talked about his ex wife the whole time im very understanding and compasionate as i know what he was going threw but he shouldnt have been looking for women on pof until he got his life together. and he is still on here praying on women.so u feel sorry for him and then he says trust me and then moves on.
 Kee2
Joined: 10/7/2006
Msg: 121
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/8/2007 5:24:01 AM
Separated = Still married, but haven't gotten your business taken care of yet.

When a lady finally takes care of that, we can date, but until the divorce is final, putting single on your profile is a lie. People reconcile sometimes. For that reason, I wouldn't be interested in dating a single woman, not to mention, the husband may still think of himself as the husband and not be willing to let her date without drama. Hell...that even happens sometimes after a divorce is final.
 Stephka
Joined: 5/13/2007
Msg: 122
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/8/2007 5:44:25 AM
Hi,

Let me tell you about seperated men. I thought I had met the love of my life (though not on this site) who told me he was 'separated and single'. Of course, I wanted to believe that but it turned out he was quite happily married and just wanted a bit of relief from the boredom of marriage. He used me. I do think he had genuine feelings for me but he should not have said that in the first place because I would have walked away. There are too many married men on this site looking for a bit on the side that the whole thing is making me just want to give up. I really don't know who to trust, even people that say they are single! I really do want to meet a genuine person to share my life with who I have genuine feelings for but it is not easy, so do forgive women that are a bit reluctant to date 'seperated' guys.
 musiclife
Joined: 11/28/2007
Msg: 123
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/8/2007 6:24:47 AM
I am an indvidual not a gender.
Women are individuals, not a gender.
I am a person not a status.
In your subject line you have generalized women and seperated men.
You have portrayed yourself as a gender rather than an individual.
It is the individual's right to choose to date a seperated person, or not.

I'd suggest that you focus on whatever it is you seek as opposed
to what you think others do not want.

Reveal yourself as an individual and get out of the "us and them" box.

This apart, if I were a woman, I would think twice about
dating someone bearing the name "attitude man."
Some folks may well think your screen name and message speak volumes.
 1Renee2
Joined: 11/24/2007
Msg: 124
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/8/2007 2:45:57 PM
can not speak for any body but myself butWhat does Seperated really mean: u just get sex when u can't find anyone interesteds or to lazy to get up and get a divorce. To Cheeap maybe. There is enough drama in dating a single man just to add a women or man that may slice us tires because he or she is still urs. NO thanks!!!!
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 125
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/8/2007 3:10:00 PM
Most women are afraid of "baby mama drama". The man is separated but his wife still wants control over his life or feels a need to "punish" him by making his life and that of anyone who comes near him miserable. So a woman doesn't want to date some guy and have his soon-to-be ex-wife show up at her workplace yelling "SLUT" at the top of her lungs just to embarrass her and thereby get back at him. Most women don't want to be anywhere near any of that. Dealing with those police reports and restraining orders is a pain in the rear.
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